Soft-spoken. Modest. Outgoing. Versatile.
May181990.
SoCal livin'.
Full-time student.
Double Major: Nursing/Fashion.
I question every mind's ability w/my philosophy,
you think you can handle that?
“Time is the best indicator of anything in any relationship. If the feelings are genuine, they will grow without effort. Love is selfless, not selfish. Love will always adapt and adjust to the needs and desires of other people ”
is the most powerful scream.
its sometimes the best answer.
a source of great strength.
its one of the hardest arguments to refute.
sometimes its best just to leave everything unsaid.
unintended apologies.
I'm tired of hurting.
But I would rather hurt myself, than to be hurt by someone else.
head-bang.
I find myself back in the same situation, just that the roles have switched. I don't understand why I'm place in this situation in the first place. Though, it is my fault for the circumstances that happened. I blame the immaturity and lack of being rational. No matter how many times I pray about this situation, I feel as if I'm doing wrong.
I just want to lock myself up in a room and just fall in a deep sleep... at least i would be at peace with myself.
... Honestly, I'm trying my best not to break down.
I constantly find myself revising the future in my weekly planner with the feelings of worried and fear, the only anxiety that surpasses for the time being, which finally, when I put down my pen, my nonsense is too overwhelming to gaze at.
I am in lost of words.
My mind is captivated with nothing else but it's own thoughts.
I woke up still to that uneasy feeling in my chest...
I don't know why it bothers me. I decided to base my actions on my feelings or just because it feels right. I have to take responsibility for the actions I took. But then why is it that I feel regretful? is it wrong that I feel ashamed?
I can't help the fact that these past few hours I've been pondering, going back and forth again. The fact that I feel some sort of embarrassment or uneasiness that I've allowed myself to be a defenseless target. Better yet, I let my guard down instantly, for one to gain the capability to break me. And since that opportunity is now open, I honestly never felt so vulnerably terrified.
In all honestly, I feel nothing more but relieved... from all the trails and hiding I've done with my emotions. For once, I feel free... as if I can be my own with no doubts or hesitations of worrying about my actions or worrying about my opinions that will later bother another... No more irritation nor bitterness where animosity aroused, and I was only to blame. Now it's just a sense of relief.
Today I found myself sitting in a chair, feeling lonesome and utterly withdrawn to my surroundings. As I observed the chuckles and loudness around me, I realized the only affection I have is the company of the floors and walls I interact with everyday. Today wasn't the first chair either.
I decided to come back from Tumblr. Although I don't have anything against it and I do enjoy the interesting posts people re-blog of fashion, however, that's about it. I find myself caught up in the act of re-blogging and liking pictures I admire, yet my dashboard is constantly filled with pictures of nudity, sex, and people who just want to be "Tumblr" famous competing who "re-blogged/post" what first, who has the most likes and re-blogs. This competitiveness offers nothing but an open door of judgement rather than originality, well as what I've seen.
Sometimes, giving up is the only thing left to do. Holding on to something is easy. You get use to it, you settle for what you don't have. But giving up? It takes courage. It takes strength to let go and move on when every piece of you doesn't want to. It takes strength to convince you mind-your heart-to leave it all behind. And it's by overcoming the will not to that you become a stronger person...
how does one escape from an unhealthy relationship when both are stubbornly and bitterly in love?
Time for finals >.< finals are raping me! study hard. work hard, play harder. makes no sense.
I need to sort out my thoughts right now. This week has just been hectic. school, midterms, dance, work &more work &plus babysitting and trying to catch up on some sleep. I've been away from church for awhile so it was cool seeing people again. We had to practice since we're performing tomorrow at 11pm. Left 12am &got home 1am. Now I'm just trying to pack for tomorrow. But earlier tonight at 10pm, I got a phone call from my dad. He just got off work (unusual)... he lost his job and he wanted us to come home. His branch closed which is weird because it's the main branch in Temecula. But still, just hearing him over the phone was hard. I feel so helpless &wish for something that I could do. It's hard to see your parents so vulnerable. It's okay, I have faith in God, he has a plan for dad and for us. It just sucks because our weekend/my mom's birthday plans has failed since dad has to go to work to wrap up things. Stupid economy.
Pray. Hope. Believe.
The Light (J Dilla Remix) by Common Feat. Erykah Badu
It feels good to wake up &be happy for no apparent reason
It is difficult to lose people in life and through the years, I guess I found a way to easily cope with it… They all have a role to play in our lives; whether it’s to teach us, to hurt us, to love us, in order to make us who we are suppose to become. Then once we understand why people come and go, it becomes less difficult and we simply learn to live without them.
Many people find it so hard to be happy for “the reason that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be,” easily forgetting what’s in front of them.
So take nothing and no one for granted; appreciate what you have now. Enjoy the ones in your life for whatever time you have them. Realize people may not remain with you for a lifetime so rather than dwelling on the past/negativity, accept it for what it is. Cherish the memories and appreciate the lessons learned. Then move forward with no bitterness, no regrets or guilt.
With that, I’ve learned your greatest pains become your greatest strengths.
I always catch myself pondering on how life passes by so quickly… how everything fell apart in a matter of days. Though, everything happens for a reason whether we understand it or not; looking back I am more than thankful to see how far God has brought me.
Sigh, I apologize for the late night rants. I try not show that I’m struggling ever. And I think that’s why a lot of people think I’ve got it down. Someone told me it’s a talent. Every happening is a lesson learned. It tells you a lot about that person and how he/she handles the pains and life’s challenges. Not only how strong they’ve become but also how valuable the lesson learned; which then can rub off on those around them. As ironic as it seems, it surely is a talent but I doubt I got it down. I’ve learned no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life goes on and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned time will take its course but it’s worth it. However, I’m still learning. But I’m putting it all in God’s hands and keeping my head up. stay humble. stay hungry.
At some point you have to realize that you have done too much for someone; that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation.
Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you’re a good person and a good friend. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be. What’s meant to be will end up good and what’s not - won’t.
Love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they’re willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around. Be strong and Stay humble.
the only people that you need in your life are the ones that prove they truly need you in theirs.
I understand you’re mad at me and that you’re hungry and you said you’re only gettting food. This doens’t mean you have to break up with me!
HAHAHAHA My first ugly break up. Food came between us and to think that food was my friend.
OMG FCK YOU!!! food ALWAYS hits the damn spot that’s why!
HAHAH FCKIN’ DYING RIGHT NOW! so random, made my day @BigCMarientes
This is such a powerful message. It shows that verbal abuse can hurt as much as physical abuse. That saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” is, in fact, a lie, in my opinion. Words do hurt. A lot.
A very powerful message.. reblogged.
Don’t ever give up. Think about the reasons why you’ve held on for so long. Understand that your relationship isn’t meant to be similar to others’. What makes your relationship special is the bond between you two. Fuck what others have to say about your relationship, let it be some sort of motivation for you two to last even longer. Don’t lack your effort, and remember to continue being the same same person your significant person fell for. Don’t ever change. Don’t let an argument ruin what you two have. Don’t be too quick to leave, especially when it comes to the littlest things. At least try to work things out and compromise. Most of all, don’t let anyone nor rumors break you two up. Keep your head up, and breakthrough each and every obstacle as a couple. You two are in this together.
Happy Valentines Day, ya’ll couples make me sick haha
They say people keep fighting about the same things until it breaks them apart…
You need to find your inner BITCH.
BigC
I need to start quoting my self. I say some of the weirdest, if not awesome things LOL
(via bigcmarientes)
Free yourself from negative people. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and like-minded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you – people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. When you free yourself from negative people, you free yourself to be YOU – and being YOU is the only way to truly live.