PaulSaysThings

This is only being posted so I can move it onto my new computer b/c it wont read the original word file but feel free to look through it anyway

I am not doing NaNo again this year because I am a horrible person.

Last year was when I first found out about NaNoWriMo about 2 weeks before it actually happened and so I was a big wuss and like OH NO I'M NOT PREPARED I CAN'T DO IT. But I did tell myself that I would spend the whole year planning a rough idea of a plot and then I could do NaNo the next time.

It's the next time and I can't do it.

When I made the claim that I was going to do NaNo in 2010 I had not expected that the life as I knew for 20 years would change and that I would be going to a big fancy regular college and working and actually having a set schedule to live by. I've just been put into this schedule and I don't have a grasp on time management yet.

So my reasons are more legit than last year. I work 5 days a week on top of school plus I have my theater tech class that requires 36+ hours of outside school work so essentially I am working every day. Most of my "free time", that is not working, not being at school, not doing homework, and not doing anything essentially, is spent between the hours of 7:30-11:10 pm. Last year I had also not planned on reading 50 books in a year but after realizing I could do it I started that this year.

If I were not reading 50 books in a year I would more than likely be doing NaNo this year.

BUT OH WELL!

So what I AM going to do is write stuff ANYWAY because NaNo is about writing in general rather than writing to a certain point. I'm not going to keep track or anything I'm just going to gather writing "skills" and confidence. I DO enjoy writing. At least in the form of typing. I just like the feeling and sounds associated with typing really fast and putting thoughts in print as they come to you. (i hate writing by hand because I always get cramps in my hand)

So here are things that I am going to give up for 30 days November 2011:

• Recreational Reading (meaning not for school)
• A decent amount of internet use. Can't give it ALL up but I can cut back.
• Whatever social life I happen to have at the time. I will probably go out at least once in the month to relieve the tension or whatever, though.
• Becoming intoxicated. If all things go to plan then I will not have problems with this in the FIRST place by next year.
• Playing guitar. It's going to SUCK but I spend lots of free time doing it.
• Doing stuff with people from work. It seems that I am hanging with them more and more so I will need to cut back come next year.
• And the most important thing I will not do for 30 days next November is I WILL NOT PROCRASTINATE ABOUT NANOWRIMO!!!!

I'm going to use the phrase culture shock in a new context here. The culture shock I had today was when I was being IRL today and things from URL existed IRL.

I get into a lot of cool things through internet people and my internet friends and internet stuff etc.

So today I went to the loop which is like (at least I like to think so) the cultural mecca of st. louis. Its a really cool street full of coffee shops and art galleries and book stores and TONS of music stores and mostly restaurants (many of which are foreign foods).

Today was my best trip to the loop.

So we get there via metro link because I have a free pass for the semester and a guy that's raising funds for a thing comes up to us and gave us a handful of 45's (which are small black disks that play music on a thing called a record player which uses a needle to make sound INORITE?!) I have not listened to them yet but i'm excited i have them regardless.

We go to get say anything tickets and they wanted to charge me extra since i was using a debit card so i didnt get them and i'm gonna get them with cash later this week.

Then we go to eat at chipotle.

I found out about chipotle through internet people (Hayley G Hoover etc) and i've been wanting to go there for like a year. So i ate there and it was amazing

Then we went to FroYo which is a very awesome frozen yogurt place and it was beyond delicious and amazing.

We went to the comic book store and they had all this scott pilgrim stuff and I was excited (i got into scott pilgrim through internet people) and they had other cool stuff and i was very excited they also had doctor who comics and i was like WHAA!

So then we go to the music store and its like my favorite store EVER and in the back they have paintings by this famous guy who paints album covers and stuff and they had 4 neutral milk hotel paintings (i got into NMH through internet people) and I looked and saw these paintings and i just went "WHAAAAAAAAAAA!" and ran over to them and I was flailing my arms and stuff and I was so excited. (also I bought the new ludo album there)

Skipping ahead a bit when I got home I decided I should have bought the painting after finding out that it was that famous guy and so i called the place and they're holding it for me.

So then we went to the indie bookstore.

They. Had. EVERYTHING!

Every David Foster Wallace book
Every Chuck Palahniuk Book
Every Kurt Vonneguy Book
Tons of books about internet stuff like "shit my dad says", "texts from last night" and stuff and a funny book about making bongs out of random objects.
They had almost the whole set of 33 1/3 books including the one written by John Darnielle of the mountain goats.

So basically I just found a bunch of reallly cool things that excited me and it was the best trip ever.

My first day this semester was even more chaotic than the last.

So I came to UMSL in the spring last time. I've never been there during the start of the year in the fall. THERE ARE SO MANY MORE PEOPLE THERE! Parking was 100x worse than I was expecting.

I get to my class on the top floor of the farthest building and sit through that horrible moment where you're not 100% sure you're in the right room. One other guy walks out muttering something about the wrong day. I suddenly see the textbook on the teacher's desk and i'm like ok i'm in the right place.

5 minutes before class starts the teacher goes- ok so this class is intro to astronomy and you need a college algebra and trig pre-requisite. if you're not confident in your abilities to do the math required for this course there is another class with no math that is going on RIGHT NOW. Here's the syllabus for it and the room number.

HALF THE CLASS (including me) GETS UP AND LEAVES.

We all pile into the other lecture hall and confuse the hell out of the teacher.

So 15 minutes into that class I realize that this new class may not fit into my degree requirements. So i freak out and can't pay attention the whole period.

We get out early and I go to the office to check everything. Theres a girl up there with some police because she was yelling at the lady behind the desk. I get sent to another office where they print off a thing. I check the thing and scream (not literally) relief because the class DOES fill the requirement. So the class I WAS in was 1050. The class I switched to is 1001. (hint: higher numbers means harder class). I was in the wrong class to BEGIN with. It was NOT the intro course. My adviser put me in the wrong class because of how it was listed on the sheet. Its difficult to understand but I see how he made the mistake.

Anyway i'm so excited this is all going to work out. I go back to the first office and fill out a form and she tells me that it wont fit because there is a lab that conflicts with one of my other classes. Then she rattles off other classes that all conflict with work. Then she goes, oh no wait that lab is optional you CAN take that class.



Then my second class I walk in and see the guy next to me with the textbook so i'm in the right place. The teacher (who is hot btw) says "this is intro to advertising blah blah blah... and I just want to say.....

WAZAUUUPPPP?!"

and half the class stood up and said

"WAZAUUUPPP?!"

and the second half of the class is like wtf is going on. And the teacher says those who stood up read what she put online for the class and have passed the first assignment.

wow

So my advertising teacher is really animated and uses cool examples of stuff and the class is gonna be awesome.

Then I had work and it was ok but busy.

Tomorrow should go much smoother.

Reading: read some oblivion today. the story i'm on is the greatest.
I havent even listened to music yet today

I just got back from hanging out with my little brother's girlfriend at her dorm. She's going to the same school as me WHICH STARTS TOMORROW OMG IM SO NOT READY! But anyway I told her to find all the cool people since she's living there and she's pretty picky with people so I was sure she'd find really cool people.

Science is some legit stuff. There's nearly a full moon out and it's caused everyone to be crazy today. This literally happens.

I woke up feeling like shit (which i later/before i saw it was a (near) full moon thought that I was having percocet withdrawl or something) and then got into work and one of my coworkers appeared to be sleeping on break. Then i got to the back where I work and literally everyone was there so they sent some people home. and then i was informed that one of my coworkers was having a bad day and I said i was too. and then a different co worker kinda snapped at me.

So myself and everyone that I work with were all snappy and then some of the customers were too!

this guy came in and was yelling at his wife and talking to her like she's a retarded piece of poop and so I gave him some crappy fillets.

some other guy was yelling at his kid

then my least favorite customer came in right when we were about to close and just caused all kinds of shit

I got home and we went to wendy's where these two kids were just screaming their heads off.

no i'm really tired because i had a 5 hour shift w/ no break.

the full moon is an asshole. why do you do this to us!?

reading: about to do a tiny tiny bit but mostly i'm gonna sleep
school in 2 days. tomorrow is my last day of summer and work better not suck
last song scrobbled is something between the buried and me or pantera but i'm not gonna look it up

I've been working all day today. just got home and ate. and now i'm about to leave to go to a party so i need to blog for today, and quickly.

So this is late i know but whatever. i couldnt think of anything to write so i'm just gonna go for a free pass and just gun it tonight, as much as i hate doing these type of blogs. i've ha a bit to drink and for some reason when i'm at home, or alone, or in a quiet social setting i tend to do a lot of thinking and get all philosophical.

people hurt. people i care about. it sucks and I dont know what I can do about it.

shits about to get real once school starts because I have a job now. i'm about to be under the busiest/most stressful schedule i've had in my entire life and i dont know how its going to work out/how i'm going to handle it. i can literally only wait and see.

next summer is my last summer. i only have two more years of college left so the next summer will be the last time I am working part time (theoretically) and just waiting for school to start again. because after next summer everything is just work from then on until i retire. that's a scary thought. i dont know if i'm ready for that part of my life. i mean i'm 21 and I still dont do lots of things that people my age do to more towards the grown up parts of life. i've had my time here and it IS time to move on, but I've always liked to stay where I know is comfortable rather than take my chances and see where I can go. This is a bad thing. I'd lie and say its good to be safe and comfortable but where will I ever go if i'm too afraid to to branch out? even the first step of being on your own in college i'm not doing "correctly". i'm living at home while going to college that's 10 minutes from my house. I JUST started paying for my own gas in my car since I got my job. my parents still pay my phone bill. i still live a fairly sheltered life. it sucks but I dont know how I can push myself to get out there to where I should be.


something that I HAVE done on a very mature level the past few years is i've done a LOT of finding myself. trying new ways to get motivated and making different attempts to maintain different levels of things within my life. its all very complex and too vague to be put into words but i've done relentless experimenting and put loads of thought into how I compose myself nowadays.

I analyze some of these things TOO much, i suppose. mostly my social aspects. i AM getting better. having a job puts me in the "public" more often than I normally would be and so I am learning that I can function quite well in a new and changing environment; however novice it may be.

I expect this is what everyone is supposed to do in college though. But i quite like it. i know myself better than I ever have before. i'm able to let things of the past GO for once and learn from where I have messed up.

It's like i'm planning out the way things will unfold for the rest of my life with the way I think, sometimes. Like how I put tons of thought in my plans for living on my own. How I will arrange certain things, make sure I always remember to do other things, set aside time for these other things. Its all happening subconsciously and its kind of strange how its unfolding naturally; as if i've opened up a part of my mind with the press of a button that i've just noticed.

so i think that's enough self reflection for tonight

school in 5 days: bring it on (?)
reading: did some. gonna try to squeeze a bit in tonight so i can finish goblet of fire tomorrow (my truly last day off until winter break unless I happen to get a friday, saturday or sunday off work which is probably not gonna happen)
Last song scrobbled: "Lie"- Dream Theater

Avy came up with the topic today. I like it. Things that you find sexy/attractive that are not usually considered that way.

HALF WAY THROUGH BEDA!

i have to write this early today because i'm going to the movies with friends tonight. I got these questions from Sara's VEDA yesterday

Favorite Character: wow I never really thought about this. I think i'm gonna go with Remus Lupin because he's really awesome and knowledgeable and stuff

Favorite Couple: Tonks and Lupin (still would be even if Lupin was not my favorite character

Part that made you cry the most: well I didnt cry at anything but the saddest part was Dumbledore falling from the astronomy tower

Favorite Location: Probably hogsmead.

What would you buy at Diagon Alley with a vault of galleons: a broomstick first off, then a bunch of books, and then random wizard gadget stuff like a sneakoscope etc

Which Deathly Hallow would you pick: invisibility cloak. i have no use for the other two first of all and I would love to sneak around people and hear what they're saying when they dont know i'm there

What would you see in the mirror of erised: I dont really know. Maybe my future self being successful and having a family

Least favorite book: Prisoner of Azkaban for reasons mentioned in my blog a few days ago

Favorite Book: Goblet of Fire

What does amsfmoawigmoerbimthrgoijv (idr how to spell it) the love potion smell like to you: I already did this in a blog but I thought of my other two smells- so the first one is still a bookstore filled with new books, then the smell off good coffee even thought I dont really like coffee, and Sara said in her video the smell after it rains and I just thought "YES!" but only if it's like moderate to cold outside. if it's hot then it just smells gross.

9 Days till school ugh ugh ugh

Reading: who knows if i'll get some done today. i'm going to the movies to a 10:30 showing so probably not

Last song scrobbled: "The Matter of Splatter (cover)" - Job For A Cowboy

(there will be spoilers in here up until the end of the third HP book in case you are wondering [so valerie you are ok])

I JUST finished reading Prisoner of Azkaban for the third time in my life (the second being last year and the first being when it came out). I'm reading the series through for the third time and then watching each movie as I finish a book. I'm getting a better way to think about the books/movies overall instead of how excited I was when each came out.

The first book theres nothing you can really do to it. It has to set everything up and I have no problems with it at all. The movie is kind of lame but its still got a kid's movie feel to it and I get that. No problems there really.

I've always loved the way the second book is put together and I've reaffirmed that with my third reading of it. Its kind of murder mystery ish and everything fits together so cleverly at the end. The movie is still just another visual cliffnotes version of the book just like the first movie. It's alright but nothing too special.

The third book i've never cared for too much and at least I know why that is now. The whole big scene at the end that we expect to get from reading the first two books doesnt really happen. All the excitement is just a bunch of people in a room talking and then there's some time travel but it's not all that gripping. There are also TONS of quidditch matches in the book and it just kinda drags on with the only real plot line being serious black (obviously). The book really harps on how important the firebolt is when harry keeps going to look at it and finally gets it and uses it etc etc but the movie completely destroyed ALL OF THAT. Which is one of the things I hate most about all the HP movies was the whole firebolt thing was ruined.

The movie does justice. It kinda prances around the storyline instead of following it word for word (in some parts) like the first two films did. It cuts out some of the crap and sums things up nicely in a few scenes. However there are so many random things in the movie that do not need to be there and changes that were made for no reason. Overall though (dont think i'm being blasphemous for saying this) I think the movie for Prisoner of Azkaban is even better than the book. They changed the way some of the time travel/plot unraveling at the end happens and made it way easier to follow. The ending in the movie seems more exciting than the ending in the book as well. The movie did some really cool things that the other films dont have while the book is just kind of a drawn out version of filling in some characters and taking space until the 4th book happens (which is probably my favorite book. going to decide after i'm done with the series again).

I've always loved the 4th book and the film for it is just ok. It could have been better but anyways i'm going to go read it and see what the movie did to ruin the book.


Reading: did tons of it today
Last song scrobbled: "Your Belgian Things" - The Mountain Goats

I played baseball in gradeschool. From about third grade till sixth grade I think. Can't remember exactly.

Anyways our team was pretty boss. The last-ish year I played we had an undefeated season and moved up into a league higher than our age level. We had two AMAZING pitchers and a few people that were just fantastic at specific things like catcher, first base, and hitting. We owned a bunch of tournaments and made it to the county playoffs one time (which was creepy as hell because they announced your name as you came up to bat and it was so official that we got freaked out and lost so badly).

I quit baseball because it was starting to get in the way of Boy Scouts. If you do not know I have been pretty big in boy scouts. I made it all the way to eagle scout. But ive had this weird theory about what could have happened if i quit boy scouts and pursued baseball throughout the rest of grade school and into high school.

First off I would have a different group of friends and different outlooks on things. I would have hung out with more sporty type people in high school which would have completely changed who I am today. I decided to be all anti-sporty people in high school and get involved with a bunch of alternative type people (which influenced 90% of the music I now listen to and some of my ways of thinking). The label I associated myself with in high school kinda worked out in the end because goth-ish people are usually nerds who like invader zim and old school video games. (just look at how much nerdy stuff there is at hot topic).

But if I had preppy friends i'd probably listen to rap now and be going to an out of town state university and being all "normal" and whatnot (and boring). I probably would have gone to a private high school because that's what all those types of people from my grade school went to. Private high school would have basically turned me into the opposite of who I currently am.

Its just so weird to think that if I had made one simple path change in my past I could be sitting here as someone I currently look down upon. I'd be that person and not be here blogging, listening to this music and chatting with my online friends. I'd be packing for college and talking about what parties i'm going to this weekend or something.

Boy Scouts and people not accepting me in grade school were kind of the best things to happen to me.


Reading: finished another story in oblivion today. Hopefully getting some prisoner of azkaban pwned tonight.

Last song scrobbled: "Somatically Incorrect" - Whitechapel

Days till school starts: 12 (oh no! did i mention I hate my school?)

i don't have a topic so i'm stealing ideas from lindsay and listing things that I really love:

• The feeling of playing guitar. especially when it is something very difficult and I nail it.
• the smell of a bookstore
• fall
• tons of rain that doesnt have wind or lightning/thunder associated with it
• albums that are so good you can (and HAVE to) listen to the whole thing all the way through each time
• Say Anything's music. Literally every time puts me in the greatest mood ever
• Max Bemis from Say Anything
• David Foster Wallace
• The feeling you get when you read a book passage/lyrics and realize that it directly applies to your life
• the way John Green's mind works
• chocolate milk
• really nice looking bookshelves
• modern furniture
• continuity
• symmetry
• the office
• fight club
• creating things/making things out of other things
• nerdfighteria in general. so much can be said about everything it has done for me
• my internet friends. I am closer to them than my irl friends
• finishing a really good book and just sitting there stunned, thinking "wow"
• mexican food
• live music
• (good) stand up comics
• girls with eyeliner
• green eyes
• good pizza
• the color red
• chai tea
• monty python
• frank lloyd wright
• knowing all the words to a really good song
• people who are very experimental with stuff like music etc
• getting people into new things
• having the perfect amount of alcohol to make me not care just enough to be perfectly social (i have social anxiety so being able to truly relax in a public environment and completely enjoy myself is the best ever)
  
• that 70's show
• john darnielle
• [adult swim]
• the legend of zelda: ocarina of time
• star wars
• harry potter
• being on the inside of an inside joke
• imagining the layout of my future place of living

its 8-9-10 today tee hee

so I couldnt eat breakfast this morning because they said if I didnt have an empty stomach when I was put on anesthesia I COULD DIE. so I was just really tired going into the hospital this morning. I wasnt too freaked out. The last 5 minutes of prep I was kinda worried but that was because i've never been on an IV before. everything past that I didn't care about because I would be asleep.

So before they put the IV in i asked how long before everything kicks in and they said about 45 seconds. Putting the IV in was not bad at all. Even better than getting a shot. So i'm sitting there and they're asking me questions and nothing is happening yet. then i started looking at the ceiling and it became wavy. the lights were those kind that are long tubes and they suddenly got really wide and had a moving texture to them and I told the doctor they looked like clouds or water.

that's when I fell asleep.

I woke up and they helped me into another room because it was SO hard to walk. they put gauze in my mouth and told me some things and I got on a wheelchair and was taken to the parking lot where my mom pulled up and I got in the car. I dont remember anything before I fell asleep up until about an hour after I had been home.

In the car I called like 3 people and talked to them or left messages, i recorded myself saying things on my phone so look forward to that, and I am told that I kept repeating everything that I was saying because I forgot I said it. It was funny but apparently annoying because I wouldnt stop talking. I tweeted: "Wow i feel creat joe in not in saga this is cool"

when I got home I did a live show but it was not for very long because my face started hurting so I left. then my mom gave me some pain pills. I would later find out that these were not the pills I was prescribed but HER pills that she had leftover. after a while i started to feel a dull ache in my mouth and then it slowly got worse. and then my mom told me she didnt get my pills yet and it started hurting really bad and I started to freak out.

if you have ever been in a situation like this where there is a lot of pain, you cant think and you want people to cooperate with you. when the cooperation didn't happen I got really pissed at my mom and started yelling at her for not giving me the right pills. so she left to get my perscription.

meanwhile I sat at home as the pain became very intense. i went for an ice pack that my mom made me only it was just cubes in a bag which doesnt do much to conform to your face. i was looking for the hammer to crush it and couldnt find it and started screaming becausei needed the pain to go away and i just started smashing the ice on the counter with my hands. i busted the bag open and it was leaking on me for the next half hour. the pain became so intense that i was just sitting there in my room flailing my limbs and crying.

finally my mom got home and i took my pills and it went away in like 3 minutes.

i havent been able to eat much since I can only do liquids and jello today. so ive eaten 2 Ensures which are tasty but not satisfying and a cup of jello. i feel like crap sorta because i dont have much in my stomach but I will probably feel loads better tomorrow

i still have to get my top two wisdom teeth out, probably during winter break, but now that i know what it's like i'm not going to have any problem with it at all

Today I finished reading Chamber of Secrets and i'm going to start Prisoner of Azkaban tonight and also probably read a bit of Oblivion.

Last song scrobbled: 'Dirge For November'- Opeth

I was out with some peeps and didn't expect to be home but we got sent home early sooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Tomorrow I am getting my bottom two wisdom teeth taken out that I have put off since December. I am going to the hospital to do it so they can put me to sleep because I would freak out during the procedure and probably throw up while there are cuts in my mouth which would be bad.

So I can't eat anything and not even have water after midnight tonight, until after my surgery. Then its only cold, liquidy foods for a few days (and i dont have to work!) People are telling me I should be excited for the pain medication. We'll see. If i'm drugged up i'll try to record some of it/do a live show.

I have not freaked out about the whole thing yet, but I expect to in the morning.

ok now how do I end this....................................................................

sry for the ranty blog yesterday. it really didnt seem as ranty in my head as it did just explaining myself which is always what happens

OH OH OH we're finally gonna fix my car doors this week from my crash IN FEBRUARY

i am excite

No smoking: 4 days (and I literally CAN NOT do it for quite a while because i'm going to be healing in the mouth area so if i do it will mess it up so i'll get a good lead and then not want to mess up my "streak" and keep going

Reading: 100 pages left in chamber of secrets. i'll be reading A LOT the next 3 days
Last song scrobbled: 'Hands of a Killer'- Suicide Silence

and I dont care that I missed a day because I did not touch my computer all day yesterday. I went from sleeping to reading to working to a party and then came home and fell asleep at 1:30am.

So the whole pretense of "ok i'll do beda" is because i'm doing it with a "support group" (jk its just friends all doing beda together) and I was going to be given topics to write about. This is not always happening for reasons unknown. I don't know what to talk about and then I have to try to squeeze out a bunch of crap 2 hours before midnight with my brother bitching at me because he wants to sleep and his face is like 4 feet from my computer screen.

I am not a writer. I never claimed to be. Blogging 30 days in a row without pre-discussed topics should not be something for me to do. I like writing, but I dont like thinking things up.

It would be cool if I could go back to what I said a few days ago and work on self control stuff. I guess the fact that i'm still blogging with no topic is self control (?).

This is a good time of day for me to blog except I dont have unlimited time to work on things and make them good/thought out. I'd have blogged earlier but I've been busy for almost 2 full days.

I am bitching so much and trying to turn this blog around but i'm not going to be able to. I am literally just explaining myself but it comes off as whining, same thing as in my videos! There are so many dumb people in the world that I just have to make a video explaining something but it comes out all whiny and dumb (see my last video for an example).

Maybe I can make a video officially saying "Fuck You" and do what I want on youtube instead of not posting for a while, having people pester me with "where did you go come back make something" and then posting a video saying "hey i'm not dead i'll work on videos later". I still have mixed feelings about vlogging. I do not particularly like reviewing myself talking. It has gotten loads better but I still prefer not to do it. I want to make artsy/skit type videos instead of just me talking about life because then I feel better about people I know IRL seeing my videos. If they find out I do videos and want to watch them i'll gladly show them my redneck impression video but get super nervous about them seeing a talk about things type video.

I love editing, point blank. I hate acting and I hate writing. I love putting things together to create something. Basically i've decided as of right now- fuck everyone i'm going to do what I feel like doing and what fits into MY life, not how much you want to see my face on your screen. I'm going to change up what I do on youtube. I feel like I could start a second channel to do vlogs but whats the point when I already have 2 channels (one that I dont use anymore) and a collab channel (that I'm pretty sure i'm going to leave)

Lets get into that- school is starting in a few weeks and I have a job now. Even if I switched days i'm 80% sure i'm going to have to leave 7awesomebookworms because I am not going to have the time/energy/creativity to make a video every week. Plus the intent of joining a collab channel was that it would not interfere with my personal channel. Guess what- it did. I had time to post last wednesday but I didnt because I HAVE NOTHING NEW TO TALK ABOUT. I dont do much with my life so it is pointless for me to make a video every week on a channel that has no structure/guidelines/themes/etc. Every single week:

Hi
*talk about something*
*this is what i'm reading*
*work/school/etc*
*something i'm GOING to do*
*taking up space*
*ok bye*

Every week for the past like 3 months.

I dont feel like there is even a "conversation" happening between the other collab members because most of the time everyone else either doesnt post or hasnt seen the other videos throughout the week. So who am I making the video for?

Cory, Katy, Eevee, Rachel, Spring, Darci (if any of you see this, i know katy will 4 sho) please know i'm not bitching you all out or being angry about this, i've just lost interest and dont see a point for me anymore. I still have not made a final decision but once school starts for me there is a very good chance I'll be leaving 7awesomebookworms.


Ok moody as hell blog should stop now before it morphs into something else.

Reading: about to go do that right now
Not smoking: 3 days. I'm back to being determined about it and turned it down 2 days ago.
Last song scrobbled: 'Informal Gluttony'- Between the Buried and Me
Self Control for the day: i'd say yes.

I'm going to start calling it BEDA, despite the face that I initially hated it, because its easier

First of all i'd like to say that I didn't even turn on my computer until 2pm so I could get things done. Granted today I set my alarm for 8:30 in attempt to get into a regular sleeping/waking schedule but I fell asleep twice and got up at 9:30. So tomorrow i'm setting it for 8:45 (15 minutes extra can do WONDERS)
So today I finished reading HP and the Sorceror's Stone and immediately put my bookmark in Chamber of Secrets (gonna start it tonight). I also finished the first story in Oblivion by David Foster Wallace that I am reading along with Valerie(2776) and Arka(pain).
Once that was over I turned on my computer and immediately got to "work" by finishing up The Show with Ze Frank. So now i'm officially done with my orientation and am a new member of the league of awesomeness (you have no clue what that means unless you watch The Show)


So now to talk about my patronus. Ive taken many quizzes to make sure I get the same result (the same thing I did to make SURE I was a Ravenclaw) and the answer I always get is a squirrel. Squirrels are my favorite animals which tends to make people laugh sometimes. I love them. They're like ninjas and have that animal way of thinking like dogs and cats that make them funny.
I guess I can relate to a squirrels mannerisms. They are very sporatic and gittery. Ever seen a squirrel in the middle of a road when a car is coming towards it? Quite often squirrels will run back and forth not sure which side they should run to before getting hit my a FREAKING CAR. I can be the same way with decisions. I'll go back and forth and frequently change my mind about things (like yesterday's blog about my priorities constantly changing)

Since that didn't take up enough blog space i'll go into more harry potter stuff and tell you about what the love potion smells like to me (if you dont know there is a love potion in harry potter that smells different to everyone) To me it would smell like the inside of Barnes and Noble. That bookstore specifically smells better than others. I'm not sure why. Part of it is probably because of the coffee shop they have in there which gives a faint smell of coffee on top of the smell of new books. Old books DO smell interesting but I think a room full of NEW books smells better than old books.

Reading: PWNED for the day. Finished Sorcerer's Stone, started Chamber of Secrets and read some of Oblivion
Days Not Smoking: 1 (ok I failed yesterday so kill me. but i'm still noticing that the initial act is what I find exciting about doing it, not the effects, because often those suck after almost 3 years of doing it)
Last Song Scrobbled: 'The Curse of Castle Dragon'- Paul Gilbert

I mentioned yesterday that I lack self control in certain areas of my life. (once again I was going to read today and here it is 2:30pm and i have not left the computer) I also fail to prioritize things sometimes.

Currently i'm in the middle of 3 different programs that i'm watching online. If i would just work on the shortest one first I could get it out of the way.

I tend to move around my priorities quite frequently. Example is today I wanted to figure out my render issues on Sony Vegas and upload a video. I did that, so my next major goal of the day is to catch up on reading. Before pulling myself from the computer to go read I got a phone call from a friend who wants to hang out. Leaving the house for potential fun is a pretty top priority so It just replaced reading.

So in the back of my head to make myself feel better i'm going to say that I will come home at a decent hour so that I can still read TONIGHT. Which is why I'm blogging now, so I will not have excuses to not read tonight.

So i'm going to a friend's house. The house that I go to on an almost daily basis sometimes. This is due to the fact that he is always available to hang out and I never have any other plans as my other friends are always busy. This partly sucks because the one that can always hang out is the one that contributes to the smoking problem. We don't have much to do over there besides watch tv and listen to music so smoking becomes something to do or becomes a way to make doing nothing fun and/or bearable. My best plan of action would obviously be to stop hanging out with this guy but I don't think I can do that. I am still good friends with him and he's the only one that likes the same heavy music as me so its great to be able to listen to music with him and talk about bands. Its also nice to have a place I can always go if I need to escape the house.

So i'm going over there and he just got off the phone with me and told me about his new pipe and so he's GOING to smoke and GOING to offer it to me and I'm going to try my best to resist. I never know how well i'm going to be able to do this.

I have an addictive personality. You probably already know this- whenever I get into something i REALLY get into it and obsess over it. (Dont believe me? just go look at my last.fm and see how many plays Dream Theater has over all my other bands because I am addicted to Dream Theater) So I have an addictive personality I have come to terms with this. I can't get off this computer to go do other things I want to do etc. When you add substances to an addictive personality that's probably not a good thing. When i'm on something once it starts to kick in, no matter what my initial limits are, I will usually go into a mode where I will only say "ok, how can I get more of this into my system?" This is not to say i'm always running around looking to get fucked up, just WHILE i'm on it I want to keep going further.

Since we're talking about this sort of thing I'd like to blog about, because putting things out there in writing form makes me feel better, the fact that I tried a new substance a few weeks ago.

So far i've done- alcohol, weed, and a strain of opium that was very diluted and not very powerful. Now I can add this stuff called K2 to my list. In a nutshell its synthetic weed. It's still a new thing so not much is known about it but basically they take a bunch of herbs and spices and spray it with a chemical. This chemical contains some of the active ingredients found in marijuana. The stuff is sold as incense but some genius found out that you can smoke it and get a super weed high. I was told it was such a high that it was near hallucination. My friend got some for his birthday from someone and it didnt break any of my personal substance use rules (I do have some guidelines that keep me away from doing things like crack and meth and heroin) so I opted to try it out.

I did not like it. I was INCREDIBLY self concious and my mind was racing the whole time. I was going nuts and starting to shake. I thought oh no this is a bad trip I need to go chill out somewhere and wait this out so I went into the AC and watched tv until it was over.

Addictive personality thought that even though it sucked I should try it again now that I know what it's like It could be different. So I did it again that night and it wasnt as bad. I think the first time I was just freaked out by what it might do.

The rest of that week we didnt smoke weed because we had this K2 stuff. The next time I did finally smoke weed it didnt affect me as much since I was used to the K2. I still have not been able to find out if the K2 has permanently affected my weed tolerance but if it HAS then that is a GOOD thing because that means weed will not do anything for me any more and I wont want to do it.

Ok babbling too much so i'm going to end this.

Days of no smoking- 6.5 (today is not over yet, sadly) *edit: i failed*
Reading- a TINY bit today, hopefully more later on *edit: i succeeded*
Last song scrobbled- 'Roboturner'- Between the Buried and Me

I need to start planing out my bloging thing because I dont have ideas and then I say hey tweet me ideas and everyone wants me to either talk about them or Katy's boobs. And its 11:47 and my brother is being a bitch and telling me to get off the computer. I sort of lose my mind when I get in front of the computer. Its ADD gone wild. Especially when I have this ability to multitask like a baws on this giant screen I have now. Skype, background music, checking random social networking sites, and then theres the stuff i'm ~supposed to do~. Like blog. This doesnt even count the things I'm supposed to do/distractions outside the computer.

I wanted to read today. Like a lot because I didnt read yesterday and i'm reading a book along with other people so i need to keep up. I DID NOT READ TODAY BECAUSE OF THIS COMPUTER.

I need to learn some self control. Lots of it is I feel like i'm going to miss out of something so that I just stay online to see what happens.

I guess I could make BEDA have an overarching theme of self control.

Speaking of self control and failing at it let me bring up the fact that I got back into smoking the last 3 weeks. It sucks. My current goal is to not do it within the month of August as a start.

So I guess I can end blogs with that as well

Days of not smoking: 6 or 7 I can't remember. Lets go with 6 because it will make me feel like i've achieved less which will make me want to achieve more

Reading: the same stuff I did yesterday with NO PROGRESS
Last song scrobbled: "The Grand Conjuration"- Opeth

I was told by my, I guess BEDA/Blaugust/VEDA/Vlaugust buddies (?), that I should talk about my family.

I don't really know what to talk about other then a general breakdown of where everyone "stands" for lack of a better word.

First of all I just have one younger brother who is going to be 18 the beginning of October. Everyone that doesn't know him thinks he's like 12 or something which is kind of funny.

So I live with my brother and my parents. My grandparents, my dad's parents, live 1 block over in the house that my dad grew up in (the house that WE live in actually belonged to an old lady that paid my dad to cut her grass and he waited for her to die to buy her house). My dad is one of 5 kids. I have 2 uncles and 2 aunts on his side of the family. My grandpa owns a farm that he used to take the family to every weekend to put them to work and stuff. The whole country thing rubbed off on everyone because all my aunts and uncles moved out to the country. One of them owns his own farm. So there you have it i am legit part redneck

All of my aunts and uncles are married except one of my uncles is divorced. My two aunts have kids totaling 3 cousins that I have- all 3 girls, all 3 younger than me and my brother.

My mom just has one brother who is married and lives in California where he plays piano professionally. Both of my mom's parents have passed away, her dad when she was really young and her mom a few years ago. I don't really know my uncle very well because I barely get to talk to him and he is kind of a difficult person (which sounds mean but i'm not meaning it that way. he's very cool just kind of different). His wife is very nice and friendly.

Then there are other intricacies like my grandpa's two brothers- one deceased and one married twice, and my grandma's sister. But those areas don't have anything interesting to talk about.

My family has lots of inside jokes like i'm sure most families do. We have certain words that we used and phrases that we use that are just riddiculous when you don't understand the context.

Here are some examples with the context intentionally removed:
Beebs
Formost (not foremost, this is a different thing related to a motorcycle)
Tutor Nelpa
The Shit Eatin' Grin
and now that i'm trying to think of them it occurs to me that there are not as many as I thought because lots of them are already existing things we just say them with a weird voice or emphasis to denote family things.

My family is weird in the way that only a family can be. Its difficult to explain

Our main traditions are the way we do Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Thanksgiving used to always be at my grandparent's farm but the trailer there has become run down and we haven't been there in a while. So now thanksgiving is at whoever's house happens to be able to do it.

As for Christmas we go by order of age of my dad's side of the family. I can't remember if it goes oldest to youngest or youngest to oldest but they seem to know. My aunt started a new thing last christmas where she bought a serving dish and a special pen to write down who's house it was at and what year it was on the underside of the dish.

Also my aunts/uncles/parents do secret santas which are drawn at thanksgiving. All the children (meaning my dad and his siblings) usually save up for one big thing for my grandparents.

we don't really have anything ~juicy~ that goes on so this blog is kinda lame.

5 words I misspell all the time:
Together
Ridiculous
I cant think of 3 more at 12:30am which makes me sad.

Currently reading:
half way through HP and the Sorcerer's Stone
Oblivion by David Foster Wallace

Last song scrobbled:
The Crunge- Led Zeppelin