The Spains

these are the hobbies i'm working on adding.

hiking
writing
leaning a new language
(russian said she's going to teach me russian. *giggle* & i'm also considering japanese)
training for a 1/2 marathon
taking a dance class

hoping that will keep me plenty active.

this is my second time watching this film.

the first time i watched it i felt overwhelmed by its perfect ability to mirror real life, as difficult as that can be sometimes in watching a film. it caused me to reflect and consider the amount of courage sometimes it takes to live in this world where a momentary decision becomes a lifestyle.

this time when i watched it i was overwhelmed by its beauty and demonstration of forgiveness and love. "the measure of a great life is not how well loved you are but how well you love others". sound pretty cliche as i think about it.

but what do we have if we can't at least start there?

one hundred sixty eight. a number that was brought my attention this week. the number of hours in a week.

it got me thinking. what am i doing with my 168 hours a week? well after doing the "normal/basic" things (working, eating, sleeping, walking bella, etc.) it still leaves me with about 40 hours of unused or free time. huh? 40 hours. that's almost 6 hours a day of extra time. by now i am laughing at myself in disgust. seriously, what are you doing with all of this time? who knows. could be watching movies, checking FB, reading, hanging with friends.

yet, somehow, my mind is still restless. in those extra hours i find myself searching for something else productive to do, to distract or preoccupy my mind. i think it's because i haven't been working on my dreams. i haven't been working on making those dreams a reality. i get distracted by the easy, "fun" stuff in life and forget there are other things that i would love to accomplish. now i am really laughing at myself.

lesson for the week: if you don't like it change it.

ps. (on a completely unrelated note) will the douche bags from out of town who park in front of my house please learn how to park, for example a little closer together might be nice. so that the rest of us (aka me) don't have to park all the way down the street from our house. thanks.

guitar hero (GH). ever play it? it is easy to become addicted.
i ran across this song on GH recently.
when i first heard it a few years ago it didn't strike me.
now when i listen to it. . .it reminds me of so much.
not to mention it is totally fun to play on GH.

When You Were Young

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now ... here he comes!

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young

Can we climb this mountain
I don't know
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let's take it easy
Easy now, watch it go

We're burning down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane that started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
and see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet
You don't have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young
(He talks like a gentlemen, like you imagined when)
When you were young

I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But more than you'll ever know

the days continue to bleed together.

some days i follow my dreams.

some days i get distracted by too many things around me to remember what those dreams are.

today. i am distracted.
but i need it. i need to think about something else.

so tonight i am helping out the Silicon Valley Roller Girls and get a chance to watch them beat the out of town team.

maybe i will have time to dream tomorrow.

so far it has been one hell of a week.
can't say it has been one of the best.
there have been worse, but not much.

decisions.
they can be tricky little bastards.
there have been many made that wouldn't be made again.
then there are the decisions you would make exactly the same time and again.

this week i made the decision to delete my twitter and 12seconds account, for various reasons. however, still a very hard decision to make. honestly, not sure if it was in fact the right decision but the one i made.

on the flip side, after entering a contest with @12seconds i was rewarded with a $20 gift card to amazon. upon seeing the fruits of my "hard" work i jumped at the chance to buy more books. in 10 minutes i had three new James Rollins books ordered which are on their way to me! awesome decision. (even though i just bought one and can't stop carrying it around with me. gonna be awhile before i stop taking it everywhere i go.)

my phone dying this week, unexpectedly, prompted me to get an iphone. awesome decision number two.

the remarkable thing is the two awesome decisions, while easy, will not have the same impact or meaning for me. turns out the hard decision, the quick but painstakingly poignant decision to delete my accounts will leave a mark for quite some time.

came across this song on the way to work this morning.
it just fit.

Love the Way you Lie

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 1 - Eminem]
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight all I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight

High off of love, drunk from my hate
It's like I'm huffin' paint and I love her
The more I suffer, I suffocate
Right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates
Me, she fuckin' hates me and I love it, Wait!
Where you going? I'm leaving you.
No you ain't. Come back. We're running right back

Here we go again, it's so insane
'Cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind in his back
She's Lois Lane, but when it's bad, it's awful
I feel so ashamed, I snapped, "Who's that dude?"
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 2 - Eminem]
You ever love somebody so much,
you could barely breathe when you with 'em?
You meet, and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah, them chills, used to get 'em
Now you gettin' fuckin' sick of lookin' at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit 'em
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're with 'em

It's the fate that took over, it controls you both
So they say, you're best to go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know you 'cause today,
That was yesterday, yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over
But you promised her, next time you'd show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it "window pane"

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 3 - Eminem]
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded

Baby, please come back, it wasn't you, Baby, it was me.
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won't be no next time
I apologize, even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games, I just want her back. I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again,
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm just gonna

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Jon Reid posted this on his blog as well. Please free to post comments either place! We would love to hear your thoughts.

It has been three years since I have been in a Sunday morning church service. I don't even go on holidays anymore. I think my family is more concerned than they let on. I don't blame them. I am concerned as well. This has been the longest stretch of my life where I haven't been involved in a spiritual community. I miss the community. (But that is a topic for another time.)

This last week, through a Facebook posting by Roy and through some major encouragement on my spouse's part, I watched a new documentary: Lord, Save Us From Your Followers.

Have I got you curious? ;p

You can check out the rest of the post on Jon's blog. It would also be great to know what you think, so please feel free to leave a comment.

we've all heard that wonderful saying be careful what you ask for you might just get it.
well, this is almost like that. it was about a week ago when i had an opportunity to watch a film that i was, to say the least, very skeptical about its content.

about this time i saw that a friend of mine, who is a very diligent blogger, also watched the film and i mentioned (through tweet) that i was looking forward to his blog post on the film. well, he quickly turned it on me and asked if i would like to write the blog. what? me write for your blog? well. . .okay.

we have been collaborating a bit over the last week and it looks like he is going to be posting my thoughts on his blog some time this weekend. i will be posting it here as well.

honestly, i am not sure how i feel about it. part of me feels like it is a futile attempt at anything real. the other part of me feels a bit of excitement to be engaged in conversation and honored with the request to guest write.

It (Rob Bell's sermon) reiterated the fact for me that this space we live in is heaven and hell. Dare I say this far off, mystical location that people think exists doesn’t it. This is it people. This is where the decision you make determine what kind of world it will be for you. How do I change the decisions I am making? How do I make decisions that will not only help me to move closer to God but to other people as well?

Blessed are the merciful for they will receive mercy. Just think about what life would be like in another person’s skin. Can you imagine it? I can’t. Most of the time I don’t. But once your realize this life is not about you but that you are a part of the story then things change. I want my story to change.

God’s timing is perfect and always will be.

The poor in spirit is not something to be desired, at least that is what stuck out in my mind. He (Rob Bell) said it in a way of not making it a bad connotation but to point out that it generally isn’t something most people strive or definitely shouldn’t.

It helps me to view myself in relation to others so differently. The poor in spirit are so down on their “luck” and in this life that there has to be some “reward” for struggling.

Okay, so I can get that and wrap my mind around that, but the hard time I have is what people who are poor in spirit “look like”. Maybe it isn’t important to know. Maybe we should look at each person we know as being poor in spirit. Don’t we all have our own trials and tribulations that we can’t shake, our own cross to bear? Isn’t that why there is an offering of the Kingdom of Heaven? The new thought of viewing each person with his or her own sense of poor in spirit baffles me. Really it just floors me. I have understood we each are unique our struggles but not to this depth.

It proves to me once again the lack of depth I view people. How many people have I encountered that this thought never even occurred to me?

after over a year and a half of not even touching my blog i am resurrecting it.
each day my intention will be to post at least a single line and the maximum being a paragraph.
the lines will involve thoughts and contemplations on my current "space" in life.

today's:
What if our idea of those who inherit the earth really means those who can enjoy it down to its depths? People who inherit the space because they can take pleasure in it to its fullest. Not just when things are good. The understanding of being content, joyous, with what has been given. The ability to see the world in all its beauty. What would our lives look like if we all felt that way? To be able to not just survive in this space that we call Earth but to find ourselves in it.

source of provocation:
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

i have begun writing. i know that sounds really funny because obviously i am doing it right now, so how could i have just started? ;) that confusing sentence being said, i would love to find a way to write this, whatever it is, possibly enough to create a book and maybe, dare i say, have it published. when was the last time you saw an honest book written by a woman in the church about what thoughts and feelings they have about life and what is like to be in it? (disclaimer: i am not up on my "other" reading as of today, due to lots of school reading and this book may already exist.) however, i would venture to say it wouldn't be my story. i am finding there are a lot of things that i hadn't considered about myself until i began writing. if nothing else maybe it will be a way for me to learn more about myself and the direction life has me headed. wherever that is.

it is true.
i haven't blogged for a really long time.
it isn't that i don't want to its just that sometimes i have too much to say.
this means i don't know where to start.
so, for now, i plan on writing at least once a week.
that's the plan at least.

i think i miss it. just wish i had time to really write somethings. lots of things going on in the brain.

the last few days have seemed like a bit of a blur. i can't believe that today is already tuesday. my days seem to rapidly be bleeding from one into another.

this weekend we had the opportunity to host a friend of ours from AZ, Zack Newsome. we met Zack a few years ago at soliton in ventura and met up again when we were in ireland. we remain in contact due to the marvels of technology; chatting, emailing and blogging. zack is in the middle of creating a new sense of community in his area. please check out his website to see what he is up to. it is awesome to see the vision he has for his town.

i am not sure what to write next except that it is always so interesting to me how friends, who live in a different part of the world but are still a part of your community can have so much grace for you and the journey you are on, which only leads to inspiration.

the whole weekend gave me new things to think about and consider in this next step of our lives. while i am packing my mind is turning, churning and working on what life in the rest of 2008 will look like. i think the best part about it is the hope of what is to come. we all need hope.

sometimes there are moments in life when i feel so whole. when i couldn’t think of another thing i could possibly need or want.

today it is me at home, working on homework and being with bella, as it drizzles a bit outside. to be so safe, warm and secure, knowing that you in are the moment for a reason.

you choose! either way i am avoiding doing homework. i am procrastinating the inevitable. but i set a limit for myself so in 3 minutes i can avoid it no longer. sigh.

this will all be worth it someday, right?

Dear Concerned Dog Owners,

I have a two-year-old Beagle named Bella. She is fed three square meals a day, is walked twice a day, is taken to the dog park regularly (read: IS dog socialized) gets plenty of rest and is loved incredibly. I cite these credentials for what I am about to say next.

If at any point and time you feel as though your dog is too fragile to bring to the dog park please reconsider, after all there will be other dogs there. I know that my dog barks when she is at the dog park but that is because she is happy. In the last month my dog has been able to find her voice again without being stifled. Her previous owners decided it was a good idea to put a shock collar around her throat to try and keep her from barking, sending a shock through her every time she made a noise or tried to bark. I understand some "dog language" and know that she is not trying to be aggressive. She is looking for a friend to play with.

We are working with her to learn her commands; sit, stay, down, come and no barking, among a few other gems. However, this does take time and we know when she is acting appropriately or inappropriately. All I ask is that there be a little understanding on the part of fellow dog owners. She just loves the freedom to run around and play with other dogs.

Thank you for your consideration on this manner. Please know that we as "parents" are working on teaching our dog good habits and in time it should come naturally for her.

i was forwarded an email some months ago from a good friend and this is what it said,

"This is truly the least we can do !! Please participate!

This is really an awesome thing - please pass it along to everyone in your address book!

Something cool that Xerox is doing

If you go to this web site, Let's Say Thanks, you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq . You can ' t pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services.

How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!!
Please send a card!! It is FREE and it only takes a second."

every once in a while, probably about once a month i send a card. it really does only take a few seconds and i think no matter how you feel about the war we can still support people in other regions of the world sent out from their home.

tonight we turned on our television to watch the oscars.
movies are big in my family so, in a sense, i had to watch them. ;)

some great moments.

*a "little" movie called Once about two musicians (Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova) won for Best Original song - Falling Slowly. i loved this movie. simple. honest. with some awesome music. we just bought the soundtrack.

*Daniel Day Lewis won for best actor in There Will be Blood.
for most a slower movie. as a character development piece phenomenal.

*Ratatouille won for Best Animated Feature film
this movie was so easy to hold dear to my heart. food. wine. and the thought that ANYONE can cook is what life to me is about. the ability to cook for people has allowed me to bring people in my home, get to know them and build relationships. the end of this movie gives me hope that there is a soft spot in all of us underneath that sometimes hard, rough, strong exterior.

a small side note. the tv is back off and i don't miss it or the most annoying part about it, commercials.

that is right folks. it is is official.
WE HAVE A DOG!!!

we have been talking about getting a dog for so many years.
this year for the husband's birthday i told him his present from me was a dog.
i worked on some research on my own in the hopes of getting one for his actual day but, it started to be too much for me. how could i make such a big decision without him?
so, i gave him a little card on his birthday letting him know that he was allowed either one small dog or one small cat. we talked about what we thought would work for us and did tons of research in the process.

finally after much looking, lots of research and tons of talking we found her!
(there are lots more details about how we actually found her and all that good stuff)

her name is bella (luna) spain
a pure breed beagle
weighing in at about just over 20 lbs
she loves to chase things and smell everything
she listens well, for the most part
loves to pal around
is very sweet
has a stuffed bunny as a friend
her dog cousin's name is lanie
is a picky eater
sits with me while i attempt homework
sleeps well at night
has beagle adventures in her sleep
but won't stop playing even when she is extremely tired
and will try to escape any time she can, gotta follow the nose!

i already can't imagine life without her.
we are so lucky to have her.
enjoy the photos.

Bella
Bella 1
Bella 2
Bella 3
**also it is important to give credit where credit is due. these awesome pictures were taken by our fantastic friend beth. thanks so much for everything!**

my current "worship" music that i am listening to would not be considered as such by most.

a few months ago we went to see "into the Wild" and were presently surprised to see that eddie vedder did a large majority of the music. during the movie as we were sitting there watching and listening we kept looking at each other and smiling, uplifted by the words and visions.

after leaving we immediately got the soundtrack. i have listened it at least once a day since then. little captions and phrases come to mind throughout the day from the music.

"I leave here believing
More than I had
This Love has got
No Ceiling" - No Ceiling

"Empty pockets will
Allow a greater
Sense of wealth" - Far Behind

"Have no fear
For when I'm alone
I'll be better off than I was before

I've got this light
I'll be around to grow
Who I was before
I cannot recall

Long nights allow me to feel...
I'm falling...I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I'm falling
I am falling safely to the ground
Ah...

I'll take this soul that's inside me now
Like a brand new friend
I'll forever know

I've got this light
And the will to show
I will always be better than before

Long nights allow me to feel...
I'm falling...I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I'm falling
I am falling safely to the ground" Long Nights (which at present is my favorite)

so, as we figure out what is next in our life, to accomplish, to help make this world a much better place, these words resonate in my mind.