Kevin White

Starbucks’ CEO Howard Schultz (1997) reflects on the core of Starbucks Coffee in his book Pour Your Heart Into It. He specifically addresses the core business philosophy of the company’s founders:

First, every company must stand for something. Starbucks stood not only for good coffee, but specifically the dark-roasted flavor profile that the founders were passionate about. That’s what differentiated it and made it authentic.

Second, you don’t just give the customers what they ask for. If you offer them something they’re not accustomed to, something so far superior that it takes a while to develop their palates, you can create a sense of discovery and excitement and loyalty that will bond them to you. It may take longer, but if you have a great product, you can educate your customers to like it rather than kowtowing to mass-market appeal.

On January 10, 2012, a Starbucks (2012) press release announced:

Starbucks Coffee Company today announced the availability of Starbucks Blonde Roast, a lighter roast coffee from the company known for its signature dark roast, to meet the needs of the 54 million coffee drinkers in the U.S. who say they prefer a lighter roast coffee.

“It took eight months and more than 80 different recipe and roast iterations before we landed on the exact flavor profile our customers told us they were looking for,” said Brad Anderson, master roaster for Starbucks. “They told us they wanted a flavorful, lighter-bodied coffee that offers a milder taste and a gentle finish. Starbucks® Blonde Roast delivers.”

So here are the questions:

Does the release of a blonde roast directly contradict what Schultz outlined as a core principle of the company in standing for “something…dark-roasted flavor…”?

By trying to “meet the needs…” of customers, has Starbucks caved in on its product and ultimately started “kowtowing to mass-market appeal”?

Please chime in…let your thoughts be known…and let’s stir up a dialogue.

Sources:

Schultz, H. (1997). Pour your heart into it. New York, NY: Hyperion. p. 35.

Starbucks Coffee Company (2012). Starbucks® Blonde Roast Coffee – the Lighter Roast Perfected – Available in Retail and Grocery Stores. Retrieved from http://news.starbucks.com/article_display.cfm?article_id=604

I’m typically a huge fan of using technology as much as possible. Using what is available to us can be a great way to disseminate information to places otherwise unlikely to be passed, or to save funds that typically aren’t available or would be poorly stewarded.

But a challenge that must be met is in discerning the best way to use available technologies.

Right now I’m about an hour and a half into a three-hour webinar. The content is quite good but I’m also rather stir-crazy. One presenter talking for three hours and we listen over the phone.

Should the guy be present? Maybe that is cost prohibitive.
Should I be in a room with 30 other people? Maybe its a helpful canvas for interaction.
Should I be at home in my own comfort participating in this webinar? Maybe I wouldn’t actually do it if I were at home.

Various answers to all of these questions, but ultimately we have to wrestle with them. I have a feeling we often jump to a web-based option just because it is a way to avoid paying travel costs for a presenter. But lets remember that presenting over the web isn’t the same as in person. And if you are going to a web-based approach, then also wrestle with the delivery environment to make sure it is the best fit for what is getting shared.

Originally posted on another blog; August 2010.

With football season right around the corner, I think it’s only appropriate to draw a parallel to us in ministry – did you play Monday Morning Quarterback this morning?

The concept it simple – each Monday morning, after Sunday’s games, we sit down and evaluate what went well, what went wrong, and what we can improve upon. Obviously the quarterback is done with their “game” on Monday morning, but they still take the time to evaluate – to improve for next week.

Around the country, many of us kicked off our ministry season this weekend – or will do so in the next couple weeks. I know it’s tempting to simply get through the day’s activities or the night of youth group, make sure no one got hurt and the study went relatively well. And after a long and tiring time with a bunch of middle schoolers we’re tempted to go home, sit on the couch, and not think about our evening at all.

Let me encourage you to play a little game of Monday Morning Quarterback. Besides the mere logistics of your event (we ran out of hot dogs, blah, blah, blah…), consider what went really well in terms of ministry. Did you meet some new students? Did you get to know some new families? Did you set aside your personal agenda for the sake of loving on someone who needed to be encouraged?

Or what areas can you improve upon in terms of ministry?  Did you get too focused on logistics you forgot to minister? Did you plan your lesson so late that it really didn’t make any sense?

Both of these disciplines are important to do on a regular basis. Most of us are really good at picking apart our problems; and, yes, constructive criticism is good. But let’s not forget to celebrate the good things as well.

You have a great season of ministry ahead of you. May you build upon your successes each and every week.

I hung out this morning at a brothel. A youth ministry brothel.

What?

Yesterday and today I have the honor of attending the Youth Pastor Summit, a free ministry conference for youth pastors. Over two days, attendees will hear from a dozen or so of the leading names and experts in ministry.

But a unique part of today’s aspect of the event is the exhibit hall, where a couple dozen organizations will show off everything they have to help ‘Joe Youth Pastor’ do his job. And to be honest, I think I’m in the middle of a youth ministry brothel. Here we all are, trying to have the flashiest booth, the most catchy language, the greatest promises. We are all pimping our services as the hippest, newest, sexiest thing that promises to revolutionize who you are as Joe Youth Pastor.

Our booth is no different, but I’m honestly a bit tired of trying to keep up with the relevant Joneses. And to a certain degree I just want to tell the passers-by to just go find something that works, stick to it, and love on kids. Everyone in this room will have great promises, but you’ll be back next year and the next sexy thing will catch your eye and draw you in. You’ll leave what you had and move on to the next thing. Again, quit looking for something new.

To be fair, the people at these booths believe in what they do and their products likely to make a positive impact in the lives of their users. And, save for perhaps a few, no one is here just to sell themselves and make a few bucks.

I believe in youth ministry.
I believe in conferences to help youth workers be better at what they do.
It’s why we are here and our organization helps sponsor this event.

But I just wonder how many youth workers would be better off if they stayed committed to a few things, kept away from the cat-callers, and bounced their eyes from the glitter that can be so alluring.

After a several-month break, I’m picking back up with my series on Ministry Implications for the Flat World, based on Thomas Friedman’s The World is Flat. You can view the rest of the posts here.

Flattener #9 : In-Forming (Google, Yahoo!, MSN Web Search)

In-forming is the individual’s personal analog to uploading, outsourcing, insourcing, supply-chaining, and offshoring. In-forming is the ability to build and deploy you own personal supply chain–a supply chain of information, knowledge, and entertainment. In-forming is about self-collaboration–becoming your own self-directed and self-empowered researcher, editor, and selector of entertainment, without having to go to the library or the movie theater or through network television. In-forming is searching for knowledge. It is about seeking like-minded people and communities. (p. 179)

Through this section, Friedman quite clearly points out the fact that things like Google and Yahoo! and MSN Web Search (perhaps not-so-much for the latter two today) have given individuals access to an incredible amount of knowledge and resource and opportunity. Not only do we have this access, but because of it we can take greater ownership as to our own growth and opportunity than ever before. Friedman continues, citing Google (former) CEO Eric Schmidt, “if the flattening of the world means anything it means that ‘there is no discrimination in accessing knowledge.’”

[Implications for ministry leaders: From recent history we know that this 'flattener' is a reality in which we all live. Privacy concerns are what lead the news stories, but what underlies them is an access to information. With Google's move to digitize all books in history, we are facing a time when not only is the current available online, but the past will be as well. Everything is accessible, any time, any where. And this is the world in which today's teenagers are growing up. What does it mean? As with everything else that we've addressed with this flat-world perspective, we must be prepared to speak a language that most of us have never had to spea#k before. And it means that when we talk about something with great authority in our ministry environment, we better be prepared to have someone check it out and verify our claim. (And with smartphones in more hands than ever (and growing on a daily basis), someone is probably checking our facts before we finish our thought!)]

Flattener #10 : The Steroids (Digital, Mobile, Personal, and Virtual)

In this section, Friedman really brings home the reality that all of this is happening – and it’s happening fast. “I call certain new technologies the steroids because they are amplifying and turbocharging all the other flatteners. They are taking all the other forms of collaboration…and making it possible to do each and every one of them in a way that is ‘digital, mobile, virtual, and personal,’ as former HP CEO Carly Fiorina put it in her speeches, thereby enhancing each one and making the world flatter by the day.” (p. 188)

We could go through and pull apart each point that Friedman addresses here (computing, IM and file sharing, phone calls over the internet, videoconferencing, computer graphics, and wireless technologies and devices). But without addressing each ‘steroid’ on its own, we can clearly make some assumptions about what he is getting at. What does this mean for ministry leaders?  As I’ve written about before, we have to acknowledge that the world is different than it was a few decades ago. This impacts our churches and it impacts the kids in our churches. It impacts the way we work, act, and think. And, perhaps most importantly of all, each of the flatteners and steroids aren’t just new “things”, they are game-changers. Setting up a completely new M.O. that our world has never before seen. Will ministry look the same 20 years from now as it does today? If we have two cents about us, we’d say “absolutely not.” And the fact that there are ‘steroids’ at play really means that technology, the world, and (quite frankly) ministry won’t look the same 20 weeks from now, let alone 20 years from now.

What is the next best step for us to take? My take is that we have a few options.

1. We ignore all this stuff and mark it down as thought process and writing of some random reporter.

2. We thoroughly evaluate everything and be willing to ask ourselves some honest questions about the world in which we live and how it has changed and will continue to change.

3. We freak out, buy a cabin in the wilderness and hunker down for the rest of our lives.

Reasonably, I’d go so far as to say #2 here is the best approach. Any time we take a balanced look at what is happening around us, we end up more knowledgeable and prepared to handle anything that happens in the world. Certainly we must realize that things are different than they were when we grew up (or when our ancestors grew up). And regardless of whether or not one buys into the whole “flattener” approach that Friedman describes, it would do each and every ministry leader well to sit down, read through them and take an honest assessment of what they could mean to the work we do.]

Last night I spend a few hours getting all of our documents ready for our accountant to prepare our tax return. I was collecting everything, trying to do my best to be as thorough as possible, with the hope of minimizing what Uncle Sam takes from my pocket. Throughout this time, it struck me how much the government gets of my annual pay. On one hand it’s quite ridiculous. Yet on another hand, as I slowed down, I found myself rather grateful.

This morning I drove to work on paved roads. I’ve been to countries where the idea of pavement seems completely foreign.

In just a couple years, we will have the opportunity to send our daughter to a great public school just a few hundred yards behind our house. Most countries (or other counties for that matter!) could only dream of having educational systems as thorough as ours.

I drive around my city with little-to-no fear of getting hijacked or other trouble; I sleep in my bed at night without fear of invasion or difficulty; I cook in my house knowing that if a fire accidentally happened there is a fully-trained fire department a mile and a half away. None of these are even a possibility of being reality in most countries around the world.

I talk on my cell phone that works on technology that our government enabled to make work. Last time I got in a car accident, systems that saved my life were in place thanks to governmental directive. I can eat out at a public restaurant without inhaling someone else’s carcinogenic plume thanks to laws passed by my state government.

The list goes on and on and on…the blessings we have in this country and the fact that many of the things we enjoy in this place are made possible because of the taxes we pay.

I, just as much as the next guy, think our taxes are too high and Uncle Sam could stand to go on Weight Watchers. I’m a fan of small government and think we would all do better to have a little less control from the big guys in Washington (or my state, county, or city governments).

But at the end of the day, I need to check my attitude a little bit and be thankful for what I’ve got. I don’t like paying big taxes. But when I slow down and think, I realize that I get quite a bit for what I do ultimately pay.

Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him in his words. They sent their disciples to him along with the Herodians. “Teacher,” they said, “we know that you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are. Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not?”

But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? Show me the coin used for paying the tax.” They brought him a denarius, and he asked them, “Whose image is this? And whose inscription?”

“Caesar’s,” they replied.

Then he said to them, “So give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”

When they heard this, they were amazed. So they left him and went away.

Matthew 22:15-22

Last week I had the opportunity to see a pre-screening of the newest Sherwood Pictures film Courageous. What Fireproof was to marriage, Courageous is to parenting (fathering, in particular). Shortly after the film was over, I sent my wife a text message saying, “I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much at a movie.”

I’ll admit I’m a bit of a sap.  Certainly a softy for my daughter — and completely sold-out for being the best husband and father I can be. I’m committed to being the best I can at directly facing our nation’s pandemic of fatherlessness (in my home and in my career). I’m deeply hungry for a group of men around me who have the same drives — that our greatest passion would first be our wives, followed by building a legacy of faith in our children. This type of challenge is what Courageous calls out.

Courageous will likely never win any Academy Awards…it may not ever receive critical acclaim for its acting or storyline. (In fact, it probably won’t simply because of its strong faith-focused message, if nothing else.) But I do believe this movie may well be exactly the tool that God will use to shake and guide a current generation of men and fathers to live for the moment and make their kids a priority. Far too often, in far too many places I see dads who seem to not give a rip about their kids — as if they’re an afterthought at best (a nuisance and inconvenience at worst). If these men would step up and live Courageously, the world as we know it would be a better place. Better today for sure, and even moreso when our kids become kids.

Mark your calendars – Courageous comes out September 30, 2011. You won’t want to miss it.

Well… I don’t have enough time to tell the full story of why she rocks, nor is there enough storage space on this site; but one reason in particular my wife rocks:

She longs to get scripture into the heart of our daughter.

Several months ago, Robyn took it upon herself to write some verses of Scripture on index cards and put them various places around our home. A very cool thing. Why?

Our daughter looks at the card on her bathroom mirror and says, “What’s that say, Mommy?” And then they work on memorizing the verse.

There’s nothing that brings greater joy than to hear your toddler daughter reciting God’s Word. Of course, it’s not totally from memory yet, but she’s getting there. And every time she sees the card, there’s a reminder of what God says to us. And that card is there because my wife put it there. Yes, my wife rocks. 

“These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.“

Deuteronomy 6:6-9

Tonight when I got home and tried to drag our garbage can up the driveway, I realized that our newfallen snow was the wet, sticky, packable variety. So what does that mean? A great opportunity for an impromptu snowman build. We bundled the kiddo up and she got a little Daddy time out in the front yard making (as she says) a mommy, daddy, and baby snowman.

What are the lessons in this?

1) Sometimes you have to be flexible. I didn’t know it was going to snow today. And I didn’t know it was going to be sticky snow. I could have come home and focused on coming in the warm house and doing something else tonight. But there are only a few days a year when the weather permits itself to do what we were able to do tonight.

2) A little nudge can help. Rayna started out a little hesitant about walking around in the snow. (Typically the instruction around our house is “stay on the sidewalk!”) A gentle, encouraging nudge (verbal, not physical!) and the holding of the hand can help go from clean driveway to inches of snow; ultimately resulting in a half-hour of running and rolling around, packing snow and making angels. When she first seemed hesitant and nervous, I could have let our kiddo sit on the sidewalk. But by extending a hand I invited her into the joy and the fun that became the rest of our evening.

I’m no parenting expert…but I’m pretty sure that being available for nights like this are the kind of thing that helps develop lifelong feelings of connection and lasting memories of fun.

My One Word for 2011 is Positivity.  But what does that really mean?

Does it mean I can never complain? Am I putting myself in a corner of having to be happy-go-lucky, mister bubbly-all-the-time?

No.

I think it’s okay if I have a bad day.

I think it’s perfectly fine if I offer some constructive criticism from time to time.

I’m not going to slap my hand if I say that I don’t particularly like something.

I’m giving my close friends and family permission to call me out if I dip into negativity, but what, really, is the threshold?

Short version: Four things that I want to accomplish in light of “positivity”:

1) Stay off the bandwagon. If others are complaining about something, don’t feel the need to hop on and join just to join.  (Going a step further, this may mean putting myself out there to try to shut the bandwagon down.)

2) Keep it constructive. If I don’t like something, it’s okay to critique; so long as it’s constructive…working towards solutions or proposed solutions.

Maxey Jarmon once said, “Don’t ever criticize anything in your company until you’ve got a better way of doing it worked out on paper and you’re willing to risk your reputation as an executive on its workability.”

This is a high standard; I want to shoot for it.

3) Recognize the personal. At the end of the day, every stupid decision or frustrating process was implemented by a person. It’s easy to attack the issue while forgetting that a person, who probably acted in good faith and good will, made a decision.  Regardless of whether or not it proved to be a stupid decision, it was still a person who made that decision…a person who has been created and loved by God. I want to recognize the personal behind everything.

4) Avoid the personal. There are certain people who just tend to drive us crazy. We don’t understand them, often don’t appreciate them, and many times are just plain put off by them.  Regardless of the situation or circumstance, we see all they say and do as negative.  As with #3, I want to slow down and remember that this person was created and is loved by God.  I don’t know his or her story, background, or what’s going on in their life.  I want to avoid the personal and see people as God sees them.

At the end of the day (er, year), positivity doesn’t mean “nothing negative, ever”. It just means that I want to pick myself up out of the realm of bad attitude…jumping on the bandwagon, complaining just to complain, forgetting people are people, and attacking them.  Inevitably, at some point this year, someone will hear me say something negative and be inclined to call me out and say “that’s not being very positive”.  Sometimes that will be just what I need.  Other times, that will be missing the point of what I’m trying to do this year.  (But if that happens I’ll just try not to turn around and talk bad about that person after he walks away.)

This is the first in a series of posts profiling a variety of typical ‘direct sales husbands’. You may find a little of yourself embedded in one of these characters.

Afraid Andy

Andy isn’t afraid of much in life. But he is afraid of the fact that his wife is in direct sales. Not afraid for her safety or security as she works. Not afraid that she’s into a new business “thing”. But, well, sort of afraid that she’s into this new business thing. The bottom line is that he’s a little concerned that she’s into this direct sales gig because, for some reason, he’s not stacking up. And it leaves his fearful.

Is his wife pursuing this business because he’s just not making enough money? (Leaves him feeling deflated and weak.)

Is his wife into the business because she wants to get away from him? (Leaves him feeling vulnerable and unwanted.)

Is his wife into this business because she she’s miserable and looking for joy elsewhere? (Leaves him feeling shortchanged and absent.)

Deflated. Weak. Vulnerable. Unwanted. Shortchanged. Absent.

All feelings in and of themselves. But all rooted in a greater reality — fear. Andy’s afraid she’ll fall more in love with the business than him. He’s afraid she’ll find joy in work more than in spending time with him. He’s afraid that this little “hobby” of hers will creep in on the little time they already have and start to take over their lives.

It’s not a fun thing to think about and even less fun to talk about. So Andy stays quiet. Keeps his feelings to himself. And does nothing with them. Digging him deeper into a fear that may not be rooted in reality at all.

The fact of the matter is that Andy’s wife Sue really loves him. She adores him. Loves spending time with him. And is ever-so-grateful that he’s providing the opportunity for her to do this business. Sure, they have their issues (who doesn’t?), but this business isn’t an intentional move to shift away from their marriage. It’s not a slap in the face because she doesn’t think he stacks up. It’s simply a new opportunity for her. Something in life that she can work on that’s “hers”. Not a supporting role in an already-busy life with a huge cast of characters…kids, pets, etc.. But her’s to develop. To dream. To act on.

Andy ought to rest assured that Sue’s new business isn’t a move to smack him in the face. Yet he should also sit down and have an honest conversation with her about how he’s feeling. Sure, the direct sales business is going to take some time. And he may have zero interest in being a part of it with her. But they should make sure to keep their marriage going together strong. He’s got nothing to fear today. But they have joint responsibility to make sure that as this business grows there’s nothing to fear down the road. And the key in all of this is open, honest conversation.

What do you think? What else should Andy do?

Have you ever felt a bit afraid as your wife builds her business?

Depending on  your career field, there are likely dozens of tools, resources, programs, Web sites, blogs, magazines, books, professional organizations and so-on to help you succeed and excel at your work. Yet where’s the instruction manual for being a father? Or husband? Or…husband of someone in direct sales?

You’d be hard-pressed to find one. So we read different things and try to make applications, but it all comes across like it’s a foreign language!

And while the idea of a single instruction manual or series of resources may seem a bit out of place, we believe there is good need for a bunch of resources to help you not only survive in this role but to really enjoy it and to thrive.

We’re committed to serving and supporting you, the Direct Sales Husband. The trouble is that this is more like a dance than a transaction. Okay, okay… I said “dance”. Get over it. Yes, we’re guys and we want the instruction manual. We don’t want to dance. We think, “Just tell me how to fix the car.”

But sorry guys, this is tinker territory. We’re going to have to roll up our sleeves and figure it out each day at a time, each season of work at a time, perhaps each hour at a time. But it can be done — know you’re not alone! There are people who are here to help you figure this out and to help you know how to tweak and tinker your role in this work so you can do more than just tolerate it, but actually enjoy it!

Looking for an immediate tool? Check out Jason Cox’s blog where he’s got a series called the Direct Sales Husband’s Handbook. You’ll find some great stories and illustrations of how he is thriving as a direct sales husband — you might learn a few things that help you!

When we hear our wives our interested in joining a direct sales company, thoughts about massive, overwhelming, high-pressure gigs flood to mind — the kind of goons who wouldn’t even cut it as used car salesmen. We think of others who have sacrificed true friendship for the sake of new “business contacts” and we become rather convinced that the whole direct sales thing is a joke. Certainly it’s not legitimate. Right?

Of course, every rose has its thorn, but there are certainly some true ‘roses’ in the direct sales industry. Just because there are some crazy characters out there, it doesn’t mean the whole industry is worthless. Here are some stats from the Direct Selling Association that speak to what direct selling really is:

• 74% of U.S. adults have purchased products from a direct seller
• 15.8 million people are involved in direct selling
• $28.56 billion in US sales
• $117 billion in sales worldwide

Of course, there are plenty of companies that have a shady side to them. And there are more than enough companies that are so poor that it’s hard to consider them legitimate. But the industry itself is legit and it’s got decades of qualified and respected leaders involved in it. If you’re concerned about whether or not your wife’s direct sales company is worth being a part of, here are three quick things to consider:

1. Is it a member of the Direct Selling Association? This is the professional organization that oversees the industry. If they’re a DSA member, that’s a good start.
2. Is your wife’s sponsor (recruiter) willing to talk to her (or you) about the history of the company, its ethics for recruiting and sales, etc.? If she’s not willing to take the time to talk through issues and concerns, it might raise a yellow flag.
3. Is anything coming across a bit fishy? There’s something to be said about gut reaction. Even though the whole direct sales thing may be new to you, get a gut reaction from yourself or your spouse. If it seems a bit crazy, maybe it’s worth digging in to a bit more.

If there’s anything I can do to help, drop me a line. We can dig through it together.

What concerns have you had in the past? What litmus tests have you used to determine the legitimacy of a particular company? Drop a line in the comments below.

Being in direct sales is a unique beast. Being the husband of someone in direct sales can feel even more unique. Certainly there are times when you feel completely alone in this endeavor. Your wife is chatting with her upline and downline getting all sorts of support and encouragement and all the while you feel like you’re perched at the sideline, just watching. You’re doing your best to stay involved but it feels, uh, lonely. (I know, I know, that’s an awfully emotive word.)

Listen up, men.

You’re not alone. You’re not stuck in the wilderness all to your lonesome. You’re not a benchwarmer. You’re a pivotal part of this whole gig and what you do matters.

So, what to do?

1. If you’re feeling alone, use some of that time to figure out what’s leading to it — is your wife not involving you in the business? Are you not involving yourself? Is she gone too much? Ask yourself some questions to figure out what the problem really is.
2. Carve out some time for a conversation. (I know, I know, it’s awfully touchy-feely.) Tell your wife you need to chat and explain how you’re feeling. (HINT: Don’t blame her.) Just share what you’ve uncovered in #1 above.
3. Seek a compromise. Talk together about how to get at what you’d really like. If you feel like she’s gone too much, share that. If you feel like she’s not including you, share that. See a compromise on time and effort – see how you can work together to get a happy medium.

If you really are starting to feel a bit lonely in this slice of life, don’t let that fester. You’ll regret it down the road. Work together on this and you’ll all be better off down the road.

Chime In: Have you gone through seasons of this before? What have you done? Are you struggling with this now? 

Men,

We need your input – your questions, your comments, your concerns. Share with us what you’re wrestling with and we’ll make it the subject of an upcoming blog post. Click here to fill out our comment form and drop us a line. (Don’t worry, if you ask us not to, we won’t share your name or specific details so as to not let your lady know what’s bouncing around in that mind of yours.)

Thanks for sharing!

Men, you know who you are — the one whose wife is a direct sales professional. Or at least she’s kicking the tires on direct sales.

Depending on what stage of the process she’s in, you probably fit into one of three categories — or at least somewhere on a continuum between these three:

1. All In — you’re the guy who has drank the kool-aid, so to say. You’re 100% supportive of her work and do all that you can to boost what she does.
2. Still Figuring This Thing Out — you’re trying to figure out how this all fits for you, for her, for your family. You think it’s a good thing, but you’re not totally convinced.
3. No Idea — you’re just not sure what this is all about or why she wants to do this. You may be somewhere between skeptical and naive to the whole deal.

Regardless of how this whole deal fits for you, this site is designed to be a resource for you. You’re a “Direct Sales Husband” and we’re hear to provide you encouragement, tools, ideas, and everything else to help.

We’ve all experienced those moments where we wonder what on earth has gotten into our children…where we have no idea what they’re thinking or where their behavior has come from. We run through a checklist in our heads to try to determine the source of these misguided ways and, alas, we come up short. Today’s USA Today sheds a little light on a place we ought to consider:

The television.

I’ve written before about the impact of television on our kids (see ‘A Little TV Never Hurt Anybody…Right?‘ and ‘Is TV Consumption a Core Value?‘) And it doesn’t take long for us to realize if we plop our kids down in front of a screen it’s going to have some form of impact.

Yet even if we have a hard time peeling back the number of hours our kids spend in front of flickering pixels, we can adjust what those pixels portray. And that’s the essence of the USA Today article:

Swapping out violent TV programming for shows that are educational or have healthy behavioral messages can improve preschoolers’ behavior, a study finds.

Forget about violence alone. Just about every form of viewing is setting a model of how to act and behave. In our house, we have intentionally cut shows because of the content. My almost-five-year-old will quickly tell you that we don’t watch Caillou because he has a bad attitude. (Props to my wife for pulling the plug on that one.) We screen just about every show before we start watching. And with the ability to access scads of programming via Netflix and Amazon Prime, we’ve got to be even more diligent to check it before we watch it.

So; how can you improve your kid’s behavior? Keep being the parent. Make the decisions. Change the programming. Yes, they may fight and whine and complain and kick and scream and cry and fuss. But you’re the parent. You are in charge. Pull the plug.

Of course, this alone isn’t going to do it all. But given the ridiculous amount of time that many parents allow their kids to spend in front of a screen, it sure would be a step in the right direction.

How many hours a week do your kids spend in front of a screen? How would you describe the nature of the content?

One of the common struggles we face as a parent is knowing how to pray. For some reason we fear that God might not hear us right. Or that we’ll sound silly. Or that people are listening in. When it comes to our kids, sometimes we just don’t know how to teach them to pray. And if they can’t talk yet, it seems almost fruitless to bother.

So how do we pray with our toddlers?

1. Just do it. Even if they can’t talk, even if they’re easily distracted, even if they don’t know what a prayer is or who God is. Just pray. Our 16 month-old sits at the table at every meal watching our family pray. As of late she’s started holding her hands before we start eating (they learn by watching) and now she even mumbles something that resembled “amen” at the end. Just pray. They’ll catch on eventually.

2. Make the times. Sure, we should “pray continually” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). But when it comes to kids, there are a few key times worth making sure prayer is a priority. We’ve found these to be around meals and at bedtime. The prayers don’t have to be super-long. Just make it a point to pray. We’ve found mealtimes a good time to do a standard prayer – “Come, Lord Jesus. Be our guest. Let these gifts to us be blessed. Amen.” The repetition will create a great platform for your child to learn a common family prayer. And bedtime is a great time to reflect on the blessings we’ve had throughout the day. With our almost-five year-old bedtime prayer is always a time of thanking God for some of the blessings of the day.

3. Model. Every once in a while we’ll take time with our kids to model a longer, more intentional prayer. Sure, kids have the attention span of a gnat, so this isn’t going to be twenty minutes of long, drawn-out, heart-pouring. But it’s also a good opportunity to pray intentionally about needs, other people, and the like. Kids are always listening. Let’s bring them into our holy moments with God. For if we don’t teach them, who will?

We’re not perfect. And we probably don’t pray as a family as often as we should. In fact, I’m sure we don’t. Yet we’re also not legalistic about how and when to pray. This is a time of communion – of fellowship – with God. When we connect directly with Him and can share any and all that’s on our minds. There’s no fancy formula and no such thing as a perfect prayer. As such, this provides a great platform to bring our kids into our spiritual lives and teach them how to pray.

What works for you? What seems to not work?

“Constant contact with our Creator is essential to fulfill our calling.”

-Pete Wilson

Speaking at the D6 Conference, pastor and author Pete Wilson speaks openly and honestly about abiding in God – that each of us need to connect with, to abide with, our Creator. He issues this challenge – “constant contact with our Creator is essential to fulfill our calling.”

It’s left me wondering – how often do we try to work so hard to fulfill our calling at the expense of our connection with the Creator? This is true regardless of what your calling is. If you’re a pastor, a leader, a ministry worker, a stay-at-home mom, a work-at-home parent, a husband, a wife, etc. So often we are knee-deep in trying to live out what is on our plate each day that we’ve forgotten about the One who gave us the plate in the first place. This doesn’t matter what the calling is – if we are going to fulfill what God has created and designed and is calling us to do today, we must remain constantly connected to our Creator.

Do you feel overwhelmed? Do you feel stressed? Do you feel like you can’t do it each day? As a parent, do you feel like you don’t have what it takes? If you are a parent, then God wants you to be all in — to do it with all you’ve got. Yes, this is exhausting and tiring and stressful and painful. Yet He has given you this blessing of children and He will give you what you need to thrive in that very place. Yes, there are moments where you’re doing all you can to keep the ship afloat, and in those moments remember this truth that Wilson also provides:  “The same God of this universe who gave you this calling to begin with is the same one who is going to give you everything to accomplish the task that He’s called you do.”

Don’t get discouraged. Don’t be dismayed. Stay connected to your Creator. For He will provide all you need to not only survive, but to truly thrive in this calling He has given.

For more information about Pete Wilson, follow him on Twitter at @pwilson or visit his Web site at http://withoutwax.tv/

For more information about the D6 Conference, visit http://www.d6conference.com/

Roughly 15 months ago, I was driving from Angola Prison to Baton Rouge, Louisiana. In the car was my friend Jeremy who had spent the weekend working with me at a men’s conference at the prison. On the phone was his eldest son whom he was eager to explain the intent of ministry in a prison, what a prison inmate is, what that means and what God has to say about all of it. To the best I can recall, that broad conversation was saved for another day. But this night had something special in store that has changed my parenting every since.

His boys were heading to bed for the night and each, one at a time, got on the phone and Jer blessed them. In just a few brief moments, he spoke life and truth, God’s Word and His promises, over his boys. They went to bed that night – as with every other night – having been both prayed for and healthfully confronted with God’s powerful truth.

As parents, we all have choices in the words we express to our children. In moments of overwhelming gratitude and grace, we tend to pour our words of affirmation. In times of stress and trial, we often cry out in exasperated tones. Yet through it all, our children must hear of our love for them, our desire for them to grow up in the Lord, and – most of all – our speaking God’s Truth into their lives.

Since that night last March, Robyn or I have spoken the truth of Numbers 6:24-26 to our girls nearly every night. It’s our honest prayer and our sincere hope for their lives.

Last night was a uniquely challenging one for me as I tucked our four year-old into bed, closed my eyes, and laid my hand on her shoulder to speak this blessing to her. Just the day before, I attended my friend Jeremy’s funeral. A life cut, by our standards, tragically short. (More on Jeremy and his life here; and my relationship with him here.) This friend and brother who taught me so much about life taught me this important thing about raising my kids well – and it wasn’t on purpose. We happened to just be in the right place at the right time together.

It makes me sad that he’ll not be able to speak this truth into his boys lives any longer. Yet I also know he was a faithful father who did more for his kids in the short time he had the opportunity to directly influence them with God’s Truth than many fathers do in an entire lifetime. I believe these years of blessing and his godly fathering will result in great fruit for his boys one day. They will be spiritual champions. I’m convinced of it.

One other thing I’m sure of? My kids have better parents because of Jer’s parenting, as well. His impact as a father extended beyond his own kin and onto others, like me, whom he touched. And the legacy is extended.

That prayer of blessing from the book of Numbers is one that I believe God has granted to Jeremy:

I’ve experienced the death of others before — older folks, even younger. But the passing of my friend Jeremy is the first time I’ve experienced the loss of someone so close to me (both in age and, simply, in life). I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say this will transform my life and my family’s. And I think the processing will continue to unfold for weeks…months…years?…to come. Yet when I process the rawness of today, I’m left feeling hopeful and overjoyed at what this brother has meant to me:

Roughly 15 years ago I attended a national youth conference in Estes Park, Colorado where I met this guy who was part of the worship team. Admittedly, this event was the biggest thing I had ever been to and meeting someone who was on the big stage can have the tendency to leave one a little starstruck. We exchanged pleasant small talk and in hindsight I realize this guy was incredibly gracious to entertain random conversation from some fresh high school grad who was looking for some sort of connection to (perceived) fame. Nonetheless, he was a good musician and I was genuinely interested in the opportunity to bring him to my hometown to do a concert for our church. Little did I know then how that random conversation would change my life.

In due time, he would be in our area for a series of other concerts and he stopped by. Thus began a relationship that was stronger than business – though I helped launch his first Web site (man, it was awful), took care of a few bookings, and lined him up for several gigs over the past decade; it was stronger than friendship – we were there for each others’ weddings, spent plenty of nights on each others’ sofas when passing through town, and he constantly sharpened my thinking of life and ministry; and oddly stronger than family – no gathering was obligatory or forced; we didn’t have to spend time together, it was a privilege and a joy.

He’d come to town, unroll his sleeping bag on my bedroom floor and call it “home” for days at a time. Never a suitcase, always a duffel bag, his black Chevy Beretta would naturally find its way into our driveway when rolling through Northern Illinois. We’d make several trips to Monmouth, Illinois together where my bride-to-be was attending college, hosting more shows and, here again, not just doing shows but being one of the friends.

We’d develop a budding friendship that would extend into my entire family. We’d write, print, and mail early support letters for “Dock Crew Music Ministries”, play backyard football at Thanksgiving (being careful not to break the fingers of one whose livelihood depended on them) and enjoy summer night grilled food.

Eventually, we’d each move on to new seasons and new stages. Jer would take Jen as his bride and I would take Robyn as mine. We’d both find ourselves in tuxes for the occasions and I’ll still remember him asking me to “ush” his wedding as he wanted all his guys to be involved and decked out. (What an honor to me, as I knew his friendships closer to home were likely deeper and certainly greater in number than this one guy from northern Illinois.) He’d experience health struggles and cancer and, a few hundred miles away and inexperienced in such significant life issues, I would feel mute and helpless. Yet he was gracious and, seemingly, understanding. We would each have kids and our opportunities to work together would be … different. Our families would try to connect as much as possible, which would simply never be often enough. Nonetheless, we’d continue to look for every chance to continue to be involved in the stuff that was not only worthwhile but just plain fun.

From those first early concerts, which were more like gatherings than shows, grew bunches of opportunities that would shape my experiences and my life to this day. When launching into the venture of concert promotion, I could think of no one more gracious to help me learn the ropes. He opened for our first “real” show, Nichole Nordeman (an equally gracious individual, for whom the word “artist” is an understatement) and was there for future gigs at the church I worked at. He was eager to move beyond shows and spend weekends in uncomfortable places – cabins, hotels, and hostels – being not only a worship leader, but a strong spiritual underpinning in my early youth ministry days (when I really didn’t have a clue what I was doing). On my last youth retreat with a church, he was there every step of the way until sickness nailed his body and landed him an ambulance ride to the nearest ER – not really what he signed up for when he agreed to join us on this trip. Weeks later I’d get a thank-you card in the mail, thanking me for the way we handled all that. (Thanking me? What?)

As my working life would emerge and mature, we’d still find new opportunities to work together…

When faced with a unique challenge of bringing a worship leader in to transform the stale nature of a conference I was newly responsible for, I could think of no one better than Jeremy Erickson to balance the sensitivities of history and future. In later years he would come back to speak at the same conference, delivering equal sharpness in mind – this time with proclamation in word rather than song.

When looking for someone to contribute to a panel discussion for a youth ministry training video, Jeremy’s experience and perspective was the perfect fit to round out the team.

When needing to record and produce audio for a men’s conference inside a prison, we needed someone with experience and sensitivity to a unique environment. Jeremy was our guy, and though legal constraints have kept us from releasing this project, the handful who have listened have expressed that it’s one of the powerful products they’ve have the honor of listening to.

When heading to Minnesota for anything work-related, we’d always try to grab some conversation and a cup of coffee together. (Why on earth did he let me settle for Starbucks when we were in Caribou country?!) Despite the fact that Robyn and I have extended family in Minnesota, it’s the network of friends we’ve built over the years – with the Ericksons as a hub, that make us feel like the Twin Cities are a second hometown for us.

It’s hard for me to believe it’s been 15 years since first meeting Jeremy on a trail in Estes Park, Colorado. And it’s hard to realize so much time has passed since I popped backstage to strike up a conversation. Was it presumptuous of me to be so bold? Perhaps. But is my life different because of that interchange? Absolutely. And it’s not because I had the boldness to strike up a conversation. It’s because Jer had the grace to listen.

These days I find myself working full time in a ministry that focuses on addressing the national, and international, epidemic of fatherlessness. We focus all our energy on helping men become godly fathers despite their circumstances. We challenge men and families to build a legacy. Not passed-down heritage. But well-lived legacy. Indeed, the passing of my friend leaves on this earth a beautiful bride and three adorable boys. They now leave the Church with an opportunity to do what it was designed to do. [James 1:27]

Literally tens (perhaps hundreds) of thousands of lives have been touched by Jeremy’s music and message over the past couple decades. Yet the irony for a guy like Jer is that what leaves a legacy aren’t the CDs or the mp3s of his messages. It’s not the pictures or the autographs. The legacy is in the man who he was – and, in glory, I believe, still is. While it was that perceived “fame” that drew me to this guy a decade and a half ago, it’s a life well-lived that has really left a mark. Yes, there are more stories and they are good ones. Yet they all weave together to make up what is really left behind – legacy. Legacy is not built by fame. It’s in life and experience. It’s in purpose and joy. It’s in loving and living – fully living! – in the Author’s story.

Here’s the kicker — Jer is still living the story – today. Yes, today! The story is not over, it’s still being written. Only now, he’s not in a bed, not taking meds, not struggling to strum. He’s running around, enjoying a feast, and playing an axe much nicer than anything Taylor could ever even hope to manufacture.

In all of this, there is hope. There is joy. There is more life. And there is more love.

*Jeremy Erickson, Track: Far Away and Famous, Album: To Entertain. 2003. http://jeremyerickson.bandcamp.com/track/far-away-and-famous

If you do not know this man or his music, check out http://www.jeremyerickson.com

If you don’t know his most recent journey, check out their CaringBridge site: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jeremyerickson

I recently blogged about my social media fast and what I learned from the experience.  My plan over the course of the last week or so was to continually bring myself back into the social media fold and, in turn, post some of my updated rules on social media usage based on what I learned and experienced.

For whatever reason, I’ve still be rather unplugged over the last couple weeks — perhaps it’s busyness, perhaps a lack of interest. Quite possibly, it’s because I’m about to head out of the country on a vacation and I’m fully aware of the fact I will be disconnected then, so no need to work hard to reconnect now.

I’m posting this now to make good on my promise of posting new rules. But I don’t have them formulated as of yet. I know for certain I’ll be entertaining appropriate use of smartphones, time of checking social media, and limits on time spent in that realm. But more details will have to follow later.

Stay tuned…

(Insert two-week-long dramatic pause here.)

For the last two months, I’ve completely stayed of Twitter and Facebook. I explain completely why in this post. But as I start to re-engage in it this week, I find myself working diligently to make sure that I come back having learned at least a few lessons that I can apply to this aspect of life going forward.

So, what did I learn during my social media fast?

1. The world is still revolving.

Alas, two months later and God has continued to sustain the orbit of the planet. And my not knowing what others are up to and my failure to communicate what I’m up to every day has not changed what is happening in grander scheme of things.

While I missed out on the immediacy of Twitter-spam telling me that people are saying mean things about me and I didn’t catch all the Facebook requests of others who want to formalize the fact that we are family, everything is still happening as it would without my presence there. (No, this is not shocking to me.)

2. Life is fulfilling even without being connected.

Do I leave the last two months feeling like I missed out on something? Maybe a little bit, but there’s not that much major that I missed out on. Do I feel like I have giant, gaping hole in my spirit over things that I wasn’t connected to? Not a bit. Life has been tremendously fulfilling over the last few months, and none of that fulfillment came from being connected to the social world (because I wasn’t!).

Do I get some joy out of sharing pictures or stories of what I’m up to with my family? I sure do; and that’s an area where I do feel like I missed out on something (more on that in point #4 below), but for the most part, I don’t have this sad, weepy part of life where I feel like I’ve been left out of what’s really going on.

And this is a good thing.

3. I still have plenty of other things to do – including plenty of distractions – in my life.

I can think of no point over the last two months that I was bored. I have plenty to do with my time and even in the down-moments, I found myself easily distracted with other things. While I wasted less time on the social sphere, I still had plenty of things that kept me distracted, though — which gives me more to continue to work on in the future.

With that said, I was still able to spend less time online and more time in front of the things that are more important to me — family, friends, study, reading, etc. Making a discipline of limiting social time helps ensure that I’m truly putting my time in the areas that I say and believe are the highest values to me.

4. There is still potential for good.

So if this last two months has been good, why not just stay off these things altogether? Because I’ve discerned there is still some good that can be had by being connected. We are a connected society, which means we are increasingly communicating in this fashion and this way. There is a shared joy that can happen when seeing what others are up to, sharing experiences, viewing photos, etc. There are great opportunities that can happen by effectively using these communication mediums.

I technically hopped off social media throughout the season of Lent, which ended two weeks ago. And two weeks later, I haven’t rushed to get back on. On one hand, it’s basically because I’ve lived without being there for long enough to not miss it. On the other hand, I’m intentionally slowly re-emerging so that I can be wise about living out everything I’ve learned in this season. As I “reconnect”, I’m working to formulate some rules to help me stay within some self-imposed boundaries.

I’ll be posting those next week.

Since Rayna was born (almost four years ago), Robyn and I have talked much about the importance to help model for her (and future children) how they should be treated. I realize that having daughters increases a certain degree of sensitivity in my spirit and amps up the importance of my role as a father.

Dr. Meg Meeker (who wrote a tremendous book – Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters) writes in a blog post about fathers and daughters:

Every man who enters her life will be compared to you; every relationship she has with a man will be filtered through her relationship with you. If you have a good relationship, she will choose boyfriends who will treat her well. If she sees you as open and warm, she’ll be confident with other men. If you’re cold and unaffectionate, she’ll find it hard to express love in a healthy way.

I know I’m not perfect. And there will be plenty of times that I fail. Miserably. Yet I’m striving to do everything in my power to set a high bar for my girls and help them be treated the way they should be treated. This means the little things that we do together, as well as the big things that come up from time to time. A couple weeks ago, Rayna’s school had its annual Daddy-Daughter Dance. I’m not a huge fan of dances (because I can’t dance), but I know Rayna loves dancing. And I know she needs to be treated with great care. So – we got decked out, I picked up flowers (for her and her mom), and off to the dance we went. Dinner, dessert, and a night of dancing. Will she remember every aspect of that evening? Perhaps not. But years from now will we look back on this night as one that’s extra-special and one that created a long-standing tradition of daddy pouring into his little girl? You bet.

I’m a sucker for Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, “Cinderella”. Could it be argued that it’s a little cheezy? Perhaps. Could some claim it’s overstayed its welcome in the wedding song line-up? Likely so. But does it have a tremendous message that is authentic and true? Absolutely.

I’ll dance with Cinderella / I don’t want to miss even one song / ‘Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight / And she’ll be gone

It was 5:00am. The rain started coming down, gently pattering on the roof and the windows. Then, out of nowhere – BOOM! CRACK! – the thunder started rumbling. Startled awake, I rolled back over in an attempt to fall back asleep under the influence of the gentle sound of raindrops. Not a couple seconds later, I hear, “DADDY! DADDY!”

In a terrified voice, our almost-four-year-old cried out for dear life, obviously startled awake by a sound she hasn’t heard for the last six months. We’ve (relatively) successfully helped her not fear thunderstorms over the last couple years, but this one was the first one since last summer and being shocked awake isn’t the most pleasurable way to experience your first storm of the new year.

I ran up the stairs to find a frightened child, deep out of breath and obviously shaken. What followed was a several-minute dialogue of storms, rain, safety, protection, relaxing, and the like. Of course I wasn’t happy about being awaken from my own slumber, but there was a tremendous joy in this little crack-of-dawn conversation. The source? God’s Word.

The fact that we’ve been regularly reading Bible stories with Rayna, along with her ongoing work in the Awana Cubbies program has set the stage for understanding not only God’s Truth, but also the points where it meets real life. Rayna knows that God keeps us safe in the storms and the mommy and daddy aren’t far behind. But what a great pleasure it was to hear her recite the story of Mark 4:35-40:

“What happened one time when there was a storm?”

“Jesus was sleeping!”

“Yea, he was sleeping — in a storm! Crazy. Was he scared?”

“No.”

“Did he help the disciples?”

“Yea.”

“Does God keep us safe in the storm?”

“Yes.”

“We don’t have anything to worry about, honey. I know it’s a loud noise and it can sound scary, but it’s okay. God will keep you safe and mommy and daddy are right here and won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

Could I have been more sympathetic to her innate fear? I could have played to the fear a lot more, but in this opportunity to connect the Truth of God’s Word with the real-life situation (yes, at 5 in the morning!), there was a sweet union of sympathy, love, compassion, and Truth.

And it’s only possible because we’ve been intent on hiding God’s Word in our hearts. And in this moment not only did I have a chance to directly communicate God’s Truth, I also had a chance to reinforce the authority of His Word and its stories.

But that’s only possible because we’ve been in the Word on a regular basis up until the storm came.

This time next week, I’ll be in prison.

What?

Yes. Prison. A maximum security prison.

No, I’m not pulling some crazy stunt. No, I haven’t lost my religion. And no, I’m not planning to hang out with Rod Blagojevich just for grins.

Angola Prison in Louisiana was once known as the “bloodiest prison in America” because of rampant violence among the inmate population. Under the leadership of current Warden Burl Cain, the situation at Angola has turned upside-down and moral rehabilitation has taken place of the violence. Today, a significant portion of the inmates are Christians and a good chunk of them are seminary graduates thanks in part to a program run by the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary.

A year ago, the organization I work with hosted a men’s conference at Angola. The attendees were outside guys who intentionally came in to the prison. While there, they were taught by inmate ministers and seminary graduates and they spent their nights in what once was death row prison cells. I had the opportunity to help plan and then experience this event last year and will do the same again next week.Why I’m Going to Prison Next Week

So what’s the connection to being a dad?

The primary emphasis of the entire conference is to challenge men to step up to their role as Spiritual leaders. As a father, it starts right here – getting right in our relationship with Christ, understanding our opportunity and responsibility and responding accordingly. We’ll be taught by some of the most broken men in society about some of the deepest and most important issues of faith, life and fathering while experiencing one of the most unique training environments in the country.

You can follow live tweets from the event at twitter.com/turnassembly. Look for another post in a couple weeks, for next week I’ll be locked up.