Lori Smith
Vintage-loving sex-positive LGBT feminist and blogger. Loves lingerie. Bit of a geek. Also... rarely wears lipstick.
Blog: Rarely Wears Lipstick- @lipsticklori Twitter Stream
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Posts
- Sep 30, 12
The time has finally come. Yes, I've only gone and moved to a self-hosted WordPress install! Thanks to the fantastic technical skills of Amanda Jones, you can now find me over at...
www.rarelywearslipstick.com
The old domain will redirect there, so no one should get lost along the way. See you on the other side! - Sep 28, 12One of my favourite subjects to write about for BitchBuzz has been sex. Not only have I written opinion pieces and shared a few tips, but I've also reviewed sex-related books, conferences, exhibitions and museums. I've pondered why some people think burlesque is all about sex, discussed a bit of health and safety, and have also ranted about Fifty Shades. Here are some links to a few of my favourite BitchBuzz Sex articles from the the last few years...
- Stay safe and get tested
- Flicking the ol' bean: girls and solo sex
- Does female ejaculation actually exist?
- Helpful tips for when you're 'going down'
- A girl's guide to good ol' back door lovin'
- Kink 101: curious about your kinky side?
- Why not take the 'scenic route' in bed?
- Why your sex life is none of my business
- Having fun while 'flying the red flag'
- Things teen mags never told you about sex
- Say yes to 21st century sex and relationships education
- Getting off on good vibrations
- Should consent be assumed in fantasies?
- How to have better sex, but not the Cosmo way
- The pleasure of antici...pation
- How to cope with a lack of sex
- Is female sexual arousal disorder a myth?
- Going home for Christmas? Keep it down!
- Friends with benefits: perfection or problematic?
- What's the most offensive word to use in bed?
- Should our private lives be public knowledge?
- Sep 27, 12As you probably all know by now, I am about to begin two years of part-time study alongside my full-time job. I've spent the last few weeks planning and chatting to colleagues who have also done an MA whilst working, and it's slowly been sinking in. Even if I cancel my entire social life or only update this site once a week, one thing was sadly inevitable: I will no longer have time to write for BitchBuzz.
I have enjoyed the last two years and ten months tremendously. BitchBuzz is a wonderful website with great content and I am so proud to have been able to contribute. With the help and support of Cate Sevilla, her team of writers and the lovely BitchBuzz readers, my own writing has improved considerably and I have learnt so much along the way. Back in December 2009, the first of many articles I've written for BitchBuzz was published. Entitled Respect & Protect: Condoms, HIV/AIDS and Ignorance, I started as I meant to go on. My aim for my weekly sex column was to educate rather than titillate. After all, there were plenty of people already doing that on the internet and they were far better at it than I could ever hope to be! My blurb on the credits page said:"The ethical non-monogamist known as Lori has spent over 17 years involved in extensive field research in order to ensure BitchBuzz readers are well informed about sex. It's been a long and winding road, taking her from young ingénue to woman of the world, via an appearance on Channel 4's More Sex Tips for Girls. She is hoping to be able to fully reclaim the word slut for the good of womankind some time in 2012."
So, did I achieve what I set out to do? It's pretty much impossible for one woman alone to change the opinions of the western world, but I like to think that I did a tiny little bit to help. If I changed the opinion of one reader, opened someone's mind to new possibilities, encouraged even one person to be proud that they are gay/bi/straight/kinky/slutty/asexual/whatever, then it will all have been worth it. I may have started out writing about sex because I thought I knew something about it, but I soon realised that there is so much more that I don't know.
Over the next week I shall share some links to my favourite BitchBuzz articles that I have written on sex, relationships, style, culture, feminism and life in general. I hope you'll enjoy re-reading some of my 'best bits' from the last few years, and I also hope that you'll continue to read what the site's current writing team have to offer. Goodbye BitchBuzz - it's been fantastic! - Sep 26, 12Guest Blogger #18 - Chantal Younis has been working in international marketing for over 14 years. Through her consultancy, she works with business owners, entrepreneurs and charities to set up practical, effective and creative marketing. You can catch up with her marketing musings on her blog or on Facebook.
You may have a work life you love. In that case well done! You can skip this post and go onto the next one. However if you find yourself with the creeping anxiety, ‘there must be more to life than this”, or just looming deflation on Sunday evening about Monday morning, read on.
Six months ago I was getting Sundayitis on a Friday evening. I decided life was too short to be living for weekends, annual leave and loving May because it has three bank holidays in it. I had a successful, management job in the city, an amazing network of friends and went abroad for trips three or four times a year. But none of that eased the sheer agonising dullness of my work-a-day week.
I knew I was deeply dissatisfied and the hardest thing I needed to do was to work out what it would be that would make me happy. Here are six steps I used. An Enjoyment Audit was what I called it. They are silly-simple, but they work. They certainly did for me.
Note – these are mainly list based, because I am built that way (if I do something off list, I add it on to the bottom and cross it off). But mind-maps, pictures, sketches or whatever makes sense to you would all work.- Write a list of all the things you would do if you won the lottery; clear your desk, put on our favourite inspiring music, turn off the phone and go crazy. Don’t self-edit – just brainstorm.
- Write a list of things to do if you had six months to live. See the instructions above and apply.
- Compare the lists side by side.
- List one should sum up what you would do if money were not an issue.
- List two defines that which is important to you when there is a lack of time (and there is never enough time!). It should weed out all those day-to-day things we think we “ought” to do, that don’t necessarily add value to our lives.
- Look for the correlations – travel, reading, crafting, learning, spending time with your family? This will leave you with a list of what is important to you. This is your Love My Life List.
- Next leave behind that mind-set that these are things to do once you have the day-to-day business of living done. You can’t just live for weekends or retirement. Having worked out what makes you tick, now is time to decide you deserve to have these things make up the bulk of your life. This is possibly the hardest step, as it will go against most of what you have always been told to do... work hard now and you will get what you want when you retire/find a husband/die and go to heaven. Personally I’d rather enjoy what I do right now than take a punt on the unknown future.
- Now look at your day to day life. Work. Hobbies. Weekends. Trips. Drudgeries. How much of this matches up to what is on your Love my Life list? How much of what you do right now makes your heart sing. Ask your nearest and dearest for their thoughts of when you are happiest and what you do best. This can shed an interesting light on things.
- Set out five things you can do in the next week to shift away from the things that drag you down and let you do more of what you love.
- Get someone else to take them on: Your hated tasks (balancing the books) can very well hit someone’s satisfaction list. Cajole, swap and negotiate your way around these.
- Get rid of them: Do they really need to be done? What happens in six month’s time if they are not? Some things matter – taxes won’t go away. Something’s don’t – no one will die if you don’t alphabetically order your CD shelf.
- Prioritise the things you love. Offer to take on new projects that involve them. Develop them. Practise them. Let people know you love cooking and will cater for their dinner party for a reasonable price or skill swap. Start that adult ballet class. The more you do of what you love, the more you love.
- Add a new five each week until you feel you have the right balance.
Going it alone is the next stage, not one that may suit most, and entire story for another day. However doing a enjoyment audit is a very good place to start and my Love My Life List reminds me of what is important on those Monday mornings. - Sep 25, 12Guest Blogger #17 - Bethany Carman Rutter writes the fatshion blog Arched Eyebrow. She also tweets quite a lot about a whole host of other topics, so I asked if she'd like to write a guest post for Rarely Wears Lipstick. Here are her thoughts on jealousy.
‘I couldn’t do it. I’m too jealous’. So ends most discussions I have about non-monogamy. Like the pin that bursts the conversational balloon, bring up ‘jealousy’ and the chat comes to a grinding halt. I even, this morning, witnessed a young woman on Twitter say she’s not ready for another (monogamous) relationship since she’s too jealous. It’s as if jealousy is simply part and parcel of all romantic/sexual relationships.
There’s a cliché that rolls around my brain sometimes: ‘if you love something, let it go’ (etc). That cliché best encapsulates the non-monogamous approach to jealousy. Non-monogamy is always letting go. It’s always letting your partner spread their wings. It’s always knowing they’ll come back as long as they want to.
Jealousy isn’t romantic, productive, positive or necessary in a relationship. Anything revolving around perceived ownership of a partner isn’t healthy.
I have an extremely close and non-negotiable friendship with an ex-boyfriend. I have close relationships with all genders. I share beds, platonically. I hold hands, platonically. I take holidays, platonically. I say ‘I love you’, and I mean it. None of this has any bearing on how I feel about the people I chose to enter into romantic or sexual relationships with. Which is why it works for monogamy, too. Jealousy of any of these things would be commonplace in a monogamous relationship. It would be expected that a weekend away with an ex would cause a fight. It would be expected that a full and frank apology would be in order for sharing a bed with a friend. Because they would have caused jealousy.
But really, what if they had nothing to do with you?
Jealousy is illogical because it asks the question ‘why am I not enough? Why do you need to do that with them?’. Whether that is eating Korean food, going on holiday, a particular sexual practice, watching horror films or, indeed, anything at all. Non-monogamy opens your mind to the radical notion that lots of people
can be good for you. That you can be attracted to and stimulated by lots of people. And not all of that attraction or stimulation has to be romantic or sexual.
Non-monogamy can help jealousy because it helps you un-learn that you’re the centre of someone’s world. Monogamy seems to teach that one person is meant to solve all your problems, fulfil all your desires, share all your interests and exist in perfect synchronicity with you. Non-monogamy accepts that this is not the case. It understands and anticipates conflicting schedules and differing interests. It accepts that it is highly unlikely, if not impossible, that one can flick the switch marked ‘sexual attraction’ into the ‘off’ position as soon as one
is in a relationship. It’s the clear vision of the fact that we thrive on exchange and interaction. That we make better partners when we’re excited and happy, not when we’re feeling limited or trapped. It’s the understanding that needing romance or sex or friendship from someone else isn’t about our own ‘failings’ or ‘shortcomings’ but a natural desire to put our passion to good use.
First image via Rubén Chase's Flickr photostream. Second image by lipsticklori. - Sep 24, 12Guest Blogger #16 - Clarabelle describes herself as a "daft teenager trapped in a 30-something's body". She sells vintage clothing, adores charity shops and doesn't shave her 'pits. She knows about a lot of other stuff too though, and has kindly written a guest post for Rarely Wears Lipstick on the subject of relationships.
The Beast With Two... Everythings! How to avoid becoming a "We" Monster.
We’ve all been caught up in the whirlwind of emotion when we start dating a new partner. They are endlessly fascinating and endearing. Every spare moment is dedicated to thinking about the texture of their skin, the way they look when they’re concentrating, or what their reaction would be to the article you just read. It’s obvious that your friends will experience it too - they’ll gush and beam, and you’ll hear all about the beloved’s wonderful qualities. That is... if they’re not too busy marvelling at them to see you.
You probably have someone like this in your social group - someone who’s so bowled over by the shiny new object of their affection that they vanish for a while. It’s understandable, but what happens when it goes on too long?
When you’re single or in established routines, it’s easy to make time to see friends and spread a support network across plenty of people. You know roughly what’s going on in advance and can arrange to meet for dinner, drinks, or quiet nights in. After the initial period of immersion in their new relationship, you’d hope that a friend you previously saw often would want to resume a similar level of intimacy. They’re still the same person, after all, and nothing else has changed!
As we grow, a lot of us find that romantic attachments wax and wane, but firm friendships have lasted the test of time. When you go from evenings à deux poring over the minutiae of your lives to finding that you’re far lower on their list of priorities than you thought, it hurts. Maybe you are even at risk of doing this to your own friends. Here are some ways to check yourself:- What’s the nature of an event? A night in the pub might seem like a fairly open invitation, but perhaps it was meant to be a catch up one on one. Check before you respond with “We’re free that night!”
- Do you have separate interests from your partner? It might seem like the perfect match to meet someone who’s also into dancing classes, sushi restaurants AND book fairs, but try not to abandon your original buddy, invite them along. Don’t stop pursuing your own interests, either.
- Remember what you get from each individual. Do you have a colleague who understands your work pressures like no one else? Does someone make you laugh uncontrollably, always offer a non judgemental ear or make you feel comfortable letting your hair down? Even though the desire to let a love interest be your default need-fulfiller is strong and natural, it’s healthy to rely on more than one person. The chances are, your friends have plenty that they love and admire about you, and they’ll be grateful to have more of you in their lives.
- Sep 23, 12
As I mentioned on Rarely Wears Lipstick last month, Victoria's Secret opened its doors to the UK in July. I wanted to review one of the stores but, after reading some bloggers' experiences and seeing their photos of the flagship store, I was well aware that it's probably not my kind of thing. So, in the interest of balance, I asked a few of my friends to review it alongside my slightly less ranty burlesque alter-ego. Two Americans and two Brits: we are sceptic, fan, enthusiast and... intrigued. So, what did we think?
The Long Time Buyer – Kinki no Neko
Having lived most of my life in the States, Victoria’s Secret has never been a special occurrence for me. That is, until I lived in London. Needless to say, when they made their grand appearance here, I had to check it out for myself, and see how it compared with the US equivalent. To put it mildly, this VS is a bit more over the top. I discovered from talking with the lady in the VIP area (another London Bond Street speciality) that this is the only VS in the world that owns the building, and could therefore go hog wild with the decorating.
Many things remained the same; the store carried all the same styles and fashions in an array of bright colours. The attendants peppered the store with their tape measures, ready to assist and/or shoe-horn their way in. The dressing rooms were posh. The one unsurprisingly different thing was the price. What currently makes the difference for me is the lack of online presence. When in the States I could shop online and save 50% off the already cheaper US storefront prices, here there is no option. The prices seem absurd for the product, and I feel they are likely to lose footing in the mainstream as a result.
The Former Lover - Dharma Grrl
In the US I was a dedicated Victoria’s Secret customer who bought online and even had a store credit card. Having been away for five years, I’ve obviously had to shift my lingerie-buying habits to UK sellers. When I heard about Victoria’s Secret entering the UK market, I was both intrigued and sceptical. Why sceptical, you might ask? VS used to do my bra size measurements. After a few years of being in London, several of my friends told me they thought I was wearing the wrong size. I got re-sized recently and discovered that I had indeed been wearing entirely the wrong size all along. Since buying my new size my back problems have improved significantly; it has been such an improvement. With this in mind, I was particularly interested to have the London VS re-measure me.
A woman who worked at the incredibly glitzy New Bond Street shop (four floors with by far the most expensive Victoria’s Secret lingerie I’ve ever seen, including catwalk costumes decorating the place) measured me fully-clothed in the middle of the shop. She gave me the same measurements I’d been given by VS as a teen, and all the bras I subsequently tried in that size were far too small for me. I tried on the size recently recommended by a UK lingerie shop and voila – it fit properly! Otherwise my impressions of the shop, while aesthetically pleasing, were that the quality did not justify the prices and the very modern styles would not appeal to vintage fashionistas. VS’s quality and product diversity will need to improve to compete with UK-based lingerie sellers, not to mention their ability to take accurate measurements. In the meantime, I’ll happily stick with What Katie Did.
The Utter Sceptic - Miss Lolly Pops
The Bond Street flagship store, with its blacked out windows and shiny staircase, looks like a cross between a sex shop and Stringfellow's. It's kinda how I would imagine an Essex nightclub to look like if it were trying to be "classy". The store is themed: sexy stuff on the ground floor (including perfume), teen stuff downstairs (too hideous for me to even enter), and more casual stuff upstairs (including VS sweat pants and pyjamas). Rather than going for seasonal collections, they seem to be simply producing every bra style in All The Colours. This resulted in far too much choice and therefore quite a headache for indecisive old me. Perhaps that was due to the perfume though! Credit where credit's due, their complete and utter dedication to the moulded plunge bra has to be seen to be believed. However, £50 for something that looks like it came from La Senza is asking a bit much. Sadly, I had to leave before I even encountered the reported hideously bad fitting service. My senses were somewhat... overwhelmed!
The Glamour Puss - Honey Schnapps
Victoria’s Secret on Bond Street is a massive Barbie palace opposite Fenwicks (allegedly upset by their new brash American neighbours). Through the main entrance, you enter a shiny corridor lined with pink chandeliers adorned with bow pendants. The main staircase is a mega glass structure with a huge video backdrop of Victoria’s Secret shows. The staff are approachable and smile a lot, there are displays of fantasy costumes worn by ‘Angel’ models, a VIP room, even the lift button lights up pink and there are toilets so you never have to leave the palace!
My favourite range is Very Sexy on the shiny black ground floor. Blinged up push-up bras and thongs in loud colours and nightwear such as sheer leopard gowns - my kitsch heaven. Other ranges include the sporty Love collection (blinged up hoodies!) on the pastel-coloured Lower Ground, and the everyday Always Sexy (they love that word!) on the bright pink 1st floor. If you’re looking for grown-up sophistication then Victoria’s Secret isn’t for you. It’s girly, flirty and brash which explains the high number of teenage customers. If a Disney princess wanted lingerie for a sexy night in, she’d got to Victoria’s Secret on Bond Street.
Images by Cheryl. See her review of the Victoria's Secret Bond Street store at Invest in Your Chest. - Sep 23, 12
Thanks very much to everyone who entered my Moranthology competition. In the grand tradition of Caitlin Moran's embarrassing stories, you shared some truly cringeworthy moments in your lives. As she came with me to the book launch (and therefore already has a copy of the book herself), I asked Amanda to choose who should win. After much thought, she decided that public nudity and humiliation in front of an audience is probably about as embarrassing as you can get. So, the winners are... Jade and Allie! I'll be in touch to get your postal addresses so that the publisher can send your books to you directly.
Jade's story
During my first year of Uni, I went to a cocktail bar with some friends. It was having some kind of soul/jazz/other sophisticated kind of music night, so I was attempting to demonstrate that I, on occasion, could too be sophisticated. I was doing this quite successfully by drinking cocktails out of ridiculous tiny glasses (and avoiding the hearty Tequila Sunrise, which came in a pint glass and looked like value for money) and by not going to the toilet ever, so that it wouldn't be obvious that, in heels, I walk like I've got skis strapped on.
However, after too many Barbie-sized cocktails, I remembered that I knew an artist who might be considered soul. Or jazz. Or something sophisticated. He wasn't a cool, obscure musician that I could chat about for hours (I only had his Best Of album, which I'd pinched off my Dad) but I could go up to the DJ, quietly request the song (Let's Stay Together by Al Green, that isn't the embarassing climax), and hopefully an amazing song would come on next and everyone would attribute it to me and they'd go, 'Wow, she is the queen of sophistication' and I would go, 'A-thank you, a-thank you' and tip my glass at them. The plan made far more sense at the time than it does now.
So I lurched over, on my skis, leaned in, and whispered my request to the DJ. He stared at me quite intensely, so obviously I assumed that my beauty was so bewitching, and my song choice so excellent, that he was lost for words. I actually smiled at him, sexily (drunkenly), and flapped my eyes around a bit. Then I realised the music had stopped. My boobs had fallen out of my dress and onto the record. My boobs had stopped the music. In the whole bar. And everybody was now staring at me. Except for my table of friends, who were laughing so hard that each had gone a different shade of purple and one had his inhaler out.
The DJ, God bless his soul, did not break eye contact with me but instead calmly peeled the record from my breasts, placed the record back on the turntable, and carried on like normal. I don't really remember the rest of the night, probably because I actually died of embarrassment and my ghost had to carry on with the evening instead. And also because of the cocktails
Allie's story
When I was 16, I was a very avid thespian, and I took advantage of any chance I got to do a bit of acting. One day, as part of my classes, I was scheduled to take part in two little class performances, playing a male role in both. I thought it was a fantastic idea to bind my chest, but the best I had to do it with was an Ace Bandage (something used to support joint sprains usually). So I did my hack job binding, donned a froofy silk shirt and went with it.
The first skit (in which I played Lysander) went without a hitch, but by the time I reached the second skit, I noticed that my Ace Bandage wasn't staying in place quite as well as I'd hoped. I didn't have time to check it though before I went on as Greek stud Adonis. As according to the script, Persephone and Aphrodite fought over me, each taking an arm and pulling back and forth....until suddenly the buttons of my shirt were flying everywhere. I looked down to see that, given the sad state of my bindings, I was pretty much standing bare chested to the whole room. The whole class, including the teacher (who was video taping this, I might add) burst into hysterics, while I hastily closed my shirt and asked to be excused for technical difficulties. I quickly realized that there was no salvaging the shirt, so I acted out the rest of the skit desperately holding my shirt closed. I got an enthusiastic round of applause. - Sep 20, 12I know it's been a little while since I was treated to a ghd masterclass and given a lovely new ghd air hairdryer to go and try the tips for myself, and I suspect that some of you may be wondering why I haven't yet posted the results of my experiments yet. First of all, I should probably point out that I don't wash my hair all that often. It's usually twice a week, or once a week if I'm really lucky and don't overdo it on the hairspray! (That may sound gross if you're a once-a-day kinda person, but trust me when I tell you that my hair really does prefer to be left to its own devices for a few days.) Secondly, I've been rather busy and so this post has been partly written since Sunday.
I digress. My first attempt with my new hairdryer was a sleek speedy blow-dry before bed in the middle of last week. I didn't have much time but didn't want to go to bed with wet hair, so I figured it was the perfect time to try out whether the ghd air really does dry your hair as quickly as it claims. I roughly dried my barnet and then divided it into three sections, as suggested by Lorna - and very hastily done, I should add! - before using one of the nozzles and a round brush to try and smooth it all out a bit. It wasn't exactly salon perfect but I didn't exactly spend a lot of time on it. The most important thing to note was that, despite my usual 'lazy girl' attitude to blow drying, the result was still a vast improvement on what I managed with my old dryer. FYI, the ghd air website describes the dryer thus:"So what makes the ghd air different? Well, almost everything. Its 2,100W motor makes it much more powerful than a normal hairdryer, while the body itself is shaped to give you a faster blow-dry. The ghd air doesn’t just dry your hair, it uses advanced ionic technology to lock in moisture for softer, shinier results that last for longer, with far less frizzing. Variable power and temperature controls, plus the choice of two nozzles, allow you to tailor your blow-dry to your hair type, while a cool shot button helps you set your style in place with a blast of cold air."
They should really add a bit about how it's so good that even a half asleep lazy woman in a rush can still get shiny hair with no help! My second attempt was last Sunday morning, before going out to meet friends for lunch (see photo). A tiny bit more time taken over the blow-drying, and then not sleeping on it straight afterwards, meant I achieved a nice glossy effect without much effort. My fringe in the photo was styled using straighteners, but the rest wasn't. Look... no frizz (unlike before)! My friends commented on how nice my hair looked and then (after telling them about my ghd air experiment), on how nice it felt too! So that's definitely a thumbs up from me. Just think how good I'll be with it once I've practised some more. - Sep 20, 12With the help of the lovely ladies at Lovehoney, I have begun to discover that there is a sex toy for every bit of fun you can think of, and a whole load more that you can't. Each week I shall look at a different category of sex toys but, like my last A-to-Z, they won't always be quite what you think. As you might imagine, all links are NSFW!
There are so many types of novelty sex toys out there that it's difficult to know where to begin. Some are so utterly hideous that they would surely only be bought as a comedy gift for someone who would never use them. Others are ingenious or just downright baffling. There are vibrators that are designed to blend in with household objects like rubber ducks, lipstick, a make up brush, mascara and also Sex in a Can (click on that link at your own risk!). There are emergency vibrators that you are clearly supposed to keep on hand just in case the hen night you're on wasn't as raucous as you'd hoped. If the classic fluffy handcuffs aren't really doing it for you any more, perhaps a vampire cock ring or a 10 speed scorpion vibrator would be more to your liking? You can even get something to fit onto your electric toothbrush these days. But is that a novelty, or just essential item for those who need to be discreet?
My favourite recent novelty find this week just has to be the Doc Johnson Wonderland Kinky Kat (see photo) which is apparently "designed to make you grin like a Cheshire cat". The Alice in Wonderland theme continues with the heart, mushroom, white rabbit and "pleasurepillar" vibes. Who could resist collecting the set, eh? - Sep 21, 12As I mentioned briefly in my post about Caitlin Moran's book launch last week, the lovely people at Ebury Publishing are giving away limited edition boxed proof copies of Moranthology to two lucky Rarely Wears Lipstick readers. After hearing lots of embarrassing and cringeworthy stories from Caitlin's life, told to a theatre full of people, I figured that we all need to share a bit more of this kind of thing. So, to be in with a chance of winning, all you have to do is leave a comment on this post telling me about the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you. (Mine's probably the time I met that bloke off of Blue Peter, but you don't have to write anything as wordy as the blog post I penned about that little incident.) You have until midnight on Friday 21st September to enter, so be quick. I'll get someone awesome to pick a winner on Saturday. Don't forget to make sure you leave an email address so that I can get in touch to tell you if you've won. Good luck!
- Sep 17, 12
Recently, I was invited to sign up for a new website called Shopcade, have a play around with it and write a review. It was described to me as "an online platform that lets you curate the products you love and gives you cash back when you purchase them. There are also competitions, the opportunity to earn cash back if followers buy from you, and a host of other awesome features. It works a little like Pinterest, so it’s fairly self-explanatory and intuitive." Having never used Pinterest, I had no idea whether being like it would ensure ease of use, but I did at least get the concept - click a button to add stuff to your online collection of pretty pictures. Seeing as any pinboard of mine would probably be filled with photos of clothes I like, this sounded like it might be my kind of thing.
The site combines two of many people's favourite pastimes: social media and shopping. It's not all fashion either - there are so many products on there that it can be tricky to know where to start! I signed up quickly and easily, by linking the site to my Facebook account and before long was selecting items to add to my personal Shopcade. Although this makes it very easy to get started, it does mean that you can't select a username or photo specifically for this site. Seeing as my Facebook account is rather private, this isn't a solution I'm 100% happy with. Given a choice, I'd rather tie this in to my Twitter account - perhaps this is something they've got planned for the future? The reason they link you in to an existing social media platform is so that they can share your picks with your friends, and therefore lure some of them in to joining Shopcade too. That said, it's considerably less annoying than some apps that can be added on Facebook, so I doubt it'll lose me any friends just yet!
It's not as pretty as Tumblr, but it's a fun way to shop and discover stuff you wouldn't usually notice. You can follow brands, as well as other users, and it's easy to keep an eye out for exciting new products as soon as you log in. There are a few perks on Shopcade too - cashback when you buy items via the site and discounts you can unlock by telling your friends - which seem like they would be useful to anyone who shops a lot. Shopcade also have a fashion month campaign titled 'Shopcade Trend Scout'. You can win the ultimate Autumn Winter look by creating a Shopcade account and completing the Fashion Week Mission, plus there's a competition where they'll be asking their Twitter followers to upload photos with the hashtag #shopcade in order to win a retro camera from Firebox.com. If all this sounds like it's up your street and you want to set up your own Shopcade account, don't forget to follow me. You can also follow Shopcade on Twitter. Happy shopping! - Sep 18, 12Do you like Caitlin Moran, but didn't really fancy all that How To Be a Woman stuff? If so, then Moranthology is for you! Described as "proof that Caitlin can actually be 'quite chatty' about many other things" by the rather exciting book blurb, this new title promises to be a hoot for teh menz too. Seriously, who wouldn't want to read Caitlin's thoughts on stuff like Ghostbusters, the welfare state, Sherlock, David Cameron looking like ham, Michael Jackson's funeral and squirrels' testicles? I most certainly do!
That's why, last night, you would have found me at the Bloomsbury Theatre wearing my "this is what a feminist looks like" t-shirt and listening to Moran chatter away about all sorts of stuff at her book launch. There were serious questions at the start, then some from the biscuit tin (a la Smash Hits), plus a few from the audience. We heard about how she accidentally killed Kurt Cobain, that most of her embarrassing celebrity gossip involves herself, that her daughter likes squeezing spots, her favourite ginormous twattish mug recently broke, she'd invite Madonna to her fantasy dinner party (as Madge needs to be reminded what fun is), she's a bit obsessed with a photo of Bruce Springsteen, and there was a terribly cringeworthy incident with David Tennant and a tea tray. I won't even go there. After hearing Moran talk for an hour, I wanted to hug her and take her to the pub. But then the time came for the signing and Amanda and I figured we'd probably just embarrass ourselves, so we didn't stay. (Never meet your heroes, right?) It looks like you can watch a recording of the whole thing over on Caitlin's website, so I won't try and remember it all now. Think I might just re-watch it myself later. When I'm not reading the book, of course!
Looks like I might be getting my hands on a couple of copies to give away to you lovely people too, so stay tuned for a competition-type-thingy in the near future. Don't say I never give you anything, OK?
Screengrab taken from the #caitlinlive video. - Sep 20, 12
On Sunday afternoon, I headed across London in the sunshine to the What Katie Did boutique for the launch of their AW12 collection (and a sneak peek at SS13 too). It's always a real pleasure to visit their beautiful little corner of Portobello. Not just because of their lovely lingerie, but because of the warm friendly welcome they always give every single customer who walks through their door. While we waited for the fashion show to begin - enjoying cupcakes and cocktails courtesy of the fantastic Vintage Patisserie - I drooled over the gorgeous Cabaret knickers with their art deco 'modesty panel'. Katie told me that they were partly inspired by a sheer pair of vintage briefs that she found which had a fig leaf embroidered on the front! She decided that, although the idea was beautiful, a slightly less quirky design might be a bigger sales hit. Those briefs are already on my wishlist.
When the time came for the fashion show, there was quite a crowd of us gathered excitedly. The models sashayed around the store in the latest styles, to vintage music, while we all brandished our cameras or mobile phones. There were some definite highlights for me in this section. The Clarice lingerie in beautiful vintage colour eau de nil is absolutely stunning. There is a 40s style bra with beautiful vintage detailing, which combines beautifully with the classic side fastening French knickers, plus a more modern bra, briefs and suspender belt for those who prefer a more structured look. Those who were already a fan of WKD's Lulu lingerie will be pleased to hear that the red organza with black lace overlay is back for this season in a bullet bra, underwired bra, deep knickers and suspender belt. There's also some skimpier knickers, for those of you who just don't do big pants.
After a short break for a delightfully saucy burlesque performance from Miss Miranda and Sophia St. Villier, we were then treated to a peek at the SS13 collection. Red and cream, sheer and satin, twists on existing styles, and exciting new directions. There was even a beautiful variation on the most recent WKD bikini, with bows down the side of the briefs. Just as well they have some really pretty stuff in store this season, because it's a long time to wait until spring!
UPDATE: You can see the fashion show for yourself (and an edited version of the burlesque performance) in The Vintage News' video from the day. - Sep 11, 12I got my hairdryer as a Christmas present from my parents, some time around 1992. It was a professional style dryer and came with a diffuser (which was handy for my then-permed hair), and a nozzle for blow-drying straight. I have since broken the diffuser and lost the nozzle but the hairdryer is still going strong. These days I only really use it to dry my fringe as, if I try to dry my entire head of thick coloured hair with it, I get the dreaded frizz. If I sort out the fringe and leave the rest to dry naturally, it looks lovely... until I brush it. Here's a lovely shot of my slightly wild looking fluff (see right). Basically, I can't win and so have to resort to spending ages with straighteners to get it looking smooth. I don't always have the time or energy for that!
Hairdryers have improved a lot in the last 20 years though. Rather than simply blasting your hair with heat, these new ones claim to have all kinds of magic to help you look salon fresh with a minimum of fuss. Do they actually work though? The ideal approach would be to try before they buy, right? See the effects on your own hair rather than simply reading the blurb. Makes sense really. So, what do you think the best way to promote a professional hairdryer called the ghd air would be? How about sending a ghd air boutique - housed in a converted Airstream trailer - on tour around the UK for a month with a bunch of stylists who can show you how to blow-dry your hair at home? Funnily enough, that is exactly what ghd have done! The boutique will give members of the public the chance for a professional blow-dry from the ghd Style Squad, absolutely free.
The first stop was Covent Garden and I was lucky enough to be offered a 30 minute master class with Lorna Moore (Senior Educator and ghd Style Squad Mentor) on Saturday afternoon. The team were busily working away when I arrived at midday, and the temperature was already sky high, so I was pleased that I was able to sit outside in the shade with Lorna smoothing my locks to the strains of Imelda May and Blue Harlem. A fan of retro rockabilly styles herself, Lorna was only too happy to style my hair in victory rolls, but she gave me a demo of the ghd air and some tips first.
Lorna reckons you should aim to get your hair around around 60-70% dry before sectioning it off to create a smooth effect. Just turning your head upside down and blasting it is fine, apparently. Once that's done, add a bit of root boosting spray to create texture and retain shine after styling, clip back the top and the middle sections (it only really needs dividing into three), and then start at the bottom using a paddle brush to smooth the hair as you dry it from root to tip. Doing this with all three sections should require minimum effort, as the ghd air apparently does the hard work for you! She showed me the change in appearance and texture of my hair after this was done, and it looked super-smooth and glossy. Hopefully I can recreate this myself! Lorna then created some soft curls for me, using a classic styler, leaving them to cool before brushing through with a paddle brush sprayed with hairspray. The rolls were reasonably easy to create - given triangular sections of hair, plenty of backcombing and lots of patience - and so I then put on some lippy to have my photo taken before heading off to meet friends. Sadly, I was a bit windswept before I had the 'after' shot taken for the blog, but I hope you can still see the difference.
I was given a fantastic goodie bag - containing an actual ghd air of my very own! - and so I shall report back soon on my own styling attempts. If I can manage to get smooth hair at home with minimum fuss, I shall be very pleased indeed. Lazy should really be my middle name! Check out the ghd air boutique on Facebook to see where they're heading next and tweet #ghdmycity and the name of your city if you want them to come to your neck of the woods so that you can claim your free blow-dry. The team really do know their stuff so it's worth a look.
Images of me kindly taken by Jon Topper. Image of the air boutique via ghd. - Sep 07, 12
Women are all over magazines. Open one up - whichever gender of adult it's aimed at - and you will most probably see far more images of women than you will of men. This means that we're analysed and judged far more often than men are in magazines, yet we still spend our money on them. Loads of cash for something that, most probably, makes us feel shitty? And then we spend time complaining about that*? As Sali Hughes wrote in The Guardian when Brigitte magazine announced they were ditching their 'real' women as models policy, "we as consumers need to decide where we really stand and vote with our wallets — not continue to say we want one thing while consistently preferring another."
This week, I did a magazine comparison to give you a little bit of insight without having to spend money. The September issues of Esquire and Elle were bundled together by the publisher for an (apparently) bargain price, so I thought that it would be a purchase which would give me something to read on a train as well as some blog fodder. As you might imagine, there was a lot of content that would fill many women with rage. Plenty of images which portray women as vacuous bints in skimpy clothing. Many WTactualF moments. As far as I'm concerned, most (if not all) of these were provided by the title aimed at women. Yes, Elle, I'm looking at you with my stern face.
That particular issue of Elle comprised 376 pages (excluding the cover), 168 pages of which was display advertising (45% of the mag), 32 pages was classified advertising (8% of the mag) which means a total of 53% of the magazine is advertising. There were 59 pages of fashion shoot images (including those accompanying interviews), which was around 15% of the mag**. In addition to Elle's main subject of fashion, this month covered: career, beauty, books, film, music, dating, astrology and travel. (Yes, astrology.) Elle has a lot of messy pages called 'edits', which are like mood boards and perhaps of little interest to all but the fashion obsessed. To me, they were like the sort of thing an art student does to quickly fill up a sketchbook, giving them something to show their tutor before a deadline. After wading through masses of advertising and yawn-worthy fashion 'edits', I finally reached the section of the magazine with actual content. Proper fashion spreads and decent articles, all squished at the back of the magazine. Somewhat confusingly, they also put an article on abortion in the beauty section. It's as if the content was an afterthought once the advertising was sorted.
In contrast, September's issue of Esquire was only 200 pages (excluding the cover), 79 pages of which was display advertising (39% of the mag) with no classified ads. It was a special style issue so I counted 42 pages of fashion shoot images (including those accompanying interviews), which is a massive 21% of the mag**. In addition to all the menswear, this month covered: cars, food, travel, drinks, tech, grooming, culture, wisdom. (Why can't women's magazines have a monthly 'wisdom' feature?) Interestingly, the "what women want" feature mentioned on the cover of Esquire is actually a report on what (heterosexual) women like men to wear, and the writer actually asked other women too. The only really annoying thing about this magazine was that, as with many women's fashion mags, there were a lot of models who looked far too young for the clothes they were wearing. Thankfully, this was made up for with fashion shoots featuring David Beckham and Matt Smith. Esquire contained minimal laddishness and maximum interesting content (for a big name monthly glossy, anyway).
So, what did I discover from this little exercise? Well, not much really, as I didn't go for a truly rant-worthy title like Cosmopolitan or FHM. I did discover that, if this was supposed to be an equivalent pairing of titles, the publisher thinks that men are interested in a far wider variety of topics than women. Come on, we all like food and drink, right? Women drive cars too! To be honest, on this evidence, women's monthly glossies are still not worth the money they charge and are only really useful for aspirational lifestyle drooling. If you want a women's mag that inspires and doesn't make you feel shit about your fashion sense, dress size, skin, hair etc, then buy a copy of Psychologies. If you want a bit of fashion, grab a free copy of Stylist or Shortlist. Or you could, ya know, try the internet.
*I realise that I'm doing this now, so will keep my spending and whining to a minimum.
**My page counting was very rough, so all data is approximate! - Sep 14, 12With the help of the lovely ladies at Lovehoney, I have begun to discover that there is a sex toy for every bit of fun you can think of, and a whole load more that you can't. Each week I shall look at a different category of sex toys but, like my last A-to-Z, they won't always be quite what you think. As you might imagine, all links are NSFW!
Metal is one of the most sensual materials that sex toys can be made out of. The shiny look and smooth feel of the surface is what draws people to them, but that's just one aspect of their appeal. You can heat metal up or cool it down - carefully, of course! - for a bit of sensation play, and the sheer weight of these toys can be exciting all by itself.
If you've got plenty of cash to splash, you could treat yourself to the nJoy Eleven. As the name suggests, this is 11 inches of beautifully sculpted and hand-polished stainless steel pleasure, and it comes with its own leather carrying case (pictured). For a slightly less exorbitant price, you could get straight to the point with the Pure Wand's gorgeous curve, or enjoy the variation of the Fun Wand. Mention the name nJoy to any sex toy aficionado and you will no doubt be treated to a review or a list of reasons why they started a wishlist for the brand!
If you don't have the budget for nJoy toys, Metal Worx have some beautiful products at a cheaper price. Their Double Trouble Metal Dildo is cleverly designed to simulate two fingers and a thumb and, if you can't work out how you'd use it, check out the Lovehoney blog for a hint. Metal Worx also have a smooth dildo, crystal tip nipple clamps, butt plug, a metal mini vibrator and a beautiful (if rather oddly named) anal tool. Something for everyone in that little selection, I'm sure.
If you want a sex toy that's beautiful, functional, easy to clean and will last for years, metal really is the only way to go. - Sep 03, 12Have you every really thought much about glasses? Many people wear them, and many more wear sunglasses, but this is an area of fashion which is often ignored at any level other than consumption. You rarely see fashion spreads on glasses, gallery exhibitions, or young people desperate to design eyewear. All that may be about to change though. From 12th September, the Fashion Space Gallery at London College of Fashion will host a fascinating sounding exhibition called Framed! Contemporary Eyewear in Fashion.
"Framed! explores the cultural significance of contemporary eyewear and celebrates the rise and rise of fashion’s ultimate luxury accessory. Charting eyewear’s historical development from the mid-twentieth century until the present day, its role in fashion and popular culture is explored via the use of iconic archival objects and imagery."
I have always loved the look of glasses and have frequently considered their potential as a style statement, even though I've never really viewed them as a luxury fashion item. Silly really. If you wear them all the time, then why not select a frame shape which suits and a brand which says something about you? Eyewear is as important to the luxury market as watches and it's (usually) more affordable too.
In related news, I have heard on the grapevine that fashion accessories design graduates are in high demand, and there are a lot of big brands out there with jobs they can't fill. So, if you're looking to get into fashion design and have a flair for the more sculptural aspect, why not consider a course that will teach you to design any sort of body accessory from bags to eyewear? After studying BA (Hons) Cordwainers Fashion Accessories, you could have a job waiting for you at the end. How many fashion students can say that? - Sep 03, 12Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month seven bloggers - ALBJ, Delightfully Queer, An Open Book, More Than Nuclear, Post Modern Sleaze, Rarely Wears Lipstick, and The Boy With The Inked Skin - will write about their views on one of them.
You might think that polyamory is amazing all of the time but, sadly, you'd be wrong. As with other types of relationship, there are bad times as well as good. As far as I'm concerned, the good times more than make up for the bad, but it would be remiss of me to never mention the bad times in my writing. How would that give you a decent insight into the life of someone who is polyamorous? There are many tricky aspects of being poly and some of them aren't quite what you'd expect. One of those is coping with loss, as it is often a very different experience to that of the monogamous majority. However understanding people usually are, some of them will probably find it difficult to relate to our circumstances. We may be coping with losing a partner, but we are far from alone.
If we are out to monogamous friends and colleagues, missing a long-distance lover or a recent ex-partner can sometimes be made worse by insensitive comments. "Never mind, you've still got another girlfriend!" are not words which lessen the hurt of a break up. Missing one partner when you live with another can be met with a sort of "and I'm supposed to be sad for you, why?" confusion from non-poly folk, especially those who are single. We're living the dream so why on earth should we be sad? Well, guess what folks? Having more relationships means that you get more of the sad stuff too. Having another partner doesn't make the loss of a relationship less painful. Having many lovers does not make you miss the one who's out of the country any less. Travelling towards a boyfriend doesn't make the sadness of leaving your girlfriend behind go away. All our relationships are individual to the people involved.
That said, being polyamorous does help in these scenarios to a certain degree. Having partners, lovers, metamours and poly friends around you can work wonders because, not only do they care about you, they understand too. The hurt of breaking up with someone you're still in love with can only be healed with time, but it can be soothed by knowing that you're not alone. Polyamorous people aren't impervious to emotional pain, don't always know what they're doing and aren't always in relationships - just like everybody else. We're not perfect and we're certainly no better or worse than you at this. Missing someone sucks. Let's hope none of us have to do it that often, eh? - Sep 02, 12Dear Steven Moffat
Whilst I appreciate your continued dedication to keeping one of my favourite television shows in its rightful place on BBC1 in the prime time Saturday night slot, there is something we really need to have words about. Two words, actually: a phase. To have a female character refer to an ex-girlfriend as "just a phase" might have seemed like a throwaway line to you, but it will have struck a nerve with most of your bisexual viewers. To have your sexuality dismissed as "just a phase" by friends and family is something you've probably never experienced, but bisexuals are treated that way far more often than you'd think. To have a character on a successful television show use that phrase about her own sexual history will mean that a whole bunch of people will feel their narrow view point has been validated.
Do us all a favour and take a tip from your predecessor. If you're going to include a character who's attracted to men and women, make them a bit more like Captain Jack Harkness. Make them bold and unapologetic. Make them strong and decisive. Or... just don't even go there. To be honest, we preferred it when you weren't even trying to restore 'the gay agenda' to Doctor Who. We also preferred it when Amy wasn't a model and River wasn't obsessed with the size of her own arse, but we were trying so hard not to complain. Let's hope the way your female characters have been going is "just a phase", eh?
Yours hopefully
Lori Smith
Image via Radio Times. - Aug 31, 12Following on from last Friday's post about femme as an identity, I realised I had a few unwritten thoughts on the subject of femininity. Earlier this year, Lady Cheek told me about the World Femininity Day celebrations that she had planned for London. This was during a discussion on feminism and I have to admit to being a little shocked. Once I analysed my initial reaction I realised that, inadvertently, feminism had taught me that being girly was a bad thing. I'd picked up on the second-wave views that expressing femininity was about "giving in to the male gaze" and you (apparently) can't smash the patriarchy in high heels, but I'd never really considered what I thought about that. I always felt like a feminist fraud in my Vivien of Holloway frock and petticoats. And why? Because of what some people I don't agree with said? They messed with my mind and told me that traditional girl stuff was bad and wrong but... nothing's ever quite that clear cut.
One of the arguments I heard about The Avengers movie, revolved around the treatment of Black Widow. To some, using your feminine wiles is 100% bad and therefore showing a female character who cried to get her own way is rather sexist. To others, Black Widow was simply using other people's weaknesses against them in an extremely clever and effective way. To quote a friend of mine, it was "classic spy stuff". The same was true of Selina Kyle in The Dark Knight Rises. Amazingly smart manipulation of other people's assumptions about her made Anne Hathaway's character a very successful thief, but one which many feminists would probably hate with a passion. I discussed this with Amanda, who reminded me that classic feminine traits shouldn't automatically be considered bad. When men manipulate people to get their own way, it's the mark of success. When a woman does it, she's a fucking bitch. Why is that?
Come on society, sort yourself out! Men and women can be different yet still treated equally. And it's not as if all women are the same now, is it? Don't get me started on that subject again. - Aug 28, 12Although I don't really 'follow fashion' as such, I do view it as something of a challenge to adopt at least one new trend into my wardrobe each season without really trying. There is always one trend that a garment you've owned for ages fits perfectly. Or one that encapsulates something you like always buying anyway. In addition, you can keep up with at least one new trend just on vintage finds alone. So, I know summer's not quite gone yet, but here's what's inspiring me for autumn/winter 2012.
Heritage
Who doesn't love a bit of tweed and tartan, eh? I have a long vintage kilt that has become a bit more fashionable all of a sudden, and I'm always drooling over tweeds and dog-tooth checks. This one might be a bit more tricky to make work with my usual style, but it's an easy one to piece together with second hand clothing.
Military
Back in the early 90s, I took a trip with my uni friends to The Clothes Show Live in Birmingham and I bagged a bargain - an ankle length full-skirted double-breasted red wool and cashmere coat. With the Russian hat I brought back from a school trip, that coat looked seriously epic. Sadly, I have no idea what happened to it, but any trend which brings me a little bit closer to owning its replacement is fine by me.
Gothic
Does making black a 'thing' ever go out of fashion? You can play this one minimal in style, or OTT with lace and leather, but it's pretty easy to find pieces that you'll still be wearing for years to come. Grab yourself some dark red lippy too - like Besame's Merlot - and you'll be a dark mysterious femme fatale in no time.
Purple
Whether it's this year's berry shades or last year's jewel colours, purple just keeps cropping up so it's worth adding to your wardrobe. It's also worth seeking out because it's a really lovely colour! Failing that, I'll be sticking with the oxblood velvet jacket I've had for years. Who knew it'd end up looking current all over again?
So there you have it. I can't do minimal, cocoon coats drown me, and I've yet to find an optical or baroque print I could carry off, but it was easy to pick out the trends which work for me. Why not give it a go? Once you've done that part, shopping for winter clothes will seem so much easier too.
Image of Vivienne Westwood 'Foggy' jacket via Liberty. - Aug 28, 12Over the weekend, Hella Walkington blogged about monogamy, polygamy and polyamory. She asked me to write a little bit for it and, I have to say, I was a bit surprised by her inclusion of the word polygamy. I have never met anyone who would describe themselves as polygamous, and wasn't even sure what it meant any more so I looked it up. Although it's a very interesting post, and Hella reckons that the term doesn't need to relate to marriage these days, I still think it's a word with far too many other connotations to be able to successfully reclaim it. Besides, we have many other terms we can use instead. Below is a list of the types of non-monogamy that I have encountered, and my definitions. Feel free to add to this list, or elaborate, in the comments below.
Cheating
A sexual and/or romantic relationship with someone who isn't your partner, where your partner doesn't know about it. This type of non-monogamy is not considered ethical as it doesn't have the consent of all involved.
Swinging
An arrangement between (usually) heterosexual couples where casual sexual encounters outside the relationship are allowed, within specified boundaries. This requires the consent of all involved.
Open relationship
A type of relationship where partners agree to see others, with consent. This can involve anything from casual hook-ups to long term love affairs. Swinging and polyamory are both types of open relationship.
Polyamory
A relationship style where all partners agree that love is not finite and it is therefore possible to love more than one person. Consent, communication and negotiation of rules/boundaries are key. You can be polyamorous with no serious partners at all, or many.
Polyfidelity
As with polyamory, but with a closed group. Instead of two people promising to be faithful to each other (as in monogamy), polyfidelity can involve groups of three, four or more who will not venture outside that group romantically or sexually.
Apparently there was also a discussion on BBC1 this Sunday to discuss whether infidelity can be "a good thing for relationships". Dr Meg Barker was representing a more ethical and consensual point of view than the discussion may have taken otherwise, and has written about it on her blog, Rewriting The Rules. As Dr Barker points out: "As I mentioned on the programme, my major concern about infidelity is not the sex outside marriage/relationship issue, but rather the deception, secrecy and dishonesty involved." This is why so many of us bang on about ethical non-monogamy. People view infidelity as cheating. Cheating involves lies. What we're advocating is consent, which is a part of polygamy too. It still doesn't make it onto my list though! - Aug 24, 12A couple of things happened to me on Twitter (where else?) today that got me thinking. When I was younger, I knew that I liked girls but never realised that I liked them enough to be labelled bi. I thought there was some kind of rule that meant you weren't bi unless you'd been in relationships with people of more than one gender. It took a while, but eventually I realised that this was rubbish because, a) orientation is mainly about desire rather than actions, and b) there isn't really a rule book, no matter how many people tell you otherwise. Once I'd realised that my desires didn't just relate to one gender, I decided to adopt the label of bisexual for myself. Earlier last year, I pondered the meaning of the word queer and whether or not it applied to me, but I'd not really given it much thought since then. After all, I may lust after women, men, trans women, trans men, androgynous genderqueers and - much like Captain Jack Harkness - pretty much anyone who falls into my broad definition of 'hot', but The Bisexual Index's FAQ has a very nifty section explaining how you can still be bi even if you don't believe in the gender binary. Case closed.
I forgot all about it, until a friend posted the following on Twitter today: "I suddenly kind of wish I'd gone to BiCon just to learn how to properly identify as bisexual. Feel like I lack identity and don't belong." I've pondered going to BiCon a few times for this very same reason, but I'm not entirely sure that I'd fit in there. I went to one bi meet up at a pub a few years back and, do you know what? They were all very nice, but I didn't really feel like they were my kind of people. There were no fantastic outfits or crazy hair colours, no amazing make-up, no feeling of creativity and enthusiasm for the silly side of life. Give me nerds or queers any day (ideally both!) and I'll have a massive grin on my face. I feel like I belong when I'm at Festival of the Spoken Nerd. I feel like I belong when I'm amongst rowdy friends at the RVT. Another friend posted a link to Effing Dykes' post about FemmeCon and I realised that I'd totally fit in there. I'd not figured out that the way I embrace feminine clothing could be anything other than 'disguising myself as straight'. I'd not realised that this might actually be my gang. I feel like such an idiot for not working this out before!
If anyone needs me, I'll be shopping for some gigantic earrings and picking up my brainy specs from the optician.
Image by the fabulous Ben Hopper. - Aug 23, 12Last month I told you about lovely Jess Hawke, the Heptagrin Girl, and how she came up with the design for her heptagrin spiral skirt. I also told you that I'd ordered one from her Etsy shop and that we were busily choosing fabric for it. Well, after a short email discussion which ended with me saying that any of the colours in peacock feathers would suit me just fine, Jess managed to find some vintage Liberty print with actual peacock feathers on it. Combine that with a lovely bottle green duchess satin and what do you get? Pure awesome in skirt form, that's what you get!
Once the fabric had been chosen, Jess ordered it and then sent me some samples to check that I was fine with the colours. As soon as she returned from her summer holiday, she was on her sewing machine faster than you could say 'heptagrin' and updating me on her progress via Twitter. It didn't take long before she told me that a parcel was on its way to me (that girl is fast!), and it arrived just as I was leaving for work yesterday. So, here's the finished skirt. Isn't it absolutely beautiful? If you fancy one of your own, you can contact her via Etsy or Twitter. Who says maths and fashion don't mix, eh?
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Tweets
- Home safely. @jtopper met me at the station.
- @lydiasquidia So true. *sad sigh*
- @belle_lettriste Sounds like things kicked off a bit. Hopefully I can avoid it though.
- @MrSnowgarden Thanks. Hopefully my route from the station will be trouble free.
- @photogirluk Thanks. Wish I'd worn stompy boots today :-\
- @lydiasquidia Apparently there's a bunch of EDL knobheads in Woolwich right now. Urgh :-(
- Wonder what I'll find when I get back to Woolwich? :-\
- @giannagee @jtopper @manda_jones I'm not home yet. DLR's still running to Woolwich though, which is a good sign!
- RT @sarahluv81: Any sex ed that doesn't include info on self esteem is pretty poor sex ed #gendersexldn
- Final speaker at #GenderSexLDN tonight is @DrAlisonAfra, discussing her research on "tweens, porn and sexual harassment"
- "Risk assess in an informed way" "sex can never be 'safe', just safer" @Seinneann at #GenderSexLDN
- "How do we create learning that addresses the commonality of experience?" @Seinneann at #GenderSexLDN
- Brilliant demonstration from @Seinneann of inclusively using hugs :-) #GenderSexLDN
- Next up is @Seinneann, talking about the 'how' of sex education. #GenderSexLDN
- @TransMediaWatch Thanks for that!
- Interesting exercise in script vs negotiation. We did handshakes, but there were many parallels to sex. #GenderSexLDN
- "That would have to be some seriously magical sperm" @bishtraining on the mythical dry humping pregnancy. #GenderSexLDN
- At @GenderSexLDN listening to the fabulous @bishtraining talking about sex education. Fascinating stuff! #GenderSexLDN
- @illuminated0 @jtopper OK, cool :-)
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Info
- Summary
I am an online writer who specialises in fashion - specifically vintage/ethical and lingerie - feminism, sex and relationships. I have appeared in The Guardian, Glamour, The Metro, Attitude, and Channel 4's More Sex Tips For Girls in the UK, as well as Swedish-language magazine Ny Tid (Finland).
I was part of the fashion panel at SHINE 2011, the UK’s leading unconventional conference for socially-minded entrepreneurs. I have also been a panelist at the first sex blogger and erotica writer's conference Eroticon 2012, and was a speaker at female blogger conference Cybher12. In 2012 I was a finalist in the Writer category of the Erotic Awards.
I have been writing for a number of websites, including my own, since 2002 under the names Lori Smith and Lorraine Smith. I am currently studying MA History and Culture of Fashion (part-time) at London College of Fashion.
Specialties: feminism, body-image, style, vintage, fashion, ethical fashion, lingerie, sex, relationships, LGBT, burlesqueExperience- Mar 2012 - PresentContributor / Ms Wanda's
I am a contributor to the Style Advice section of the Ms Wanda's Wardrobe ethical fashion website. I write about ways for fashionable people to incorporate eco, ethical and sustainable options into their wardrobes.
http://www.mswandas.co.uk/ - Mar 2003 - PresentOwner / Blogger / Rarely Wears Lipstick
I have been blogging in one form or another since 2002, but I started to regularly write on my own site in March 2003. My personal blog's current incarnation, Rarely Wears Lipstick, is a lifestyle blog "with a hint of style and a splash of feminism".
http://www.rarelywearslipstick.com/ - Dec 2009 - Sept 2012Columnist / BitchBuzz
I was a regular contributor to the women's lifestyle website BitchBuzz for almost three years. I wrote a weekly Sex & Relationships column, plus additional stories when required for the culture, life, style and news sections. For a short while, I also assisted the Editor with community aspects of the site by engaging with and updating our readership via social media.
http://www.bitchbuzz.com/ - Jan 2003 - May 2006Contributor / The F-Word
I wrote many articles and reviews for UK feminist website The F-Word, under the name Lorraine Smith. Links to these can be found in the archives and on the contributors page - http://www.thefword.org.uk/general/contributors
Education-
2012 - 2014London College of FashionMaster of Arts (MA) in History and Culture of Fashion
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1994 - 1997University of Manchester - Institute of Science and TechnologyBSc in Textile Design and Design Management
Activities: Member of the Textile Society.
Additional Information-
Websites:
