Stacia D. Kelly, PhD

Now that February has begun, I have started to focus on one of my other goals: spending more time with my husband and improving my marriage.  Since February is the month of love and Valentine’s Day is coming up, I thought that it would be a perfect occasion to work on this aspect of my life.

To be honest, my marriage has been a little strained over the past few years.  Communication is a big issue, and both my husband and I have held on to past events and resentments.  By taking the time each day to express my love to my husband in some way, I am hoping to move beyond the past (and thus forward in my development) and improve the side of me that can often be selfish.  Eight days in, I have already found that, by thinking of what my husband wants a little more, I have adapted a less aggressive attitude.  Always being focused on what he does wrong, always being focused on what I need, has over time produced feelings of anger and frustration.  I am enjoying treating my husband with fairness and respect; the end result is a happier me, a happier family, and a happier husband.

It has been tough to think of creative ways to express my love, but it has also been fun and challenging.  My expressions of kindness have ranged from gifts to small things to save my husband’s time and energy.  Here are some of the things that I have done:

-Give him a meaningful gift.  On the first day of February, I gave my husband a necklace marked with runes that translate to “soul friend”.  I kept the other one.  I have noticed that he has been wearing it every day.

-Run an errand for him.  If my husband needs something done, such as picking up medicine from the pharmacy, I will do it for him instead.

-Give him a backrub.  My husband works a lot, and he is very tired.  Expressing physical affection, especially something that can help him relax, works wonders for how he feels.

-DO EVERYTHING!  In our house, my husband pitches in quite a bit in the evenings, even after a long day at work.  If I do the dishes, cook dinner, give the kids their baths, and put the kids to bed, he doesn’t have anything to do but unwind.

These are just a few of the things that I have done for him in the past eight days.  With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I am hoping to do something more tangible.  But really, showing that I care is the main thing, and I hope that my husband feels truly loved.

Directions:

1. Bring the quinoa and water to a boil in a saucepan over high heat.  Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer until the quinoa is tender, and the water has been absorbed, about 15 to 20 minutes.  Set aside to cool.
2. Preheat an oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
3. Heat the olive oil in a skillet over medium heat.  Stir in the onion; cook and stir until the onion has softened and turned translucent, about 5 minutes.  Add the garlic and cook for another minute; remove from heat to cool.
4. Stir the turkey, cooked quinoa, onions, tomato paste, hot sauce, 2 tablespoons Worcestershire, egg, salt, and pepper in a large bowl until well combined.  The mixture will be very moist.  Shape into a loaf on a foil lined baking sheet [Note from Stephanie: do not use a loaf pan or the loaf will become squishy].  Combine the brown sugar, 2 teaspoons Worcestershire, and 1 teaspoon water in a small bowl.  Rub the paste over the top of the meatloaf.

Bake in the preheated oven until no longer pink in the center, about 50 minutes.  An instant-read thermometer inserted into the center should read at least 160 degrees F (70 degrees C).  Let the meatloaf cool for 10 minutes before slicing and serving.

Started the eating low glycemic on Sunday mostly, really started fully on Monday… felt totally sick and slept 12 hours yesterday and feel better today. Normal?? I don’t know.. Hopefully I’ll feel even better tomorrow.. Now off for my 30 min. walk… trying to start slow so I don’t injure the back again… not walking is no fun!

Self-Defense Tip of the Month from FAST Defense

 In case you’ve not noticed, the internet has more than it’s fair share of scammers.  People out to get your money, your identity or access to your accounts.

One of the simplest to spot and deal with is PHISHING.

This is the phrase used to describe emails that are sent that look like they come from legitimate companies, but are actually scams to try to get you to reveal personal information and bank account or credit card details.

It is the electronic equivalent of someone calling you up, pretending to be from your bank, and asking for your account details and pin.

Phishing emails are usually quite emotive and will ‘advise you’ that your account has been suspended, or has been hacked, or is massively in the red.  Something designed to illicit a knee-jerk response from you – usually filling in their online form which can be clicked from a link in the email.

So the first line of defense would be to NEVER click that link.   If you receive an email like that and it makes you worried, call the company directly.  If you usually use an online service, go to it in the way you would normally.

As with lots of self-defense situations, it will usually turn out OK if you just don’t react emotionally and mess-up.

Here’s some other tips:

-       Legitimate companies never use email to ask for sensitive information

-       Phishing emails are often disguised to look like they’ve been received from a legitimate email address.  Don’t be fooled.

-       Watch out for emails warning of ‘breaches in security’ – these are usually scams

-       When you look at the site name on a link if it has numbers or words like verify or update i.e. “12345667.www.mybank.com”  or ”http://accountupdate.net/mybank” then be suspicious

-       If in doubt – check direct with your company.

-       Report it – If you receive a suspicious phishing email tell the company that is being impersonated.  They can do something about it.

Take care and why not head over to the FAST Defense website where you can download some lessons for free from the world leaders in reality self-defense training.

www.fastdefense.com

Self-Defense Tip of the Month from FAST Defense

One of the most frequent questions the FAST Defense teams around the world get is how to be safe when getting cash out at the ATM.

In easy terms, ATMs offer the predators of the world access to easy cash from people that are preoccupied by the process of making the withdrawal.

Here are some simple tips that will make the whole process safer for you.

1. Try to plan your withdrawals in advance so you can use the machines in the safest places (inside the bank is a great one).
2. Maintain your awareness.  Look around on the way to the machine.  Is anyone loitering (including in cars)?
3. Listen to your awareness.  If it feels wrong, it probably is wrong.  You can always go to a different machine.
4. If you can, have a spotter – someone who looks outwards while you are facing inwards.
5. Don’t count the cash in the open.  Put it away immediately and move away.  If the cash is wrong, you probably can’t do anything immediately anyway.
6. Keep your card ready in advance.  Searching wallets and purses is a great distraction that predators love to see.
7. Protect your space.  Don’t let people queue too close behind you.  If they are too close, politely ask them to move back.  If you aren’t comfortable doing that, pretend you’ve forgotten something and move out of the line.
8. If you are in the middle of the transaction, you can always press cancel and leave.    If you are feeling uncomfortable, you could try a bit of deception like:

‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE NO MONEY; STUPID MACHINE’

1. Keep your PIN safe and always take your receipts with you.
2. Look out for machines with unusual or larger than usual card readers.  Card skimming (recording your information with an illegal electronic reader) is becoming more of a problem.
3. After you leave the ATM, be aware of anyone watching or following you.

Remember, whilst we have some of the finest police forces worldwide, they can only react once a problem has occurred.

Try to become your own bodyguard.  You don’t have to become a paranoid ‘urban ninja’;  just use good common sense and your instincts.

www.fast-defense.com

Self-Defense Tip of the Month from FAST Defense

Last month we started to look at what you are doing that could encourage ROAD RAGE situations and how we can practice avoidance. If we are serious about self-defense, we should be looking at what we can do to make ourselves safer in all situations.

This month, let’s look at some practical advice if things have started to go wrong and your avoidance hasn’t worked. This may be a simple as somebody making gestures towards you. It may have immediately escalated into someone approaching your stationary car or trying to run you off the road.

Escape or respond.

In self-defense terms, escape strategies involve making a discreet getaway at the earliest signs of trouble. They also encompass things like defusing, de-escalation and loop holing (giving someone the way out).

Responses are usually more physical. This is the area that you really want to avoid on the road.

There’s no stock answer as each situation is different. However, there is some very good, standard advice that you can follow.

In the early stages of an incident (if the other driver is in their car and/or you are in motion), avoid eye contact.

Your car is an excellent barrier. There are virtually no situations where you are better off outside. However, always try to ensure that you can fully see the rear wheels of the car in-front. This will usually give you the ability to manoeuvre around them.

Don’t be afraid to say ‘Sorry’ if you are approached, even if you are completely in the right. Remember, this is not backing down (that’s your ego talking). You are loop holing to get out. If that doesn’t work use some assertive commands like ‘back off, you need to leave.’

Take note of the car make, model, colour, and registration. Keep your mobile handy and report it to the police. If you aren’t in immediate danger, ring enquiries for the local police telephone number. If you are in immediate danger, dial the local emergency number (911 or 999 etc).

Sound your horn and make a scene if someone is threatening you. Others will hopefully also be phoning the police. When using the horn, we’ve found in our tests that a rhythmic press on the horn (like you would hear with a car alarm) works better than a long press, which can appear like an angry gesture.

Don’t be tempted outside your car. You may want to jump out and get going, but don’t. Think about what that will look like to people in the other cars, and what they might report afterwards. Also, you will almost certainly be safer in the car than outside.

If you are followed, drive to somewhere crowded or preferably to the police station (recognising that you may not know where it is). Don’t drive home. Call the police and ask for their advice. They should take this very seriously. Be careful not to drive recklessly at this point. You’ll be full of adrenaline with all its associated side effects and this is not the best recipe for safe, careful driving.

Take care and why not head over to the FAST Defense website where you can download some lessons for free from the world leaders in reality self-defense training.
www.fast-defense.com

There seem to be two kinds of people (although I welcome you to let me know if you fall somewhere in between). Those who function well in clutter, and those who don’t.

Here’s a scenario.

A single mother, a business women, has stacks and stacks of paper and files on her office desk. She’s functioned this way for years, running several locations, and a large number of staff. Her employees swear she can’t find anything, but she knows exactly where each and every piece of paper is in that pile. Her daughter, who has spent years of dealing with clutter in the home and office, is the complete opposite. She is a freelancer, entrepreneur, running multiple businesses at once (like most entrepreneurs). Her desk is neat and organized. Her files in order (most of them) and projects each in their own clear plastic folder so she can easily see the project especially when she has multiple projects going on at once. And if it’s not neat and organized, right before a new project starts, it’s a whirlwind of activity, filing, data entry and more.

If you can’t guess, these two polar opposites in approaching work are myself and my mother. We are polar opposites on how we approach our daily work life.

That’s not to say we don’t have our moments where we function like the other one. As I look around my living room right now, it is far more cluttered than I like. Which likely means I will annoy my household on a cleaning and organizing spree this weekend. It’s ok, they’re used to it. I do enjoy my Sundays of going through any of the magazines that have built up over time.

The question came up as to why I function better with a structured, less cluttered, organized space. I’ve decided it’s because I function better with organization, clearly defined spaces and storage for items and projects. I like to be able to find things and because I do so many different things (i.e., not all related to the same line of business), I can’t rely on my semi-photographic memory to let me remember exactly where in a pile of papers a particular item is. I can rely on my memory if I’ve placed the self defense projects in one place and the writing projects in another, if even they sometimes do overlap.

A friend of mine, who prefers keeping her files piled so she can easily get to them said she knows exactly where everything is. A to be filed pile, to do, working, invoices, etc. I realized. I have those too. Mine are off my desk though, behind me in a vertical filing structure so that I can easily reach them and switch between ‘hats’ – or lines of business.

Hmm, maybe we just approach organization differently. I use several tools to declutter my desk/office space:

1. Clear project folders
2. A defined snail mail box
3. Franklin Day Planner
4. Google Calendar
5. iPad & iPhone to sync notes, etc.
6. Gmail – can get my email anywhere
7. Task lists – I used to use paper ones and now I found electronic post it notes for my screen. Been working GREAT.

Post up some of the ways you stay organized, perhaps you’ll find some new ways to try to keep yourself on track and focused on your goals. I know I need to figure out a better way to keep track of invoices, receipts, etc., so if you have any ideas there, share!

Photo from: Interior Design Ideas For a Home Office … designofficeinterior.com

Self-Defense Tip of the Month from FAST Defense

One of the biggest self-defense areas on the increase is ROAD RAGE.   People from all around the world seem to fall prey to it very regularly.  Here are a few top tips on how to avoid it.

Firstly this month, let’s look at what we are doing to cause it; or make it worse.  One of the most important areas in self-defense training is learning avoidance strategies (aka don’t drop yourself in it) but it seems when we get in that safe metal box, we think we are invulnerable.  This allows us to believe we can do or say things with impunity.

There are a number of driving triggers that you can commit that will often cause road rage in others.  Ask yourself honestly if you ever do any of the following.  If you do, you are committing the driving equivalent of saying ‘come get some….’.

Do you ever:

• Speed?
• Tailgate other drivers?
• Get distracted by your cell phone?
• Flash your lights or horn to let others know you’re annoyed?
• Shout abuse or talk to other drivers (even if they can’t hear)?
• Weave in and out of traffic to get to your destination faster?
• Have the opinion that you need to do something to ‘teach that other driver a lesson’?
• Cut into a line of traffic?
• Move your car up to stop others from getting in?
• Jam on your brakes to show the person behind they are too close?
• All of the above.

How many of those did you answer ‘Yes’ to?  Be honest with yourself.    Don’t let your ego drive the car.

Start practicing avoidance strategies.    Get control of the knee jerk anger reactions that come in these situations.  Be alert and aware not only to the surrounding but also to you.  What are you feeling?  Are you getting triggered?

Try to relax and avoid retaliating to other drivers mistakes.   They could be genuine, they could be deliberate.   They could just be driving liked a <insert your own adjective here>.

Start driving like a hard target and avoid falling into the traps.  Try to drive with a positive attitude.  Watch out for the music you are listening too.  This can raise your stress levels.  Give yourself plenty of time to reach your destination to avoid the stress that comes with rushing.  Practice forgiveness and tolerance (yeah I know that sometimes easier said than done).   Remember it’s not your job to educate the people driving like idiots.  Try to leave plenty of space between you and the vehicle in front, so that neither you nor he feels crowded.

If you are serious about self-defense, this is an area you can change TODAY.

Take care and why not head over to the FAST Defense website where you can download some lessons for free from the world leaders in reality seld-defense training.

www.fast-defense.com

As I move forward in my Video a Day for 31 Days Challenge I have to point out that we take on a lot of projects for our UBBT challenge during the year, and this year, one of mine is going to be to focus on Energy Conservation. We’ve added in a garden and a rain barrel, both with great results. I’ll post up videos of those this year too. But right now, the main concern is the energy flow in the house…i.e., the electric bill! We’ve done a lot in year’s past, turning the heat down, using the wood burning stove, removing walls, changing the vents. Since I spend so much time in the home office, this winter, I need to tackle the biggest energy leak there is…check out the video. This is the before phase. (And yes, wow, I’m on screen and everything )

Stay tuned to see how we fix this issue in a GREEN way!

This blog is part of the Ultimate Black Belt Test Program (www.UltimateBlackBeltTest.com), which is an undertaking of The 100. (www.The100.us), and find more about Stacia’s projects at (flavors.me/staciakelly).