Julio Cesar Duarte

Finally I think I have the time to spend to really invest in my website, blog and Tumblr. Later today I will be putting together my new computer, yay! And the next few weeks all of my webstuff will change and I tie everything together. I was up until 6am last night LOL. I couldn't stop with editing my Tumblr! So hang in there...

It only Gets Better?

It only Gets Better?

(3) Tumblr

So in this song, the first time I heard it I instantly connected it to a relationship- haha actually two relationships I have had. You know, partners, Man and wife. Boyfriend to Boyfriend. Girl to Boy. Whatever. Its just that amazing thing music does, you see if you can fit your life and history into it. If the fit is no good then its all up to the tune and how much you like it. Otherwise, if it fits then there is a connection that develops with you. Maybe I should just speak for me, I would like to say I am not not the only one that this happens to, but so far everything you have read in this post, well its me and how I am.
Sometimes the feelings it provides can bubble up and provide enough happiness or even sadness that an overwhelming need to cry happens. It can be happy tears or sad tears. Its water in the basement feelings or a rainbow over the trees. I drama everything. I gotta fix that. And I will. Haha will? No no no, more like i am! Right now. I feel more alive now then I ever have before. I hurt, I love, I forgive, I live. It all fits in there, doesn't it? I think so.

This song is just awesome. I like how this video off YouTube turned out also. I almost think it should be the official video, with credit and compensation given to the creator.

Totally need to get off my meds. It's like a crutch(in the exact literal sense) eventually it healed, so walk again. Well I have been taking Effexor. Just about all of my family, I'm talking immediate family, extended family the whole nine yards have been around the block a few times with being "medicated". so let's look at the meds of Aaron jones. 30mg of adderal xr (actually this is the most effective med for me but one I use the least). 80 mg of Strattera. This med is some spendy shit. It's like $1400k a month. I only pay $20 of that lol. The difference that's covered by insurance, lol, that's why a finger bandage in the ER costs $35, and u don't even get designer style Spongebob bandages! Oh yea, Strattera... This is another ADHD med. Ok now let's get to the Effezor. 300 mg of this stuff, and u can't just stop taking it, supposedly... Well I've been out since thursday. Kaiser mail order...where TF is my Effexor lol?? U shipped it last Monday. Oh man. This one u just don't stop taking cold turkey, on my 3rd day without...I can only say that it's easier when u know why and you are having all sorts of craziness. Oh, then there is wellbutrin. 300mg a day. I will not talk about my anti anxiety meds...lol. Ok yes I will, I have scripts never filled, going back to last year for Valium and xanex. Each time I go to the dr's (yes plural) lol. They know I'm not filling those but I get another 30 days added just in case. Just in case I'm told. Luckily I have some sort of normalcy and I'm not selling this shit for like $10 a pill. lol, that's stupid anyways, can u say federal offense and major felony. I'm good with just speeding tickets on my record. And a way overdue library book in vancouver. But that was NOT my fault and no, I'm not paying the $15.50 to replace it lol. Cause I turned it in.

The really fucking scary part is the last 24 hrs or so, no more like 18 hours, have been crazy. I thought Effexor would help. So anyways...found 1 pill. I knew where it was cause I put it there after finding it. Guess I bought some time...cause the craziness is gone for now.

Woot!

Big dumb gay.

The fan fell on our baby Quick! Take a picture for the internet demotivational poster:

'via Blog this'

StumbleUpon.com: Discover the Best of the Web

AddThis Chrome Extension

Umpqua Mobile Banking – It’s Unexpectedly Handy

Aaron's Blog.: Ha. Today was awesome:

'via Blog this'

Aaron's Blog.: Ha. Today was awesome: It’s not like I wanted today to go down like it did. I wasn’t expecting much. You know, do the usual, go to work-do the usual lol (which...

It’s not like I wanted today to go down like it did. I wasn’t expecting much. You know, do the usual, go to work-do the usual lol (which btw I LOVE what I do) and come home and do the usual again. Rinse, Repeat for 5 times then weekend. I am not complaining - my usual is pretty good. I’d always like to improve it of course. However I am grateful for how far I have come and what I am able to surround myself in everyday.

If this is it, I’ve made it. I would be happy with this- with who I am, what I have accomplished and the people I have surrounded myself with. Except I have accomplished more than I had 5 years ago- and at that time things were pretty damn good to. I guess it goes to this song by Col;dplay. Its the speed of sound. If you see it you would understand… I get it though. I don’t have to understand all of it to know that if I don’t try it I will never know.

Lizard (liz, elizabeth, my BFF) well she moved to Indiana. In all that noise over the past few weeks, flying at the speed of sound you know??, I didnt know that was going to happen but neither did she. I will not explain why, but it was the right thing for her. I made our divorce (remember i’m gay, I am not married lol, its just a term) much harder than it needed to be.

So back to today..first it was Lizard. It was like its always been. She texted me and away my fingers went. It was perfect. We weren’t in person, she wasn’t with me, I wasn’t with her- physically, geographically. We were not at the gym together. Not eating Sushi. Not tanning. Not getting our nails painted. Not have pedis, mani’s, not talking about guys, not watching scary movies in bed together. Not hanging out. LOL Elizabeth and I have a history I think of about 5 years. There is nothing that can’t be fixed. It just the responsibility of the person who broke it to take responsibility. I knew it was me…but today I felt the responsibility I have to make this right.

Fast forward, its now after work, tonight at home. I will be as PG-13 as I can. So I confirmed (always thought this was the big reason) why Skype is such a hit. George and I (my EX) have just a huge history. Another day another blog. I keep putting it off lol. Anyways we got to enjoy some “alone time” with each other. Via Skype. Haha, if ya do it right, its like the other person is right there with you. We made good use of both of our high speed internet connections. Charlotte NC- to Beaverton OR, it worked tonight. Dont get me wrong. We connected emotionally as it is now, its was not about “getting back together”. Currently we are both single. He has had 2 BF’s since the split up, me a big fat 0. But I wanted no one around me for 2 years LOL. But yea the sex tonight was hot. Self sex? OK. I can speak for him when I speak for myslef too. So many things in our relationship we nailed it. I mean perfect. Way above normal. Incredible. Then we failed so miserably on other things. It was was during times when self inventory and assessment was needed that neither of us thought it important enough from the feelings of the other to stop and slow down.

80% of it was good. 75% of that was perfect, Oh man what we had i didnt see much of it in other couples. But its always that small little % that weighs more.

And that’s probably enough for tonight…this doesnt end. It’s my ongoing blog right? -

Then there are others. Those we know right now. I have one. The 20% I screwed up on before. —The part I always said to worry about latter. Except this time it comes first. Maybe I am not done yet. Just goes back to the beginning of the blog. Everything in my life is more than I could ever ask for. Everything- my thoughts, my life, my friends, tons of things like home ownership, money, talents, experiences, it doesn’t end. So if it stop today I won. But it doesn’t stop today! So why would I?

I can not wait until someone loves me again.

Oh my poor blog. I forgot all about you. Don't worry though I am back, I am committed and I am here for you. Oh wait you are supposed to be here for me...isn't that how it works?? I wonder why no one informed me of my horrible delinquency in staying in tune to your, um my, needs.
I used the online thesaurus tonight, I looked up the word error (which is where I derived the use of delinquency in the previous sentence) and found that boner is a similarity for the word "error". I refuse to believe that. Really? Boner is an error? Great, now I have capitalized it too, so my intention of the use of the word has become very clear... Anyhow I have never experienced the situation where Boner and Error have defined themselves to be of similar meaning. Hmm, maybe that's enough boner talk. Looks its not capitalized now, all is good.

So work is going great, I really like it-- and its a perfect fit. It is just the right mix for me to have my work life and my personal life. But I am on personal life time right now so lets not talk too much about work...

I recently meet this incredible guy, I mean I have know him for a while, we have chatted, texted, and its been great, but lately I have had the opportunity to spend some time with him. What an amazing person, so outgoing, kind, friendly, nice, funny and !!wow!! hot as can be. It's just the bees knees to have his friendship. Not sure how far it will go, but it's pretty clear to myself that he is geniune, amazing, and there really isn't much I would not do for him. Haha I hope you are reading this too. You are the best thing to happen to me in a long time. The other day when we went to Target, then strolled around in the store looking mostly at music together, talking about what we like, don't like, concerts we have been to, concerts we want to go to, that's it for me, those are my good times. I am so happy to know you Jordan.

So, got the mail today. No not the email, the real mail, like the one where you walk halfway down the street and once you get in front of the neighborhood mailbox, by memory you stand in the same spot, extend your arm at the same height and length, inserting the key that you always forget which one it is, hoping you will open the right box on the first try. Yea that mail....

And I got to bitch. Really in this day and age I do not see the need or understand why I must continually recieve the blanket paper inserts for such stores as Walgreen's or Rite-Aid. What a waste of paper. Those that like these types of ads and use them are certainly capable of signing up at the store to be on the mailing list. If I want 3 can of planters peanuts for $10, I am going to buy them, pretty much regardless of the cost. Obviously because I need them for something... It's time we say enough to this crap in the mail. Ok over the top, but yea its not first one to the mailbox wins with ads anymore? or is it?

And Cheerios. OK, follow me on this one please, hang in there... they must be trying to take over the world. I'm completely serious. Cheerios. The cereal. Yes that. First there was regular Cheerios, well they didn't call them regular for 50+ years because they were the only ones. Its Cheerios. Then came the honey nut ones, alright I am cool with that, two kinds, its options to mix up the norm. Does anyone realize there are now 10 different kinds of cheerios (of which 5 I have identified that I like -and would eat on a continuing basis).

Lets discuss this, We have:

Cheerios
Frosted Cheerios (the sugar I sprinkled on top wasn't enough?)
Fruity Cheerios ( um no comment...but taste freaking great! and very colorful too BTW)
Chocolate Cheerios
Yogurt Burst Cheerios
Honey Nut Cheerios.
Banana and Nut Cheerios (yea I'm diggin this one too actually- must be the banana part).
Oat Cluster Crunch Cheerios. (Seriously say that 10 times fast...)
Multi-Grain Cheerios. (Because the regular ones weren't that healthy after all?)

and lastly,
Apple Cinnamon Cheerios.

Wow. That's a lot for something that you think there can just be one or two versions of. Stay tuned next week for in-depth coverage of Kellogs Frosted Mini Wheats! Oh gawd then there are Honey Bunches of Oats, just as bad as the offending Cheerios! Not only do they have like 10 flavors, but they go a step farther and remove the oats, and just call it "bunches" LOL. Take for example Honey Bunches of Oats Cinnamon, well there is also Honey "Just Bunches" of Cinnamon. Actually that works out really good for me however, I find I do not have to tilt the box as much and push the flakes out of the way to get to the bunches.

Haha I used to take raisin bran, pour it out, pick the raisins coated in sugar, separate them out to a big heap (never the two scoops I though they should be) and eat 'em. Properly discarding of the flakes. EW! Wait, are you judging... well You did it to :)

Well happy Friday. It's good to be back. I look forward to keeping this up and just go from here. Until next time Have a good night.

Jordan I really liked that we kinda talked over the weekend. This so makes me think of you.

Happy Sunday. I posted the song that goes along with the post at the top, like right below "PLAY THIS!". So Click play this and read. You can't read unless you press play. And Hell no, you can't have the speakers turned down. That's Cheating!

PLAY THIS!


Well hello there! Is it still Sunday May 1st 2011 for you? Ya know like now today the same day as I blog this. I think its all coming together. What a SHIT year 2010 was. Sorry, sometimes you just have to use what Spongebob calls the "Sentence Enhancers" . Well I cant find a better word to enhance anything about 2010 then the plain old 4 letter word that starts with an S. SHIT SHIT SHIT. But it is over. I came through it in pretty darn good shape, but yea I was scared there for a bit. I mean more than once the tears came out with a sentence enhanced "what the fucking hell why me?" Well, and let me speak from the heart on this, OWN IT. When you screw up, OWN IT. I guess where its really tough for me when I own it, I allow myslef to beat myself up about it. Haha that last sentence reads like something Austin Powers would say..."Allow myself to introduce myself." LOL. I love Austin Powers.

So I am still figuring out this blogging thing. This might be yet another post where I am all over the place with my topics. Hang in there there I'm getting it. It will clean up soon. But!.... There is one main reason I am doing this. To write. To write what I am feeling, doing, thinking right at that/this time. So what's playing on the itunes right now? Foo Fighters. The Best of You. Yea love it.

So back to the first the paragraph. Yea I am coming out of it. I feel so much more optimistic and good about not only myself but where I am going, who I really am, What I am capable of, The love I am so capable of showing someone else, and what I can give to make this world just a better freaking place. I'm backing off the sentence enhancers. So you got freaking instead of the other.

I guess this is it. I am done writing for tonight. Sorry if it came to a screeching halt, but I am only doing this for me. You are welcome to take this journey with me and follow along.

Have a good night. Its the Foo Fighters and it finishes like this for tonight:

It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again


Good Night. May all be well.

Well today was a pretty cool day. Listened to some music from around the world. I found a station in Indiana that plays some good alternative music. I also picked up a nice bluetooth capable portable speaker unit which will allow me to listen to music wireless from the iPad and my phone. For dinner I cooked some chicken thighs in the skillet, adding some hot chinese oil and pepper flakes -browning it for just a few minutes. Then I turned it down to simmer, added a bottle of Ragu and cooked it up. Tossed in some pene pasta at the end and had a nice dinner. The weather is crappy and cold out, so this was a nice warm comfort meal.

I think George and I are going to get back together. I said I think. I guess thats all I want to mention about it now. So many things we would have to do different. I wonder how two people can be in love and take such high advantage of each other. If I was looking outside at another couple doing this I would see so clearly what is wrong and unhealthy. It's so much more difficult when I have to look towards my inner self when I am guilty of the same thing I mention here. I got some thinking to do I guess. But hey don't well all with some issue or another?

I leave you with a picture from our first trip to Vancouver BC. What a cute couple :)

I am extremely upset at the moment with the amount of hair loss I now seem to have on the top of my head. I guess I haven't paid attention lately...? It's almost so thin it is sticking up on the top towards the back.

This picture is not of me, but its pretty darn clear as of just a few minutes ago it might as well be. I think this is all I will have to say today.

(click play below and listen to some music while reading)...

....Well my little exercise in using the Google app "My Tracks" on my phone and then posting to my blog may not have worked.  I will keep working on it.  The idea is to have my phone record my geo location as I drive home (or in this case it was from work to the grocery store).  All that worked ok and I have the data on my phone, also loaded up to Google Docs as both a GPX and KML file.  It plots beautifully on Google Earth too.  Shows how long my drive took.  How fast- MPH, my average speed, the amount of time I was at a stop, elevation change.  A bunch of different data,  It's not just for driving, its for anything where you want to record your "tracks".  What I am looking forward to is this summer when I start up my hikes again.  I will be able to record all sorts of data and plot it on Google maps, showing all of my summer and fall hikes. Don't think too much of it, its not like I hike all the time, but yea a couple of times a month I set out ino the woods with some friends for a nice day out in the forests that surround where I live.

Yes, I got some more poking around to do with how to use these abilities.  Like I mentioned somewhere else, I can't remember but I know it was something public like Facebook, heck maybe it was even on here, I am amazed with everything Google has to offer.

It comes at a price though.  If you don't really understand and keep track of everything and how it works when it comes to this new era of smartphones, Ipads, apps, blogs, facebooks, etc its so easy to give out much more information then you may want.  Which leads me to ask maybe you can see or tell the site I surfed just before I started tonights blog entry??!!  All I have to say is ITS NORMAL, you do it too!  LOL.  Yea I have a thing for guys in speedos.  Shall we save that for another entry.  Yes I say.

Anyhow its like 10pm now on Wednesday night, my hump day is over.  2 more work days and the weekend!!  Can't say that it needs to hurry up though, I am really enjoying my new job at Comcast.  I have been with Comcast for about 11 years now I think- and I cant say enough good things!

Time for a quick dinner which is frozen pizza tonight, watch last nights episode of Deadliest Catch off the DVR, do some reading, feed my fish (iPad app) and hit the bed.  Well not hit the bed exactly, but lay in it gently and cover up with all my blankets wishing for a few minutes that I had someone else to share my bed with again.  After all it would be so much warmer.  Soon. I think I am ready to be in a relationship again.

Google wants to buy Pandora, or maybe they already did?  Isn't that kickass or what?!!

My song tonight: (off my top 25 played from iTunes)






Goodnight

Well I sat down to add some stuff in here tonight, but I guess my ADD kicked in? I just spent the last two hours reading random blogs. So all I really have time to add in here tonight are these 4 sentences. Yes this is getting off to a slow start...

In the next few minutes I will head out to work.  I am going to be working a varied schedule for a while, maybe even some weekends.  I recently applied for a different position within Comcast and last Thursday I accepted the job offer. I was smiling ear to ear Thursday afternoon. Haha I still am, this is a very good thing and I am extremely happy with the outcome.