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Excerpt from Grantland.com & @downgoesbrown

In which we employ the Socratic method in an attempt to settle the issues that have long plagued hockey fans.

This Week’s Debate: Advanced statistics are making inroads into hockey. Do they have a place in the game?

In Favor: Yes, they do. While nobody believes that modern metrics can tell the entire story and we recognize that there are challenges in applying certain models to a free-flowing sport like hockey, there’s still an opportunity here to advance our understanding of the game by looking at new ways of measuring performance.

Opposed: NERD!

In Favor: What?

Opposed: Enjoy your mother’s basement, you pasty-faced nerd!

In Favor: Oh for the … seriously? We’re still doing this? With all the thinking that’s gone into this topic over the years, we’re still setting this up as some sort of clichéd “nerds vs. jocks” dichotomy?

Opposed: I don’t even know what “dichotomy” means.

In Favor: Yes, you do. See, that’s the problem. You’re perfectly capable of understanding most of this stuff, but you insist on playing dumb about it just so you can fit the whole thing into your narrative. Stop that. Let’s have an actual discussion here.

Opposed: Whatever, nerd.

In Favor: Look, I just got back from the MIT Sloan Sports Analytics Conference, and there were a ton of papers presented that made some really interesting points about …

Opposed: [Slaps the pile of reports out of In Favor’s hands.]

In Favor: Dude!

Opposed: Hey, here’s an idea: Why don’t you try actually watching the games? Or are you too busy making out with your slide rule?

In Favor: Hey, what is a slide rule? I’ve always wondered.

Opposed: Oh. It’s a thing that really old people like me used when we were in school.

In Favor: Quite the cutting-edge reference.

Opposed: Thanks! But the point stands: Hockey is a game based on flow and momentum and intimidation and will. You reduce the entire sport into a bunch of numbers on a spreadsheet.

In Favor: And nobody’s trying to do that. The advanced stats crowd is made up of people who love hockey and watch a ton of it. Since when did wanting to gain a better understanding of something you love make you the enemy?

Opposed: Mainly since so many of you guys became insufferable nags about this stuff.

In Favor: Hm. Yeah. We’re trying to work on that part.

Opposed: Seriously, you guys are total dicks sometimes.

In Favor: Fine. But that’s a problem with the messenger, not the message. There’s a lot of great information being found. Why wouldn’t you want to know about it?

Opposed: Because, frankly, a lot of what you’re saying really is counter-intuitive. Most of us have spent decades believing in certain things — momentum, clutch players, hot and cold streaks, that fighting can change a game, that a good coach can affect shot quality — and those ideas have actually helped add to our enjoyment of the sport. Suddenly being told we have to rethink everything can be jarring.

In Favor: But questioning assumptions is half the fun.

Opposed: That’s exactly the problem. Being constantly told you’re wrong about everything isn’t “fun” for most people. It’s annoying.

In Favor: Yeah, I guess I can see that.

Opposed: So … where does all that leave us?

In Favor: How about this: You stop playing dumb, and actually take the time to try to understand what’s being discussed. Then, if you still object to it, go ahead. Just stop trying to turn it into a fake “us against them” storyline.

Opposed: Fine. And you stop with the thin-skinned know-it-all routine that makes it so tempting to dismiss whatever you’re saying. And every once in a while, let the rest of us enjoy our cherished narratives, even if they end up being wrong.

In Favor: OK, deal.

Opposed: Deal.

In Favor: [Extends hand.]

Opposed: [Firmly shakes hand.]

In Favor: I feel like we really made a breakthrough here.

Opposed: Yeah, I think we really did.

In Favor: So … why aren’t you letting go of my hand?

Opposed: [Smiles.]

In Favor: Uh oh.

Opposed: [Drags In Favor down the hallway, stuffs him into a locker.]

In Favor: That’s not cool, man!

Opposed: Whatever, nerd.

The Final Verdict: Honestly, I had to Google what a slide rule was. I never knew.

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