jing xiao

thank you (for living) - clinic

avarice :)

have been awful. i thought i had an A in 3D calc which made me so happy because it was literally my highest grade out of all my classes and that just seemed so random to me because i suck at math. but then today happened and i guess my 2nd night in a row of not sleeping essentially killed all of my recall ability so i literally just sat there during the entire exam not remembering how to do anything and wanting to slip into a hole and hibernate forever.

the exam wasn’t even that much harder than all the other exams we’ve had in the class. i just couldn’t stay calm and reason through things. i kept on flipping back and forth between pages frustratedly, glancing at one problem, then glancing at another, never actually processing anything. it must be some deadly combination of nerves, anxiety, and hyper-awareness of each minute passing by that makes me the absolute worst test taker during finals week. i have concluded that i just can’t do cumulative exams because they’re too much stress and stress makes me shut down mentally.

it’s now officially summer for me but i feel so glum. too much failure in this past week, no real plans for summer, no reply from the one internship that i interviewed for and reaaaaallly really really want but probably will not get and will have even less of a chance of getting next year if i reapply simply because by that time my gpa will be so miserable that i won’t even get past the initial automatic screenings or whatever

I really enjoyed the days when O’Donnell would discuss the relevant findings of various people in the field, or delve into the historical context of certain theorems and the mathematicians responsible for them. I also appreciated the fact that O’Donnell made his own slides.

This class was really really reaaaally super difficult for me and I spent a lot of time struggling throughout the entire semester. I managed to improve on my midterm scores steadily…until I totally screwed up on the final exam earlier today despite studying like a mad woman. This sucks because:

1. My GPA is going to drop so much that I will probably never ever get hired in the computer science industry and will have to resort to living in my friend’s basement.

2. I will have to retake this class and suffer through another semester’s worth of massive sleep debt and constant stress.

3. I just feel like my soul has been demolished. I worked so hard…for naught. I am so disappointed in myself. I feel so sad.

4. I wonder if anyone even reads these or if my comments just float away into space, just as lonely and sad as their author is in this current moment.

:( sigh.

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHH NEVER GOING TO GET A JOB IN COMPUTER SCIENCE

SIIIGH

SIIIIIIIIGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My epic double sided cheat sheet. Unfortunately, the exam was impossible and all of my painstaking efforts went to waste. (Taken with instagram)

i love this soso much

Destressing before finals with play-doh (Taken with instagram)

Taken with instagram

cometomymellon:

OMASDGKJADSFKLADSJFKLASJFLKDASJFKADSLFJSDAKL; <——ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF HOW I REACTED IN REAL LIFE

shit-dick:

I got them mo0o0o0o0o0oves like jagger.

ERICA YOU ARE SO ADORABLE

OMG

THIS OFFICIALLY MADE MY LIFE AND AFTERLIFE AND REINCARNATED EXISTENCE AND EVERYTHING FOREVER

MY RESPONSE: YESSS

those poor heartbroken guys. ha.

SDC 2012 Psyche Video

still can’t get over how amazing my team is. also our psyche video this year is epic. 

oh my goodness stream of consciousness excitement rambling time!! my buggy team SDC is sososoosososososooooo awesome. i love everyone so much. my team spirit has risen like crazy in the past couple of days, and my love has just swelled so much. i finally understand why the buggy alumni network is practically as strong as steel and why they all come back randomly during rolls throughout the year, and return for race day year after year to cheer us all on. i know now after having experienced my first design comp, spaghetti dinner, and PRELIMS RACE DAY that buggy simply becomes the absolute hugest and most defining part of your college experience. ahh be still my heart! i am so grateful to be on the most caring, fun, amazing, competitive, driven, professional, and generally all around incredible team ever. i love my 5 lovely men’s D pushers, my 5 lovely women’s D pushers, the other 30 pushers for the A, B, and C teams, my 3 other fellow drivers, and all of the freaking devoted, meticulous, quality, hardworking, sleep-sacrificing mechanics.

hopefully the pittsburgh skies will be nice and make the forecasted clouds and rain go away. i’m not driving in the finals, but i do have an exhibition race that i’m super pumped for (i’m getting pushed by former drivers who’ve already graduated hehe). and of course good luck to all my dear drivers tomorrow in the finals. may we dominate the leader board once again :). i feel so genuinely happy right now.

Game of Buggy

so nervous! only 5 days left…

Dark chocolate brownie. Chocolate chips. Oreos. Peanut butter cookies. (Taken with instagram)

3 layer peanut butter cookie oreo dark chocolate brownies. Ridiculously photogenic brownies. (Taken with instagram)

also kevjumba yesterday hehe.

Taken with instagram