Thanh Ngan "Tammy" Thang Tran.
After thinking about it for so long, I am finally starting a new Blogspot blog ! Don't forget to follow !
I saw that I kept losing motivation to keep it updated, so I believe that starting over will be more effective.
Also, I'll try my best to put more pictures on it. This new blog will document my life adventures. It won't really be a diary anymore, like this blog used to be so.
Nevertheless, I have enjoyed writing about my daily life. Remembering the most non significant moments never fails to make me laugh and smile.
Until then ! xo
I really can't believe 2012 is almost over ! It has been such an amazing year, filled with new experiences and wonderful memories. I don't really have done anything particular to mark the end of the year, with only Dinh Phong coming over to repair my disfunctional jailbroken iPod haha, but I really can't wait for 2013 to start. I really hope it'll be an amazing year. 2013, come at me bro !
And until then guys, take care, and Happy New Year to you all. I wish you all the best. xx
Be thankful for every heartbreak, for they were planned. They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. Their purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life. And you do.
Two things define you. Your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything.
My dear,
I hope you are fine right now. Fortunately, I am, too. You know, life can be so difficult sometimes, so cruel as well. The proof is that, life has taken you away from me. You were taken away from me, just like that, without leaving anything behind you, not even a warning upon your departure .. but only memories to cherish and a broken heart to mend. Or maybe were you slowly forced to leave me, so subtly I wasn’t even aware of it. Whatever is the actual circumstance, they all lead to one same answer : you were taken away, far away from me, and I know you are not coming back. You will never come back.
Now that I think of it, I was so stupid. And pathetic, too. I have lost so many words, so many tears, and so much time for the wrong person. I was supposed to dedicate this heavy burden, which was so precious to me, to you, yet I still gave it to him, who actually never deserved it. He never deserved any of it. All of those incomplete poems, songs, endless paragraphs that just tear my heart just by reading them once more. All of those tears I have shed, and that seemed to flow into this unknown world. All of this time that was gone and that will never be back, thus wasted in vain. These were not meant to him, but to you. But I didn’t know that before, and by the time I knew it, it was already too late. I am sorry, my dear.
But I am still so mad at you today. Even after all this time. Why did you have to go ? You were my “definition” of the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Then one day, you were suddenly forced to go, leaving this disgusting man fill up your place instead. I am probably the only one of your entourage to be sad from it all, but who knows, this might be for the better. And that is the real tragedy of falling in love.
I have never forgotten you, and maybe I never will. I still remember those auburn eyes from yours, that seemed to glow with love every time I would look deeply into them. I still remember those big, yet soft hands of yours I used to hold, where “comfort” was the only word I could use to describe them. I still remember that messy hair of yours, and that would switch styles and colors almost every month. I still remember those e-mails and letters, so mushy, yet adorable. I remember everything, but as time passes, I slowly start to forget you. And I don’t want that. I don’t want to forget you. I never wanted to. Not after all of this. I don’t want to believe this was only an illusion.
But the person who has taken your place proved me the opposite instead, which only made me despise you more. It has been so long since you were gone … you’ve been dead in your grave for so long, so long that maybe my mind is fooling me with the blurry memory you’ve left me. And this is why, I tell myself it’s better to forget you. It breaks my heart every time I tell myself you’re gone, forever .. The reason why I took the breakup so hard, was because there was no longer any kind of chance for me to be with you again. You were gone, forever. He was the one to call it quits, and I knew you were already gone because I know you would never leave me, unlike him who has done so. I stayed with him, begged him to stay all this time, only with hopes for you to come back .. I was waiting for you, my dear, and I could wait forever for you to be back into my arms .. But unfortunately, he was going to stay, and he is certainly not ready to leave for now. I never loved him. Maybe I did, but not as much as I loved you .. I was over the relationship, I was over him .. But I was not over you ..
But I know that one day, I might forget you for once and for all. I barely remember you. What if what I was saying about you just now was false ?
It’s only been about two years since you were gone, but it seemed like an eternity. I grew accustomed to your absence .. and I know someone else is going to give me this blissful feeling of love you have never given me before.
Well then, this is goodbye. Goodbye, my former flame, my deceased love.
Ok so MQ went to meet up with L and I and he told us we had a meeting next week, and he forgot the room it was taking place at, so I went with him to the headquarters because the room was written there (I DIDN’T EVEN GET IN, I WAS LIKE JUST AT THE DOORFRAME OK). Then MQ went in and literally left me, and I saw this guy playing cards with other first responders / friends and he saw me and had this “what the heck are you doing here” look and it felt so intimidating omg in my head I was just like “don’t kill me I just want to write up the room for the meeting and I’ll leave ok” so I started looking around the room very anxiously to find the freaking room and leave .. and I couldn’t find it so I was like “GODDAMMIT WHERE IS THE FREAKING — oh” because it was written on the board just beside me but AT THE VERY BOTTOM OMG SERIOUSLY LOOOL. I also forgot my stupid pencil so I had to remember it by myself but my attempt was successful.
THIS WAS THE MOST DISTRESSING MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE OMG NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN.
yeah the end ok
Love doesn’t
always mean
forever.
You have to find the right distance between people. Too close, and they overwhelm you, too far and they abandon you.
Lately it’s been hard to live in my body.<br/> My heart is full of skeletons. My palms<br/> are bleeding from clinging to a love<br/> like the sharp edge of a knife.<br/><br/> But you kiss me like forgiveness. You <br/> hold me like I’m hope. Like a promise to<br/> leave more than scars. Your arms are gauze. <br/> Loving you heals me.
I am just so disappointed in people.
What don’t you know about something that should remain confidential ? Did you know that this kind of thing was considered “taboo”, thus meaning that it was not something appropriate to share to the public eye ?
How did they even know about that, then ? You’ve told them, didn’t you ? Otherwise, how would they have known that ?
I am very upset at the fact that you didn’t even have the audacity to still preserve some kind of respect or whatever it is called for me, to literally wound me in the back and exposing such things to them. Yes, I admit that the words I have uttered about you back then were sadistic and cruel, but I still had the dignity to not tell what I should have not, unlike you who has done so.
I just wait because I think people will find me. And I’m not the kind of person who will knock on somebody’s door. I wait. If they’re good for me, they will come towards me.
We all have bullets beneath our skin we pray our lovers won’t flinch at when they find.
I don’t want to compete for a place in your arms. I want to be needed without hesitations. Without limitations. Even without communication.
Love is not good for you.
It ruins you.
It’s ruining me.
I’ve spent most of my life and most of my friendships holding my breath and hoping that when people get close enough they won’t leave, and fearing that it’s a matter of time before they figure me out and go.
People waste their lives holding back, whispering what should be shouted.
This trait of yours literally IRKS me, it’s so crazy how much it does.
Stop acting like you’re some innocent kid, and oh puh-lease, quit typing in this annoying way because it doesn’t make you any cuter.
You’re only making yourself a fool. You’re fucking 20 years old, my goodness.
Quit it. This is getting so ridiculous.
So I played Nyanicorn instead of studying in Chemistry yesterday
and now I’m only taking a short break from Chemistry to end up thinking like
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME UGH I DONUT UNDERSTAND