Krysta Lowery
I am a brown belt in Silent River Kung fu, currently stepping into one of the biggest commitments I've ever made; the UBBT challenge. Part of the challenge is blogging...I very much hate being public with my struggles. I think the hardest thing in the world for me is to ask for help. I have an awesome family both at home and in the kwoon, so hopefully we will all survive this and grow as a result.
Posts
It was definitely a good weekend--got my mountain fix. Yes, I still cannot figure out what the heck I'm still doing here in the flatlands! but the family and I went on a day trip to Jasper, hiked around a bit, checked out Maligne canyon, ate out....it was awesome to get out of routine and into the hills. Even the dog had fun chasing squirrels and swimming. I know some traditions say that mountains funnel chi, or life force. Maybe thats why I feel so drawn to them, and recharged when I go.
This mothers day, since I got to choose the activity, my family and I wandered down to Devon to eat ice cream(incentive), goof around in the river (as opposed to bathing the dog) and hit the green houses (my personal choice, everybody elses nemesis,lol). We had a great time, our dog LOVES to swim, so we kept him going throwing rocks and getting him thoroughly worn out. It definitely worked--he played so hard that he was a hurting unit later--still hasnt been able to wag his tail properly 2 days later! So we've been tailoring his exercise, cutting back a bit on the running, looking into supplements for his hips...and it hit me. Why can I be so proactive and see clearly what my dog needs when he injures himself, and so stubborn about my own? Why is it so hard to take care of myself sometimes--feel like I'm being lazy, etc etc instead of just pulling back and taking care of myself as needed?
Not sure what the answer there is but I'll have to be meditating on that.....
I almost hate to blog about the pandamonium since we all are, but it was awesome! It was cool to hang out, have fun, and be around people that expect more from us:) My family enjoyed themselves, my stepdaughter got to play the game, my oldest got shangheid into face painting with Mr Tymchuk (highlight of her day) and my youngest daughter got to hang out with friends while checking out the pets.
I really enjoyed getting to try lion dancing, grappling and sparring--its nice not to have to worry about the time, to be able to play abit with the techniques and see how they work for me. And the dragon dance.....love it, but man! Cant wait to get back to the level we were at before:)
It was way easier to get donations this time too--everyone at work kicked in--last fall I only got 3 people at work, this time, 11! And some gave more than $10, so that was totally awesome! They loved the idea of a family festival, and that they could come if they liked and check it out.
Awesome day all around, thank you to everyone who made it happen!
As I watched that kite it struck me too, that my daughter is that kite--she's starting to spread her wings and try to fly. She's getting the hang of it--crashing off and on, and so far she still letting me guide her, but as she pulls higher and higher, sooner or later she'll gone, flying free. She'll make a lovely dragon...
What a weekend! Ms Donahue and I went to a 'Rock your Prosperity' conference this weekend in Denver Colorado. And it rocked us! This course we've been doing is kinda a self improvement geared towards finding out your genius and helping you show it to the world. I know, sounds kinda corny or like any other thing you've heard, but I have to say as skeptical as I am usually, the leaders were definitely authentic. And they live what they are sharing, you can see it in everything they say and do. And all through the weekend, I kept hearing many things that lined up so much with the Mastery piece we're memorizing--it was in everything! The leaders work alot with energy--Everything is Energy is their business actually. And one thing that reminded me of the UBBT is their teaching on how to move or change in your life, you need to move to a higher vibration--a different vibe than what you currently live in. And to do this, it helps to be around others that are at a higher vibe(I believe the phrase in Mastery is 'surround yourself with friends that expect more of you than you do'). And for a group to grow, there has to be a leader that is at a higher vibe than the group, so they draw the group up to their level. Sounding like UBBT yet? I truely have found in UBBT a group with higher expectations of themselves; that encourage and pull each other up and on to being a better version of ourselves both as people and as martial artists. And Master Brinker holds us all to an even higher place to aim for. And I learned alot about focused meditation ( a goal this year) and how it can help move me up to a higher place--and how if I'm not living or working in a place that resonates with what is really dear to me, what I believe deep in my core, then all kinds of things can manifest. After years of denying what I'm really here to do in my life, pain, sickness, depression, all kinds of things can manifest as you fight or flight constantly with yourself. The body and soul can only take so much after all. I dont want that for myself. I wonder if my winter time depression has to do with that--when summers distractions of the outdoors is gone and I have no way of hiding from the battle in me, that I wasnt really fully aware of, starts trying to be seen and heard. And my desire to be the person I was created to be continues to elude. I hope this weekend starts the process of never being that way again. I'm scared, but I hope it rocks my world!
'All life is energy and we are transmitting it at every moment" Oprah Winfrey
The Daffodil Principle
Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead "I will come next Tuesday," I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.
Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.
"Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!"
My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother." "Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her. "But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this."
"Carolyn," I said sternly, "please turn around." "It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."
After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, " Daffodil Garden ." We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.
It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.
"Who did this?" I asked Carolyn. "Just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house.
On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking", was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read. The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman Two hands, two feet, and one brain." The third answer was, "Began in 1958"
For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than fifty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration.
That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world ...
"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"
My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said.
She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?"
Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting.....
Until your car or home is paid off
Until you get a new car or home
Until your kids leave the house
Until you go back to school
Until you finish school
Until you clean the house
Until you organize the garage
Until you clean off your desk
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married
Until you get a divorce
Until you have kids
Until the kids go to school
Until you retire
Until summer
Until spring
Until winter
Until fall
Until you die...
There is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don't need money.
Love like you've never been hurt, and, Dance like no one's watching.
If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone special. I just did!
Wishing you a beautiful, daffodil day!
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. ~anonymous
This week the town of Stony has started a new initiative to reduce waste--they've given us new garbages, will only be picking them up every 2 weeks, but are now picking up organicarts year round. I was curious about some of this and did some digging on the website, and I have to say I am really impressed with the towns goals for being much more eco friendly. One thing that has interested me for awhile is our enviroment and what we're doing to fix problems, not just trying to be 'less bad.' I can't wait to see the towns plans in action! And what a standard to set for not only the rest of the province, but for the country as well. For instance,when I traveled in BC in the last 2 years I really noticed that for a place that advertises being so beautiful they are REALLY behind in recycling, garbage reduction and alot of other initiatives that alberta is kicking butt on. And I"m from BC so for me to say that is hard!! Hopefully just as we change as individuals and influence them to change, we as a town and province can do the same for our country, and the world.
I too, have had an interesting time with what I'm learning this week. I'm taking the same course as Ms Donahue and it had some eye openers for me also. I've been struggling with practicing for the last month with time, but also with enthusiasm, and I couldnt seem to shake it. I've been questioning whether I want my black belt, why I took on so many things, etc,etc, and couldnt seem to break free and just do them. I have realized that a huge reason I'm resisting is I'm afraid. Afraid to try and fail. Afraid even that I could be good enough, that I could be a black belt, so I'm making my fears happen by avoiding training. Avoiding asking for help. One of the things I needed to do after I figured that out (and was willing to admit it) was map out what I needed for success. I know I need lots of encouragement, lots of dragging me out to do techniques or whatever, lots of feedback. I'll be trying to come out of my shell and just be more involved; and I know it will take baby steps. The positive side is I do have a team I can ask. Too bad we cant always say that in all areas of our lives, but we can in this. Thanks in advance team. I will be bugging you--and if I dont, keep me accountable by bugging me:)
I've been taking a painting course lately (like I didnt have enough to do), and its been kinda cool. I havent done art in a very long time, but my daughter wanted to get into it, so here we are. Since she's too young to take an adult course alone--but further advanced than the kids classes, I agreed to take a course with her. Its been awesome spending time with her, and I love the techniques and things we're learning. Sitting still for 3 hrs at a time pushes my limits a bit, lol. Its weird how both of my goals that I didnt complete last year--take some courses in kayaking and get back into art--are coming back to me this year. Somedays I dont know how I'm supposed to do it all--the physical and the mental and work dont share space well! Too bad I cant ditch the work...
This week is definitely better...and I couldnt even tell you why. Its like a switch got flipped and I'm back to wanting to practice, and enjoying it too. Thank you to all my team that encouraged me last week! One interesting thing I read today was to examine the way you exercise/ do things; do you start enthused in Sept, but bottom out in Dec? Start over fresh in Jan, die down Marchish? Good for awhile then completely distracted by summer? Starting to sound a bit like school semesters?????? What a wake up for me, because I am TOTALLY like that. Now to figure out how to either reprogram or use it to my advantage...
Ok, I admit it, I'm still in a completely funked out mood. I can't seem to get enthused about training, exercising, anything. I actually dread coming to class (and while this isn't new, it does get old fast). Once I'm there I'm fine! I enjoy working hard with everybody, love the learning, but this still gets me almost every time. Part of it could be the possibility of testing this year--which freaks me out. Could even be the snow! To steal an expression, I'm in a real I DONT WANNNNNNAAAA mood and I'm digging in my heels even when I dont really know why. Sorry for being a downer team, but thats where I'm at.( But yes, I am still doing pushups!)
One of the ironic things I'm noticing about this year, is that a few of my previous years goals have come back to me. One of my goals last year was to complete a kayaking course--looking towards getting a certification or coaching course in kayaking. I never got it done last year but guess what is being offered this year! I'm hoping to go on tuesday evening and see if I qualify to take the course. And then last year, Ms Donahue and I went off wheat for awhile, made a few changes to diet, but didnt end up staying off of it. Now, lo and behold, my body seems to be deciding for me that no bread is the way to go. Funny how these things seem to have a will or momentum of their own.
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This week has been a struggle, mostly because I hit one of those 'lulls'. Know what I'm talking about? When you're just blah, cant seem to get the enthusiasm to do anything. I seem to cycle through these about every 6 or so weeks. The numbers keep me going--and my spear. Somehow, I can still get into that. I'm so thankful for fitness class especially when I'm like this--its different every week, its a more relaxed atmosphere, we can egg each other on and laugh about it. And sweat! Good grief do we sweat! But I love it. Hopefully I sweated out my blahs and am ready to dive back in next week. My spear is still waiting...
Funny that someone else has already blogged about running, must've been the gorgeous weather. Today I went out for my first run of the season--way earlier than usual for me, but it was sooooo gorgeous out today, I couldnt resist. I can honestly say, I look forward to runnng again this season. It wasnt always that way. I started running 4? years ago? after looking forward in my training to the black belt test. Knowing I sucked at running, I figured I should give myself a few years start (same with the pushups and situps. Too bad I never started the chinups.) I was a battle; I forced myself to run 3x a week, not really enjoying it, but determined. I used the podcasts from 'couch potato to 5km' to get me going.
Then last year, to my surprise, I found I was actually looking forward to running--chomping at the bit to get out even! That shocked me. And then to have Sifu Regier take us on 'a little run' my second week into it (only 8-10km) and I could do it! That was an amazing moment. I even went on the same run a few days later just to prove to myself I could do it again. Now I can honestly say I enjoy the run--I dont even listen to music, its like a meditation. I focus on my breathing, on my steps--keeping them easy,light and relaxed.
So for my first run I figured I'd see how far I could go--normally I start slow. And I did 3-4km. I'm impressed. I love the changes kungfu has made in me, I love being fit enough to jump into stuff. And Sihing Regier, my dog loves it too:)
I have to admit, kungfu is not easy to fit it--not so much to your life, but into your living space. I have been in I Ho Chaun for over a year now, and have gained a plethora of weaponry. I love the weapons; its different, and great fun to play with. Plus it makes people ask questions when they come in the house. But the weapons have their price--in the process of filling the dents in the walls in my room, have dented my sword on the patio furniture, tons of marks on the deck, not to mention my own bruises. By far the most destructive (and yet my favorite weapon) has been my spear, with and without the pointy end. Nothing like losing your grip on that weapon and have it fly out of your hand to make you cringe! But now my spear is dead....it took on the deck chairs. They've already had it out with the broad sword, and have had a few skimishes with the cane,stick and spear (you'd think I'd learn and sell them or something), but this time it was a full out attack. I was practicing spear form and whipped the spear around hard, slamming it into the chairs, denting the spear tip/neck so bad the metal actually cracked. Crap. Not to be topped by the chairs, I ordered a new spearhead, which my ever-patient partner put on for me. It didnt fit the same, but he shaved some wood off, and got it fixed on tight. (After me playing with it and complaining it was loose.)
So there I went, happily whipping it around again, forgetting the chairs were still there, plotting more destruction. This time, I was practicing some fancy helicopter moves aka Sifu Playter, and the end hit the chairs, bounced back and speared me in the forehead. Blood, swelling, end of practice, murderous thoughts at the chairs......
You'd think that would be enough, but then, not 1 week later, I'm practicing again--yes the chairs are moved now!--and noticed the tip seems a touch loose. Strange. It was screwed in good, and didnt seem to have shifted. 5 mins later the tip flys across the yard as the spear cracked right up into the tip. Oops. Seems the chairs have won this time. Guess I'll be ordering another spear.....
As most of you know, Sihing Robinson has got us the opportunity to do some extra practice on thurs nights. And, as most of us need sparring numbers, this last week we tried some.sparring. It was very good--relaxed. There were two of us that are nervous to spar, and for the most part we did ok. (And I've got the bruises to prove it!) I did, to my everlasting embarrassment, get overwhelmed and broke down. I think for me thats the worst thing I can ever do is to let down my guard like that. I felt horrible, especially knowing that just made an entire roomful of guys want to run for the door. To their eternal credit, they havent razzed me yet and didnt run. Sifu Wonziak and Ms Donahue helped me calm down, we even all chatted afterwards and yes, I will spar again. With my teams help, I can get through this, and I'm glad that even now when the team is just getting to know each other AS a team, they were willing to step in and help.
I know lots of us are afraid to spar. I hope mentioning what happened to me will help more of us step forward with courage and try again. With a group like this that is willing to help and grow together, we can do anything.
One of my goals this year is to try and meditate everyday for at least 10 mins. I havent really decided how picky I want to be with this, and havent locked myself down to one style. I've read of a few different types, times that are best, etc. Of the few I've read about or tried, I have to say I really like the walking meditation--being outdoors always seems to renew my energy and being present even more so. One of the programs I'm doing also starts their talks with a 'getting present' meditation--but it involves imagery of pulling in your energy/chi from wherever your mind has been:past, future. Then you imagine filling yourself with the energy. I really like that one--I can do it sitting or walking, I feel way more energized and it gives my brain something else to do along with focussing on the breathing. And when I try to move the energy into areas that need healing, they do seem to feel some what better. Could be just me:)
Another one suggested by Thich Nhat Hanh is to stop, do some deep breathing, say in your head 'breathing in, I calm the body, breathing out, I smile' 3x. Its fast, really does take the stress out--especially when you make yourself smile when you dont feel like it.
I can see the benefits, and I cant wait to see how it helps as the year progresses!
Last nights chinese new year was awesome!! Each one comes to mean more to me the closer I get to black belt--I actually know and have trained with the new sifus! Which makes it all the more sweet to see them succeed. I really am pumped also about the dragon/lion dance. When we were in the huddle, Master Brinker reminded us to slow down a sec, to take in everything around us, to be in the moment; it would never come again. All my nervousness went away, and the dance was such a joy. I can still feel the moment.
And for some odd reason, one of my requirements from last year has returned to me. I had set down to draw and frame a dragon picture. And I started to, hit a block and never returned to it. At the end of the evening, I was given a desire to draw again--a dragon, our dragon in a sense. So we shall see what becomes of it. Perhaps the eye dotting ceremony really did awaken our dragons spirit. And now he's nagging me.....
I had an aha moment last night. I've been reading abit about meditation, its benefits, ways of doing it etc. but I was still struggling with it. For one, sitting still long enough to actually meditate is huge already...as any parent knows, theres always SOMETHING you could be doing. Also, I have a church background and while I know people do meditate in that faith, it still seemed mystical and I would hit a block in myself. Am I really ok to be doing this? I've also been struggling with when I work out, always so tired lately. Then driving home from kungfu last night a song based on a bible verse I learned as a child came to me
'they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Teach me Lord, to wait. Teach me to wait, down on my knees till in your own good time you answer my pleas. Teach me not to rely on what others do, but wait in prayer for an answer from you.'
Waiting. Sitting in prayer/meditation. Strength. Endurance. Answers
I think I know what I need now.
Chinese new years eve...and I'm filled with dread/anticipation/nervousness/relief(that we're finally getting started!). I'm learning how much of a perfectionist I am--I hate talking about both failures AND successes--dont like to admit failure and am even more afraid that I"m not worthy of any success. Its not an easy thing to post about--but I want this year to be about real growth. To accept myself no matter how I do, but enjoy the journey not be so pysched about the 'achievement'. I'm excited to see who all my team mates are, and what our goals are, to celebrate with and for my team. I'm also trying to balance my training with family--I do have the ability to go completely overboard in my training if I let myself, but have been able to balance it out so far.
I am thinking of a different start this year than our traditional pushup challenge--I want to see if I can get a minimum of 10, trying for even more, of random acts of kindness. Seems like a great way to start the year!
Almost time for the new year and new team--it feels odd not having to do any of my requirements yet, but I am enjoying the break. It's been good being able to step back, look at how the last year went and think through what I have to do this year. I think I'm already overwhelmed! But it will be fun, as well as difficult. I've already got a stack of books to read (for one of my requirements), started working towards figuring out a schedule for training, oh--and panicking of course. Oh well. Heres to a great year!
I'm leaving...on a jet plane....merry christmas to all--hope you have an awesome break! I'm looking forward to achieving a goal I never officially set this year; travel. I am finally going! I know its just a short trip, but its the first step in the long journey of many travels I hope. I'm looking forward to a rest from training also, just enjoying the moment. Hope the holiday is happy for all!!
Ok, lets talk this past years goals, and what I got out of them. My list of goals included; 50 000 push ups and situps (standard), 500 rounds of lao gar, 1000 rounds of cane form, 500 hrs of kung fu, 25,000 kicks, 400 mins horse stance, 500 mins sparring, 1000 acts of kindness.
What did I learn from these? Truely learned the discipline of practicing a little everyday adding up. I completed the pushups, situps, forms, kicks; close on the hrs of kungfu, should get the random acts done if keep it up, sparring and horse stance, no where even close. I think I bit off a bit much the first time round, but its helped me alot to learn time management.
Next: 52 connections with friends (1 a week). This was great--I actually have had some fun this year!
25 dates with Sean; also great--hard to make time sometimes, but well worth it.
Read 20 books --totally awesome, a real mind stretcher as they werent fiction
Finish a year long daily meditation book--almost there, and another great focus for me
1750 servings of fruit/veg, no more than 1100 servings of bread/grains--this mutated through the year as I read more and learned more about my body and how it reacts to different things.
Achieve my paddling certificate;no where close, looked into it AFTER all the courses were done; bottom line, do your research early!
Financial cleanup--will, divorce, budget---yeah, not so good. Still on the list of things to do.
Paint or draw a picture of a dragon. This one, not sure. I did start on it, but have got blocked.
Out of all of this I learned I am fairly disciplined when it comes to physical training, but the spiritual and mental stuff definitely needs some work! I look forward to challenging that part of my training next year--in fact all my goals are in that category. Good luck to all of us!
