laura turner garrison
Brooklyn-based writer, producer, general dream-maker.
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Tweets
- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is Britain's answer to The Expendables. #filmfacts
- Check out the latest episode of If I Were You from @jakeandamir & @JakeHurwitz! Special guest appearance by #me http://t.co/6maUn9ivxdMay 20, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- RT @VimeoJobs: NEW JOB: @Vimeo is looking for a Senior Video Editor & Motion Designer here in NYC. Check out http://t.co/GKiNIwedSD for all…
- @joshmorrissey That's what I call good parenting. #nofeelings
- RT @joshmorrissey: feelings RT @Sportscenter 9-year-old throws out first pitch only to find her dad home from Afghanistan is catcher: http:…May 17, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- RT @jakeandamir: Episode 2 of our podcast "If I Were You" is now available in the iTunes store! https://t.co/0j8FPCiwge and over at http://…
- Sincere tweet alert. #FrancesHa is both wonderful and excellent. Don't let the twee trailer scare you away from #truelove. #gretagerwig4life
- RT @jakeandamir: Jake and I are hosting our SECOND ever Reddit AMA to announce the launch of our new podcast: http://t.co/it1tzl3Xfm http:/…
- RT @juliaheffernan: I think I’m going to start a cooking show called Whisky Business.
- RT @theRightSteph: Props to @EnglishJason, @erincmccarthy & our awesome @mental_floss writers for hitting @time's 50 best websites/2013…
- RT @BillSimmons: Scott Brooks is making a strong run at Vinny Del Negro's "Worst Coach Of Round One" with Hack Asik. Don't do that crap whe…
- @TheSickness83 @queenjord Spoiler alert: Amir is on his computer the whole time.
- @INGNYCMarathon I'm a guaranteed runner who was able to register and was charged but I never received a confirmation email. Can you help?
- Apr 30, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- RT @Vimeo: Do you have a total badass mastery of the English language? We're on the hunt for a copywriter: http://t.co/TmbrqFOvdS
- RT @Baron_Davis: I am so proud of my bro @jasoncollins34 for being real. #FTheHaters http://t.co/IugkyZLS9y
- RT @FilmLinc: .@indiewire on Ulrich Seidl's PARADISE trilogy: http://t.co/hHXxP7IrZY @FilmComment Selects sneak preview w/ Q&As today +…
- Apr 26, 13 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
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Posts
Mental Floss
“What Happened to the X-Rating?” 10/5/2011
“Where Are They Now? Diseases That Killed You in Oregon Trail” 10/11/11
“11 Scientists Who Experimented on Themselves” 11/12/11
“10 Coca-Cola Beverages You Won’t Find on US Shelves” 11/18/11
The Hairpin
“My Case with Accutane” 10/20/2011
Splitsider
Comedy Tourism “Can I Finnish?” 10/26/2011
Comedy Tourism “Commedia All’Italiana: Comedy, Italian Style” 8/24/2011
Comedy Tourism “Inside South Africa’s Young Comedy Scene” 5/25/2011
“Exploring the International Franchises of The Office” 5/4/2011
Comedy Tourism “The Absurd Mayorship of Jón Gnarr, Iceland’s Comedy Politician” 4/28/2011
“The Myth of Universal Humor” 4/21/11 (Featured on Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish)
Comedy Tourism “Yoshimoto and the Business of Comedy in Japan” 3/23/11
Comedy Tourism “Looking for Comedy Under Communist Rule in East Germany” 3/16/11
Comedy Tourism “Searching for Comedy in Libya, or, Did You Mean Lesbian Comedians?” 3/8/11
Lot18 Blog
“Wine Scream, You Scream” 6/28/2011
“Wine Cupcakes, Wine Not?” 7/11/2011
Crushable
“Recap: Doystoyevsky’s Russian Dolls” 8/26/11
“What We Think NBC’s Whitney Is About Based on the Publicity Photos” 8/25/2011
“Crushable 25: Jake Hurwitz (and Amir Blumenfeld) From ‘Jake and Amir’” 4/19/2011
“The Iron”
Client: Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Copywriter
Objective: Create a 10-second tag for the “Crave Those Crazy Squares” campaign that features Big Time Rush Talent, while promoting the availability of limited time only Big Time Rush iron-on patches on CTC boxes.
“The Assistant”
Client: Bratz
Copywriter
Objective: Create a 30-second television spot to promote both the 10th Anniversary of Bratz dolls, but also the new collection of Bratz dolls and a virtual world partnership with Nick.com.
“Ballet”
Client: Target
Copywriter
Objective: Create an aspirational 30-second television spot to promote the release of the Dora Ballet collection exclusively available at Target.
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Posts
Oh hey friends! Meet my latest project:
Writing is both the easiest and the hardest thing for me to do. In the ease column, it allows me to articulate my thoughts and feelings more clearly than by vocalizing them. In a vacuum, it requires little effort on my part to string together a sentence - or series thereof. I’ve been told that I…
Once a month I watch this video to get psyched for my trip to Iceland this July. 51 days and counting!
Anyone have some hot tips on what to see in this magical country?
- whole30, day 30
There are far fewer trumpets and confetti than I expected on my final day of this
fadelimination diet. When I started 30 days ago, I thought today would be a day of jubilation and relief. A day where the prospect of tomorrow’s pizza would levitate my spirits throughout the rest of today.In reality, I probably won’t eat pizza tomorrow and the downpour that accompanied me on my office commute this morning is really harshing my buzz. The purpose of the whole30, at least as I understand it, is to encourage a lifestyle change. For all intents and purposes for me it did. I lost a little bit of weight, though not as much as I expected, and I’ve cheated here and there with red wine and miniature reece’s peanut butter cups. Maybe those slips make the whole(30) thing feel illegitimate, half-finished, etc. Maybe it’s just highlighted the fact that I’m incredibly hard on myself and my perfectionist nature will never let me feel accomplished even if I haven’t had a slice of pizza or a candy bar or yogurt or bread in 30 days.
That said, it has really helped me suss out a few things:
- I now have a better sense of the “bad” foods I actually like, and the ones I just eat out of boredom. I think/hope this will help me make smarter eating choices moving forward
- I have significantly cut out my daily consumption of added sugars, dairy, and grains - and my stomach has been all the better for it
- It has not necessarily helped me sleep better, but that could be due to my increase in coffee consumption to combat cravings #noregrets
- I would sincerely like to stop drinking, but that’s much harder to do than I thought. This is a character trait I do not wish to unpack until my 30’s
- I’m happy to have eggs and smoothies for breakfast every morning
- I still think about food all the time
- I like cooking dinner and packing lunch
- The money I saved on eating out all the time just went to other expenses like registering for a half marathon and a marathon and clothes.
- I’m bad with money.
- Doing a diet has made me exponentially more self-absorbed
The last point is the most problematic. When you live in a culture obsessed with food, and then decide to overhaul your eating habits, it’s impossible not to think and fret over them constantly. And when you do that, you are constantly thinking about yourself - your schedule, your world, your needs (mostly hunger-based). The whole30 made me feel better, but I’m not sure it made me a better person. Not that eating 4 slices of hawaiian pizza, washing them down with 4 companion beers, and sleeping until 1 PM on Sunday is tantamount to good person-hood. But if I am to split my life up into 30-day increments, I’d like to spend the next few legs focusing on others.
30 days seems like no time at all. Particularly this year which has flown by at a frightening rate. But the past 30 days have felt like some of the longest of my life, and prove how much can happen over the course of one month. I trained for a half marathon, I celebrated a cousin’s birthday, I’ve dealt with and am still dealing with an extended family members’s stage 4 cancer diagnosis, an integral member of my work team just quit sending some serious adjustment ripples through our small departments, the Houston Rockets forced a Game 6 on the OKC Thunder only to fall apart in the 4th quarter, I learned how to make baked sweet potato falafel. This chunk of time was filled with insignificant moments and major changes, some of which I will probably forget in a month and some that will have lasting effects. I guess I’m thankful to the whole30 for shining a light on these particular days, while giving me permission to really focus on myself so that now I can push my energy outwards.
Tonight, I celebrate with a face full of hummus. No legumes? Seriously, whole30?!?!
- whole30, day 26 - in which our heroine falls off the wagon
while it may still fall under the 85-15 rule, my weekend qualifies as a fail on a personal level. apparently what it takes to lead me astray from a strict paleo diet is a 10-mile run and two birthday parties. Over the course of 3 days, my cheats consist as follows:
- 1 piece of pita bread
- 1/2 cup (ish) of hummus (chickpeas are technically not paleo, seems counter-intuitive but i’m no scientist)
- 1 biscuit
- 4 glasses of red wine + a tasting of champagne
- A healthy few bites of crostini & artichoke dip (aka melted cheese for days)
- A piece of a piece of cake
- Another piece of cake (separate night)
- Corn chips (organic, but still)
What a tear, right? I mean seriously, lock me up and throw away the key! In all honesty, it could have been much worse. Old me might have devoured an entire artichoke dip by myself, added a few fancy whiskey cocktails to the mix, and had 2 pieces of cake per night. It could be much worse, and I balanced my cheats with a lot of healthy meats, fish, and veggies. But as I’m so close to being done with the technical whole30, I can’t help but wonder how difficult it would have been for me to hold off for one more weekend.
It’s also a reminder of how many opportunities (read: temptations) to binge on sugar and grains offer themselves to me on a daily basis. I think the positive takeaway is not that I’m constantly at war with instant gratification impulses. But rather, since I have the chance to indulge in them on the reg, I don’t need to treat every opportunity to eat cake as the last opportunity I will ever have to eat cake.
Chances are there will be cake next weekend.
- whole30, day 20
At the end of today, I will be 2/3 done with the Whole30 diet adventure/journey. It’s been a while since I’ve written about it, mostly because I’m bored with how much I talk about it. On one level, it has trained me to snack healthier and not constantly eat. But while I no longer crave pizza at all times, I still talk about my diet ad nauseam. I speculate about what cheats are too cheaty (I have had my share of cheats), and wonder aloud whether it was smart to start training for a half marathon simultaneous to starting this diet. The thing is it’s not really a diet, per se. At least not in the traditional way we think of diets. I always thought diets meant reduction, not elimination. I will eat less of everything, go hungry, and that is the only way to get healthier. I’ve also never dieted.
In reality, though, the whole30 is just training you to make better choices. A realistic way to harness the strength of your willpower. Sure, I have eliminated dairy, sugar, grains, and alcohol (most of the time…), but I still eat very hearty meals, 3 of them every day, and have snacks in between. I’ve had the occasional carb, the occasional sweet, the occasional glass of wine, but whereas before I might have had a whole bagel slathered in creamcheese, 4 slices of pizza, or a second helping of cake - now I can just have a bite of one and be satisfied.
Some days are harder than others, but what I have found I miss is not the specific foods but rather the comfort of sugar/bread. They’re quick to consume, quick to digest - instant gratification. But they’re ultimately unsatisfying, leaving you wanting more. To some extent, the whole30 has trained me to be satisfied, to be content, to focus my energy on something other than where my next little piece of gratification.
I’m planning on keeping up with this as much as possible after Day 30, but the siren’s call of pita & hummus, a cold beer on a hot summer’s day, and 16 Handles will be tough calls to ignore.
This is amazing.
I quit my job last month. A lot of people were surprised. To be honest, even I was a little surprised. Since then, though, I’ve fielded a lot of emails, phone calls, coffee dates, and dinner conversations about The Big Decision.
How does it feel? How did I make it? Was it the right one? (Great….
Think you can’t predict the future? Amazon just announced the launch of 14 new original show pilots. Of the eight adult comedies (the others are kids’ shows), two will succeed.At least according to New Media Metrics, a “content-investment and brand-alignment” company that claims to know with 67% accuracy whether a new show will be cancelled or renewed and can assess with 79% accuracy what its Nielson rating and rank order will be.
As a “content creator” (whatever the fuck that means), I find the advent of “content-investment, brand-alignment companies” extremely depressing. Companies like New Media Metrics have probably been a long time coming, but on the heels of House of Cards it seems like things are heating up in the content analytics game. But does this mean that the future of content will be written by algorithms?
Part of the beauty of online content, and when we say content we’re really just talking about videos, is its spontaneous nature and the somewhat low barrier to entry. Broadcast networks, and even cable, are no strangers to focus groups, but this article presents some next level shit. Forget giving a new show time to find its footing, a pilot will barely get out the door before metrics shoot it down.
Even the Wild West was tamed eventually, and it looks like the end is nigh for the free market Internet. Soon it will become another controlled space, branded and researched and chemically processed for our consumption. I’m not saying that the content produced through this system will be all bad, there’s certainly a reason why some things test well. I’m just sad that the surprises will be fewer and farther between.
- whole30, day six
the day started off with the small victory of resisting leftover birthday cake in the kitchen, stray bits of fondant and all. but i’m too horrified by how the day turned out to really talk about anything else. as a marathon runner, i can’t even begin to believe something like this happened at what should be the most joyous place in your race - the fucking finish line. terrible.
- Whole30, Day Five
I’m five days deep into this “diet” and I have yet to shut up about food. My daily conversation is filled with observations and justifications as to what’s so “interesting” about what I am doing to my body and why this will ultimately be “good for me.” There’s plenty of talk about the future, because the future exists at least 25 days from now when I’m not so tightly bound to this eating regimen.
Because the Whole30 diet is essentially an even less fun version of the Paleo Diet, I feel extra guilty at the idea of cheating. After a little research and a few conversations with some Pro-Paleo friends, I discovered that even the creator of the “Paleo Movement” himself does not believe in 100% austerity. According to him, people on the paleo diet should follow the 85:15 rule - essentially allowing yourself three non-Paleo meals every week. But what exactly constitutes a non-paleo meal? Is it balls-to-the-walls, four slices of pizza and a 6-pack of beer? Is it having your regular salad contents between (gasp) two slices of bread? It seems quite subjective and like dangerous territory that will lead me straight to the closest
entirepiece of cake.Technically the Whole30 diet takes a more Draconian approach to the “slip.” Have one brownie and perish in the fires of eternal failure. On Day 4, I had one glass of red wine and a biscuit. Considering for the rest of the day I had grilled fish, vegetables, and poached eggs with avocado, I have to believe that my healthy eating has not all gone to waste.
The reason why I’m so obsessed with the slip and how much of a cheat is too much of a cheat is because I had the brilliant idea to sign up for the Brooklyn Half Marathon on the very same day I started the Whole30 diet. For anyone who hasn’t distance trained, running is one of those sports that encourages an increased consumption of carbs to maintain energy levels. So while increasing my endurance training, I’m decreasing my caloric and carbohydrate intake. So Brilliant! After a 6 mile run (not even a half, half marathon), I was pretty destroyed for the remainder of the day. I don’t want to blame it all on a lack carbs - the first few long runs always suck - but I have a feeling I’m going to need that 15% cap space to fuel my runs. If that makes me a failure at the Whole30 diet, at least it won’t make me a zombie on the weekends.
This may also quickly lead to me being ass-deep in Reese’s peanut butter cups by the end of the week.
whole30, day two
after consuming possibly the most depressing meal energy kitchen has to offer for my lunch today, spirits are less than high at the close of whole30, day 2. but the saddest moment washed over me just moments ago when i realized that tomorrow i will be skipping my first bagel friday. my workplace is kind enough to provide platters upon platters of free bagels and a smorgasbord of schmear flavors - not to mention nutella. until now, it has one of the most delightful parts of my week.
while anyone with a 3rd grade math education and 1/2 an hour of real world experience can tell you that i could easily by a bagel and schmear for less than $2 pretty much anywhere in NYC - there’s something far more delicious about free. as life would turn out, it’s not words like “chocolate” or “sugar” or “deep-fried” that renders me completely defenseless against uncontrollable consumption. It’s the word “free.” Free buffalo wings? Heartburn. Free booze? I’m drunk. Free pizza? I’m farting for days. No matter the severity of repercussions, the pro of not paying for it trumps all cons.
it’s not because i grew up underfed, nor is it that i’m particularly broke right now. it’s probably because i’m a terrible american stereotype who will put ketchup and barbecue sauce on anything just because i can. but it’s also because there’s some voice in my head that screams “seize upon this unusual opportunity because you may never eat another free bagel again in your life”…until the next friday. whenever there’s free food lying around, i always tell myself “just this once,” but every friday i’m bounding up to floor 9 to smother two circular pieces of condensed bread with saturated fat cream that will surely have me doubled over in pain by the afternoon.
that is, until tomorrow morning. where the greatest struggle i will face in months, will prove to me that i am a terrible human being for even considering it a struggle.
in short, i am the worst. also, i will probably have sexy dreams about this photo tonight.
- whole30, day one
i never thought i would be one of those people who blogs about their diet, or health food goals. a million testimonials already exist, and eating habits are so highly personal, it’s delusional to think i could offer any valuable new insight.
and yet here i am on my first day of trying the whole30 diet (essentially the paleo diet with a time limit), blogging about it. i work in an office where free candy and sweets flow like wine at a roman orgy. i’m not even a candy person, but how many times a day can you walk by free bags of gummi bears and not take one. in my case, that would be two. two times is my breaking point. my candy consumption has very little to do with why i am trying the whole30 fad. i’m more drawn to the better sleep/better bowel movements selling point, as these are the most consistent first-world problems plaguing my daily life.
however, it’s the time of day, 4 pm, when i get antsy and fall back on boredom-eating, and it’s becoming crystal-clear to me just how little self-control i have over myself when it comes to food. to make matters worse, every single person working around me reached the group discovery that we now have unlimited three musketeer bars on our floor. said coworkers are all chowing down on said nougat-filled candy bars, as i sit here drinking my third cup of black coffee, eating spicy pistachios, and blogging about it.
while the whole30 plan will hopefully help me make better food choices and wean me off of planning my entire day around meals, it also may turn me into the kind of person who blogs on the reg about it. For that I apologize, Internet.
first in a new series i created entitled produkt. more to come - hopefully a good thing.
soaps. 1.99 - 5.99.
Faith in Internet restored by the Netherlands Radio Choir singing Gotye’s Somebody That I Used to Know.
I don’t understand a lot of things. I don’t understand why my neighbor is pursuing a career as a 1990’s electronic music artist. I don’t understand why the ice cream shop near my house considers two scoops of ice cream one scoop. And I don’t understand how women, educated journalists, can be so…
In case you were wondering what the Japanese egg creature-raising toy has been up to since 1997, I wrote a little timeline for Fast Company Magazine addressing this burning question.
New Beginnings: The Shins
Through little fault of their own, The Shins have, in my mind, long shared an association with Garden State. Which basically means I have met the band’s music with a lot of eye-rolling and “oh pleases.” Actions which probably render me more unbearable than cool.
But hey, life is all about growing and showing. Just ask my waistline, amiright? Not cool. Nonetheless, I recently acquired their new album through questionable means only the Internet can provide. I have to say I’m really warming to it. Their first single “Simple Song” won me over almost instantly, but the follow-up single - aptly angstily titled “It’s Only Life” - has just enough sincerity to keep my eyeballs firmly planted in their sockets. In short, I think it’s great - great enough to officially call myself Team Shins.
“We can never go back, but we can always start over.” - a line that should have been in Garden State
