Zoe Toffaleti
Film student, television expert, coffee drinker, food lover, competent human being.
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Hate Smash? (Love Smash? Love to hate Smash? Hate that you love Smash? What about Glee?) Watch the only aired episode of Shangri La Plaza, the 1990 musical comedy pilot that has like 10 devoted fans who video taped it when it ran!
The musical genre keeps on poking inquisitively at television. Smash and Glee have become reasonably popular (in spite of being terrible in terms of actual storytelling), as well as the musical episodes of Buffy and Scrubs and the random musical numbers in Pushing Daisies and How I Met Your Mother. Clearly, there’s something appealing in the musical/television combo.
And it kind of makes sense. Television is weird. If Once Upon A Time and Sherlock can make it big, why not something with non-diegetic tap dancing?
But as both a hardcore musical fan and a gluttonous television consumer, I don’t like how Smash and Glee have done it. They aren’t particularly good or interesting shows if you take out the music, first of all, and then there is the issue of the music itself. Smash has diegetic songs (the original numbers for “Bombshell”), and non-diegetic songs. But the non-diegetic songs, the songs that make this show a musical and not a show about a musical, are a) not original and b) awkward. Maybe I’m biased because I never liked the ballads in musicals, but there need to be more dance numbers, more jazz hands, more camp. Musicals don’t make sense. People don’t sing their feelings with inexplicable musical accompaniment, even if they’re Broadway stars. You can’t make a musical appeal to more people by toning down the weirdness of that- you just have to sell it. Go big or go home.
My point is, television is positively yearning for a Shangri La Plaza. Maybe less 90’s, maybe less terrible, maybe less Parapluies-de-Cherbourg and more Grease. But television needs a real musical show. A show with ballsy group choreography. Original songs. An actual plot. Truckloads of campy jazz hands.
Is that really so much to ask?
I am currently working on a very ~fancy~ academic(ish?) essay on television pacing for my school’s film journal, which is why I haven’t been posting to this blog lately.
Well, that and the fact that I’m a lazy piece of shit. And full of self-doubt.
Anyway, my piece for the journal focuses on Misfits and Pushing Daisies, but sometimes I just want to talk about other TV stuff because I just fucking love TV and what else am I going to talk about on the internet? Rats with teddy bears? Anyway, I’m going to talk about TV now. [insert actual transition here]
As I was watching this week’s Pan Am, I got really pissed off at Laura and Ted and the writers and television in general. Because giving us what, 13.5 episodes of deeply emotional flirting and then 12.5 seconds of THIS look and then mentioning his gay fiancée…well, that’s just a douche move. I know it’s TV, I know I should be used to it after years of watching Castle…but if two people look like they’re about to kiss, I just want them to fucking kiss already. Move it along, kids. Nothing to see here.
On the other side of the spectrum, we have Shameless US, the first season of which I just barreled through in two days. Shameless, uh…well, Shameless doesn’t even bother with the looking. They skip right to the kissing part of Fiona and Steve’s
damn sexy foreplayrelationship. There’s no gazing, no unrequited love, no will-they-won’t-they. They will. Honestly, it was refreshing. I was so into that scene.And not just because Emmy Rossum’s hot.
Downton Abbey Never Lets Me Down. Ever.
(I’m going to try very hard to avoid spoilers, which is not my strong suit. But Downton is worth it.)
The Christmas special was the greatest Christmas present of all, including the rad socks I got from my mom. I didn’t hear about its existence until a few days ago, so it was a delightful surprise. And, just as I suspected, it was amazing and made me cry a smidge and was just enough fantasticness to keep me hooked for series 3 (and tide me over until that faraway televisiony mirage of glory and wonder).
(Loljk, I was already hooked. Like a catfish. A stupid catfish with a big mouth.)
There were tears, there was closure, there were fairly interesting independent subplots, there was a bit of laughter, there was a fist fight!
I was actually surprised (and impressed, and also slightly concerned) by how much closure there really was. There are very few loose threads floating around after that special. It seems strange to tie so much up in a Christmas special. But at the same time, it was a blast to watch. Things were happening right and left- things I’ve been wanting to happen for a very long time. If you know what I mean. Ahem-matthewpunchingrichardcarlyle-hem-hem-hem.
All in all, I think it was a great episode. A little gloomy, with the dead people and all the hullaballoo surrounding Bates’ imprisonment and trial and possible execution. But it was the perfect tone of gloominess for a Christmas special. Good cheer in the face of adversity. Coming together against all odds. Love conquering all. Etc.
Also, there was some sweet Ouija board action. JUST SAYING.
Oh, and Thomas is an asshole who needs to be sent home on the first morning train. Along with all the other people who went home on the first morning train. The banished guests of Downton Abbey must fill up a whole car!
Drop Dead Diva Irritates Me
Drop Dead Diva irritates me, but my one vice is religiously watching shows that I hate. It gives me a lot of time to put my finger on the foibles.
Drop Dead Diva is a show with an interesting premise. Perhaps not the best-acted, funniest, most realistic show out there, but it seems like the kind of thing that is fine if it’s your cup of tea. (It’s the story of a model who dies and is sent back to earth as a plus-size lawyer, retaining both the ditziness of her original soul and the brains of her commandeered body. So if you don’t like stereotypical skinny blondes squealing over shoe sales or quirky lawyerly shenanigans, it’s just not going to be your thing. It’s not good enough to reach outside its target audience.)
And since most things (but especially stereotypical skinny blondes squealing over shoe sales and quirky lawyerly shenanigans) are my cup of tea, I enjoyed Drop Dead Diva to some extent.
But it irked me. And one by one, the irksome qualities became clear. There are two things that piss me off when I watch Drop Dead Diva.
First, what the hell is up with Jane (the model-cum-lawyer) and all her facial expressions. Like, all she ever does is gaze longingly at
peopleGrayson. Don’t you think eventually someone would be like, hey Jane, what’s up with your face?And second, the whole character of Deb (the model before she…cummed-lawyer?) annoys me. And her relationship with Grayson.
Because Deb is, let’s face it, pretty dumb. Maybe I value intelligence too much in romantic relationships, but I don’t understand why Grayson loves/loved her. He’s a smart guy. You’d think he would want someone who could keep up with him intellectually, but no.
He could love her because she’s a good person, but when she dies they specifically say that she’s never done a good or bad deed. She can’t be that good a person.
The only thing that stands out about her is that she’s hot.
Considering that Grayson dated Deb, a woman with no other discernible qualities, and then Kim, a bit of a bitch who (surprise!) is also hot, while completely ignoring Jane, who is essentially Deb but nicer, smarter, and fatter…? I have a really hard time liking him as a character. They used him as a plot device too many times, and he became shallow.
Why Felicity Is Kind Of Terrible (And Why I Still Love It)
So. Felicity is the least J.J. Abrams show that J.J. Abrams has ever made. There are no explosions or mysteries or supernatural enigmas, unless you count the explosion of passion between Elena and Tracy, or the mystery of why people think Julie’s a good musician, or the supernatural enigma of Felicity’s hair. But I’ve never had a problem with works outside the oeuvre, and I’ve been totally obsessed with Felicity for a few weeks. It’s like Gilmore Girls. But without all the adults and banter.
And that’s reason number one why it’s not very good. It’s about 100% feelings. Whereas Gilmore Girls is 70% feelings and 30% hilarity, Felicity just plods along, making sweeping generalizations about life and carefully documenting every emotional epiphany that Felicity has (honestly, how many times can that girl realize how she feels before she runs out of ways to feel??). The humor that there is comes from low-caliber jokes that the characters make. Watching Felicity is like hanging out with a group of reasonably entertaining friends who all sleep with each other constantly, except more irritating because there’s this one girl who won’t stop confessing her feelings to you. It’s exhausting.
But honestly, I don’t think I would have noticed how boring Felicity is, if it hadn’t been for this goddamn love triangle. Felicity just dates Ben and Noel, over and over. She takes a couple breaks for some other guys who, surprise, break up with her because of her feelings for Ben and/or Noel. But mostly it’s just a long game of do-I-love-Ben-do-I-love-Noel-who-do-I-love-what-help-me-I’m-so-lost. It was cute for a while. But seriously.
I’ve only just finished the second season, and this number is probably a little off because I just counted on my fingers real fast, but I’m fairly certain she’s gone back and forth 8 times. That’s 4 times a season. FOUR TIMES A SEASON.
But in spite of it all, Felicity is still queued up on Netflix instant watch. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because it plays to the need to see relationships form. Nobody wants to see the middle, just the first kiss. As annoying as Felicity is, it does give us exactly what we want: a whole bunch of first kisses between ~soul mates~ or whatever. We don’t want to see Felicity kiss guys she’s not that into, or guys we’re not that into. We don’t want to see her kiss Ben or Noel in that we’ve-been-dating-for-two-years-and-I-still-love-you-but-it’s-not-that-exciting way. We just want to see out-of-the-blue first kisses with people we know she’s meant to be with. Felicity has four of those per season (on average).
But there’s also something powerful about seeing someone else having emotional epiphanies, especially when you’re waiting for one yourself. When you’re trying to make a tough decision, or figure out how you feel, or recover from a rough breakup, it’s nice to see a girl who waffles on average four times per season figure out exactly what she wants. It gives you a little hope. Makes you think maybe you can sort out your crazy web of feelings too.
But it’s terrible, and I think I’ll stop watching it soon.
…just as soon as I finish this episode. (I can’t believe Noel got married!)
A nerdy nation wonders what Kim Jong Il’s death means for 30 Rock
Judging by the below extended preview for 30 Rock’s sixth season, the Kim Jong Il subplot will definitely return, with his real-life absence now potentially complicating the storyline. Also, you know, threatening the stability of the region and possibly the world, but mostly this.
Perhaps a “Send Avery Home” campaign is in order? It might distract from the “Save Community” efforts, but it would be worth it to blend television and reality together until nothing is real anymore.
- Game Of Thrones is a major style influencer guys.
(I’ve made that joke so many times I don’t even know if I’m kidding anymore.)
Dresses covered in sequins/scales…
Dresses with complicated backs…
Pretty soon every costume on Game Of Thrones will be replicated for a collaboration with H&M. It will be like Banana Republic and Mad Men only a million times better because it won’t be boring because there will be FUR and BLOOD on everything.
Awesome or Awful: Grimm
Awesome: David Giuntoli. Da-yum. I also like the cutesy little gimmick they have going. I know it doesn’t really make sense that the wolf man only likes the taste of people who are wearing red hoodies, but hey! It’s clever…ish? Maybe? Sue me, I’m into it.
Awful: Papyrus? Strike one. Also, I am concerned by the limited number of catchy crime-adaptable Grimm fairy tales. And, aside form the whole wolf-man thing (who doesn’t love a friendly albeit slightly douchey wolf man!), it is a little…dull. Usually procedurals start good and then get really incredibly stale in the second or third season. (Like clockwork!) I’m worried this one is already a little tough to chew. Blah blah blah, breaking all the rules, blah blah blah, exasperated but trusting cop friend, blah blah blah child victim, blah blah blah. Blah. It’s like the second or third season of every used-to-be-good procedural that already exists.
The Verdict: A tentative awful. It’s only the pilot, so we’ll hold off on the final judgement until next week. But between the papyrus and the nothing-interesting-happening? I’d say the only thing that even got this show a second chance with me was the amicably rude wolf man. WOLF MAN! I love you, wolf man.
Awesome or Awful: Game of Thrones
Awesome: Tyrion Lannister is my favorite character in the entire world. He’s just so gosh-darn charming and clever. Also, his accent reminds me of Frasier? I don’t know, I haven’t seen Frasier in at least 10 years. But the Lannister imp reminds me of it.
Awful: Does the intro sequence reallllllly need to be almost 2 minutes long? Also the Khaleesi’s outfits are completely absurd. Like if Britney Spears was stranded in the woods and had to make her own costume out of twigs. That absurd.
The Verdict: Awesome. Everyone’s super hot, most of them are wearing sick furs, and there are a bunch of adorable wolves running around saving lives. Oh, and like political intrigue or whatever. WHAT’S NOT TO LIKE.
Pan Am: Still Good, In Case You Were Wondering
Two opinions I disagree with:
- Television Without Pity says this week’s episode was the best yet.
- My boyfriend says Pan Am is stylish.
One opinion I agree with:
- Lots of people like this show.
I really do love Pan Am. Mondays are a busy day for me. I’m studying in Paris, so I have class all day and then I run home and pray that the links are up for Downton Abbey. After that obsession is taken care of, I always fangirl out a little, and then I settle in for a nice bedtime viewing of Pan Am. It’s a sweet show. I feel like it’s reliably good.
That said, I didn’t like Sunday’s episode (1x05, One Coin In A Fountain) that much. I was kind confused (and I’m a pretty smart girl, so I don’t think it was just me). Copious flashbacks are hardly ever a good idea. When was what happening? Why was it happening? When did he get the ring? Could she really get fingerprints from that glass? Why did she need that specific and extremely expensive green dress?
As for stylishness, I get that and I don’t get that. It’s set in the 60s, which areeverybody’s favorite style influencer right now. But on the other hand, compared to Mad Men or even the late Playboy Club or American Dreams, I’m not really feeling Pan Am from a visual point of view. Not only does the title shot (and that irritatingly floaty jingle they play) make me hurl a little bit at the beginning of every episode, I generally feel like I’m always a little underwhelmed by the shots, the sets, even the costumes.
I think I’m suffering from too much Mad Men. My standards are too high for network television.
But luckily, Pan Am is a legitimately good show, with interesting stories, fine acting, good writing, and likable characters. I sit through that title shot at the beginning of every episode for a reason. You should all watch it if you have any interest in airplanes, the 1960s, or happiness.
I finally got desperate enough to watch a second episode of New Girl.
Good news: It is not nearly as vomit-inducingly awful as the pilot. I especially likes the bit about Caroline’s name because SERIOUSLY. How do you know how to pronounce that name. Carol-ee-n? Carol-eye-n? Carol-in? Stop naming your children that.
Bad news: Zooey Deschanel is still way too twee to be easily bearable, and her supporting characters are still an impressive blend of two-dimensional and inconsistent.
Fall Premiere: The Playboy Club
I know we all got a kick out of riffing on network television’s two Mad Men knockoffs, The Playboy Club and Pan Am (premiering September 25th), but in all honesty? This country totally needed some off-brand Mad Mens.
The Playboy Club is Mad Men for the working man: all of the sex, intrigue and period costumes, none of the long silent shots of Don Draper looking pensive or whatever. Mad Men is serious award fodder, but The Playboy Club is a 60s drama I can really get into. Things actually happen. It’s exciting! It’s sexy! It’s like CSI and Gossip Girl rolled together with a pinch of classy-ass nostalgia.
The pilot was incredibly fun to watch, and I can safely say that I’m hooked. I’m not sure it’ll win any Emmys, but I’d be surprised if it doesn’t become a public favorite. I only hope Pan Am can compete; I want as many sheath dresses and beehives on my telly as possible this season.
Side note: Did anyone else see a connection with ABC’s period family drama American Dreams? The Tina Turner/Karen LeBlanc cameo reminded me of it.
OH AND I ALMOST FORGOT. SIMON TAM IS IN IT AS THE LEADER OF A SECRET HOMOSEXUALS CLUB. Spoiler warning.
Downton Abbey is back!
Well, in the UK, anyway. And in the illicit nooks and crannies of the internet…
My my, Downton Abbey, how you’ve changed. Last season, you were a strange little period soap set in the aftermath of the quaintest, most costume-drama-y disaster ever, the sinking of the Titanic. But now…Downton Abbey, you are different. So brazen! So fast-paced! It’s hard to keep up.
Downton Abbey is back, it’s 1914, and the gang is caught up in various Great War-related capers. Mr. Crawley and Thomas are getting shot at, Sybil is breaking down class barriers (as per usual), and Lord Grantham is having a serious midlife crisis. Mary is pretty much just continuing to be a selfish but lovable bitch, but things are getting juicy there too: Mr. Crawley got an incredibly boring fiancée! (So boring, in fact that I kind of wonder why she’s here…where is the intrigue in a nice girl from modest roots?) (Boring fiancée pictured above.)
About the war, though. I have some reservations about it (both as a global political strategy and as a narrative choice!) It solemns out the series, and it pulls the characters apart geographically. I have faith that the writers won’t do anything stupid, but here is a list of my costume-drama-turned-war-drama-demands:
- I want an unrealistically high percentage of the characters to survive. I don’t care if every single character goes to the front lines, I want all but one or two uninteresting characters safe at home by the end of the season. No missing limbs. No amnesia. No faces deformed by shrapnel. No PTSD. I like them too much. Please don’t kill them. :(
- I want scandals and romance and stupid intrigues! Just because the first World War hit doesn’t mean they can stop being catty. Sybil can go comfort amputees, but I can’t live without Edith and Mary having stupid rivalries over boys/old guys. It’s my lifeblood.
- I want a minimum of on-screen war. I know I’m not alone in watching this show about 80% because of the costumes. (Hello, it’s a costume drama. It’s not a soldier uniform drama.) The majority of the action should still take place in parlors and dressing rooms and railways stations. With beaded chiffon and velvet evening gowns. And chandeliers.
All that said, I am really really excited for this season. Why? Because SO MANY PEOPLE KISSED IN THIS EPISODE. I loved it. I love kissing. I love this show. Man.
