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I wish love was first come first serve. There’s nothing worse than being the girl who starts something she can’t finish. In heaven. Sleepy. Fed.
I wish love was first come first serve. There’s nothing worse than being the girl who starts something she can’t finish.
Accurate depiction of adolescent over analyzing and unjustified mountains of hope. Oh yeah and a kiss. New prospects? Not too bad.
Starting a new chapter in my life. Who isn’t? Lets see how this goes. Wanna tag along?
Une Fille Comme Les Autres from Jalouse blog on Vimeo.
| Essie Black, Make-Up Forever Lipstick and Liner, Plasticland Glass Skull Mug, Hot Topic Rib Cage Sweater |
| Yummy |
| image via tumblr |
| Relaxing in Bryant Park |
"Today an idea can change the world"
| My mother and brother ゚・*:.。..。.:*・゚゚・*:.。..。.:*・゚ ゚・*:.。..。.:*・゚゚・*:.。..。.:*・゚ |
| They have Yebisu Beer :O |
| Inside Oh!Taisho. |
| Nyla eating her bit of sugary death. |
| My bag~ |
I have always been a goth/punk kid at heart. Even when I got more into the cutesy side of Jfashion I still managed to gravitate toward the more dark looks, punk loli and such. But aside from having colorful hair occasionally my wardrobe has been void of anything that isn't black, grey, white, punk, red, spiked, striped, etc. That kind of style seems to be very popular these days and I'm not sure if it's who I am following or just kids today or a combination of both, but I have been seeing some super inspiring photos all over the interwebs lately. Most recently I came across this photo.
I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. Part of that is because 1, my camera battery died and when it dies I die. 2, I relocated computers, I switched from mainly using my laptop (which has everything on it) to my desktop (which has bl games and various tv shows.
| Me eating what was left of my big ass burger with a knife and fork. |
I really wish I didn't feel the need to talk about this crap. Frankly I along with im sure many people are just fed up with racism and prejudice of any kind. But after having an altercation with someone plus just random conversations that have seemed to come up on the topic I felt the need just to say something. If you read this, please take time out of your life to watch this video.
I don't even know where to start with this. Being black myself I know a lot about what they mention in the videos. I like to think I am a lucky person in some sense that I have never experienced any racism or prejudice from other races. At least that I am aware of. However, I get alot of hate from people of my own race. When I moved to this country, even as a kid I always felt like I was different just from that alone. In my elementary school there were mostly black kids and I have no clue why but I just didn't fit in with them. No matter how hard I may have tried they weren't having me. It was mostly the girls that were hating or whatever and was left with most of my friends being the .5% spanish and white kids in the fucking school. I didn't have the cool adidas that were popular at the time or my hair wasn't pressed like everyone else's or long down to my butt or anything Oh and my mother fucking favorite reason for being hated on by my peers is that "I talk white". I am sure every colored person has heard this from people in your neighborhood, school, job wherever. That because you use proper english as a black person it is called talking "white". Whatever that means.
I am sorry if this is all over the place but my emotions get all crazy when I think about this shit. I have never received any hatred from any other race except my own. If I chose to go outside without a perm or my roots being nappy or some shit someone always has something to say. But my friends that were asian, white, spanish didn't care. They saw it as me being myself. I have never dated a black guy and none of my boyfriends gave me any kind of shit about my skin, where I am from, my naps. So how is it that they could accept me for my ethnic wonders and my own people think that when your hair is not permed it is "nasty" and doesn't look taken care of.
As I got older, the struggle to maintain the love of my color and race became harder. Society period puts alot of pressure on people in general, especially women of ever color to be beautiful. Which today's america believes that to be white long haired colored eyed size 4 woman. Being a tall fat black girl it would've been very easy to fall into hating myself because I was so far from what society thought was beautiful. But I had to check it and ask myself who the fuck was society to decide how I should feel about myself. I think I look damn good. I never had any problems in the boy department, I have been many guys first fat girl or first black girl and they never complained.
In the circles I am in, which is mostly the anime and jpop culture fiends, beauty in our circles is a 5'4 80lb Japanese girl. The boys think so and the girls think so. When I started dressing goth, it was seen as a "white thing". And when I went to concerts or just shopping you start to notice that you may just be the ONLY one of your color in that room. When your young you get those feelings of "if I was _____, I would be more beautiful and more accepted". Ladies this is not true. I may not be a certified guru or any kind but if there is one thing I can tell you it is this. In all 100% honesty you cannot change people who don't want to change. I have lived in all kinds of ghettos grew up on streets that had drive-bys and still left my house everyday being me. Whether it was goth, punk, decora I never let the world around me stop me from being myself and finding myself beautiful.
THIS GOES OUT TO EVERYONE. Not just girls of color but people in general. We have got to break out of this bullshit and self hatred. We can't do too much about the world or society. That isn't a reason to hide yourself because you don't feel accepted right away. Find the beauty within yourself and show it to the world, educate them about who you are and make them get used to it. So what if my dresses have lace and frills? SO what is my nails are super long and my hair is super big? So what If I have fat thighs and big arms? So what is my skin is super pale or super dark? So fucking what? You are spending time out of your life to think about me when all I am doing is going about my business. I love myself I am beautiful and guess what? There is nothing you can do to change that.
Don't give people the power to tear you down. Be proud of who you are, where you come from, what you have to offer. And fuck the people who can't accept you.
This post is pointless. The only reason why I want to do this is because I am super excited about this new album I got. I write, it keeps me sane, it's a great hobby and it's just fun. When I write I listen to all kinds of music, but I try to keep it low-key so that I am not singing along or anything cause I get easily distracted(especially when I am pondering on what my character[s] should do/say). I often find myself listening to classical music, or a specific classical song on repeat. My favorite concerto by Bach. But I only can listen to it on youtube and I have to keep playing it over and over and it's so annoying. So I tide myself over with a Dustin Halleron Opus and Clair de Lune. Anyway long story short I got fed up with being deprived of my beloved Johann and went on an interweb adventure to find this darn song so I could write to it. And I did, finally. It's a piano version though which is sad. It's much better on harpsichord but I am not complaining. It sounds lovely and I am listening to it right now.
I guess in an attempt to make this somewhat relevant/cohesive with my other posts I could talk about my hair for a moment. I have been "trying" to grow my hair for a couple months now. Telling myself that I would break away from my comfort zone of short hair and nurture my hair to longer lengths. The reason why I say "trying" is because since I declared I would grow my hair I have cut it about 6 times MINUS the monthly trimming/dusting I do to my ends regularly. If you know me, you know I used to wear braids alot. Then I took a little break but about a month and a half ago started up again.
Although the title would have you think otherwise, this isn't a post about para para. But, because I saw the extended trailer last night I thought I would share it with you all. Even though most of you have probably seen this already. Anyway, the (long) trailer for the upcoming live-action remake of Paradise Kiss.
| Stephanie was deco-ing her camera |
Where do I start? I should have done this post as soon as I got home but I was tired and then I got busy later oh wellz. I woke up super early that morning and was still fussing about with what I was going to wear when I realized it didn't matter what I had on, I should just be myself and I would at least be comfortable and be fine with that.
| Minaihito** |
| I look busted but look at all the Rilakkuma shit <3 |
| Porky Mina with Tall Amina from ANTM |
| Camwhoring (*^o^)乂(^-^*) |
Wang Yi Fei, courtesy of the Tobin Ohashi Gallery
Untitled (Self-Portrait), 2006
Ivory Fiber Glass-reinforced Programmable Dancing Boots by Joe MacCarthy
I’ve ruined so many undies from unexpectedly getting my period so I just drew it on there permanently
best