La Niña Bonita.

Am I the wounded deer?

24 March 2011 to 2013.

“It’s been two years since I let you go, I couldn’t listen to a joke or rock n’ roll. Muscle car drove a truck right through my heart…”

I don’t really know what this feeling called. Happy birthday to myself, anyway.

It was two days ago, after class I went home and decided to buy some snacks for the night at the mini-store near my grandma’s house. The store was so crowded, and the queue was so long, so I had to stand patiently. Suddenly a man came in, he was about 25, his clothes was so dirty, he wore broken flip-flop, and his face was so suspicious. Everybody looked at him suspiciously, and of course held their wallet tightly. Because sure he did like a homeless. And he just waited next to the cashier, did nothing. 

As I lost my wallet on my way to campus days before, of course I did held my money tightly and I showed hatred because I still had a revenge on the moment. He was stand before me, and no one stand after me, I am the last queue. He pleased me to go first, and he waited beside me. Soon as I paid, he took all the coins inside his pocket, and he took a boxed formula-milk. He paid that milk with all of those coins, turned out he’s a busker. He just wanted to buy his child some milk, and he had to deal with all the suspicions. 

Yep. People do judged book by its cover. Everybody looks at your appearance first, rather than your personality. It’s the truth, even a lot of them say “don’t judge book by its cover”. And I did it too :(

Oasis/Stop Crying Your Heart Out

“Cause all of the stars, are fading away. Just try not to worry, you’ll see them someday. Take what you need, be on your way and stop crying your heart out…”

Planologi memang masih merupakan istilah asing di telinga sebagian besar orang. “Itu belajarnya apa, mbak? Belajar tentang tumbuhan ya?” Tanya sepupuku, butuh kesabaran ekstra memang untuk menjelaskan pada mereka apa itu Planologi, “tata kota” jawabku singkat saat kesabaranku sudah habis. Tidak mudah juga buatku berada di jurusan ini, banyak orang yang meng-underestimate Planologi sebagai ilmu yang tidak menghasilkan uang banyak dan masa depannya belum jelas, bahkan ayahku meragukan Planologi “yo rapopo, tapi kamu harus tetep iso ngitung koyo cah sipil.” Jawabnya saat aku bilang aku belajar bidang sosial.

Jujur memang aku masih sering melamunkan mimpiku menjadi seorang insinyur sipil-lingkungan yang tertunda. Tapi aku merasa beruntung diterima di Planologi, karena disini aku bisa menjadi bagian dari penyelamat lingkungan, meski kini harus kufokuskan pada green-sustainable development bukan lagi mesin filter udara yang dulu kurencanakan menjadi penemuanku kalau aku jadi insinyur lingkungan. Planologi adalah ilmu yang sangat kompleks, kami belajar ekonomi, kebudayaan, hukum, geografi, transportasi, geologi, dan segala aspek yang terdapat pada suatu kota/wilayah.

Banyak pertanyaan yang muncul “kenapa sih Indonesia kotanya gak bisa kaya di luar negri?” atau “Udah banyak jalan tol, tapi kok tetep macet?” Pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu hanya bisa dijawab dengan ilmu Planologi. Perbedaannya, kota-kota di Amerika dan Eropa sebagian besar telah direncanakan sebelum dibangun. Aku pernah melihat Peta Rencana Pembangunan Kota Chicago tahun 1920-an, dan pada tahun 60-an para planner di Amerika sana sudah menemukan rumusan tentang “neighborhoods” yang baik, tentang “sidewalk” yang aman, tentang kota yang humanis, dsb. Peradaban Mesir, Yunani, dan Romawi bahkan telah mengenal istilah Perencanaan Kota jauh sebelum Amerika. Perancis telah mengenal sistem antisipasi kepadatan penduduk akibat urbanisasi di Paris melalui pengembangan kota satelit jauh sebelum Menara Eiffel dibangun. Di Indonesia? Kalian pasti bisa menjawabnya sendiri.

Ya, insinyur-insinyur sipil memang bisa membangun jalan tol kokoh dan megah bahkan bertingkat-tingkat, tapi apa gunanya jika masih saja macet? Mereka tidak mengurusi hierarki rute jalan. Para Arsitek memang ahli mendesain bangunan-bangunan pencakar langit yang indah, tapi toh mall-mall dan hotel kelas atas yang memanjakan mata di Bundaran HI itu tidak luput dari banjir. Masalah-masalah perkotaan di Indonesia semakin nyata, dan kamilah yang mendalami ilmu untuk menghadapi masalah itu; lingkungan kumuh, kemiskinan, perbedaan kelas sosial, keamanan dan kenyamanan warga, sampah, cagar budaya, air bersih, drainase, transportasi, dsb.

Uang? Ah kalau kami mau uang, kami bisa bekerja di bank karena kami punya ilmu ekonomi. Atau bisa saja kami menjadi The Next Donald Trump menjadi pengusaha properti karena kami punya kemampuan menganalisis daerah mana yang potensial untuk dijadikan site property secara ekonomi, sosial, dan politik.

Walaupun suatu hari nanti aku memutuskan mengejar mimpiku menjadi seorang insinyur sipil-lingkungan, aku tetap ingin mengejar ilmu Planologi hingga ke jenjang doctoral. Akupun yakin bahwa ilmu ini bisa mengantarku pada salah satu tujuan hidupku “be useful for people”. Semangat planners! We are planners not dreamers.

Lia Sparingga/March2013

“I used to rule the world, seas would rise when I gave the word. Now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own. I used to rolled the dice, feel the fear in my enemy’s eyes. Listen as the crowd would sing, ‘Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!’….”

Life does turn around, definitely.

Cara Delevingne for Donna Karan New York.

Birdy/ 1901 (Phoenix cover)

“Past and present they didn’t matter the future sorted it out.”

yasudah, suatu hari di masa depanpun tak masalah kalau itu yang terbaik.

Sincerity, come to me.

I don’t want to think too much, I don’t want to let myself drown in this magical yet deceiving dream, I don’t want to misinterpret coincidences, I don’t want to be a liar to my own self who said “It’s possible” to myself every time, even though I know it was a lie. Just like what I’ve done before. Honestly I’m just scared.

I just want to let it happen, let it be. I just want to know what God decide, for me. I know with sincerity I won’t get hurt. But it’s so hard to be sincere, trust me.

Summer: Well, you know, I guess it’s ‘cause I was sitting in a deli and reading Dorian Gray and a guy comes up to me and asks me about it and… now he’s my husband.

Tom: Yeah. And… so?

Summer: So, what if I’d gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I’d gotten there 10 minutes later? It was - it was meant to be. And… I just kept thinking… Tom was right.

Tom: No.

Summer: Yeah, I did. I did. It just wasn’t me that you were right about.

Valentino Spring 2013/ Paris Fashion Week

This is so beautiful, I don’t mind wearing these on my wedding day.

Hey, how’s holiday? Well, I went to Bekasi to meet my parents. For like two weeks, my father kept asking me about what the hell is urban planning? he kept thinking that I’m an architect, that I draw buildings, and do the design and whatever. He even called some of his friends in some architecture firms to make sure I will get a job soon after I graduate. I was so sick about it, I know he’s still disappointed because I failed to be accepted as a civil/environmental engineer in ‘that’ technology institute. And I know he’s frustrated because my brother wants to go into social science (politic/law) and not into engineering. 

I know he thinks about his company’s future. I could picture his disappointment when he asked me “Do you learn physics?” or “Could you count water-flow?” or “you know, some rooms in building especially hospital  need a sound-absorption, could you count the decibels?” Of course I said no. I’m not learning civil engineering. God this makes me sad. Even, it reminds me of my old faded dream to be environmental engineer, to be honest it’s still painful when I remember about environmental engineering. It hurts.

I really don’t want my future depends on my parents but in the other side environmental engineering is my dream. But I don’t think I could apply for SNMPTN again cause I don’t think I have time for study for that test. And in Indonesia they have maximum-age rule to enroll for bachelor degree. So I guess no chance here to study Indonesia, I just asked my friend about maximum-age rule abroad, and they don’t have that rule but then it needs extra preparation to study abroad because engineering in english wouldn’t be so easy, especially for me.

Beside, urban planning seems so interesting to me. It’s so complex until you can find it in your daily life. But dad, why…….. Well, maybe I could marry a civil engineer so he would teach me everything, so he could help me save my dad’s company. What a solution!

Haha, just kidding.

I’m still sad anyway.

reblogafellercenter:

Les Miserables according to Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway.

I don’t know why but I feel kinda ironic when I watched TV or videos when a perfect girl with perfect body and face saying “Don’t compare yourself with another girl, just love yourself!” Well, of course they love themselves, they never went out there and found people who judged them by physical appearance because they always have that perfect body and face. But, I guess maybe it’s just me with my low self-confidence. Just thinking, tho. 

Check out my mixtape on @8tracks: “I fall in love to nature.”

“when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

I used to not believe in that. Until I saw it by my own eyes.

I don’t know that it was just coincidence, or it meant to be. But I thanked God that it happened, I took it as a gift. Well, I don’t really want to hope too much, because what I hoped to much always broke my heart, you know, like high school. But I guess now I believe that the God has a mighty power over everything. I love you God!

And miracle does exist. Trust me.

Coco Rocha still own it!

Well, the final score of my first semester studying urban & regional planning was out 2 days ago. And I’m still feel like “I do not deserve this score”, weird. Let’s just say that this semester I’m just safe, thank god. I spent too much time to hang out with my friends, reading novels, watching movies, and sleep. And I feel like, whenever I did the tests it’s not, well, good enough.

My seniors here said the difficulty of the subjects raise as the semesters go by. So it’s time for me to be focus, no more wasting time because wasting time is so high school. I’m just so fed up with all the failures I got in high school, so disappointing. It’s all because I spent so much time thinking about those trashy things. Nuff said.

At least I could spend this holiday happily but it shouldn’t be wasted.

Happy holiday, everyone! xx

Kyte — Fear From Death

“Power cuts and smothered love. Pushing past the pretend fun. We’re all alone. Turn away, don’t raise your eyes to us, Think of dead trees, think of dark seas. Your broken neck should make this hard for us. We always helped you and took your word true”