acid tears

I think it would rather be untruthful if I said I knew it all along, right from when I was a child, what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I attended a career counseling session in my dad’s office today. About a fortnight ago I wrote the aptitude test, based on which the psychologists analyze where my potential lays the most, and suggest the careers favoring the results accordingly.
My results indicated that I had the most potential in Engineering, Designing/Architecture and Bachelors in Science.
Right of the bat, just to be sure, I don’t want to do pure science because it’s all complete research and kind of monotonous (no offense). And I hated engineering before because that’s what everybody is doing today! (At least from the way I look at things) So I was kind of stung hard when I saw Engg. as my first option.
However the second one, mind me it truly did, surprise me! I knew architecture would somehow or the other take all the curving turns in the road and come to my life.
But designing?! No. Not even in my wildest dreams I ever thought of designing as a career option! Over the course of the session my psychologist told me how I could choose a career based on my potentials. She told me that I could take a vigorous course only on designing/architecture or do a under grad course in Electrics/Telecommunication Engineering and then, on a post grad level, do designing.

Frankly speaking I like designing. Especially related to web!
My psychologist even suggested me to attend the workshops, which are going to be held at IIT Bombay, that are based on various designing courses. I checked out the sites immediately and I was so happy when I read the topics on which they would lecture about!
There was a course which included Typography designs. The moment I read it, I literally jumped off my chair in utter joy! I LOVE typography! It’s so different and new and to think that there is a course specializing in only typography, I felt really happy. Happy enough to lift the guilt I was feeling for being an idiot in choosing Computer Science over Multimedia and Web Designing as my elective for my senior secondary level!

And yes, I think the fact that I wanted to choose designing as my career, was within me as a child.
I remember when I was a kid, when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I said, “I want to be an inventor.” I said and “inventor” because I perceived an inventor as someone who “invented things”. So my lovely elders started telling me to be a scientist, since they told me it was scientists who ‘invented’ things. So I followed them blindly. Only later in my life I realized that scientists don’t practically “invent” things, they just do RESEARCH! And I hate research!
So then for a period of my life I was goal-less, until today.

I think I finally understood what I want to become now and what I always wanted to become, ever since I was a child. It was a Creator. I think I missed that word when I was a kid. I want to create things. It doesn’t matter if I do it from scratch or I pick up somebody’s leftovers. Because all I want to do is create.


And I finally realized it today.

I took this type of "natural gradation" of colours shot by accident.
I was primarily focusing on getting a good sunset shot. I was trying to get it without the bright colours of the sun off-toning my picture.
So I changed the settings to 1/4000s, ISO 1000 and tilted my camera vertical.
The first shot, totally blew me away because I never expected this to be the outcome!

The original shot wasn't like this. I had to rotate the picture by a 180 degree and saturate it a bit more. Also there was this wire cutting the picture and it looked totally ugly! so I had to "patch it up" in Photoshop! :D

Anyway the weekend is approaching! :D Hope you all have a great time shooting pics and having fun! :)

Photo from Flickr via very cheri

Elegant shadows swept across the room
Voices whispered in the dark
Shelves that leaned to doom
And eyes that shone with life.

Pulses the throbbed in the pages
Words that was too baffled to be read
Eyes that searched for truth
And that negated the signs of defeat.

Cries that shot through the aisle
Sparked the inner mind
Eyes that now saw the truth
Fought till, it was the last one standing.

This post is a response to a prompt @3WW

She stood there watching the waves,
The sun set in the golden horizon.
The calmness of the sea stole her gaze,
To the music of a soulless violin.


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A loner’s heart throbs in the desert,
Blood of your sister flows through your vein.
Letters that share a silent secret,
Words that convey the message of your hidden pain.

BTW - this is my 300th post! :)

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Amidst the passing cars
There was a soul with breathing scars.
Memoirs of a New Year –
Sadness stricken with ember
Voices that buzzed in my head
And awakenings I cannot perceive. Instead –
I reach for those eyes
That longs for me.

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Castles that were made from sand
Towers that stood away from the sea
A flag that signaled life
And a princess lost in its maze.

Castles that had memories –
The princess who had the key.
Wind blew, and the castle fell.

Taking the memories with her,
The princess ran.

Broken, destroyed and defeated
The remains of the castle looked lump.
The princess turned back to look at it.

She ran back towards it
And still holding the key,
Began to build it again,
For she was the memories.



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The sky is my canvas.
It is white and I paint in blue
I use the sponge to make the clouds.
The sun is rising,
I use orange, yellow and a little bit of red to paint this God.
Slowly my colours drip off the canvas down to Earth,
Painting everyone and giving each their colour.

The sky is a lonely blue
Searching for someone to love it and paint it.

And so once everyday before the sun bids bye,
the world splashes colours on it.
White, blue, purple, yellow, orange, red.
And the massive canvas is now complete.

The sky has been painted.

These lights, they blind me.
I try to open my eyes to see the truth yet they forbade me.
Sometimes I wonder where I am;
What time I am in and whether I am lost.
These lights don’t give me hope, they scare me.
I am lost in this bright light and I wonder if darkness is the key.


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A ballad last sung in the snow,
Flakes that drifted towards that song;
Footprints etched forever in that path,
A lost soul that lingered in the platinum white;

Paths that entwined with each other,
Frozen tears of an angel, dripped in Holly;
And star trails crossed the sky,
Reviving memories once again;

Colours that faded with time,
Flowers that withered for eternity.

We followed no time,
And still stood beside each other;

A symphony that swept like destruction,
And chaos stroke like an avalanche;
And yet we held each other,
Coffining ourselves with the snow, forever.

HAPPY NEW YEAR (2012) EVERYONE! ^_^
Hope I'll be more regular with posts this year! :]

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A glow in the dark
Through canopy of Maple
Radiance applauds.

Response to a prompt in Haiku Heights.

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Yeah, I took it. :) **C**

Paper cranes swayed with the wind,
Flickering lights are the dancers of this stage;
Booms, bangs and blasts fill up the dome,
A solstice night that harbors illumination.

Behind the curtain lies a petty soul, lost to the Devil –
Weeps slowly watching the shattered glass,
Which reflected his shattered dreams,
All given away for this luminescent night.

I wanted to theme this poem around the irony of a "Happy Diwali".

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Summer shone through the leaves,
A white streak passed the sky;
Little birds chirped in the branches,
I stood in the meadow listening to this chorus.

The wind rustled the grass,
Words that were meant for someone crossed my lips;
Tuning itself to the sounds around,
I glanced at the coming winter and sang my last song.

I am so sorry because I wasn't able to blog for like, DAYS! It was mainly because I was out of station (vacations) and also my exams were going on! So I'd a tight schedule for many days and now I'm relieved!

I fell like writing blank verses now 'cause I think they spread the message/meaning of the poem much better than a rhyming one. Personal

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Lapping endlessly with a million crease,
Sounding alike to the shrill of dolphin;
All minds digress,
As a melody tuned to Chopin;
Rose above the waves in melancholy,
Caressing the world in the arms of united symphony.

Foam that ebbs like trinkets –
Dies away from our fingers,
Passing through like threads of gossamer,
Yet, only to follow once again.

Cacophony call arises in the sky,
Winged beats that dot the blue;
Overjoy preludes with a strident cry,
Talons brush the water in a distorting hue.

A world hidden deep down,
An abyss that lays forever unknown;
Mismatched with the perfect corals,
Embedded with mosaic sea shells.

Schools of fins that pass you by,
Sometimes a peck and sometimes a bite;
Treasure that whisper “Forget me, Ay!”
Eternal beauty that will be unrevived.

Light glimmers through like art,
Shining its way to this dark paradise;
An unknown world, silent and apart
A High Queen who thrones with no demise.

Alas! It is she, who hides away from all eyes,
Skimming away with the tides;
Watching each other closely,
And ensuring life underwater is in harmony.

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The contract was signed. Now all I had to wait for was the job to done.
After all, I’ve waited for five years for this moment to come.

5 years ago.
I was looking out of my window at the falling cherry blossoms. They were looking like pink snow and were really pretty. I remember smiling at them and that was when Sean brushed the fringe away from my face and blew a soft breeze.

“Off to dreamland I presume… What were you dreaming about? I bet it was about me, right?”
He chuckled as he said the last sentence. I wanted to tell him it was true, but I did not.

“No! Of course not! Why would I anyway?!” I rolled my eyes and continued, “I was just admiring the cherry blossoms. They look so pretty right? And also this is going to be the last day of school, like forever! We don’t have to come to this place ever again! It’s going to be such a relief!”

He leaned against my desk and looked out and said, “Truly said my angel, the cherry blossoms do look pretty and yes, this is also the last day of school… and also my…”
“Angel?! Honestly, what is wrong with you? Cut me some slack please, you ok?”

“Oh! Yes I’m perfectly fine. And don’t you hear the bell ringing? I think it’s time for the school to be haunted. Come on now, let’s go.”
“By haunted you mean free right? You and your metaphors!”

That was the last cherished movement of my life. Thinking what happened after that just makes me sadly nauseous.

As soon as school had gotten over Sean dragged me to a coffee shop telling that he was going to treat me since “school’s finally over and all”.
I ordered a Cappuccino. Sean ordered Mocha.

We were sipping our coffee silently and it was Sean who broke the silence.

“Remember in class that I told this is the last day of school?”
“Yes. Why are you bringing that now?”
“Just listen. Do you also remember the next sentence which I told you?”
I tried to remember his words in the backdrop of cherry blossoms…
“…the last day of school and also my…”
“Yes! But you never completed it…”

He smiled. It wasn’t his usual ear-to-ear end smile. It was a subtle one, the one which he used when he wanted to convey sad news. The last time I remember seeing him smile like that was when his favourite pet Rocco died. That was two years ago.

“Let me complete it for you. Today, apart from being the last day of school, is also the last day I’m going to live. I’m not a normal mortal. I’m living a curse. Only once in millennia will I be able to live till my adulthood with you, which happens to be now. Other times I don’t get to meet you. I die very young, being a child, being your child.”

I listened to what he spoke in utter astonishment wondering if he was playing a joke with me. But the look in his eyes told me he wasn’t because his eyes, they were looking so desperate. Whatever he’s spoken just now went inside my head like a vacuum cleaner sucking the dirt. Except what he told right now wasn’t dirt, it was the truth.
I took in a few gulps still not believing what he’d said and sipped my Cappuccino.

“So this is the last time I going to see you as an adult? And after that you will… be my child, and then you will die again?” My eyes were beginning to swell and tears started coming.

He immediately came closer and huddled me and assured me, “Hey! Don’t cry! You will see me again as a child…! Please don’t cry! It just makes my departure more painful. Please don’t!”

“Is it just me? Does this happen to you only with me?”, I said in between sobs.
He cupped my cheek, “Yes, yes. It’s only and always you. That’s why it makes me feel so painful and at the same time it makes you even more precious, my angel.”

He leaned closer and whispered in my ear, “My time has come. I have to leave now. Goodbye. And don’t cry. ”

I was beginning to throw a hysteria. I could see him slowly disappearing into the thin air. Just like the way no one could. An aura of sparkles surrounded him. I was wondering what it was.

“Don’t think too much Anna, you always do. I’m being carried away by fairies.” I heard him chuckle again. And I knew that it was going to be the last time I’m ever going to hear that sound.
“How will I know you are going to come to me again?” I shouted at the top of my voice since he had already drifted away to the skies.

“In five years. Just sign a contract. Goodbye now Anna. I love you and I know that you love me too, even though you never say it.”

“Bye! And be sure to come and see me within five years!”

And that was the last time I ever saw Sean. Until now.

I had another chance now. I had a guarantee that I would see him again. After all I did sign the contract.

I saw him standing there. He had long dark hair and the warmest grey eyes. I knew who it was without any thought.
It was Sean.
“Finally.” I whispered.

Response to a prompt at 3WW.

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The stairs ascended to a bright light,
Spiralling to an endless infinite;
Railings that looked fresh and new –
Smiling to an open invitation from the top cue;
White winter roamed the lands and skies,
Not a single soul jutted his voice.

Heaven was above and below,
Separated by nothing but and old stairway of willow;
Her sweet melodious voice serenaded,
And light from the candles applauded;
Each note rising higher and higher,
Each note calling me closer and closer;
A harp that played the tunes of death,
A stormy night had caught my breath.

Tears washed away by the rain,
Anguish – I wish I never fain;
Star-crossed I maybe tonight –
A curtain fall for the last time. Aphrodite
Calls me longingly to her cavern,
And I finally ascend the stairway to my heaven.

© Image : P5000



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Dear Pratyusha, Ujjwala and Pooh,

久しぶり!
I missed you guys so much!
Okay I can already imagine your face going like “What the hell did she mean in the first line?!”. Relax it means “hisashiburi – meaning ‘long time no see!’ (of course in Japanese)”. So you can stop scratching your heads now! :D

How you been guys? I miss you so much! How are college and school? And Ujju how are things going in your hostel? Have you made any new friends yet? How is the place? How is your new college and have you caught up with the portions there?
God! I feel like asking you all a gazillion questions but this is not going to be a question paper. :P

Life is going in an ease and I’ve formed new friends here too. They’re nice people. There’s Surbhi, Vijaypriya, Anuja, Shreya and there are others too. Not even a single day in our school goes by without saying, “You know in my previous school…” or “In 10th we used to have so much fun…” We all miss our old school days. As a matter of fact even though we might be in schools now, we still prefer school as the days that were till 10th. The faculty is good here. However our physics sir sucks. We’ve had almost like 4 physics teachers alone till now!

People here always talk in Hindi! :(
It really sucks when I can’t speak out because I’m still scared of my Hindi. So I converse in English even when people talk in Hindi. Even our teachers talk/teach in Hindi only sometimes!
I’ve had so many backward moments already, almost like one every day! Today there were two birthday boys and they were receiving birthday blasts from their friends and as soon as I saw that my mind immediately went back to the past when it was my birthday and I thought about how Deeksha and Komal tried to give to blasts that day. I also remembered the part when I cleverly dodged them. :P

Okay, now let me bring you back to the reality which I’d purposely omitted in the first few paragraphs.
Mumbai is not a great city when compared with Hyderabad. It is over populated, congested, huge, filthy, covered with skyscrapers, traffic and no trees - a total contrast to Hyderabad. Moreover the beach is unique. Because, usually the oceans are meant to be blue, but here they are brown. Like real literal brown. You can pretty much forget about looking through “transparent” sea waters here!

School is filled with groupies! There is no such thing as a family, like we used to have before in our old class. And honestly, sometime you’d feel like you’re at a fashion parade!

There is so much more I’d LOVE to tell you guys! But I unfortunately can’t. :P (Lol! Will text you!)

Till then take care, babysit (to Pratyusha :P) and have fun with your lives!

Yours forever and ever,
Tharangni :)

This post is a response to a prompt at 3WW & a part of my 30 Day Letter Challenge. :)

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Dear You,

Hello virtual friend. Our space may be limited to the rectangular screens which illuminate and screen the words we type, but yet somehow through that we’ve become friends.
You know it’s great to have you as a virtual friend.
I feel I’m different when I’m virtual than real, like I have two different facets – real and virtual. . I feel I’m different when I’m virtual than real, like I have two different facets – real and virtual.
For one thing, you don’t get to see my expressions or the faces I sometimes make when we interact. It may be good or weird or totally blank and sometimes not even caring about your opinion. But you never know what lies behind that screen and so you continue, without a clue.
But again, that’s also the best part. It means that when there is no one willing to listen to me, there is actually someone who doesn’t care about that and wishes to converse with me for who I am to them. And I think that’s actually something nice.
We also share a lot. The greatest thing about virtual “reality” is that I finally get to meet people who think like me, like the things I like and share a lot in common!
To be precise, people whom I don’t often think are same as me in the “real world”.
And when I finally meet that one person who is so similar to me, (as in likes & dislikes, hobbies, etc) I feel so grateful.
So, thank you very much for being such a great friend!

Your “virtual” pal,
Tharangni




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Dear eL,

How are you? Hope you are fine.
I’m sorry about what happened between us in the past. Things weren’t meant to happen that way, but it happened and we’d decided to move on ever since then.
Please don’t think that I don’t care about you just because we are over. I’d like to see and talk with you and be friends with you.
Back then you’d make me go to speechless. Your loose hair of and dark sapphire eyes makes me feel lost and searching for words. I’d never say that that charm of yours would disappear. Why, as a matter of fact I still do feel the same even as I write this to you.
It’s strange but I feel that I can express my feeling for you only through words and letters.
But you are no longer the one I seek.
Even though you still have that charm over me, I think now, that whether it was just love that attracted me towards you or your mysterious charm?
My life is going smooth now. I’m thinking it’s time that I need to make myself happy rather than making others. I think it’s time that I decided to live for myself, just for once.
Hope to hear soon from you.

Yours,
Tharangni



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