Team Dave
A Kiwi abroad who is many and all of the following; advertising and marketing genius, amateur economist and a football, cricket and rugby enthusiast.
Visit one of my team dave sites to learn more:
Twitter- The AB Enquirer
- Simple Investing
- Vocational Titbits
- Music
- Awemous
- Awemous
-
Tweets
- A super slim post-coma @DijaRyder just smacked 5 sixes in an over. Top buy for my @stickcricket side! http://t.co/SSWi34TIk4
- @sillymidoff thanks Ruth. Still wiping the tears away after yesterday.
- May 20, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- @BlackCapsNo1Fan Jess, it wasn't all the Blackcaps that were hopeless, just the 'batsmen'. Tim and the other bowlers did no wrong.
- Is there any point playing a second test? Best to send them home now and save everyone some money. #engvnz #blackcaps
- Jesus, utter humiliation. Thanks for getting us almost excited @blackcaps #engvnz Bloody shameful end to a good match otherwise.
- Norway is my Eurovision winner so far. Come and create your own scoreboard with zeebox! http://t.co/vyK2HDNRws
- don't get why BJ walked...he never touched it! #engvnzMay 18, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- Fantastic days play by the kiwis. Looking good @blackcaps Well done boys. #engvnzMay 17, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- Wagner with another! 201/8 Great stuff from the #blackcaps So on top now. #engvnzMay 17, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- Absolutely plumb. England going down. 195/7 Come on @BLACKCAPS Start strapping on the pads Sir Peter of Fulton. #nzvengMay 17, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- This is out for sure! #nzveeng Go home Prior.May 17, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- Come on!! We got one at last. Complete loss of concentration from Root. We got lucky there. #engvnz 192/5May 17, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- Poms are digging in at the #cricket. Annoying. Go watch Star Trek. It was ace. http://t.co/gwvCXhZvgiMay 17, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- 3 minutes to go. Prediction. We run through them like a hot knife through butter. All out for under 250. Go #blackcaps #engvnzMay 17, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- I have immortalised Brownlie's catch off Trott with my amazing sketching abillities. #cricket #blackcaps #nzveng http://t.co/IxpXIKl7HJMay 17, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
-
Posts
- May 20, 13
Eng 1st innings - 232
NZ 1st innnings -207
Eng 2nd innings - 213
NZ 2nd innnings -68 !!
NZ lose by 170 runs -WTF?!
After a bit more Southee magic in the morning (including his first 10 for in a game), we had a target of 238 to win the game. Awesome. Difficult but gettable. Even if we got close that would be pretty magic.
Under two hours later we had lost and been thrashed. Fucking unbelievable. The top six contributed a total of 29 runs. Broad and Anderson were devastating.
Seems hard to believe that we could have been so competitive for 3 and a bit days then lose it all in an hour and a half. I feel gutted for the Blackcaps and us supporters.
Nothing for it but some significant batting practice over the next few days and pray to the invisible deity of your choice that we can get some runs and turn things round in the next one. Seems like Martin and Watling will be crocked for the next game, so Guptil and A.N.Other to play, probably Bracewell.
Ass biscuits. - May 19, 13
Eng 1st innings - 232
NZ 1st innnings -207
Eng 2nd innings - 180/6
It is perilously poised this test match. Could go either way and with the weather holding up (no rain) it looks for sure that there will be a result either today or tomorrow morning.
At least McCullum and the rest of the boys won't die for trying in this match. The tactics, field placings, bowling, fielding, everything has been superb. They're playing like men possessed at a level far beyond what any of us thought possible. Perhaps we really are seeing the birth of a new era in NZ cricket? If only the batsmen could get some significant and consistent runs.
It was desperately bad yesterday afternoon when the sun came out. Trott and Root almost won the game there in that 2-3 hour period. It may prove that they still have but at least with the late afternoon cloud cover and some genius from Southee we have a chance today.
It will be nervous stuff. If the lead gets above 250 then we are pretty much done for. That pitch holds no hopes for anyone batting fourth and getting any decent runs. Anything below 250 and you have to hope that if Fulton and Rutherford get starts then we can do it.
Fingers crossed. Go Blackcaps!! - May 18, 13
Not much to say really. We are dominating at the moment.
As predicted we got them out for under 250, in fact 232 all out. Southee was fantastic in the second hour of the day keeping the ball up and enticing the drive. McCullum continued to set aggressive fields that encourage batsmen to look for runs. When they do, our boys are up for the catch. It's great stuff. The pitch has helped, and there was a load of swing available to both sides yesterday.
Felt sorry for Fulton and Rutherford. The new ball is almost unplayable in these swinging conditions. They didn't do anything wrong just got nipped out by uber devious swing. Taylor was majestic, taming the pitch and the ball to do what no other batsman had done in the game - smash it round. Ably aided by the boy wonder holding up his end and doing nothing stupid, it's up to Kane to go on and ton up today. Brendon is probably due another 50 so we'll get that and probably get a small lead of about 50, with any luck. Of course, I'm hoping for more but it's overcast again meaning more swing, the pitch is roughing up and beginning to take turn, and it seems you're never really 'in' this game.
Best of luck to the boys. Let's put the hammer down, get a big lead and then put them under pressure. - May 17, 13
Seldom have we ever dominated a side more than what happened in day two of the first test. OK, so wickets didn't fall but the poms only scored 160/4 in an entire day of cricket. Ridiculous.Brownlie takes an awesome catch off Boult bowling to Trott
Boult charged in and was generally magnificent, well on the way now to becoming the dominant bowler I expect him to be. He had Cook in knots.
Martin was his unbelievably difficult self, bowling all day for less than two an over. He looks a terrible bowler and at least two balls in every six are full tosses, yet somehow he gets wickets. You got to rate a trier.
Southee and Wagner worked hard all day with little reward. Conditions should be perfect at the moment for Southee's swing bowling, yet he is struggling to be consistent with it. Maybe the second test will be kinder to him.
Boult though has this. If we give him three overs with the old ball this morning, knocking a couple over in the overcast conditions with a little dew in the ground, then we take the new ball, the Englanders are all out for under 250. Plus, Trent gets his name on the honours board.
Have at them Blackcaps. - May 19, 13
Day 1 dawns and it is blue sky above. Hallelujah. That really is a miracle given the absolutely atrocious conditions of the last week. I had the heating on yesterday just to stay alive.
Lords looks good - here's a pic tweeted from their account this morning:
The poms have Bresnan and Swann back but still no Pieterson. They will clearly be stronger than they were in the last test at Auckland. Plus they have the Duke ball, some sort of mystery device that swings like a banana.
As for us, it'll be the same team I think. Don't imagine Bracewell has done enough to play himself back into the side during the warm up games. So that will mean Bruce Martin will continue his marvellous, unbelievable international career. Amazing. We really need Southee to step up to the mark and bring his A game. Can't afford to have him in the side for much longer with an average of 60 per wicket. If he fails this test, then I think we may have to go for broke and let him go in the second, which would be a hugely radical move.
The key for us is Fulton and Rutherford. If they can keep their run of parternerships going then we give the boy wonder and Rossco a greater chance of hanging around.
Good luck boys. - Mar 26, 13Somewhere in the future - dateline 26 March, 2033
In hindsight it's easy to think that a team of Williamson, Taylor, McCullum, Boult and Southee would beat the English team. Back in 2013 though, this was a young team of hungry cricketers still looking to make their mark on the world. They were lead by BMac - now Sir Brendon of course - in just his third match in charge of the team.
What happened during that match in Eden Park would inspire young cricketers around the country and began NZ's total domination of world cricket in the 2010-2020s.
Why has it stuck in our memory so much? So many reasons I guess. Going into the test NZ were ranked a lowly 8th in the world at test cricket (I know, unbelievable, but these were dark days). England were a power house and no.2 to a dominant South Africa. We hadn't won a test series since 2006. It was expected we would be slaughtered 3-0 in the series.Alistair Cook (remember him?) hands the series trophy over to Sir Brendon, 2013.
How different it played out though. The first two games in the series were close with rain ruining both and they ended in draws. The last game was all NZ. Sir Peter Fulton tonned up in both innings, Boult took 6 for in the England 1st innings and we had a massive 480 run lead with 140+ overs left to play. It looked good for a series victory at last. With early breakthroughs the Blackcaps were on top but England finally started putting down roots with Bell and Prior on the morning of the last day. They looked like immovable rocks and the crowds heads started to drop. Catches were being dropped left, right and centre. Prior would be given out and on review survived. He was later bowled by Neil Wagner (who?) but the bails didn't come off.
I was starting to worry and resorted to less than savoury tactics at home to try and bring about a victory (see picture).
Finally a breakthroughs as Bell succumbed just before lunch exposing the tail. But Stuart Broad was obstinate to the last until some more inspiration from Captain McCullum to bring back Williamson into the attack. In short time Broad and then Anderson were removed exposing Panesar, the ultimate bunny batsmen. Surely NZ would win. The crowd was going mental as everyone was glued to the action, either at home, in the office, or at the ground. Time had seemed to stop.My Matt Prior voodoo doll from 2013. Now housed in the cricket museum at the Basin Reserve, Wellington.
There were just three overs left in the day to get one more wicket. Could it be done? Somehow Panesar survived near run-outs and wafty batting to escape the strike and there were three balls left. Here's those balls again from the Cricinfo commentary.142.6Boult to Prior, OUT, that is it! Prior shoulders arms to one coming back and the ball hits the top of the off stump which cartwheels down the field towards McCullum.MJ Prior b Boult 110 (269m 182b 2x4 0x6) SR: 60.43Last ball, it has come down to this, McCullum hobbles across for one last chat with his bowler142.5Boult to Prior, no run, good length, the might of Matt Prior behind it to defend142.4Boult to Prior, no run, leg side from round the stumps, and it is clipped wide into open space at deep squareBoult is mobbed by the class of 2013 after the final delivery which bowled Prior.
BOULT BOWLED HIM. BOULT BOWLED HIM. UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!
Pandemonium struck the crowd and all of NZ stood to applaud, cheer, hug and cry as one of the greatest matches ever concluded on the last ball of a series. For NZ this would be the start of a majestic era. For England, their troubles had only just begun. They lost the return rubber against NZ at home 2-0 in the same year, then all 10 matches against Australia in the Ashes. Cook would retire a forgotten man at the end of 2013. Prior turned to drink and did a Gascoigne. Panesar would go on to be a much better stand up comic.
NZ though had just seen the emergence of a new band of test playing gods. This team would go on to rival the great Australian teams of the 2000s and the Windies of the 1980s. Boult would break Sir Richard Hadlee's test record of wickets for NZ, Williamson would pass Martin Crowes total runs scored and finished his career with an average of 74.96 (second only to Bradman) while Southee became ever better known for his double hat-trick in the 2015 series against Australia, along with a string of dalliances with ladies in night-clubs, planes, trains, and other forms of transport.
So in 2033 as we look back at the start of that glorious cricketing era, the AB Enquirer asks "Were you there?" Leave a comment below and share your story.Fields like this were common place in the 2010s as NZ were totally dominant in cricket around the world.
Yes, this did happen...and no I haven't been crying all day. - Mar 25, 13
The AB Enquirer is cock-a-hoop today as the mighty Black Caps are on the cusp of winning or at the least not losing a test series against the Poms. That's the Poms with James Anderson, Alistair Cook and Matt Prior in them. We busted Kevin Pieterson too. They're No. 2 in the world and we're no.8.We haven't won any test series since 2006 and only a few months ago we were bowled out for 45 by the saffas. This is turnaround stuff of the highest order. Amazing what a little bit of confidence can do.'two-metre' Peter and B-Mac meet mid-pitch to celebrate
Sir Peter of Fulton's second century of the match.
NZ v England, 25 March, 2013
Now, I watch a lot of cricket. Far too much really. But I don't comment a lot on it in the blog, as well, you know, I'd run out of amusing things to say about us getting thrashed all the time. Then it would descend into vitriol and I'd be accused of not supporting the boys, which is not right. I do support them wholeheartedly. I care too much to pillory them on the internet. There is nothing I want more than to see a successful NZ cricket team again.
So how have we gone from no-hopers to world beaters? Here's a quick analysis.
1. The poms are knackered. They arrived from the sub continent and a brilliant series victory against the Indians. They're tired and want to go home. Pieterson and Swann we've smashed up during the tour and Bresnan folded before he even left England.
2. We found two openers who were able to stay around longer than 10 balls. Rutherford looks like class (whether he can stay the course is another thing). Fulton less so but he has found the way to hang around and play within his comfort zone ie. anything on leg. Dulling the shine on the new ball has meant Williamson hasn't been exposed early on and he has shone.
3. Suddenly our pitches are lifeless dirt trackers and not the green seamers we and the poms are used to. They also offer absolutely no assistance to spinners either. Negating the extra height and speed of their bowlers has meant a fairly even battle with the ball.
4. Aggressive captaincy from McCullum. His fields are mental and are heavily geared towards putting people in catching positions and pressing the batsmen to make an error.
5. The bowlers have stood up. Nobody seems to be whinging and moaning about 25 overs in a day and then backing it up with another 20 the next day. Truly amazing stuff. Just go back and look at the bitching Iain O'Brien put in his columns day after day about having to bowl. Boult, Southee and Wagner have spent huge periods in the field and done it brilliantly. This has meant we have the luxury of another batter in the side.
Notable in this series has been the Lazarus like comeback of 'two-metre' Peter Fulton. A bloody brave selection has paid off big time. Dead and buried and out of international cricket, Sir Peter of Fulton has had probably the greatest cricket resurrection ever. A series average of 69 is just RIDONCULOUS for a NZ opening batsman. Well done man. You have the respect of a nation and totally deserve to be picked for the next tour to England, where hopefully a spot on the board at Lords is being reserved for you now.
If we can add Ryder and Bracewell to this team without upsetting the balance then we could be on to something good. There could be an argument for Vettori being added to the side in place of Martin too. Our batting would go from pretty good to phenomenal with these three added.
Just have to figure out how to tell Ross Taylor to bat with a little more patience though...
Of course, the other thing to worry about is why on earth nobody in Auckland turned out to watch the Blackcaps. Crazy, considering the state of the series. Hopefully it is the last time ever they are asked to stage a test and it can go back to Seddon Park, Hamilton where it belongs. - Mar 26, 13
Bloody Hell - watch this.
Highlanders vs Chiefs - 27 - 41 - Feb 22, 2013
Notable for Ben Smith looking a hell of a lot like Christian Cullen with uber line breaks at four million miles an hour.
An amazing 3-4 minutes of rugby, end to end stuff. The purists will hate it for the amount of errors. The rest of us will applaud the ref for giving us great interpretations of the advantage law. The crowd going mental too, with the roof closed at Dunedin - so loud.
Brilliant stuff. Makes the awful, awful rugby of the last few weeks in the 6 Nations disappear. - Jan 03, 13Been reading our king and leader's book during the holidays; Richie McCaw - The Real McCaw. Here's what I've learnt:
-Not much about Richie as a youngster.
-He writes everything down in a Warwick exercise book.
-It was always a plan to be a GAB (Great All Black).
-In 2007 there was no Plan B, the players were under-done, not match fit, played out of position, etc. There were massive selection problems. All of which was denied by the powers that be during and after that tournament. It's finally good to hear someone say it.
-Richie gets hacked off with poor refereeing just as much as the rest of us. Special attention is paid to Stu Dickinson, Bryce Lawrence and of course everyone's most detested human on earth, Wayne Barnes.Richie from the Deviant Artist,
Space for Thought
-The best bit in the book is when Richie and other leaders in the team attend a motivational seminar after 2007 and some Aussie bloke takes the piss out of them for losing.
-He's brainy as (Proxime Accessit at his school, scholarship, etc.). and considered a nerd.
-He doesn't like social media ('I'd as soon eat my own entrails as tweet')
-I know nothing about any of his lady friends - he refers to a Hayley about twice but then only says a bit later that he seems to attract the wrong sort of girl, one that wants to be in the spotlight.Richie's signature on a young lady's chest - 'the wrong
sort of girl?' Read more about this great story here
-One of the repeated themes of the book is how important Dan Carter is to the team, how he guides the team and it is him and Dan together that lead.
-The second most referred to theme in the book is how Dan is having an off day.
-His foot really was absolutely fucked in the final having been broken in three different places, once in each of the previous three games. What is even more amazing is that no-one knew.
-He did get eye-gouged in the final. Rougerie should die.
-The Aussie rugby team really are complete wankers, not just appear to be when we play them. They refuse all after game contact and never go for a beer with our boys.
-That move from the lineout which we used in the RWC final with Woodcock scoring is called the 'Teabag.'
-It is a bit difficult dealing with the constant fame of being All Black Captain.
-Richie lost the plot in the final at one point and had to get slapped back into shape by Andrew Hore.
-The book is also called 'The Open Side' in NZ.
It's a good read and probably as close to knowing what it's like to be an All Black as us from the outside are ever going to find out. Richie is pretty guarded and there isn't a lot of personal stuff in there, but after all, the guy is still playing and can't really afford to upset anyone at the moment.A Warwick Exercise Book - Get one and start the road to being an All Black - Dec 31, 12
Got a little bored over the hols and inspired by this post at Allblacks.com have been putting this together. Well to be more precise I spent three days putting it together over at Easel.ly which proclaims to be useful for putting together infographics. It is however a bug-ridden pile of junk which cannot be 'NOT RECOMMENDED' enough. What's more, there's no support for it either.
So having fought and fought with the stupid thing and got it to a point of presentability, it fell over completely and no longer allowed me to edit my infographic. I fell back to the offline world of design, 'employed' the designer lady and here we are, a Rugby World Cup infographic, featuring a collection of statistics from all seven tournaments. All stats from RugbyWorld.com . So their fault if they're not right... - Dec 19, 12
Just watched this documentary by Sky on the ABs winning the 2011 RWC. It follows what happened after the Quarter Final loss in 2007 and the years leading up to the tournament in NZ. Then through the tournament in NZ and to the final. Loads of pieces to camera from the key men, Richie McCaw, Henry, Hanson, Smith, Kieran Reid and everybody's favourite man crush Conrad Smith.
The bits on the earthquake are immense and if you're still looking at the screen when that's on, you're the hardest bugger on the planet. Nice little bits on the hero-ising of Piri Weepu who really did step up to fill the void after everyone else was crocked and of course the return of Stephen Donald who will always be remembered for his kick that won the cup.
If you want to see passion, commitment, and loads of crying from grizzled, hard men then this is the movie for you. - Dec 24, 12
Just following up on the breaking news story from last week. Unfortunately its taken me a week to calm down and compose some notes on the game at Twickenham between England and our mighty heroes the All Blacks.
As venues go, there is probably no better stadium than Twickenham to see rugby in the world. Getting to it is easy; all measure of buses, trains and roads lead there. I headed in on a packed train in the morning, in a pile of England shirt wearing fans intermixed with bemused young girls heading to London for Christmas shopping. Popping up from the platform on to the road above, throngs of people were already gathered and it was just 11 in the morning. The majority were heading to the stadium so me and my friend headed off that way as we were guests of Twickenham and were doing the whole fancy hospitality thing. This seems to be the norm these days. Most people head to the stadium early to avoid the over packed bars and pubs in Twickenham town and because there are now loads of 'fan facilities' (ie. booze joints) in and around the car park of the stadium.Heading to the ground Twickenham pre-match
Up to the Churchill room for lunch and a few pre-match aperitifs courtesy of the good people at Twickenham. The atmosphere was convivial. Most talk was about Robshaw's (the English Captain) decision not to go for a try against the Springboks the week before. The rest were all hopeful that England would try to perform and hopefully not be embarrassed by the ABs.a bunch of blokes all sitting round
eating grub and listening
to Justin Marshall
We had Justin Marshall as a speaker, who was funny and convivial as speakers are supposed to be at these events. He themed his talk on intelligence. Doing things cleverly. It had resonance around the room. He ended with a tale about him and former England half-back and general annoyance Matt Dawson on the town in London in early 2000s. Stuck at the door of a nightclub and unable to get in, Dawson had used the 'Do you know who I am?' line on the bouncer who had quipped back to his colleagues, 'Mate, we've got someone here who doesn't know who he is?!' We all laughed. Then I got in a line to meet Justin.
After Justin's pep talk, a glass of some gorgeous Kiwi wine (from Wairau River), and a few more lagers, we were pumped up. Roll on game time.Former AB halfback Justin Marshall is super excited to meet me
Somebody forgot to tell Dan Carter to play though. I've never been Dan's biggest fan. I think he goes missing when the pressure is on. He's never made it through a World Cup for instance. But regardless, even I expected he would be able to kick penalty goals from directly in front of the posts 15 metres out! Those early misses set the tone for the day.The English put one of these on
everyone's seat (the banner, not the
be-hatted bloke). Not a good omen.
15-0 at halftime and looking bloody awful. I couldn't get a beer at halftime due to the queues and every third word I said seemed to require a 'fuck' added to it.
Second half started better. Clearly Hansen had given them a 'How to play rugby' Golden Book, and the ball was shifted at speed for Savea to cross.
Kieran Read got the second after some more excellent rugby. 15-14. Was a comeback on?
Was it heck! All we did was rile them up. Three tries in about that amount of minutes did for us and our ABs were a smashed up lot. Second to everything and missing so many tackles. Tuilagi was especially impressive, busting holes through Nonu and Carter constantly.
At the end we'd been smashified out of existence 38-21, but it was a pretty good game to watch. The crowd response to England winning was amazing. They were genuinely surprised and sang their 'Swing Low' song over and over.This is mostly what the ABs did all day - watch Owen Farrell score more points.
Were the All Blacks just knackered after a huge season? Playing too many games? Three against Australia...is that necessary? Did the norovirus reported earlier in the week really take so much out of them they couldn't compete?
Who knows. What we can say is that England were awesome. They were so freaking good that after I'd stopped swearing, gnashing my teeth and being cross, I actually applauded their tries. Passing with such gay abandon doesn't come naturally to English rugby so whoever's been coaching them to play deserves a huge pat on the back. Even when they were successful in 2002-3, there was little attractive rugby being played. This was good stuff. A very solid, totally deserved win. A little bit worrying in that it may give them hope for the future.
As far as the ABs are concerned, well it was one game out of a hell of a lot this year. We've played some truly fantastic rugby, all the time bringing in a new wave of ABs to carry on for the future.Excited English fans all around me. This is what it looks like to beat the All Blacks.
Looking forward to 2013.
In the meantime watch this. The Bane rap is hilarious. - Nov 27, 12
- Nov 27, 12
The game that was denied us all. The RWC final that should have been. The best of the North vs the best of the South.
I was looking forward to this game massively. Sure Wales have been poor in their previous defeats to Argentina and South Africa this NH Autumn but surely they would get up to prove critics and all of us kiwi knockers that they could play. Shane Williams may have retired, but they still have excitement in the backs.Hore hides in the ruck after 'dealing' to lazy running Bradley Davies. Not good.
It started ferociously. ABs hitting the rucks hard, bodies bouncing everywhere. Then Andrew Hore, channeling his inner 1970s thuggergy (porn star 'tache and all) with an awesome impression of infamous former-AB Billy Bush (look him up, grade A psychopath, a man so enamoured of violence he made Richard Loe look like a princess barbie doll) took out lumbering Welsh lock Bradley Davies with a roundhouse, from behind, forearm smash. It was something Hacksaw Jim Duggan would have been proud of. However, it's pretty much frowned upon these days and was mega wrong. It could've cost us the test and Hore will be rightly punished in the coming days, and we'll be down one hard bastard for the game against England.
Anyway, the game continued apace and within 10 minutes there were another two Welsh men on the way to hospital with Bradley. The turf too was starting to mirror the occasion, cutting up and looking decidedly like the Somme a la WWI.
While the old adage, 'You always score with the Hore' appears to have morphed into 'You're always floored by the Hore', it was still a game of 15 vs 15, no matter how much the Welsh twitter people whinged and Telegraph writers complained. The game was an uneven contest and there were holes everywhere for a rampaging back line led by mercurial deity-on-earth Conrad Smith.
Corey Jane was well shackled by newcomer Liam Williams (who had a great game), but on the other wing Savea and Dagg were beating Cuthbert with ease time after time. It was only a matter of time before the points flowed. The game's best try was started by Conrad and Dagg combining as the ball swept up the field from our 22 before Messam touched down. It was magic stuff. The game was over at half time and put to bed 10 minutes into the second half as we led 33-0, from a repeat of the RWC winning try by Woodcock bursting through the lineout.
We went to sleep for the last 20 minutes but it didn't matter. I did enjoy the Welsh 13 man lineout though. Worth watching again.
England next.... - Nov 10, 12
The boys are back in the UK for the now traditional splash and cash of rugby against the Poms, Jocks and Welsh. There's a game in Rome too. Nice for the sightseeing. The lucky Irish have avoided their pounding at home this year by virtue of touring us next year. They seem to be one of the few teams that understand if you ever want to be good at rugby, you need to play it at the highest level consistently. Heading down under for proper tours is the best way to get that experience. I would probably install them as favourites for the 6 nations now due to this (and the others having been handed their asses in a sling by the ABs).
Anyway, the boys arrived earlier in the week and set about charming the locals. I'm not such a big fan of this but I realise these days that shirt sales are as important as smashing the opposition. And we can't really go back to the dark days of the 2003 RWC where no-one spoke to anyone and we acted grumpy all the time. People take offense at getting destroyed and then you not shaking their hand and having a beer afterwards. Makes it worse when we didn't smash them either. Makes the journalists a bit cross too.Cory Jane charms some Scot lasses. Lasses means
girls in Scotland.
And so we head to NZ Herald journalist, Chris Rattue. Chris has decided rather than enjoy the tour north, he wants to tell everyone how dismissive it is. Unfortunately Chris if we all act like this, no-one will invite us to play against them ever again. In the modern age, we do the following:
- smile
- let everyone know how excited we are to be up in the North
- tell them how we've missed them all heaps
- say we are looking forward to the 'huge challenge'
- pinpoint two or three of their players as super talents (in the hope that they pick those 'talents' and we can smash them into tiny pieces)
- let them know that any turncoats / traitors that have decided to turn their back on godzone and play for another country will be treated the same as anyone else
- point out a few differences in our game vs the norths and how adapting to that makes playing the game a lot harder (when it fact it quite clearly plays into our hands)
What we don't do is call our hosts 'turgid', 'ineffective', 'talentless', etc.
I think we can all agree that these regular Northern tours aren't really progressing the game further but while they are happening, slagging them off and the people involved during the middle of them doesn't make us look very nice. What should be happening obviously is biennial Pacific Island tours, incorporating the Pacific Islands into the southern hemisphere cup, and continued spreading of the game to the far flung corners of the world. But the IRB are a bit slow on these things and while our paymasters appear to be based in the UK and we have to wear shirts with stupid letters on them, we've got to do these things.New Sponsor WTF? on the ABs Jersey
The AB Enquirer is not going to any of the games. The network has let me down unfortunately. In the UK you can't just buy a ticket off a website like home or dare to truck up to the ground on the day. You've got to know someone, who knows someone else, who has a mate who walks Clive Woodwards dog in order to get tickets to an AB game. This makes me cry. I'll be looking for some dodgy internet stream which will buffer or drop out at key Cory Jane touch down moments. Posh telly (Sky) has ruined sport but that's a whole other post.
Good luck ABs. - Aug 14, 12
Yep, it's a pretty poor title to sum up the greatest sporting occasion on earth. The last two weeks have easily been the most magnificent spectacle the world has ever seen. Eclipsing the awesomeness of last year's amazing Rugby World Cup and the almost as good Sydney Olympics.
The AB Enquirer was privileged enough to score tickets to go see the Olympics live in London. Specifically the BMX which was held inside the Olympic Park which meant getting to see all the main venues up close. A power breakfast started the day before the journey via train from Thame to Marylebone and then a couple of tubes out to West Ham station and a 20 minute walk along the Greenway path to Olympic Park.
Leading up to the event, most of Britain was a tad worried about hosting the Olympics. The worries fell into three camps: 1. How could they make a bunch of Olympic infrastructure which didn't look shit (in comparison to Beijing) without bankrupting the country further. 2. How on earth could the creaking transport network cope with dragging even more people around? 3. Could it be kept safe in a country which appears to harbour half the terrorists in the world?
Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney did nothing to help matters when he trucked up a couple of days before they started and declared he had huge doubts about London being able to cope. Well nobody likes being cornered and it did just the right thing in making everyone determined to prove the shit wrong. His grovelling apology after being told his future by David Cameron was great fun. I imagine he's pretty much lost the US election now as Obama just has to run those two sound-bites as his election campaign later this year.
All the worries disappeared the morning after the quite beautiful, thoughtful and fun opening ceremony. About a billion people turned out to watch Tour de France winner Bradley Wiggens and Team Sky partner Mark Cavendish. It was then we knew everything was going to be ok. They didn't win but it was still absorbing watching whether on the telly or live. And that was the key to the whole Olympics. The spectators made it. Everywhere it happened, be it the streets of London, in the Olympic Park, the beach in Weymouth or the sides of a hill in Essex, the people came, packed the venues, and cheered, roared, clapped and screamed for the most obscure sports, sports people and events. Every venue was raucous and enthused. It was like everyone finally had something to cheer about after the last five years of recession and they didn't hold back. It was magic.Where is that stadium?
BMX is mental. it is fast, dangerous as all heck, and dramatic. Kiwi heroes Kurt Pickard and Marc Willers competed in the mens draw and Sarah Walker in the womens. I had tickets for the quarter finals and they were awesome. Marc won through with two wins and a second but it all went wrong for Kurt in the third run of his heat, departing mid-air from his bike and having to be scraped from the track later.A lonely Marc Willers cruises to victory
after all 7 other riders crashed
I didn't see Sarah ride unfortunately, the semis and final being the next day, but we all know what happened to her. Having been written off by the commentators for the final, she put in a blistering start and held it for the length of the 450m track to nail down a silver medal. Awesome. I love BMX.
Outside the stadium the partying continued. Through the ParkLive venue with its huge screens located in the river, everybody could relax with a £4.30 bottle of beer and an £8 fish and chips! We retired to the world outside after wandering around and soaking up more of the atmosphere all generated initially by the amazing volunteers who worked so hard to keep things moving and operating. At the Heineken bar outside the Park, we met the remaining members of the Olywhites team that hadn't gone back to their clubs and the NZ mens hockey team celebrating like it was 1999 after beating Argentina in the morning.Me, Kyle, James, Michael - Kiwi Olympic heroes
Clearly the Olympics still has some issues. There are some truly difficult to like sports in it, eg. Synchronised Swimming, Rhythmic Gymnastics, Tae Kwan Do, Wrestling but with so much on you can always flick to another channel to catch something better.
The BBC proved that state broadcasters are still awesome and that sheer numbers of people chucked at something can make it brilliant. All sorts of weird and wonderful angles, slow-mos, and hidden views brought the Olympics to life. They had a tendency to talk too much, especially when there was still action going on, and the cycling and athletics fell victim to talking heads pontificating about their past. But that apart, everything on show was filmed and available at least on the website.It's difficult to like sports which are just stupid
Now they're finished everything else seems lame, disappointing and inconsequential. Although this morning I've woken up to find we've won another gold medal after the disqualification of the vaguely female Belarus shot-putter for doping. Well done Valerie Adams. We now have 6 gold medals and a total of 13 medals from this Olympics. Our best for years and a mighty impressive feat in these days of professional athletes.
NZ - WE RULE.
There's a test this weekend. I'll try to care but it's not the Olympics. - Mar 19, 12
Northern hemisphere test rugby ends for another season with Wales deservedly winning the championship and earning another Grand Slam. Mores the pity that they couldn't have made the RWC final and played us. Would've been a much greater spectacle than we had to play out against the doggedly dull current France team.
Anyway, on to the actual games. All nicely paired together in a winner takes all first v second title fight, a bronze medal match and a wooden spoon contest. All were highly watchable, like the entire six nations competition this year. It seems the NH teams went to the RWC and had their eyes opened to the type of rugby they should be playing. I'm sure the recent rule changes have helped too, allowing competition for the ball at the breakdown. Sure has cut down on the amount of kicking. I'm guessing retirement of the the long standing no.10s has helped too. Without Wilkinson, Parks, Hook / Jones, O'Gara, Trinh-Duc, and any resemblance of a decent 1st five in Italy, the new no.10s have been learning their game live. Some have made mistakes but almost all have attempted to set their backs free. Its been good stuff.
Wales 16 v France 9
Wales were good. France slightly less so. Supposedly the French demanded the roof stay open so they could play in the rain and nullify the feared Welsh back line. This is the same France who refused to play when it was a little cold a few weeks earlier. They got what they deserved and coughed up the ball 16 times. They look devoid of ideas and if I read one more bit of nonsense about Dussatoir being the best player in the world I'll blow my top. The definition for being the best player in the world is, 'would he make it into the All Blacks?' and the answer to that is no. Anyway, Cuthbert decided the contest when one of his mates picked up the ball that the Worlds Best Player dropped on the ground, scooped it out to his wing, and he finished ever so stylishly, sashaying past three frenchies on the way. I liked it. A deserved win and solid champions. A bummer that Ireland are touring us this year and not the Whalers.Richie, the real best player in
the World mocks you
England 30 v Ireland 9
On paper it looked good. An ever improving England shorn of the dross that Martin Johnson picked have grown in confidence under Lancaster. The pack look like they're back to doing what England do best, domination of set pieces. The backs look reasonably good too, if a little bit obvious about what they're doing. Such a pity though that Ireland turned up with 8 ladies in the forwards and 7 schoolboys in the backs. Errors abounded. Drop ball everywhere. Were they drunk before the game because it was St Patrick's Day? The ladies in the scrum spent most of the afternoon looking for lost knitting needles and discussing embroidery patterns. It was embarassing and it started to look dangerous too at the end. I fear for their confidence in the future such was the total demolition they underwent. The ABs are going to totally smashify them into the middle of the next decade.
Italy 13 v Scotland 6
I didn't watch this. I don't watch losers. haha. Nah...not really. I've invested a bit of time this 6 nations in both teams. Scotland had looked promising early in games but get to around the 60 minute mark and they just fall away. This must be something like fitness, strength, and stamina taking a toll. Recent published stats in one of the broadsheets showed that Scotland had the smallest, lightest players and would therefore finish last. Hopefully this isn't necessarily true and rugby can still be played by all, but Scotland appear to be proving it this year at least. Italy continue to have problems finding a bloke at 10 who can kick properly. If they could've found that man earlier, they would've had a win over England as well as Scotland to celebrate this year. - Feb 17, 12Whisper it quietly but we may, just may, have a half decent New Zealand cricket team on our hands.
Back in 2010/2011 we had lost to just about everyone imaginable. Defeats against Bangladesh, India and Pakistan in test series and in one day series were followed up later by a huge loss to Zimbabwe in an ODI. Had we played the Cook Islands we would have lost to them. But as the saying goes, it is always darkest before the dawn. Just as web sites were being made laughing at our inability to play cricket (damn there was supposed to be a link here to a website purporting to be a Black Caps supporters site with amusing things for sale like buckets to cry into and stuff - can't find it now though). Languishing in 8th place in test cricket and with that miraculous semi-final in the World Cup seemingly a long time ago, we pitched up to Australia and took a beating in the first test.
But with John Wright in charge, a shuffling of the batting order, discovering some decent bowlers in Bracewell and Boult, adding some steel and grit in Brownlie, and actually having a decent fight for places in the team (Ryder no longer a certainty) has made us into a decent scrapper again. If we could get McCullum to wear the gloves again we really do have a decent team. Removing Vettori from the captaincy has been a fit of genius. Without him having to be the best batter, bowler, captain, selector, coach, manager and masseur, we've freed up everyone else to be a bit better at their game.
The test series draw in Australia was fantastic, the follow up smashing of Zimbabwe was great including a first victory ever at Maclean Park, traditionally the home of our greatest humiliations, and today a beating of the world's best team, South Africa. Alright it was only in the pretend pub sport of T20, but a win is a win. And how good is Guptil at the moment, 6 half centuries in a row equalling Andrew Jones record for NZ. Bloke was unstoppable today, even after wearing one on the head from Rusty. Not bad for a 'skinger'.You shouldn't make our Marty angry
We may well end up losing in the test series but I feel more confident that we'll give them a decent game now.
While we're talking cricket, this looks a bit blinking good. Fire in Babylon, the story of the Windies cricket team of the late 70s and 80s. Hopefully there's a bit of coverage of their loss to us in the test series in 79/80. - Feb 17, 12
So with the 6 nations booting off last weekend and my inertia still settled in, we're relying on others to talk about the Rugby. Here's some of the best articles from the net:
A love letter to the Scotland rugby team
Why Rugby is much better than football - bloody funny
10 Things we'll see at the 2012 6 Nations
Rugger Blogger's analysis of Ireland v Wales - a game so good you didn't want it to stop. Shame on you Wayne Barnes for wrecking the end. Would Wales have scored anyway though....?
And just because I sat up and watched it through the night Sunday/Monday morning, this article.
Superbowl: American exceptionalism at its best - what a show. It was brilliant. Sport, spectacle, manliness, patriotism, and excess in every manner, all wrapped up in one big 3 hour entertainment show. Great. Once a year though, not every day thank god. - Feb 17, 12
Fantastic video created by Jarod Brendon of the immediate moments of crowd euphoria and singing after the win. It's on stupid facebook which doesn't have linking in to it so have had to post it here so you can see it.
Get ready to cry all over again, while you're singing that is. - Feb 17, 12A week on and I really should post some thoughts down on the GREATEST GAME OF ALL TIME (though it wasn't really, was it?).
As the only person in the world who thought it would be a tight game and that we would have to play big to win, I feel pretty damn good. With everyone fit, we're a brilliant team. Without Carter, we're a great team. Without a fully fit McCaw, we're a good team. A good team without any incisive attacking ability, no cutting edge. The three knock-out games showed just how limited our attacking abilities were. We scored just four tries in those three games and that is with home advantage. Had those games been played in the northern hemisphere, we probably would have lost. Don't get upset, just saying that's all.
So anyway, here's what I noted about our RWC:
It was a bloody hard game. And we were right to think that the French would play dirty. It was pretty obvious bad things had happened during the game. There was bugger all shaking of hands at the end, no polite words spoken, and no swapping of shirts. Rougerie gouging McGod at the end was pretty disgusting and he is damn lucky this came to light after his plane had departed Auckland. Can't imagine he would have avoided a lynching at the hotel had it been made public earlier. I shouldn't mention their behaviour at scrum time either but I will. Poux was constantly bearing in on Franks during the scrums. The early penalty which was given by Joubert ended with Poux at right angles to the rest of the scrum. Cheat. I had to listen to the itv commentary tell me that Franks should be penalised for collapsing. Madness.
It was tight but we deserved it. Unlike the papers around the world who have decided that we were lucky, or even worse bribed the ref, I thought it was a close game but that the French didn't do enough to win. The game was mostly played around the half way line, and they only got into it by a few moments of madness by Piri. There were few periods of sustained pressure in the 22 by either side. To pretend that the French were loads better is just plain wrong. Watch the replay.
Forwards win games, the backs decide by how much. Our backs determined that we would win by 1 point. This isn't good. We appear to have a lot of problems cutting through the opposition this year and the search for new nos 9, 10, 12 and an 11 need to continue.
Weepu is human after all. Poor chap. Nobody should have to shoulder as much as he did in the knock-out games. Calling the plays, taking the kicks at goal, positional kicking, marshalling the forwards. Thank god Henry spotted him falling apart and substituted him before he completely lost us the game. Played well earlier in the tournament though and everyone should applaud him for standing up and being counted. Nice bloke too.
Have we become the new England? Reliance on a spectacular pack, a no.10 that kicks for position, a hard tackling midfield, no confidence in our wings. Sounds exactly like the 2002-3 England team. *head shaking*
Is Stephen Donald the new Allan Hewson? When I was a boy (hahahaha, who'd ever thought that you'd be old enough to utter that statement?), Mr Hewson was the AB pariah. Everyone hated him for being too small, and light enough to blow away in a decent Wellington gale. Not a proper fullback in the style of Don Clarke or Bryan Williams. Allan was a deadeye with the old goal kicking though and his simply awesome penalty from 400 metres out in the third and final test against the touring '81 boks to seal the series was something I and all other kiwis will remember for all time. When that went through he became a national hero (despite the fact that he pretty much gifted two SA tries to Ray Mordt). Beaver did the same thing last weekend and memories of that awful game he played against the ockers in Hong Kong last year will hopefully be erased. However, my previous post about Stephen's atrocious kicking ability unfortunately has become my most visited story ever... oh dear.
Dan Carter is an unreliable ****. That's three world cups now that he has let us down in. I'm hoping that we don't have to rely on him for another one. Finding a decent no. 10 is a massive priority now. Still can't believe we allowed Nick Evans to play in England. And why are first fives getting hurt so much? Carter, Cruden, Slade, Cooper, Priestland ... there were probably more but that's a world of talent that didn't last the tournament.
Brad, the WoodCOCK, Jerome, Richie, Kev, Mr Reid, the Franks', Big Sam, You always score with the Hore. Thanks for throwing it all on the line.
Conrad Smith. Immense. Tackling from the gods. I heart you.
It feels so good to win. An unbelievable weight off the shoulders. Not just for the team, for everyone in the country. Personally too. It seems bizarre. Why are we so tied in to the success or otherwise of sporting teams? I wasn't at the game or even at home during this but the emotion was massive. I cried like a little girl who'd just watched her pony get shot. The relief at winning. The joy. Watch this and relive the passion again, it's taken from the fans viewpoint. Or don't, it will make you cry.
Are they the best All Black team of all time? 'course not. The '87 team had more talent, the '95 team was magnificent in every area. The 2005 team will never be touched. But this team will probably be the best remembered of all the great AB teams as they won the cup and won it at home in such a tense final.
I really don't care about who coaches the team next if Henry steps down. The game seems in good hands and if it is Gatland or Hanson, then we'll do ok. There are backline issues to sort out and that is probably where the coaching needs to be focussed on.
We have to sort out a few other issues too like possibly looking at picking overseas players (provided they play at least five times for a super or NPC team in a given season), arranging super rugby so it fits in better with the NPC, fixing our international games so we get more proper, hard rugby, and working out a decent Southern Hemisphere tournament that can replicate some of the RWC and six nations pressure. But all that is for other posts in the future.
At the moment let's just glory in being World Champions. - Feb 17, 12
- Feb 17, 12
1. Take our kicks
We better have practised kicking all week. Piri and Mr Cruden are going to need to be in 100% form. Wales forgot to bring a kicker and now they are 4th and therefore nowhere. Kicking is likely to win this. Let's kick our opportunities and WIN.
2. Remove hope
Hope is France's big motivation. With hope they can be brilliant, dashing, and enigmatic. Without it they are the cheese-eating surrender monkeys we played in 1987, 2003, and earlier this tournament. Don't get Hope out. Don't dangle her attractions to them. Otherwise, they will have her away, wining and dining her in a candle-lit restaurant, before whispering naughty 'language of love' words in her ear, and taken her home for a damn good rodgering while polishing their RWC gold medal. Remove hope. It is 1940, there are a 1000 panzer tanks bearing down on them. It is war and they have no hope, just despair.
3. Play Big
Everyone has to play big. Not just Richie, Conrad, Piri and Brad. Everyone. Just like last week. It's one game. Legs grow back, you only need one eye, and Jonah has got by on no kidneys for years. You can recuperate later. For the rest of your life in fact, while you sip cocktails on the beach and nuzzle in the bosoms of vestal virgins, mulling over the contract to be the new spokesman for roofing tiles or whatever. Win this and you'll never have to work again Mr All Black. If I don't see a defibrillator on the field at some point during the game, I will know you're not trying hard enough.
4. No Neutrals
Neutrals are scum. They sit on the fence for ages and then suddenly when they see a side winning they throw their weight behind them. Like the poms at Twickenham, 1999. If you see a neutral, remind them that a) they are in our country and b) you hate them. They must pick a side. If they pick the French then so be it, what happens to them afterwards will be their own fault. I will be turning into the new Simon Wiesenthal after the game, watching slow motion video of the crowd, and with CSI sound analysis and the POWER OF GOOGLE, I will track any 'Allez les Bleus' singers and END THEM. There is only one song allowed today, it has two words, 'ALL' then 'BLACK'. Repeat ad infinitum. Sing it loud, Sing it proud. Simples.
5. Prevent skulduggery
Don't allow them to do their sneaky drop goals and dodgy intercept tries. Those are not part of rugby and when I am RFU commissioner and therefore ruler of the world, they will not be allowed. If you have dropped a goal because you are not good enough to score a try, you are a cheat. If you are running in our backline and intercepting passes that would have led to us scoring a try (Stirling Bastard Mortlock), this is plain bandit behaviour.
6. Engage in skulduggery
Let's do some drop goals and intercept tries ourselves for a change. If you can't change the rules, play to them. Embrace the power of Charlie Sheen and do some WINNING.
7. Believe
If we all believe we can win, we will. Belief is a powerful thing. If the power of 300 passengers in a 747 can make 200 tonnes of metal take off the ground and fly around the world, then 4 MILLION KIWIS can make our rugby team win. Easy. Kia Kaha boys.
Please let us win. Please. - Feb 17, 12
Well, there was no time to do a post before the game. We all know what I thought would happen anyway. France would get smashed by the dynamic, exciting, daring-do of the wannabe South-Sea Islanders of Wales and then go on to meet the mighty ABs in a titanic clash of the hemispheres with a super amazing display of rugby abandon the likes of which we may never witness again.
HOWEVER....
No-one accounted for Sam Warburton getting carried away and Alain Rolland opting to join the 'Wayne Barnes Club of Refereeing Skills for the Blind and Disadvantaged'.Hands up if you love Alain.
A red card! How? Why? What for? Sure it was a slightly naughty tackle but without malice and no real intent at hurting Clerc. A yellow I thought as I watched it again in slow-mo. Hang on. Is that a red card? I think it is. No it's not, I mean why would referee Alain Rolland of French descent do that? Is it because today he is suddenly a lot wealthier than yesterday?
Balls. Bugger and bum balls. Game finished as a spectacle you'd think. And yet, the Welsh kept trying. Just the 14 of them manfully trying to beat the French with their 15 men and referee mascot. God, why didn't one of those kicks go over? The terrible drop kicks were embarrassing, the Stephen Jones shave the post was excruciating, but the Halfpenny kick from halfway had me running around the room cheering for a minute until I realised the damn ball had gone UNDER THE BAR. Where's a puff of wind when you need one?
France, who are now the luckiest side in the history of sporting events, have been beaten twice (three times if you count today), and have played just 40 minutes of proper rugby in the tournament (against the Poms). Their players must be super rested and are going to be mega 'up for it' next weekend. That is if they can interrupt their holiday long enough to bother turning up for it. God I hope justice prevails and whoever they meet in the final absolutely tears them a new one. They are easily the most crap major team in the history of RWC rugby. I mean this is indefensible what has happened.
Thanks Alain, you have destroyed the World Cup and denied us all the final we deserved. I hope you're happy with yourself. You toss monkey. - Feb 17, 12
After yesterday's pulsating games, today's promise to be slightly easier to predict.
South Africa vs Australia
Before the tournament you would probably have said that the dazzling Australian backline had too much for South Africa. Quade Cooper (or the messiah as Australia had got to calling him) was looking amazing and controlling everything. Now though, his confidence appears to have lessened. Hopefully, in part to the absolutely torrents of abuse the NZ crowds have directed his way after his multiple clashes with our Richie. And shorn of Digby Iaone they have lost the form finisher in world rugby. They look a little human again. Multiple injuries later and they look thoroughly beatable (as the Irish found). South Africa started weakly too in their game against the Welsh but have slowly improved as their pack have found their feet in NZ. In Brussow the Boks have found their champion. Massive that bloke. They too are slowly falling to injuries and the mighty other Steyn Francs has had to go home. That will hopefully prevent a recurrence of the crap we have faced with him kicking penalty goals from his own 22 (or close to that). I think their pack will have too much for the Aussies eventually, the kiwi crowd will get on Cooper's back again and he'll fall apart, and the gaps will start opening up eventually. Boks by SIX. Or not. I don't know really.
ABs vs Argentina
Four years ago, maybe, just maybe. What? Who am I kidding. Four years ago we would have killed them then too. Without Hernandez they are short a first five. Lobbe is busted and out. Contepomi is an old man and looks it now. His kicking is wayward and his decisions are safe instead of brilliant like they used to be. Their pack is full of old men lumbering around. Yep, they took England to the wire. But everyone has taken England to the wire this tournament and they are / were a terrible team. I'm not suspecting any surprises and we should win by FIFTEEN. Slade to step up and nail a few penalties to boost the confidence early doors, and the whole world will get off his back. God, I hope so. We have Kieran Reid back at last and ready to show the world what they've missed the last six months. Plus the gorgeous Conrad Smith for whom I have no greater love at the moment. Can you give me an Amen? I said can you give me an AMEN? Lordy.
-
Posts
- May 16, 13
Just found this really nice article on a blog I hadn't previously heard of called Farnam Street. It's an easy read so won't take up too much time in your life, but has quite a few salient points.picture borrowed from an aussie paper
The Buffett Formula — How To Get Smarter
My take from it:
- Nothing is easy in life. You don't get to become some of the wealthiest people in the world without a lot of work.
- Reading and continuing to read is the source of their knowledge. Munger and Buffett don't have supernatural investing powers, they just have a capacity to read vast amounts to gain knowledge.
- Read the facts not the opinions of others on those facts.
- Find the time to read even if it means sacrificing something that you gain pleasure from or might otherwise derive some greater short term value from. It's the long term that counts.
- Using that knowledge wisely is what separates them from others.
- Surround yourself with smart people - May 10, 13
Finally changed the name of the site from its blogger title of simple investing to a better fitting custom domain name of Investimouse. Get it? It's the combing of investing and computing. It's been up for a week or so now and still looks ok to me so we're sticking with it.
Investimouse will carry on with the same ideas. Financial information and titbits that catch my eye, articles on saving, the economy, ISAs, shares, etc. Just seemed that a groovy name would be more appropriate. I'm hoping that if I can get my drawing pencils sharpened I'll do the occasional cartoon on finance too. I think that would be fun. I'm no Scott Adams though.
In the meantime, I've just had these produced. A poster on the financial dilemma of the time, Spend more than you Earn or Earn more than you Spend. It's a circular thing. Many will argue they mean the same anyway! More on my investing goodies page. There's one for the pound and one for the dollar. Available to buy at my Society6 store if you're keen. - Apr 30, 13
This is a slightly premature post because I'm nowhere near the stated goal of being a millionaire yet. But, just in case any of use eventually gets there, what should we do with some of that money?
Some might suggest an awesome car like a new Ferrari 458 or Bugatti Veyron. Of course buying one of those isn't going to leave much change out of a million. Best perhaps to think that we've got millions (plural). Right, we've got a car and a nice house now, bought a bunch of gadgets, hired a very attractive Eastern European lady to clean the house, a bunch of cool gadgets, and even donated some of all that money to charity (cause we're nice). The yacht is being steam cleaned ready for next weekend's attempt at a fastest time between Barbados and The Bahamas. So we've arrived at a place where we're not sure what to do with our money...here's what some other lunatics have done, who clearly have too much:
Kristi Malakoff makes art from money. Here's a few pieces.This is made from three Turkish 100,000 Lira bills This item is made of four bills, from Brazil, Zambia, Egypt and Bolivia
Won Park does much the same thing. Here's a few pieces from his gallery:A F1 racing car made from two $1 USD Ox made from a single USD
Photographer Philippe Petremant likes to mix up his notes and creates new portraits from the famous faces on our currency. Here's a few of his best:Chairman Mao in cowboy hat and groovy porn star moustache. Mahatma Gandhi’s eyes on the face of Saddam Hussein. I'm not sure who the individual components of this are, but he looks pretty cool.
Here's a bloke who doesn't just like to fiddle with money, he likes wearing it. Obviously a few cents short of a dollar upstairs in the head, Datta Phuge from India paid £14,000 to make a solid gold 24 carat shirt.Control yourselves ladies, Datta is looking F I N E...
But if we get really rich and want to make a statement, then here's another method of blowing your money. Follow the KLF's lead and burn it all. After their decision to leave the music industry and become artists, The K Foundation (Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty) formerly music band KLF, decided to burn a million pounds in 1994. Clearly this is mental behaviour and not at all endorsed by Investimouse. Should you be considering doing such a thing, email me first and we'll have a chat.
There you go, just some of the things we can do with money when we've got absolutely stacks of it. Till then, keep saving and figuring out how to make more of it. - Apr 25, 13
Just got back from a week in Florida visiting friends and felt a little compelled to share. Not to show off about being able to go and visit America but because holidays are spectacularly rare in my world and it's nice to have something to talk about other than what share ends up in the portfolio.
But as this is a mostly finance related blog, let's try and focus on what I saw and learned about in America over the course of the week that has to do with finance, money and wealth. Because wealth is what I saw mostly. Ridiculous over the top wealth. In fact during a week in Florida everything was bigger, more amazing, more beautiful, larger, faster, stronger and more epic than anything I've seen anywhere in the world before. It's been 13 years since I last went to the US and the change in the place seems massive. You'd be hard pressed to know that they'd lived through a huge financial crash. Shops are everywhere, restaurants are everywhere, huge cars are everywhere. Not for them streets of boarded up retailers, dodgy kebab takeaways from a pie cart, busted up roads, and people continuously whingeing about austerity (which doesn't exist).
I sat on Atlantic beach for one day during the week and got hot. It was great fun. Afterwards, cruised down the strip of road that follows the coast to St Augustine, America's oldest city. Along the way, you cruise through 30 miles of a place called Ponte Vedra.
This is the worst house there:
Every blinking house there was three stories, had triple garages, beach or lake front, tennis courts, robot butlers, ferraris, lasers, rocket ships, etc. etc. You get the idea. Beyond belief wealth.The worst house in Ponte Vedra
It's really hard to see wealth in the UK. I know it's there but it is generally hidden and not spoken of. Great wealth is difficult to see here. My neighbour's house sold for £800,000 in 2008 (I know this from the Zoopla house prices site), yet it doesn't look like £800,000 worth of house to me. It doesn't even have a driveway or garage. How can you spend that much on a house and have to look for a car park on the road every night with the poor people? Somehow I've digressed...hmmm, right, let's get back on track. In the US wealth is conspicuous and obvious. It's in your face, and is a representation of the American Dream. It says, I MADE IT. And over there, that's the incentive for you to make it too. We went to a local diner for Sunday brunch. This ginormous thing almost ran us down as we jaywalked the road. My head came up to the wing mirror.
You may say that's an isolated example. Well, let's make it more obvious. In the US last year, the most popular car sold was this, the F-series Ford Truck:What the hell is it? A Jeep crossed with the Terminator? An F150 - Ford can pretend all they want that these things are used by cowboys on a ranch, but
they are every second car on the interstates.
It's a $23,000 truck thing with a 3.7 litre engine that guzzles petrol at 27 mpg (32 UK mpg). Of course, no-one actually has a $23,000 version, they all rock out in $35,000+ ones with blinged up wheels, crew cabs, shotgun racks, etc. This thing is everywhere in America. Sales figures for March 2013 show it selling almost 71% MORE than any other vehicle. It is popular beyond belief. It isn't cheap, sensible, practical or convenient to own but because it is big, fast and muscular it is the no.1 selling vehicle. Those same sales figures show sales up 17% on last year. There is no equivalent vehicle in the UK. The no.1 car here is the tiny little Ford Fiesta, which would fit in the tray of the F-150.
Of course while you're out driving to your hootenanny in your F-150 rocking out to the latest Taylor Swift (OMG, she's so hot), you'll come across some of the most bizarre road rules ever. This is obviously the price you pay for owning a ridiculously impractical monster vehicle. The US has things called four-way stops - an intersection with four stop signs. Nobody knows what the eff to do at these, so everyone stops, then each car is supposed to take turns at going through the intersection. EXCEPT, no-one does that. Some don't stop, others creep through the junction, everyone stops and looks at each other, and other times everyone goes at once. Chaos.
Here's the solution to America's problems and Britain's best export growth plan ever. A ROUNDABOUT. Let's sell them roundabouts. I am a genius.
The second crazy problem America has is the speed limit. The speed changes all the time. You're on an interstate doing 65 being passed by a truck doing 85! No, trucks aren't governed or limited so it is just like being in Duel if you're in the slow lane obeying the speed limit.Look - a whole bunch of people going where they want to go without having to stop.
That's not the worst bit though, you're doing 65 but somehow the speed limit has dropped to 45. Signs are shown every 1000 miles or thereabouts, so if you missed the sign and continue to do 65 in the 45 you're going to prison when the state trooper catches you. By the way, they drive cars like this:Isn't that truck a bit close honey?
Don't even think about outrunning them. On-board computer guided lasers will gun you down. See, even the cops drive cooler cars than anyone in the UK.Dodge Charger State Trooper car - they look like vehicles from a science fiction movie.
On to healthcare. Here's a hospital in Florida:
I know, I know. I'm getting sick there too. Looks more like a country club resort than a hospital. How the hell are they building hospitals that look like this and not like this:Florida Hospital - seems a decent place to get sick in.
I asked my buddy about this. He gave this story as an example. You buy health insurance in America to cover the cost of your treatments. A recent dentist trip revealed he needed a crown. This would cost him personally $300. The insurance covers 90% of the cost. His dentist trip therefore actually cost $3000 for one tooth treatment! Another example is his new addition to the family, their baby girl was born at the local hospital, and the bill for that was $30,000! This is madness. There is no way this is the actual cost of delivering a baby into the world, yet that is how much you plus insurance pay the hospital. Hence, they have hospitals that look like country club resorts, doctors that drive Ferraris, and houses on Ponte Vedra beach that should house the president.Architecture, what architecture?
As a contrast, this morning I popped into Oxford. Down the first street I came to, two homeless chaps popped their heads up over a nest of bags and boxes. I didn't see any of this in Florida, although a very happy drunk chap tried to tell me a story at some traffic lights in Atlantic Beach.
I couldn't get over the relentless optimism everyone had. People realised times had been difficult the last five years but they were determined to get over the hump and power through to the next stage in life. It's an infectious thing. I've come back from there more enthused than ever about doing new stuff.
And if you're wondering why everyone in America is a little bigger than normal (!), it's the food. Above is standard fare for lunch. Ridiculous amounts of BBQ beef, chicken, and pork, delivered with beans, coleslaw, fries and constantly refilled drinks (if you want them). My poor tummy.Food!!! America may not have a social welfare system the same as the UK, it may not have free healthcare, and it certainly doesn't have sensible road rules but maybe it doesn't need them. Things looked pretty damn rosy to the untrained eye of this tourist there last week.
Somebody should tell them the rest of the world is in recession. I'm sure they wouldn't care though. - Apr 08, 13
I had to post this here today. A work of genius from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. A fiendish plan so terrifying it is rejected by the world's super evil geniuses!
Could it ever happen....? - Apr 30, 13
The Team Dave Fund of Fun-ness portfolio has continued to consolidate in 2013. Now up 6% this year which is nice.
There was a bit of action on the portfolio this month. I freed up an extra batch of money to put in the ISA before the cut off point of the 5th April (today). Most of that was put to good use but have held a little back in cash in case we get the normal sell-off in May and I can pick up some cheaper shares then.
A new addition to the fund was:
Foreign and Colonial Inv. Trust which met the criteria of global investment and quarterly dividends, plus they have a buyback going on at the moment which should be supportive.
Other purchases in existing holdings:
Merchants Trust - been a good long term earner for me with quarterly dividends
Henderson International Income Trust - quarterly dividends, decent yield and global exposure.
Man Group - trying to average down so that on a rally I can finally exit this nightmare
HSBC Asia Pacific Tracker Fund - the future of the world is in here. Keep piling in money to to this to get the general uplift of both the collapse of the pound and global rebalancing.
L&G index gilts tracker fund - with inflation set to go supermegahyper.com I'm trying to protect some of it with this.
Invesco Pepetual Income Fund - Mr Woodford has done pretty well with my money over the the last couple of years. I've rewarded his diligence with some more.
Dividends in from the following:
Newton Asian Income Fund
Marlborough High Yield Fund
Utilitico Emerging Markets
BP
for a total of £27.59 of FREE MONEY.
All in all, it's going ok at the moment. - Mar 22, 13
A very solid February for the Team Dave Fund of Fun-ness Portfolio. A nice £38 in free money was added to the ISA by dividends from Schroder Real Estate, Merchants Trust, Henderson International Income Trust, City Merchants High Yield Fund, and Ecofin. All of that lot is getting reinvested into the individual shares.
I finally sold out of Legal & General which was a nice small earner for me. It just felt like time to go and I had far too much exposure to the insurance industry. The money from that along with a small fresh injection from redundancy went into more Ecofin and Utilico Emerging Markets helping to bump up their weightings in the portfolio to more meaningful amounts.
I took RSA's decision to hack their dividend amounts by 33% as a hint that they are in deep shit and so bailed on them. I've made good money from them in the last few years and their dividends have been most appreciated, but if they aren't going to pay loads any more and they have no growth prospects either then ... BYE! I whacked the money into my portfolio superstar stock, Beazley. I love them and the latest annual report just confirmed how brilliant they are performing, growing in new areas and inventing new markets to push into. They are great innovators in the insurance sector. They've also decided to give me 14p per share dividend in the next payment. What great guys.
There's just one bit of bad news. I still have a large lump of rubbish in the shape of the worst run company in the entire world, RBS, sitting in the portfolio. I still hope against hope that one day it will come good so haven't bit the bullet and cashed them in yet. However, this week they announced they managed to lose £5bn last year. Astonishing. The share price has sunk again and there seems little hope that unless they can completely shed themselves of the crappy investment bank that they will ever make money again.
As the rally now seems to be fixed in place with the gains consolidated from late last year, we are now in a FTSE 100 holding pattern of 6200-6350. Which is a hell of a lot better than where we were in the dark days of 2011. The fund is now earning good money in most months and is only exposed to complete crap in one area now. In metaphorical terms, my fund now has its head clear of the water, and is striking for shore. - Feb 13, 13
Over on Kickstarter this week is a project by a bloke called Samir Lyons who is trying to get his financial based board game produced. Samir's game is called Day Trader - Strike it Rich.
You can see that the game looks good and indeed it has been professionally designed by a company called Italic Studio in California (don't bother visiting the link, they have one of the worst websites in existence - clearly not web designers!)
It looks a lot like Monopoly and if you watch the video, Samir explains the rules which seem to follow the basics of that game. You land on a company and can choose to work there. The idea being to get more employees on the payroll of that company so the stock price of it goes up. Ultimately you need to earn $3,000,000.00 and have a retirement stock card to win the game. All sounds like jolly good capitalist fun. Exactly what us investing people like.
Here's a few more pictures to look at and if you want to see it happen, then it's just $32USD to back the project and guarantee your copy of the game. - Feb 11, 13
Woke up today to snow and another great rant from Ermine of Simple Living in Suffolk.
Thought I'd jot down my notes about this before it all gets consigned to history like previous food related tragedies, BSE and Foot & Mouth.Mr Ed - one of the greatest horses ever. He wouldn't put up
with this crap.
1. Like Ermine, I'm astonished we can't tell the difference between Horse and Beef any more. Have our taste buds become so eroded over time that all food tastes the same? Or is processed food just full of so much water, fat, sugar, and salt that it all is essentially the same and the 'product' is just the bulk now.
2. Where are all these horses that are being killed? There are bugger all horses hanging out in fields, so where are they hiding?
3. Man's capacity to do ill to one another never ceases to amaze me. Why would anyone kill a horse, drop it into a beef abbatoir, and then pretend it is beef?
What else would such a person do? Would they drop rats, squirrels, badgers, dogs, cats, etc. in? Of course they would. Would they then move on and use scrapings from the floor to fill up the required quantity? Yep, almost certainly. Processed food has real problems.
4. The willingness of corporations to lie to the general public about what their product is or contains is frankly mind-boggling. Behind every faceless corporation that releases a PR statement are real people. Real people who go home at night to their families and have to look at them and genuinely try to feel good about themselves. How do people sleep at night?
5. We will never stop corporations doing bad things to the general public in pursuit of greater profits until criminal cases are brought against individuals. Fines against companies are useless. If they are a huge company they just pay the fine. If they are tiny they go under and no-one gets the money. The threat of a long prison time would (I hope) certainly help in making people think twice before they lie, swindle, cheat, or manipulate.
Lastly, there have been a number of really good jokes on the subject but as this is mostly a finance / investing site, then I've selected one that ties in with that. Nice one Paul Lewis.I've often accused Financial FSA of shutting stable door after horse had bolted. Never thought how appropriate it would be about Food FSA!
— Paul Lewis (@paullewismoney) February 9, 2013 - Feb 06, 13
Not much happened during January. Watched the snow fall outside and pondered my navel about what to do with my life now my job has ended.
In the meantime, the fund rolled on and had a nice little tick up from the continued FTSE rally.There was just one dividend payment in January, from Raven Russia Pref shares of a massive £5. Not exactly going to get rich from that! New money was put into the HSBC Pacific tracker fund bumping that up a little.
The really exciting news is that the fund has now fully recovered from the financial crisis and is now in positive territory again.
Of interest in other people's blogs over the last few days:
Mr Money Mustache reviewed his progress in the Lending Club - a peer to peer lending site for business funding. As an early lender with Zopa I found this interesting. However, I couldn't believe the rates he is getting for his money (13% after defaults!). Thinking I might be missing out on something I checked out Zopa (max 8%), Funding Circle (exact rate hidden but guessing about 7.5% after defaults) and Rate Setters today (max 5.8%). None of them have returns even close to the claims in Mr Money Mustache's article.
The Share Centre blog continues to churn out interesting information. Last week's post took an alternative view of what's wrong with the economy, comparing it to evolutionary change, and the need for something out of the ordinary to happen before it can break out of its busted cycle.
McTurra had a nice little run-down of Google+ vs Facebook. As a devout Facebook hater I enjoyed his comparisons. - Jan 29, 13
The Technology Express with another load of Awesome Robots
A few more articles to read that are leaping on board my technology theme.
Some good reading at Forbes magazine and what promises to be an excellent series of articles on Google's driverless car and its technological, social and economic impacts.
Felix Salmon recognises the value of thinking for the future and why roads could once again beat rail. This of course has extra meaning in the UK where the rather stupid HS2 is being built rather than investigating how, why or even if we will be commuting in the future. Thomas Pascoe of The Telegraph wrote an excellent piece today on HS2 and whether its the right way to spend the UK's limited funds. I would counter everything about HS2 with the question, 'Have you heard of Skype?'
Lastly Michael Baxter of the Share Centre boards our technology express with a nice piece on IBM, still one of the world's biggest corporations and still over-achieving with new technology.
We're on to something here. Just need to find the right investment vehicle to get involved with. - Jan 27, 13
"The pound was devalued by 20% in 2008 and exports have risen 0.1% since then."
Correct, the pound depreciating has lead to higher inflation and hasn't lead to higher exports. I haven't heard of this Max Keiser chap before but he seems to have his head screwed on.
From a NZ point of view, the converse is true. The NZD has appreciated massively over the last five years against all major currencies yet this has had no adverse impact on exports. Couple of charts to prove this:
If you believe the value of your currency has any influence on your exporting ability, you are mental. Make things people want and they will buy them. Failure to protect the value of Sterling is one of the Bank of England's greatest faults under Mervyn King. - Jan 25, 13
Worse than expected: triple-dip recession looms as economy shrinks by 0.3% - Business News - Business - The Independent
This isn't really news is it? As the world adjusts globally to a new eastern dominated economy, old school countries like the UK will gradually lose out. Unless they adapt to new technology, labour markets become more flexible, beauracracy reduced, the entitlement attitudes are adjusted.
That's just one of several factors going on in the UK though:
- Ham strung by domestic banks that are basically bankrupt there is limited credit available to businesses to start up new enterprises.
- Additionally, private debt is still at enormous levels. Until people pay down their own debts enough to feel comfortable, there can be no great growth.
- Demographics are also at play here. Like most western economies, the UK had a huge Baby Boomer population which is steadily and increasingly retiring RIGHT NOW. They all want lovely pensions, free bus passes, free telly, free electricity, free bloody everything. The larger this pool of people who want free stuff gets the more pressure comes on government finances and the few of us who work have to hand over more in taxes to pay for it all. The more taxes are paid, the less money is available in the system for people to buy things and boost the economy.
- The UK housing market is still massively overpriced (with houses still priced at more than 8x average income) and that needs to correct before people will feel that they can afford other luxuries in their life.
- The Bank of England's decision to print money (Quantitative Easing) has caused inflation to run riot as Sterling loses value against all currencies. We used to joke about the New Zealand dollar being the equivalent of the Polish Zloty in the 90s. That is no longer accurate. The pound holds no store of value any more, and every day anything imported becomes a little bit more expensive the longer a low interest, quantitative easing world continues. And in a country built on imported trade, that means everything becomes more expensive.
- And the slow lingering death of the high street continues to be blamed on the government. Which is ridiculous. The government don't run shops. They don't charge rents. They don't charge rates. They don't bill for electricity, gas, etc. They do have a corporation tax which is supposed to be paid on profits. That corporation tax has been drifting down over recent years, so that's hardly been an impacting factor on retailers success either. What is causing the death of the high street? People not having enough money to spend (because they are overly indebted) and choosing to spend online rather than travelling to shops. You can point fingers all you like, but if you buy online you have caused the demise of the high street. It is the retailer who should have adapted to this new paradigm, not the government.
Commenters on the Independent article exclaim unbelievably that the FTSE 100 continues to go up while the economy dips. The FTSE 100 consists of massive multi-national companies that operate AROUND THE WORLD, not just in the UK. This astonishes me. How can people not realise this?
If you continue to read through the comments on the Independent's article, you'll realise another amazing fact. The country's populace (or at least the Independent's readers) are economically illiterate and financially inept fools who expect the government to pay for everything. They whinge about Austerity and come up with nick names for the UK's Chancellor of the Exchequer (Minister of Finance) George Osborne.
People, THERE IS NO AUSTERITY. The UK is pumping £120 billion pounds of borrowed finance into the economy every year. If they didn't there would need to be actual and real significant cutbacks in all the lovely services, benefits, NHS, etc. the people enjoy. This is massive Keynesian economics. And does it work? Judging by the whinging, it does not.
The scale of the financial crisis was so great when it began in 2007 I said it would take 10 years before anything returned even close to what it was before. We are 5-6 years in now. There is still about 5 years to go.
Growth takes hard work not complaining and asking someone else to do your job. Stop blaming everyone else and get on with it. - Jan 12, 13Every time I try and think of something to do with my life, it invariably gets countered by thoughts of 'that thing is now done in the cloud', or reading about places where factories are now operated by 12 robots rather than 100 people.
Yep, technology continues to interfere and change the game in all our lives. Earlier in the week another high street retailer died (Jessops) as a result of a technology change. Who needs cameras? Everyone. Why don't they buy them anymore? They do is the answer, it's just they buy them connected to phones these days. And anyone with any real requirement for a high end camera does their endless research online and then buys from the cheapest source with the best warranty. Jessops is just one example of technology affecting change in our lives. Look at the music industry and how much life has changed for record companies and music shops even just over the last 10 years. With the digitisation of music and movie files, there's no need to have shops on every street of every town selling the latest cd / cassette / vinyl album. Everything can be delivered online and instantly.But are there any useful technological advancements happening?
Yet for all the technological advancements going on it is hard to think of any relatively useful ones in the last few years. I can only think of the internet (and the proliferation of information) and satellite navigation that have truly changed the world (think back just 10 years ago - travelling anywhere was all about getting lost, map books on the passenger seat, panicked phone calls and planning routes days in advance). Both of these innovations are more than 15 years old now. The majority of other tech changes seem to be all app and internet based frippery, or miniaturisation of already existing equipment. It seems the world's geniuses are being swallowed up by the Facebook, Google, Apple and Microsoft monoliths who all basically compete in the same reasonably narrow and dull field of information technology.Where are my flying cars?
As is oft mentioned in the world, by now we should really have been enjoying the benefits of flying cars, robot butlers, holograms, fusion power, etc. Blade Runner was set in 2019 - it had flying cars - just 6 years in our future, yet they still seem so far off. At the 1984 LA Olympics a flight suited chap with jet pack whizzed over the Coliseum and landed on the track. That was 29 years ago. These things should be everywhere by now. Here's the coolest named band in the world:
There was a good article recently at something called Pando Daily (stupid name) which was trying to list some of the most promising 'real world' technological advancements. It came up with:
A flying car - which was a plane with wheels and frankly ridiculous.
Electric cars - which have been with us for god knows how long but are still basically crap.
Solar panels - what? Was this guy born yesterday. Solar panels have been on people's roofs since I was a boy.
A rocket that can fly for 29 seconds - NASA probably have this on repeat in their office just for laughs.But for all the useless inventions on the cards, there is reason to be truly hopeful that technology can and will change our world for the better. Here's a few:
Google have recently had their driverless car licensed to be used in most of California.
These cool robots can figure out what what is useful trash from our rubbish, and therefore how to turn trash into cash.
I recently had the pleasure of seeing Futurologist Mark Stevenson speak at a car manufacturer's conference. He talked of the real advancements going on in the world, such as 3D printing (see here for plenty more on the subject), carbon neutral fuel generation including companies like Air Fuel Synthesis, human genome sequencing and the benefits of stem cell organ generation.
Obviously all these cool things are going to render loads of us unemployed. eg. Driverless cars are going to replace taxi and truck drivers. But unless a truly socialist / communist government arrives and demands we head back to the stone age, there is little point fighting the change. So embrace it, invest in it and try and make some money from it.So my investing theme for the 2010s is to put money into technology.
Well, food, technology, water, and demographics. But this article is about technology and as I'm trying to go down the passive investing angle these days and work less on managing all those shares then it's best to leave the picking of these next big thing stocks to the market. Here's a look at a few ways to buy into the technology world.
L&G Technology Tracker - possibly too dominated by Apple, which appears to have had its day, but as all good index trackers should operate, this will obviously be replaced by other up and coming companies. It has a ridiculously high TER of 1.15% but appears to be the only index tracker available on the UK market. Alternatively you could choose Herald Investment Trust or Polar Capital Technology Trust. All three however are focused just on information technology.
You could also look at iShares Global Clean Energy ETF which tracks an index of 30 clean energy companies. However, as you can see it has been an excellent way to lose money so far!
As to future biotech innovations, you could try Franklin Biotechnology Fund or International Biotechnology Trust. Both have decent track records and you have to hope that they have truly clever people there doing the research and buying into the next big thing.
However, there really doesn't appear to be a way to invest in a trust or fund that buys into the future technology of the world. For some alternative ideas you could look at IP Group, which spins startups out of UK universities or Oxford Catalysts which is doing clever stuff with fuel processing.
If you've got loads of money and want to risk it all, you could opt for one of the Enterprise Investment Schemes (EIS) like Parkwalk's Technology Fund., which invests in Cambridge University startups, or its Oxbridge rival Oxford Capital Partners similar Gateway funds that support Oxford university startups. Not for the faint of heart, nor the non-wealthy, they are a way to buy into possible future technology successes.
Alternatively, you could get all international and choose to buy into IBM, General Electric or 3M in America. All have a decades long track records of innovation.Here's the coolest use of new technology I've seen for a while.
The Terminator looks more and more like a documentary every day! - Jan 02, 13
The Team Dave Fund of Fun-ness had a half decent year in 2012. Of course, this was part of a general uplift in the world economy, but at least I didn't have another disaster like 2011.
Overall, my ISA fund is up 9.79% this year. Not a massive result but fairly pleasing (considering last year's -25% figure).
In comparison the FTSE 100 was up 5.84% for 2012. However, that probably isn't too valid to my fund as although I have some UK shares, there is also plenty of emerging and global trusts and funds in there too. Probably best to compare it with a World Index which is up 9.52%. So I'm basically tracking a global uplift.
If investing weren't so much fun the obvious thing to do here would be to just buy a World Index tracker fund or ETF like the iShares MSCI World. But then you wouldn't get the buzz of those lovely dividends and worrying about share prices, dodgy company management, new equity issues, etc. Actually the more you think about it the better it sounds.
Here's my tiny fund as it stood on Dec 31, 2012. Still slightly under water following the crash but making gains now on a regular basis. - Jan 01, 13
Not so much going on in December, but there was a nice little Santa Rally which helped the year end positively for the Team Dave Fund of Fun-ness. Income was received from five holdings in December:
Intel
Utilico
Tesco
BP
RECP
for a total of £30.18 of FREE MONEY. Excellent.
Other trades during the month included the removal of Intel and my final capitulation of Coal of Africa. Having seen management drive their crappy mines into the ground (ha!), continually give themselves more options and warrants, issue more shares multiple times during the year, fire all their staff, then hire them again, shoot their staff, etc. I can no longer be involved with them. Mining companies are the greatest liars and thieves on the planet. After we have dealt with the banks we should get a posse together and round the mining blighters up next.
2013 will be the year I finally devote to not putting money into crappy, little Aim companies who just piss it away. Never again. I hope they all rot in hell. - Dec 22, 12
I'll save a wrap up of 2012 for another week or so, but obviously it's time to say Merry Christmas to everyone, and to thank your chosen deity / spiritual being / id that we survived the Mayan Apocalypse. Actually that really was a bit of a damp squib wasn't it? Pity those Mayans aren't around anymore or they'd be facing a load of law suits from angry Americans who want to know where the end of the world got to.It missed and left our Santa Rally intact
Just a quick reminder that at this time of year lots of the newspapers and periodicals we read like to do a little prediction of the shares they think will perform the best in the coming year. ShareTips365 keeps an eye on everyone's predictions for you so keep checking there for some new ideas over the coming year.
Just remember though, those blokes on the other end of the typewriter are more than likely going to be no better at stock picking that we are. Check out this blokes article highlighting Fortune magazines predictions of 10 stocks to last the decade;
1. Nokia (NOK: $54)
2. Nortel Networks (NT: $77)
3. Enron (ENE: $73)
4. Oracle (ORCL: $74)
5. Broadcom (BRCM: $237)
6. Viacom (VIA: $69)
7. Univision (UVN: $113)
8. Charles Schwab (SCH: $36)
9. Morgan Stanley Dean Witter (MWD: $89)
10. Genentech (DNA: $150)
"The portfolio managed to lose 74.31%, with 3 bankruptcies, one bailout, and not a single winner in the bunch. "
Damning stuff. Remember, keep your eyes peeled, do your own research, and stay clear of investing in stupid liar mining companies.
Here's the mighty Darkness to liven things up and keep you rocking throughout Christmas. Ho Ho Ho. - Dec 18, 12
November was an excellent month for dividends in the Team Dave fund of fun-ness portfolio, with £69.91 of free money being dropped back into the account from the following shares:
MERCHANTS TRUST
ISHARES II PLC
SCHRODER REAL EST
RSA INSURANCE
HENDERSON INTL INC TRST
CITY MERCH HI YLD
ECOFIN WATER&POWER
LLOYDS BANKING GP 9% PREF
At the moment all dividends are reinvested back in the same product, something I'm starting to doubt is a sensible idea. Probably should turn that generic setting off and let the money pool up and then choose what is best to buy...although of course that will incur larger trading costs than just reinvesting the dividend.
I'm running a bit of cash in the fund at the moment as I've bailed out on Intel after having a crisis of confidence in technology, or at least Intel's ability to battle against Arm, AMD, Imagination, etc. Unless they sort out mobile in a hurry they're likely to face the same sort of long decline that newspapers are in. Plus my new low cost execution broker decided they would start putting up the charges on foreign exchange stocks next month so better to escape now, this side of the so-called 'FISCAL CLIFF' *warning - alert, alert, klaxons*. Does anyone really think a few tiny tax increases and a little bit less government spending in the US will actually do anything? None of their TARP packages changed anything previously and the only thing keeping it all together is their QE infinity currently going on. If that stops and they haven't sorted themselves out, then we'll have a fiscal grand canyon.
In other news, I see Lamprell is finally starting to come good again. It's had a good 30% rise since talking about in a post in early November. I didn't have the time to watch it and find a good entry point but it shows that at least I'm starting to see the right sort of opportunities. - Nov 26, 12
I got sent this email today from Best Invest announcing their Investment Report Service.
The Portfolio Analysis service is all done online and is free (by the way, I'm not a customer of them so there's nothing in this for me).It's a rather simple overview of your portfolio but is incredibly easy to use and perhaps worth the five minutes it takes to pop some numbers in. After tapping in the figures for each of my 29 holdings, it spat out a report detailing the quality of my portfolio. Apparently I have an incredibly risky, highly adventurous one! But I think that is mostly because it is geared towards analysing funds and not equities.Obviously they only want this information so they can bombard you with a few emails and phone calls to get you to switch to them but after jumping ship from interactive investor and waiting more than 3 months to get back in the market again, there's little chance of me moving again in a hurry.I was hoping for a little bit more useful information than the general overviews that are provided though. The sort of thing I would like is to know that by holding say Blackrock Emerging Markets fund and Utilico Emerging Markets trust, there is a crossover of three stocks and not to hold both....something like that. Or that maybe my allocations were a bit wonky and that I should consider moving into something else. However, I'm guessing rules on financial advice prevent that sort of behaviour. Instead you get lots of little thumbs up and down depending on what they think of various funds. Shares are all considered sideways thumbs ie. they have no opinion.Still it was a bit of fun and might help you.... - Nov 12, 12
- Nov 12, 12
Pretty good third quarter results for Ithaca Energy today. Bought in at 100 earlier in the year and it ticked up again a tiny bit on these results to 128p. Dunno how much further it has to run, but it is starting to look like a legitimate long term oil company that can fund its exploration without any more share dilution.
Lastly, somehow or other I found this book today. I don't really know if it's any good but it looks fun. There don't appear to be many reviews on it online, other than Richard Beddard's at iii. I checked out the free sample pdf which had an interesting page on companies that like (or not) January. Listing the five companies that rose 9/10 times in the last 10 years and the polar opposite five companies that fall 9/10 times, it featured two of my current holdings, Beazley (a riser in Jan) and Tesco (a consistent faller in Jan). With this new found knowledge, maybe it would be a good play to put more money into Beazley prior to Christmas and to wait for after January to top Tesco up at a lower price (or short it, if you know what you're doing...) Of course as with all financial information, past performance is no guarantee of future returns so this will probably go wonky on me.
Hopefully in the same vein is another recovery play, Lamprell. Just happens to be in the same industry although as the supplier of the technical equipment and expertise to dig up the black stuff. There've been four profit warnings so far this year though, which is spectacularly poor running of a company. It's expected to announce a big loss for this year. There's still $1.5B in the order pipeline though so that's good. Management has been sacked and there was a late announcement today of a new CFO. From here it should be able to go up, provided the new management can restore faith in the company and start delivering on those orders. There appears to still be downward pressure on the share price though so it may still be too early to buy in. Long term, the company appears to have a good forward order book
The problem I'm finding with my 32 different holdings is keeping track of all the news that flies into the inbox each day. It is crazy. I don't know how I'm going to prune things down enough to make sense of it all again. The true dogs of my portfolio (hands up RBS, Emed, Coal of Africa - arrgggghhh, and Man Group) are so far down on initial purchase price I don't know what to do with them. Forget about them, average down, or sell, realise the loss and release the capital to fight the good cause somewhere else? - Nov 05, 12
From the simply superb Infographic site, Visual.ly, an excellent graphic on the 100th anniversary of income tax in the USA. Note the periods when America enjoyed true booms coincide with a higher tax rate on the very highest income earners. Also note that the bottom rate of tax hasn't been anywhere near this low since 1940. Americans pay too little tax it seems for the amount of services they demand from their government now. Lastly look at CEO pay - unreal.
One great fact from it. When the top rate of tax was introduced it was 7% and only payable on $2m income - which translates to an income of $112B today!! - Nov 01, 12
Along the way to becoming a millionaire I'm hoping not to have to work for a living anymore. Income from the ISA is going to have to take up a lot of that slack. Income is generated from the dividend paying shares held in the ISA and those dividends in October included:
Invesco Perpetual UK Smaller Companies Trust (IPU)
Raven Russian Preference Shares (RUSP)
Natwest Preference Shares (NWBD)
Legal & General (LGEN)
A huge (!) total of £30.99 this month. I'm happy to continue holding all four of these as all of them are up since purchase and there hasn't been anything significant to make me think they were bad ideas. Raven and Natwest are essentially massively high interest earning cash accounts. The market has decided that the risk of these two collapsing is passing and so along with the 9% interest they pay each year (in two chunks of 4.5% for NWBD, quarterly chunks for Raven) there has been a good capital increase as well. Legal & General bothers me slightly, not in terms of the business, but that I have three insurance companies in the portfolio (Beazley and RSA). Too much exposure to the insurance industry me thinks.
In other good news, something seems to be happening with Ithaca Energy. Up 12% today. Good stuff. I'm now up on it by 30% in total so may decide it is time to cash in on the good fortune, although I still believe it to be a really good prospect long term. - Oct 31, 12
Good news.
Finally today, after initiating my Stocks and Shares ISA transfer from the evil masterminds at Interactive Investor back in July, all my shares and funds are now available and present in my account at iWeb. This has been a hugely frustrating experience not knowing what was going on. Most of the shares disappeared from the iii account back in August, but never reappeared at iWeb until September. The funds left iii in September and didn't start popping back up (one by one) until last week and the last arrived today. In the meantime, I was still in the market and dividends kept appearing and being reinvested by iii so there was always more shares left in the account. This week those final dribs and drabs of reinvested shares magicked themselves into the ISA account at iWeb. I can see again how much the Team Dave Fund of Fun-ness is worth.... Millions! haha. No, not really.
All along, both iii and iWeb had no idea how things were getting on. Both told me that once they left the account at iii that the items were dealt with by someone called CoFunds. CoFunds are clearly on to some sort of dodge with the shares and funds that funnel through them. That or they are the most incompetent outfit known to man. How is it possible to take 3 1/2 months to simply change the account at which shares are held?CoFunds Gangster man probably
has your shares right now.
Now, I have 23 shares and 9 funds in the portfolio. I note with some alarm that the performance of the portfolio this year is pretty much matching that of the FTSE100. I have in effect, at some cost, but with lots of fun, much research, much randomness, much distraction and adoption of others ideas, and with a dose of luck, built my own fund that is almost tracking the FTSE!
Argghh...what a waste of time. Why didn't I just buy a FTSE tracker fund?
Answer: Because that's no fun. But clearly the current approach is costing me money. In extra time and additional trading costs. Perhaps I am a passive investor, not a HYPE, asset allocator, value, or small cap investor. I'm still not sure. From here on, it has to be time to consolidate in those ideas that are performing ... and maybe we'll investigate some of the ideas whose time has been and gone in the next post. - Oct 26, 12
Golly it's been months and months since the last post.
Did I go mad after discovering 32 holdings in my ISA? Did I head to an island to find myself or just beat myself with a birch branch for a couple of afternoons for being an idiot?
None of the above unfortunately. My day job just got insanely busy. One aspect of recessionary times is that those of us that still have jobs have to work a hell of a lot harder, give up weekends, nights, financial freedom, and the rest of their lives to keep their companies in business. I'm sure I've written of the impending doom of the company I work for before but this year has been spectacularly hard. I have no idea why or how we kept it running. But that's for another day and probably another entire blog / book.
I still believe in equities at the moment as a worthwhile investment. Not that anything is going particularly well for me but overall income continues to roll in. When I called time on the market back in 2007 I couldn't see any future being involved. Companies were at hugely stretched valuations and producing crazy levels of profit while the housing market and credit raged out of control. I watched as courier vans cruised the town handing out LCDs to the great unwashed and shivered at how this was possible and where it would end up. I guess we know what happened now...
Back to the ISA. I liquidated a far too expensive FTSE tracker (Fidelity Moneybuilder Growth), brilliantly traded my way out of idiot accountants RSM Tenon for a small profit (these people can't run a business themselves, how on earth should they be allowed to help others?), and finally sold my global property tracker as it recovered enough to break even (after five years of holding!). Things were going well I thought. The portfolio was reducing in size. I would just use any peaks in prices to remove other holdings that weren't really doing much.
It got to May and then things started to turn to custard. Valuations of companies began to drop. I had my head turned by turnover candidate, north-sea based oil company Ithaca Energy. It wasn't taken over and the price collapsed for no good reason. I got in at 100p. A P/E valuation of 4?! Crazy. This company regardless of whether they were taken over or not was still profitable, producing good useable oil on a daily basis, and like most explorers / producers was still looking to find more. I could name about 50 other oilies that don't have one barrel of oil to their name and have never turned a profit that were valued higher. A crazy world we live in where guesstimation trumps reality. Then Interactive Investor (where the ISA is held) decided to become a bunch of profiteering pricks. (cue dastardly music)
I guess most will already know about the drama that unfolded. I pitched in with my Google spreadsheet on alternative broker options. It was a great success and I really should keep it updated and linked to from the front page of the blog. At any one point during the height of the crisis (!) it had 30+ people on it. Just shows you how many people were affected by Interactive Investor's decision to shaft us all.Interactive Investor contemplating
stealing your savings and
your first born child (boo!)
Anyway, then work got even busier and everything went south with the ISA transfer. I've just done a quick count on the portfolio and it has 23 shares in it and there are 9 funds somewhere floating in the ether between Interactive Investor and my new dealing account holder iWeb. I have no idea what the actual valuation of everything is at the moment.
I desperately need that clear-out. A little life laundry for my investments I think. Time to concentrate and get down to it. Plus of course, start posting on the blog again a bit more regularly.
-
Info
- Summary
I have over 20 years of experience in the marketing industry and with a background (and a degree in the distant past) in Management, Marketing and Economics I see the full picture of your business and how marketing really matters to the bottom line.
I’ve worked for advertising agencies, planning and buying media for national and international companies. Until last year I worked at a full service marketing agency looking after clients from local councils to luxury brands, helping them with everything from experiential campaigns to direct mail and contact centres.
I’ve also looked after IT and technology networks, built websites and integrated up-to-date technology into many campaigns and events.
I’m an innovative thinker and enjoy helping my clients discover new avenues of marketing and improve on existing ones.
Now, I'm running my own agency, Awemous. Being a small business owner myself I understand the need for a good return on investment and look for ways to make sure you get the most marketing bang for your buck. From strategic thinking through to planning and delivery of all campaigns and projects I try to add a bit of Enormously Awesome thinking!
To find out how I can help you and your business, just drop me a line:
Experience- Jan 2013 - PresentMD / Account Director / Awemous
Provide marketing support for business including creative strategy, web design, email marketing, and print design and production.
Generally people come to me for ideas. That's what I do mostly.
- Sept 1996 - Dec 2012Senior Account Director / Marketing & Design Matters Ltd
Advise clients on marketing and brand strategy, develop proposals to meet client briefs, inspire and manage the design team, creative idea generation, web design, and manage two call centre teams.
New business.
and IT Manager!
- Jan 1991 - May 1994Media Planner/Buyer / HKM Advertising
Media planning and buying for clients including BP, ANZ, Power Direct, Radio NZ, PostBank, and Skills.
Education-
1987 - 1991University of WaikatoBachelor of Management Studies in Economics, Marketing
-
1982 - 1986Otumoetai College
Additional Information-
Websites:
-
Interests:economics, advertising, investing, design, movies, football, rugby, cricket
-
Recent Tracks
- Thirteen by Big Star
- Taxidermy - Non-album track by White Lies
- The Price Of Love by White Lies
- Nothing To Give by White Lies
- Farewell to the Fairground by White Lies
- From The Stars by White Lies
- E.S.T. by White Lies
- Unfinished Business by White Lies
- Fifty On Our Foreheads by White Lies
- A Place To Hide by White Lies
Fall Out BoyBrand NewThe White StripesThe OffspringPearl JamPanic! At the DiscoNine Inch NailsEditorsMaxïmo ParkMy Chemical RomanceNitzer EbbFaith No MoreBloc PartyGreen DayKaiser ChiefsThe SmithsWolfmotherArctic MonkeysThe ChurchHead AutomaticaThe BraveryMorrisseyBustedCheap TrickInterpolLCD SoundsystemSecret MachinesBen FoldsOingo BoingoRobbie WilliamsDeath Cab for CutieSugababesTaking Back SundayDashboard ConfessionalBreaks Co-opBiffy ClyroRival SchoolsSystem of a DownINXSTake ThatHundred ReasonsSum 41KasabianThe MonkeesThe AtarisDef LeppardThe PipettesAFIStory of the YearTokyo Dragons- 29 plays
- 26 plays
- 26 plays
- 25 plays
- 25 plays
- 24 plays
- 24 plays
- 24 plays
- 23 plays
- 23 plays
- 23 plays
- 23 plays
- 22 plays
- 22 plays
- 20 plays
- 20 plays
- 20 plays
- 20 plays
- 20 plays
- 19 plays
- 19 plays
- 19 plays
- 19 plays
- 19 plays
- 19 plays
- 18 plays
- 18 plays
- 18 plays
- 18 plays
- 18 plays
- 18 plays
- 18 plays
- 18 plays
- 17 plays
- 17 plays
- 17 plays
- 17 plays
- 17 plays
-
Wall
- Conversation, Impression, Share-of-Voice, Brand Equity, Perception, Positioning, Engagement, etc.... A whole lot of marketing buzz words. But why do marketing people use so many made up words? http://awemous.co.uk/why-do-marketing-people-use-excessive-marketing-jargon/
- Another Friday rolls round, and we all need something to pick ourselves up. Inspiration Friday #4 is from one of the great authors of our time, Neil Gaiman - @neilhimself. Neil has written a multitude of books, hopefully a few of which you'll know - Stardust, The Sandman comics, Coraline, and Neverwhere. This speech is from the commencement address at University of the Arts in 2012. It's packed full of advice for young people heading out into the world to start their careers creating stuff. But as with all these Inspiration Friday talks, its got something for all of us in the middle of our careers too. New post (Inspiration Friday #4) has been published on Awemous
- WTF were Andrex thinking when they approved Scrunch or Fold? Obviously it's difficult to market something dull and mundane like toilet paper. We all use it, sure. But no-one really wants to talk about it. It's part of a body function that is a bit yucky. But what would happen to an advertising campaign conceived in the current atmosphere of over-sharing? Well, now we know. Andrex, have asked Britain to discuss whether they Scrunch or Fold? No, I don't know what they mean either. But the mind boggles in this ad as Z-listers discuss Andrex's role in their bodily functions. Then we're all invited to participate in an huge online discussion about scrunching or folding. An activity which no-one does! Mental. Anyway, more thoughts on this at the blog. http://awemous.co.uk/scrunch-or-fold-this-andrex/
- New post (Rock Out Wednesday #3) has been published on Awemous
- A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away....we made better films using real sets. You won't help but be inspired watching this. New post (Inspiration Friday #3) has been published on Awemous
- Dove vs retouching. A clever approach to society's wish to re-imagine itself.
- Inspiration Friday #2 - Chip Kidd's book designs at Ted 2012
- The common characteristics of good web design in SaaS sales sites. Doing a bit of research for an upcoming project and I've looked at a bunch of the top performing websites on the web for software services including Xero, Harvest, and Mint. All are leaders in their respective fields, yet all have several key aspects of the web design of their sales sites in common. Read more at my site: http://awemous.co.uk/what-makes-good-design-in-software-sales-sites/
- Rock out Wednesday #1 - the drummer of this mega band lives next door to my mum and dad.
- Inspiration Friday #1 - how advertising adds value to a product by changing our perception
- Fancy buying some Hessian? Off the shelf branding.
-
Posts
- May 17, 13
Friday rolls around and we’re itching for the weekend. First though you have to make it through the day and you’ll need a spot of inspiration do that.
Inspiration Friday #6 is a small animated video based on an interview with Richard Feynman, an American theoretical physicist. Feynman was the Stephen Hawkings of his time, a man whose genius crossed the boundaries of the fields he worked in on a daily basis. His charismatic persona enabled him to talk engagingly to all of society. Feynman won the Nobel Prize during his lifetime, was part of the development team of the atomic bomb, invented parallel computing, and his investigative techniques solved the puzzle of why the Challenger Shuttle blew up.
There’s been some great documentaries and films of his life recently on tv (and you should seek those out), but this little animation gives a nice quick glimpse of his thinking.
Richard Feynman – Ode To A Flower from Fraser Davidson on Vimeo.
The post Inspiration Friday #6 appeared first on Awemous marketing agency.
- May 16, 13
Just been to have my car serviced and it was a great experience. That’s a strange thing to say. Ordinarily car servicing would be considered a dark art by many. After all, who knows how cars work? You open the bonnet and are confronted with hoses, wheels, cogs, bottles, knobs, and metallic shiny things. How on earth does it go? Magic. Yep, that’s right. And who do you need to practice magic? A witch? No. A magician.
Mechanics (or technicians as they like to be known these days) are the modern equivalent of wizards or magicians. They can take your cantankerous motor car sitting out there on the driveway mocking you with its immobility and make it purr again. But there’s a price to be paid for this. Not normally in first borne children but in surly attitude, laughing looks and pockets full of cash.
“You don’t know how to fix your car?! You must be a retard sir. In the meantime, me and the boys will laugh at you, twiddle some knobs and ask for £500 in exchange.”
Normally, you don’t really have a choice in this ‘transaction’. You pay your money, take the abuse, they wave their wands and the car comes back. Sometimes better, sometimes worse than it was.
It’s these little things that matter in all transactions.
How are you treated when you first ring up to enquire of the cost? Does it sound like the people at the other end of the phone value your business?Was there a pleasant person to meet you when you arrived and talk you through the process?
Did they give you the impression they wanted to see you again when you went back to collect the car?
This sounds like the basics of customer service. But every transaction is more than just the human interaction. It follows this path:
Finding -> Contacting -> Interacting -> Transaction -> Encourage Future Transaction
Then, if you are the business involved, you want it to repeat again but without the Finding bit. You want the customer to Contact you straight away.
This week when I shopped around for a car service I initially looked at Google Maps to see who was close. My normal servicing agent is an hour away and I couldn’t get anyone to drop me off and bring me back again twice, and they do not have an option of a courtesy car there, so I needed to look locally this time. A few companies had bothered to fill in their google profile but not many. There must be more garages round here I thought. I turned to the local free magazine that is produced every couple of weeks and is chock full of ads. Its an absolute boon when you need a tradesman. Somehow, they’ve convinced all the local businesses to advertise with them. Meanwhile free services like a Google profile and simple things like a web site are left unfilled….
I found a garage with a half decent advert promising 10% off for a service. Sounded good. They’ve used an obvious hook to gain my attention.
I rang. A nice bloke answered the phone and we talked about the cost, how long it would take, when it could be done and where they were. I liked his attitude. Sounded honest and approachable. Job done on his part, I was hooked with the car booked to go in a couple of days time. He also asked where I got the number from. I replied from the local free magazine and he said, oh good, we give 10% off for people who say that. I’d forgotten to ask for the 10% myself but he had readily given that information to me. Amazing. Already I was won over.
Three important marketing concepts already demonstrated in this transaction:
- An advert has been placed that attracts attention.
- A discount is offered to encourage trial.
- Market research is being conducted to track the usefulness of their advertising . (where did I get the number from?)
The day arrived and I took the car in. They looked at their notes from the phone call and asked again about the two issues that I had mentioned on the phone. Brilliant. Somebody had listened. I left the car with them and telephoned in the afternoon as instructed to check on progress. I was told the car was just getting washed so to wander round in 10 minutes to pick it up. They’re washing the car! Awesome.
Turning up at the garage, the bloke went through the things they had done, listed some items that may need attention in the future, handed over the keys and took payment (complete with the 10% off which I didn’t have to ask for). He pointed out the little tag he’d added to the key ring which had their logo, phone number on, and dates for the next service and MOT. Hopefully he’ll also have taken down those dates and ring me next year too. He added that if I needed the tyres replacing (a point that was raised in the MOT a couple of months ago) that they could get very good prices on those too.
So more good marketing going on there:
- future calls to action with date reminders for next year’s service and MOT
- a key ring tag that looks professional and is unlikely to be taken off
- an invite to purchase more products at good prices.
I don’t work for these guys, just admire the way they are using good marketing techniques along with decent customer service to promote their business. If you need your car serviced and live in Thame, you could do worse than give them a call.
The post It’s the little things that count appeared first on Awemous marketing agency.
- May 01, 13
Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday. Halfway through the week and so long until Friday night and freedom.
Awemous towers has declared every Wednesday, Rock Out Wednesday. Permission to rock out people.
And so to this weeks song, from the opening heavily reverbed guitar, through to an anguished wail from singer Axl Rose, and to the pounding drums before exploding with a scream, Guns ‘n Roses ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ is unmistakeable. Sounding like no-one else when they arrived in 1987, this song redefined rock for that era and beyond.
The post Rock Out Wednesday #6 appeared first on Awemous marketing agency.
- Apr 29, 13
I wrote a while back about cost-cutting in the post ‘Profit vs Quality‘. It included the sorry tale of Threadless, the t-shirt manufacturer, that had ultimately had to give away 5000 shirts to prove to their previously loyal customers that they could actually make t-shirts properly. It was a sad thing.
Tom Fishburne over at the Marketoonist has absolutely nailed this concept in a cartoon recently. It’s reprinted here for your benefit.
What’s left when the product no longer resembles or contains any of the characteristics of its previous high cost self?
Certainly not customers.
The post Profit vs Quality part 2 appeared first on Awemous marketing agency.
- Apr 26, 13
As it’s Friday and the end of another week, we can often be accused of not really wanting to give a ****. If that feels a bit like you today, then why not get inspired by this music video. Not every Inspiration Friday has to be a bloke on a stage giving a speech!
Inspiration Friday #5 is a music video called The Apple Tree. Put together from 700 clips of movies by Khameleon808, it perfectly matches the sound with its visuals. An absolutely epic achievement with over 200 hours of editing alone, it would go fantastically well in a pub or nightclub as the beginning or ending of an evening. I hope you enjoy it.
In Khameleon808′s words,
“Track Selection was directly inspired by the band The Glitch Mob, HERE IS THE MOVIE LIST!! Clips are listed in order of appearance. It is not intended to tell a story. I didn’t edit it that way. I wanted to relate sound to motion. So each and every cut you see was picked for a reason.”
The post Inspiration Friday #5 appeared first on Awemous marketing agency.
- Apr 10, 13
Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday. Halfway through the week and so long until Friday night and freedom.
Awemous towers has declared every Wednesday, Rock Out Wednesday. Permission to rock out people.
This week we’ve got some superior hair metal from Love/Hate and ‘Blackout in the Red Room’, from their debut album of the same name in 1990.
Be careful people, there is a significant amount of rock in this one.
The post Rock Out Wednesday #5 appeared first on Awemous marketing agency.
- Mar 27, 13
Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday. Halfway through the week and so long until Friday night and freedom.
Awemous towers has declared every Wednesday, Rock Out Wednesday. Permission to rock out people.
This week, REM and ‘What’s the Frequency Kenneth’, from their 9th studio album, Monster, 1994.
I was touring Turkey when I first bought this in early ’95. The grungy, distorted guitar sound of Peter Buck on this album were perfect for the epic landscapes of that country.
The post Rock Out Wednesday #4 appeared first on Awemous marketing agency.
- Mar 27, 13
There’s an awful lot of made up nonsense language in marketing. Here’s some recent examples:
The challenge we’re seeing is that “paid” is no longer the hero in the marketing mix. “Earned and owned” are playing more prominent roles than ever before. To really engage in conversations with stakeholders, brands are developing and curating quality content that cuts through the clutter. The spots and dots only work if they’re tightly woven into a consistent and ongoing narrative from and about the brand.
No doubt, advertising agencies can produce the smartest creative, but their businesses were not built to deliver within the speed and cost parameters required for “always-on” content marketing. Brands like ours need highly creative content — lots of it. Advertising agencies have highly creative people — lots of them. But does the Madison Avenue business model survive their clients’ demands for content at scale delivered in much more nimble and efficient ways?
Christa Carone - Chief Marketing Officer, Xerox Corporation
The bold highlighting on certain words is from me. The rest of this marketing nonsense came from Christa’s mouth and was reported via this article and research on the Harvard Business Review.
Here’s another one:
It’s important to get digital reach and viewership data on par with TV and to accurately measure buzz in order to get more accurate return-on-investment analysis for all media, Mr. Schmidt said.
“Digital ROI has to be a financial measure that allows us a consistent measurement of business performance over time,” he said, and also lets marketers make informed tradeoffs between media.
Eric Schmidt - Senior Manager-Marketing Strategy and Insights, Coca-Cola
Goodness, what a load of nonsense. Incidentally, the page that quote is from is worth reading, an AdAge article on Coca-Cola’s internal research which shows that their diversion of budget to promotion in social media has had no impact whatsoever to sales.
One last one to blow you away.
The ability to develop inspired, right-brain solutions within a strategic framework of actionable intelligence is the creative currency of a data-driven age … and the real power of the Analytic Creative.
William Rosen, North America President and Chief Creative Officer, Arc Worldwide
What William? What?!
I can think of a few reasons why people use this kind of heavily worded marketing jargon:
BIG WORDS MAKE YOU SOUND CLEVER
To make themselves look intelligent to their peers, colleagues and clients. After all, its a cut-throat game in big agencies and multi-nationals, where you have to clamber over others to reach the top. Impressing the boss and client with BIG, MADE-UP words is one way to address your ambition.
TECHNOLOGY INDUCED FEAR
There is a huge amount of change in the world as a lot of industries are shaken up by new technology. Marketing and its various practices are included in this. Early adopters of new technology are seen as movers and shakers, less likely to be thrown out in the cull when a robot replaces an onerous task, an online shop replaces retail big boxes, or something like youtube offers an alternative to broadcast tv. Nobody wants to be the bloke that didn’t jump on board the success express.
EXPERTISE
Building a wall of idioms, acronymns and double-speak creates an illusion of authenticity and expertise. Other industries use this sort of language too, notably lawyers, accountants and financial markets. Most of this is to hide the fact that lots of the things they do are very simple and giving a task a big word makes it seem less comprehensible to the ordinary person therefore justifying higher fees.
Surely though in order to make yourself understood it would be better to use some clear, plain language.
Here’s some of the more ridiculous marketing buzzwords currently doing the rounds:
‘SoLoMo’ – the blend of social, local and mobile.
‘Plussification’ – describes how people signed into a Google account will get personalised search results featuring pages shared with them on Google+.
‘Likeonomics’ – The idea is that people want to buy and do business with brands that they ‘like’.
‘Tradigital’ – is the fusion of traditional and digital.
Perhaps in another post we’ll build a marketing dictionary to decipher some of the more bizarre words. In the meantime, you can print out your own marketing jargon buzzword game at this site and play along in your next agency meeting.
‘Til then, if you want someone to talk to someone who uses ordinary language and knows what they’re doing, give me a call.
The post Why do marketing people use excessive marketing jargon? appeared first on Awemous marketing agency.
- Mar 22, 13
As it’s Friday and the end of another week, we can often be accused of not really wanting to give a ****. If that feels a bit like you today, then why not get inspired by listening to somebody clever talk about fun stuff.
Inspiration Friday #4 is from one of the great authors of our time, Neil Gaiman – @neilhimself. Neil has written a multitude of books, hopefully a few of which you’ll know – Stardust, The Sandman comics, Coraline, and Neverwhere. This speech is from the commencement address at University of the Arts in 2012. It’s packed full of advice for young people heading out into the world to start their careers creating stuff. But as with all these Inspiration Friday talks, its got something for all of us in the middle of our careers too.
Here’s a few notes I jotted down from it.
1. You’ll have no idea what you’re doing at the start. People who know what they’re doing know the rules.They know what is possible and what is impossible. If you don’t know something is impossible, it’s easier to do and because nobody’s done it before, they haven’t made up rules to stop people doing that particularly thing again!
2. If you have an idea of where you want to be, what you want to do, just go and do that.
3. Imagine where you want to be and set that as a goal. Then keep thinking about that goal. Is what you are doing keeping you on the path to that goal?
4. Do the work not just for the money but for the work itself.
5. Ability to make stuff up is the ultimate life saver.
6. When things get tough, make good art.
7. Do the stuff that only you can do, because the only thing that makes you unique is you. The point at which you feel naked, and feel you’ve revealed too much, that’s the point at which you know something is going right.
BONUS
Secret Freelancer Knowledge
People get hired because somehow they get hired. If you have to lie to get hired that’s ok. Just as long as you then later rectify that lie…
Freelancers must deliver on two of the three following things to keep work flowing:
Do good work
Deliver on time
Have people like youTwo out of three will do!
Best piece of advice ever given (but he failed to follow it) from Stephen King: Enjoy the ride.
The old rules are crumbling, so make up your new rules.
Make glorious mistakes. Leave the world more interesting for your being here. Make good art.The post Inspiration Friday #4 appeared first on Awemous marketing agency.
- Mar 20, 13
In this video by Andrex about your toilet wiping activities, a bunch of z-list ’celebrities’ ask us what we do with our paper – Scrunch or Fold? What is that even about?
So for the benefits of science, I took a quick poll at Awemous Towers this week. It revealed the following:
1. People ‘wipe’ their bums with toilet paper.
2. No-one ‘scrunches’ or ‘folds’.
So, why the heck would Andrex devote an entire campaign, including TV, radio, DM, press and digital derivatives, to an activity that doesn’t exist? Are they trying to evolve our toilet habits to those mentioned in the amazing Demolition Man movie? You know, the three seashells…
For a more detailed discussion on what the three seashells may be, head over to imockery (WARNING: includes diagrams). Planet Arbitrary also has a nice precis on the three seashells too including the box packaging.
Now, if Andrex had done something like this then I think we can agree they might be on to something. A whole-hearted discussion about the future of our toilet habits, what new advances might occur, how they’re pushing the boundaries, flushing out the old ideas…etc. would have been novel and thought inducing.
Instead, we get vacuous nonsense about a principle of toilet behaviour that doesn’t exist.
I really have been stuck about whether or not to post anything about this dross. I mean, it is truly dreadful. I think they can only have approved it on the basis that any publicity is good publicity, even if it is bad. That and their marketing director must have gone mad. Why are we having public discussions about our private behaviours? And where do we go from here if this is now conversational material? It’s a slippery slope to chatting about haemorrhoids and anal fissures next. It’s not as if Andrex has a brand issue. Their paper is synonymous with the toilet activity. It’s almost a given that you buy it. This sort of sordid advertising can only hurt matters.
We know who to blame though, don’t we? The rise of the Digital Playboy in marketing departments. The bloke who wants to have a ‘conversation’ and ‘lead the discussion’ online. Content Marketing Whizzkid and Digital Playboy will be counting tweets, mentions and likes (regardless of their actual content) and presenting it to the Andrex marketing department as signs of success. However, sales are the ultimate sign of success, and I think that Andrex may well find out that this has been a disaster for them. It won’t bother Digital Playboy and Content Marketing Whizzkid though as they’ll have plotted their next move to another agency / marketing dept on the basis of those ‘likes’ and be heading up the corporate ladder accordingly.
I’m running out of words to discuss how bad it is. Hang on, that’s not true. I could describe it for a long time. It’s just that all those words would involve swearing. Ultimately, I should just say, Andrex, please ring me if you need some help with your marketing.
Here’s a small synopsis of what the rest of the world thinks of it too:
Scrunch, fold or cringe? (ABC copywriting)
THIS IS THE WORST ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN EVER (vice.com)
Scrunch or Fold: Worst Campaign Ever (Adturds)
Scrunch or fold? There’s only one place Andrex’s ads belong (Marketing Magazine)and from Twitter:
— Eleanor Cox (@Dr_coxy) March 20, 2013
Anyone else a little weirded out by the #Andrex scrunch or fold ad?! #toomuchinformation
— Fizzywizzywoo (@Fizzywizzywoo1) March 13, 2013
‘scrunch or fold?’ mate I just wipe my arse
— F4iry sl0th moth3r (@Tw4talie) March 14, 2013
New Andrex ad Scrunch or Fold-What do u do? Seriously Andrex is there any need???? #PutMeOffYourPaperWhyDontU
— rachel tucker (@racheltucker1) February 27, 2013
and one which we wish would happen:
Andrex suspends its entire marketing department in the wake of itsdisastrously misjudged “Scrunch or fold?” advertising campaign.
— Fake Showbiz News (@FakeShowbizNews) February 24, 2013
I’ll give the last word on this to the agency’s blog on the subject. After all that abuse they need some help. It’s a thinly veiled attempt to inject some humour into the campaign called Fold or Scrunch. Some fun things on there including a good debate on the correct way to place the roll on the holder, with paper out or in…? And Gary Lineker’s ‘poo on the pitch’ in the 1990 World Cup against Ireland!
The post Scrunch or Fold this Andrex appeared first on Awemous marketing agency.
.png){kind=link}
.png){kind=link}
.png){kind=link}
