Patrick Cassels.com

• Posts

  Posts

  Audio

  Profile
  • May 22, 13

    collegehumor:

    FOMO Horror Movie Trailer (with Anna Camp)

    Coming to a theatre only near your friends.  Not you. 

    Here’s a sketch I co-wrote (with Kevin Corrigan), starring the wonderful Anna Camp from Pitch Perfect.

  • May 20, 13

    Here’s me hosting a late-night talk show on a subway for Charlie Todd’s latest Improv Everywhere stunt. I had a fun time interviewing random passengers, and the talented Evan Gregory was my Paul Schaffer and laughed at my jokes, even if they weren’t good (most of them aren’t).

  • Emma Stone

    May 18, 13

    Me? Go on a date with Emma Stone? Let’s be honest: there’s no FREAKING way that would ever happen! “Why?” Uhhhh, let’s see…

    1. She’s the STAR of The Amazing Spider-Man! Come on! That’s a totally different job than I have. We’d have practically NOTHING to talk about.

    2. Not to mention, she’s a HOLLYWOOD SUPERSTAR. Hollywood? That’s on the other side of the FLIPPING country. I don’t think a long-distance relationship would work.

    3. She’s romantically involved with Andrew Garfield, and if I beat him up it’d probably be “a thing.” You guys know what I’m talking about. 
    

    4. She’s one of Esquire magazine’s “Sexiest Women Alive.” And who am I? Some chump who JUST ran out of cologne. Did somebody say “bad timing?!”

    5. She is objectively, vastly more attractive, wealthy and successful than my friends and it’d totally make things awkward at our wedding.

  • Gibson Clyde Daniels (fantasytitles) on Twitter

    May 14, 13

    The latest from Gibson Clyde Daniels (@fantasytitles). “I’m bestselling fantasy author Gibson Clyde Daniels. Here is the complete bibliography of my works.”

    Owen Parsons and I love fantasy novels, but not as much as fantasy novel titles.

  • May 12, 13

    I wish Grown Ups 2 was 90 minutes of this line on a loop.

  • May 08, 13

    Jake and Amir: Instagram

    I have no filter.

    I’m in this new episode of Jake & Amir, holding THE DOPEST BEVERAGE EVER.

  • May 06, 13
  • May 06, 13

    Ever Wonder What it’s Like to be Morgan Freeman?

    How we imagine Morgan Freeman spends his lunch break on a movie set.

    This video combines my two favorite things: eating, and Shawhshank Redemption stars.

  • Apr 04, 13

    John Haskell improves upon a classic.

  • Apr 03, 13

    City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly’s Gold

  • Mar 27, 13

    Game of Thrones Wish-Fulfillment

    It’s your fantasy fantasy series.

    I’m really excited about this cartoon I wrote with Owen Parsons, featuring some wild animation from Dan Meth.

  • Mar 22, 13

    Way into Newsreaders lately. Honestly I’m into any show that uses the phrase “widow cum.”

  • Mar 21, 13

    collegehumor:

    Bleep Bloop: The M&M’s Trilogy

    There are three M&M videogames, and they’re all completely insane.

    One of my favorite Bloop episodes ever.

  • Mar 21, 13

    I’m going to have sex to this song, assuming it’s still popular when I finally get a girl to sleep with me.

  • Mar 12, 13

    samreich:

    collegehumor:

    On March 19th, it becomes real. 

    Guess what?

    I’m really excited about this 3-part web series I wrote with my friend Ben Joseph. I also got to perform in it alongside the talented Ariel Winter.

  • Mar 08, 13

    owenparsons:

    I’m having a hard time finding the original Power Rangers theme song on Spotify. I did, however, find an orchestral version that’s pretty morphin’.

    There’s nothing more “mighty” than a concerto. 

  • Mar 07, 13

    This is charming as hell.

  • The 5 Most Notorious Scenes From "Diner"

    Mar 03, 13

    -When Mickey Rourke sticks his penis through the popcorn bucket

    -When Kevin Bacon sticks his penis through the box of Junior Mints

    -When Paul Reiser sticks his penis though the medium Dr Pepper

    -When Daniel Stern sticks his balls in the nachos

    -When Steve Guttenberg sticks his penis through the personal Red Baron pizza

  • Mar 01, 13

    Brody’s Other Homeland Videos

    Every vlogger has his breaking point.

    Here’s a sketch I wrote. It’s about Homeland, you know, that Showtime drama about jazz.

  • Feb 27, 13

    Hardly Working: Zero Dark Thirty Bros

    They’re weapons of self-destruction.

    Now that the Senate has dropped it’s investigation of Zero Dark Thirty, I can finally release this video I wrote and co-star in. Liberty wins, again.

  • I’m going to have sex to this song, assuming it’s still popular when I finally get a girl to sleep with me.
    (No streaming audio available)

    0 plays
  • owenparsons: I’m having a hard time finding the original Power Rangers theme song on Spotify. I did, however, find an orchestral version that’s pretty morphin’. There’s nothing more “mighty” than a concerto.
    (No streaming audio available)

    0 plays
  • Choral version of “Nothigng Else Matters” from the most recent “Zero Dark Thrity” trailer. It’s the first time a Metalica song has made me cry. Just kidding, Metalica always makes me cry.
    (No streaming audio available)

    0 plays
  • My favorite part of last night’s “Downton Abbey” premiere is when Matthew Crawley and Mr. Carson fight each other in slow motion to this song. Also I dropped acid before I watched last night’s “Downton Abbey” premiere.
    (No streaming audio available)

    0 plays
  • 0 plays
  • rachelbrowne: fieldmouse: Happy Halloween! Here’s a little track we recorded to celebrate ghouls. Happy hallows! It’s a day late but my friends Rachel and Andrew recorded this cool and creepy song called “Spooky Mulder” for halloween! It will send shivers down your spine and chill you to the marrow. HAPPY GHOUL-TOBER EVERYONE!
    (No streaming audio available)

    5338 plays
  • Shameful admission: I did not realize the “Golden Girls” theme was from a 5-minute Andrew Gold song until a road-trip last week, or that the song had a totally sweet breakdown-y thing at 2:45.
    (No streaming audio available)

    0 plays
  • My new favorite album to listen to at work. I AM AN EMAIL-SENDING WARRIOR GOD.
    (No streaming audio available)

    0 plays
  • amandalynferri: Pat introduced me to this song two weeks ago and I can’t stop thinking about it. I think the song is about a the lead singer wanting his girlfriend to die so she can hang out with his mom. It’s not romantic, it’s just weird. It also name checks Whitney Houston, Gilda Radner, Steve Jobs, and a ton of those dead celebrities that I am sure are cringing from heaven when they got a leaked copy of this album I was likewise introduced to this song by a friend. Only too happy to pass along the awkwardness.
    (No streaming audio available)

    0 plays
  • Christian Bale in Dark Knight Rises. This. July is Welsh invasion month!
    (No streaming audio available)

    0 plays
  • jstn: I had no idea that John Carpenter was any kind of musician, or that he composed the soundtrack to Escape From New York, or that it was so good. (thx nicho) Agreed. This is friggin’ amazing. He also did the Halloween theme.
    (No streaming audio available)

    0 plays
  • From an invaluable page of Idiocracy quotes.

    260 plays
  • Parks and Recreation Rap Today at work my editor Streeter wondered out loud how cool a rap that sampled the Parks and Recreation theme would sound. After Googling my way to E-Dubble’s “Hampden Parks,” it turns out the answer is: very, very cool.

    3709 plays
  • The Hangover’s “Stu’s Song” a dark horse Oscar candidate for Best Original Song? Entertainment Weekly’s Aly Semigran thinks so. It is, as he notes, an “unexpectedly melodic” tune. Besides, if Gene Hackman can beat Walter Mathau in Kotch for Best Actor, then I guess anything’s f*cking possible.

    3890 plays
  • In Vanity Fair’s January 2009 cover story on her, Tina Fey made an offhand comment about doing some voice-over work for a pinball machine in the mid-’90s. The gaming stie Kotaku went through the archives of the Internet Pinball Database (yes, the IPDb) and found the actual recording she did. Turns out it was for 1997’s “Medieval Madness” (tagline: “Behold the Renaissance of Pinball!”) in which she voiced the characters “Opera Singer” and “Cockney-Talking Princess.” I don’t care how many Emmy’s she has, nothing tops a career in pinball.

    1482 plays
  • Mirian Makeba, the South African singer who performed the unbelievably catchy song “Pata Pata” above, passed away today. Unless you count Rammstein or Bob Marley (which somehow I doubt anyone would), Ms. Makeba represented my sole knowledge of what countless compilation CDs would broadly classify as “world music.” In fact, I only fell in love with “Pata Pata” after it was played regularly in the park souvenier shop where I worked fresh out of college. It was a welcome break from the dour Enya singles and Pure Moods tracks that typically define upscale gift-shop Muzak.

    1199 plays
  • The new season of AMC’s incredible Mad Men premieres tomorrow. I could talk about how the show is the best new drama on television, or was the subject of a New York Times Magazine cover story, or has racked up roughly a shit-load of Emmy nominations, but any show than can find a way to close an episode with this bizarre Rosemary Clooney song (as Mad Men did in its seventh) hardly needs my support. “Watch it with someone you love… and then tell the ratings people there was someone else in the room when you were watching it.”

    986 plays
• Television

  Television

  • The CollegeHumor Show MTV (writer-performer)

    Dean's List mtvU (guest host)

• Web Series

  Web Series

  • Troopers (featuring Aubrey Plaza)

    Hardly Working

    CollegeHumor Sketch

    Dorkly Bits

    Overheard at the Movies

• Articles

  Articles

  • The New York Times Book Review

    • What In God's Name

    Slate

    • Max Headroom
    • Detroit Needs Robocop

    McSweeney's Internet Tendency

    • Top Gun
    • 1984
    • Rip Torn
    • Lightsaber
    • HAL
    • Remotely Good Movies

    Best Week Ever

    • TGI Friday's Waitress

    CollegeHumor

    • Richie Rich Grows Up
    • Blunders of the Galactic Empire
    • My Poorly-Edited Autobiography
    • More...

    Yahoo! Movies

    • Brad Bird

    Pitchfork

    • Laughing Stock: Doug TenNapel

    Cracked

    • Worst Products
    • The Skulls

    Vice

    • Direct-to-Video Violence

    Split Sider

    • Simpsons Week
    • Vince Gilligan

    Nerve

    • The Hollywood Guide to Infidelity (with Gwynne Watkins) 

    Kill Screen

    • Boxed Out
    • Laughing Stock: Ron Gilbert

    Dorkly

    • Game Night

    Other stuff

    • The Faster Times
    • 10-Year-Old Movies
    • Eye On Springfield
• Books

  Books
  • 
    

    Mountain Man Dance Moves: The McSweeney's Book of Lists (2006)

    
    

    CollegeHumor. The Website. The Book. (2011)
• Acting

  Acting
  • Just like Andy Garcia does!

    The CollegeHumor Show (MTV)

    Dean's List (mtvU)

    Star Wars Subway Car (Improv Everywhere)

    The Mute Button (Improv Everywhere)

    Carousel Horse Race (Improv Everywhere)

    Bad Hostage Negotiator (with Rob Corddry)

    I'm Such a Nerd (with Katrina Bowden)

    Mad Libs Men

    If Other Directors Made The Social Network

    National Fart Hearings

    The Infinisphereb (with Zach Woods)

    First Person Shooter Trial

    Hello, My Name Is

    Bleep Bloop (co-host)

    Bake Sale (Jake and Amir)

    Interpreters 3 (Jake and Amir)

    Interpreters 4 (Jake and Amir)

    Fired

    
    

    
    

    
    

    
    
• Press

  Press
  • 

    The A.V. Club

    NBC

    The New York Times

    ESPN The Magazine

    The Jace Hall Show

    The Comic Book Club

    StarWars.com

    The Village Voice

    NPR