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we've thrown around compliments all our lives - "i want to be smart like you," "how are you so smart?" "god you're such a genius." first it seemed to be based off just doing well at school, performing well on tests, getting straight A's. gradually 'being smart' became less and less associated with grades, though (since who really knows each other's grades after a certain point in our lives?). it wasn't the achievements either - sure, they'd get people praising, but they didn't merit 'smart', they just got "wow, you're good at ____."
in·tel·li·gent /ɪnˈtɛlɪdʒənt/ (adj) - having good understanding or a high mental capacity; quick to comprehend
credit: fashiongonerogue
when i planned(?) my month-long trip to korea this summer, i was hoping to escape seoul and go to busan or gwangju or one of the other big cities. unfortunately it ended up raining about 90% of the time i was there. during a(nother) somewhat rainy weekend, our family ended up taking a 2 day trip to wando (완도) & cheongsando (청산도) in jeollanam-do (전라남도), approximately a five hour drive from seoul. thankfully the weather was sunny, and the southern coast of korea was beautiful.
photo | ellie ▲ ; flickr
a new york uppity hipster mentions that he's listening to fenix tx ("they're old, you've probably never heard of them"). allister is playing in the locker room. i look up from my bike machine to see eisley playing on mtvu. taking back sunday is having a concert in my dream; i barely recognize the melody but find myself mouthing the words unconsciously.
these past few weeks i've been bombarded with music of years past, bands that i would religiously listen to in middle/high school but have long forgotten about now (and i'm surprised other people haven't forgotten about them either - most were, at best, mediocre). there were the mornings eating breakfast before zero period devouring my issue of ap magazine. i'd proudly wear my band shirts and almost instantly harbored crushes on the boys who'd recognize them. i was always recommending "underrated" bands to my friends (though looking back, they were all pretty overrated since emo/post-hardcore/alternative was trendy among teenagers back then, just like now it's all about electro or indie folk or whatever).
the point is, i loved music like crazy back then. i was a judgmental snotty prick for sure, but i actively looked for new music, new bands, new sounds to fuel my fire. i wondered what i'd end up listening to in five years, if i would still be into the same music then, if the scene would still exist in the future (it does! sort of.) of course, my music tastes have now changed to korean ballads and bad top 40, and revisiting new songs from all those older bands is just not the same (have they gotten worse, or has my taste just changed?). but listening to old favorites, the songs that captivated my heart, the lyrics that perfectly encapsulated what i was feeling in a way that only emo music can to a young, immature teenager, the bass lines that i could instantly identify riff per riff - even years afterward, i still recognize every beat, every word, and my audiophilic heart melts bit by bit.
i think this is what they call nostalgia.
playing | "play crack the sky" - brand new
photo | pearled ; flickr
"Bangs manes bouffants beehives Beatle caps butter faces brush-on lashes decal eyes puffy sweaters French thrust bras flailing leather blue jeans stretch pants stretch jeans honeydew bottoms eclair shanks elf boots ballerinas Knight slippers, hundreds of them, these flaming little buds, bobbing and screaming, rocketing around inside the Academy of Music Theater underneath that vast old mouldering cherub done up there - aren't they super-marvelous!"
quote | "girl of the year" by tom wolfe
photo | baby jane on SHOW magazine
Posts
I want to be alone and I want people to notice me — both at the same time.
Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect her to calm you down when you’re yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with all your plans. But that’s the thing. Love isn’t a plan. It doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around you can’t comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can’t see. They can’t see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you’re in love. It’s inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. What you don’t learn is how hard love is. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn’t worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it. Love isn’t her calming you down when you yell. It’s her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn’t her or him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her or him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It’s not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it’s not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It’s her standing there, admitting she’s just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. You’ve unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of anothers hands and saying, here. Do what you will. Mash it into a million pieces. Mash it into meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you in the first place. Just As long as you have it. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. Because love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It’s about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it’s a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole.
(via 24ribs)
You will never remember entire relationships, just moments, really specific moments and the way those moments made you feel and those altogether will be how you remember the relationship as a whole. It makes you think, doesn’t it? The idea that sometimes no one is ever really how you knew them, only how you imagined they were, in a sense, from what you chose to keep as memories.
There are some things about myself I can’t explain to anyone. There are some things I don’t understand at all. I can’t tell what I think about things or what I’m after. I don’t know what my strengths are or what I’m supposed to do about them. But if I start thinking about these things in too much detail the whole thing gets scary. And if I get scared I can only think about myself. I become really self-centered, and without meaning to, I hurt people. So I’m not such a wonderful human being.
There are three ways you can get along with a girl: one, shut up and listen to what she has to say; two, tell her you like what she’s wearing; and three, treat her to really good food… If you do all that and still don’t get the results you want, better give up.
People are strange: they are constantly angered by trivial things, but on a major matter like totally wasting their lives, they hardly seem to notice.
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