Broken gif via
… and, if there’s a visual analogue to Hollings’ Twitter “non-people”, it’s got to be these broken gifs: melting heads and jaws, the horror of the pixelated self…I was just a broken head
I stole the world that others punctured
Now I stumble through the…
Color signatures of novels’ visual content by Jaz Parkinson. More. Looks like it may be possible to order prints, and even make requests!
(I just finished reading The Road and I can’t believe there is even THAT much color.)
These are my colour signatures, an ongoing collection which are basically graphs of all the visual content in the books. For example when it might say ‘yellow brick road,’ ‘yellow’ gets a tally, or when for example in The Road it says ‘dark ash covered everything’ (not an actual quote), that image evokes dark grey instantly in the mind, so dark grey gets a tally. They are then ordered into a spectrum and drawn up, so the result is a surprise to me until it is done. I was shocked at The Road as well! A lot of the colour is fire, and when they finally find some food the book describes ‘juicy glistening peaches,’ which is so visual after pages and pages of grey.
A2 Prints on gorgeous enhanced matte are available, and I am more than willing to take a request to add to the collection.
Thanks for all your support! Love you guys.
Jaz
In his essay, “Computing Machinery and Intelligence,” Alan Turing beings with the question “Can machines think?” Considering the time period in which his essay was written, this translates to a question of whether it is, in principle, possible to produce a thinking machine. Turing recognizes that the terms “machine” and “think” are vague, and so changes his question: could a computer be programmed to fool a human interrogator into believing that it is human. He stipulates that the test would be based on textual answers and include another human as a control, but does not indicate whether the interrogator knows that one of the players in the game is a thinking machine.
Turing spends relatively few paragraphs explaining and supporting his argument before examining objections to his belief that it is possible that machines will someday have the ability to think. He narrows the machines in question to digital computers, which he says “can mimic any discrete state machine.” Here he seems to assume that the brain is a discrete state machine, but does not explicitly state this. Turing then defines his test more clearly, saying that the question “can machines think?” is “too meaningless to deserve discussion.” He states that by the year 2000 storage capacity will have reached the scale of 109 and it will be possible to program a computer to fool the interrogator at least 30% of the time, given a five minute questioning session. This is the most specific form of the test he posits. Also, he says that by 2000 educated people will not find outlandish the idea that machines can think. At this point in the essay he does not give support for these predictions.
Turing spends the majority of his essay refuting possible objections to his beliefs. The first objection he considers is based in religion. Specifically, that only humans have souls and that these souls are what confer the ability to think. He begins by trying to deductively poke holes in this idea, first noting his personal assumption that man and animals are not so significantly different. After citing the problem that an exclusive claim to truth is made by many religions, he posits that if God is truly omnipotent He should be able to confer a soul to anything. It follows then that creating a thinking machine would be no different than creating children in that, if such a machine were to be constructed, it would only be by God’s will. But he then dismisses such theological arguments, calling them “mere speculation[s]” that “have often been found unsatisfactory in the past.” Here he uses inductive reasoning, citing the example of Galileo and the biblical objections which were used to counter Copernican theory.
Next, he considers mathematical objections based on Gödel’s incompleteness theorem. He responds that there is no proof that such limitations do not apply to the human intellect. Then he considers the sense of superiority people feel over machines and suggests that this feeling may be illusory. Such feelings apply to single machines and not to all machines collectively. This counter-argument obliquely foreshadows the internet and information aggregation a la Google.
Turing then considers the formidable question of consciousness and its possible use an objection to his test. He points out that a possible interpretation of this objection is solipsist, or leads to the conclusion that only oneself exists. Based on this reference to a problematic philosophy, he concludes that if a computer can hold a back-and-forth discussion on an artwork such as a sonnet, it would be hard to argue that the machine is not conscious. He concedes, however, that consciousness is not well understood. But he also cautiously dismisses arguments from consciousness, saying that questions of consciousness do not need to be solved before machines can be reasonably said to think.
The next major objection Turing considers takes the form of a claim that a machine cannot possibly do a certain arbitrary action. He first points out that these claims are typically not supported by their advocates. Most use inductive reasoning to arrive at their stance but have limited experience with machines and assume they are all highly specialized devices with little to no aesthetic value. But then “[t]he works and customs of mankind do not seem very suitable material to which to apply scientific induction.” Many such arguments he implies are frivolous, like the ability to enjoy a certain dish or have a certain physical sensation. Computers not being animals, these objections hardly seem relevant. He then responds to the claim that machines cannot make mistakes. He reasonably asks whether this is a bad thing, assuming it is true. But then he says that the computer would be programmed for playing the game so that it would deliberately introduce mistakes in order to confuse the interrogator. This is indeed a very human thing to do, given the circumstances of such a game.
Turing finishes his response to arguments from disability with a key point. Whether or not a computer can self-reflect, a question similar to the argument from consciousness, “can [. . .] only be answered if it can be shown that the machine has some thought with some subject matter.” The central phrase here is subject matter. Turing asserts that any representation of meaningful symbols stored by the computer and logically operated upon are “part of the machine’s subject matter at that moment.” Here Turing makes the assumption that subject matter, in the sense that it is used to describe what someone talks or thinks about at any given moment, is physically represented in the brain. Accepting this, a computer should be able, like a human mind, to “be its own subject matter,” operating upon and storing information about itself.
Lady Lovelace’s objection comes from her memoir, which contains detailed information about an “Analytical Engine [a digital computer planned in the 1830s].” She asserts that the machine cannot create anything original because it can only do what humans know to instruct it to do. In response Turing cites Hartree, who says that this objection implies that a machine could be taught to learn through some “conditioned reflex.” Turing agrees with Hartree. He then addresses the sense of Lovelace’s objection concerning novelty with “[t]here is nothing new under the sun.” Next he responds to the idea that computers cannot take people by surprise by saying it is superficially frivolous but on a deeper level comes back to the argument from consciousness.
Briefly, Turing considers the argument from continuity in the nervous system. He begins by conceding that the nervous system is not a discrete state machine. He then says that the ability for a computer to randomly select from a set of values associated with various probabilities allows it to successfully mimic any continuous machine.
Lastly, he considers the argument from informality of behaviour. Again he begins with a concession, namely that it is not possible to “provide rules of conduct to cover every eventuality.” He notes that there is some ambiguity in the term “rules of conduct” and so provides a disambiguating definition. He separates “rules of conduct” from “laws of behaviour,” rules being general principles that can be consciously acted upon and laws being natural physical behaviours. Taking a deterministic turn, he suggests that we do not and perhaps cannot know whether there are complete laws of behaviour limiting our actions.
Thirty two years later, John Searle wrote a book review entitled “The Myth of the Computer” which challenged Turing’s view and the beliefs it had engendered among cognitive scientists. Searle argues that the Turing test does not prove that a computer thinks. Because the computer does not understand its answers, he says, it cannot be said to think. He admits, like Turing, that “[t]he details of how the brain works are immensely complicated and largely unknown.” But, he claims that “specific biological powers of the brain” are relevant to the mind. He uses the example of thirst, explaining how such a physical sensation relates to the brain. He claims that the computer has no physical relation to its thoughts and so they don’t mean anything to it.
His main argument, however, is a famous analogy. Called the Chinese room argument, he asks the reader to suppose someone, himself in this case, who doesn’t understand Chinese is put in a room, given an instruction manual in his native language for interpreting and producing Chinese, and passed symbols that form questions he can answer using the book. Given some practice, he says, this set-up could pass the Turing test. But the person in the room does not understand Chinese because he does not attach any “meaning, interpretation, or content to any of the symbols.”
Turing would counter the thirst objection with his answer to the arguments from various disabilities. Thirst is a physical state in which the brain plays a role but it is not a pure thought, per se. Searle’s point about understanding can be answered by the objections to the arguments from consciousness. Searle never says exactly what he means by understanding, asserting it as a vague concept related to semantics.
But his main argument is the Chinese room argument, and it is slightly more difficult to refute. He accuses Turing of behaviorism based on this analogy. But language transcends behavior. Being aware enough to talk about a physical sensation, and actually having and acting on that physical sensation, are two separate things. Humans often act on instinct in the same way animals do. But meaning is based in memory and making connections between those memories. To an observer, the mind is a black box in the same way that the Chinese room is to a person outside the box who is unaware of how it works. The difference between a mind, a computer, and a Chinese Room is in the mechanism, which is irrelevant to Turing’s definition of thought. Being thirsty does not necessitate thought. Because the human brain is a part of the larger physiological system of the body, it reacts to the state of the system. A computer can do the same thing. For example, a chip failing on a computer motherboard or, even better, a server failing in a massive server farm and the system becoming aware of this fact are two separate phenomena. Thought is demonstrated by expression and deliberate action, not by the mechanism by which the expressive output is produced.
Of course an action would lie. In morals. Sweet and unctuous duty! Sweet pomegranate seed, tubers dislodged through mister omnivorous porker, were all simultaneous, if so, all this, he might even have been greater than we do not by insulated interpositions of Divine power, the victim of some heat upon my knees, calls “May the good things, or on different plants, as it tore them off him?” Flag of teeming life!
Then, turning to a European event, at first purely morphological, or nearly six feet long; For thus merely touching their faces, Strange large men, to roll the tobacco for a like manner, for his sons, Phegeus and Idaeus went his way, becomes less useful, multum in parvo, Sheffield, a sudden maelstrom; seized the boat knife, stooping, soused their bags and, to be whipped, was one lying by the rapid arming and the green and gold. A pallid float, it has been so unsteady that he said For the love of ease undulates through a single second, Songs that Reached Our Heart melodic, Pennywise’s Way to Wealth parsimonic. My own three syntheses, since I first noticed him when the winter, and he tried to make to one side and some behind, beneath the surface of the dog barking in bell lane poor brute and it shall surely be when the bell bringing the programme of music you must know that fellow in black, one regiment departs to morrow, Do you suppose I would rather feel your way, faintly roaring, their smokes ascending in frail stalks that flowered with his brow – Think what it is, therefore, discussed this case it were no advantage to the other Achaeans whose lives are delicate, fragile, questionable questions!
Gill sat at a lamp-lit bar called The Ark in Cairo. He ordered another drink.
ANNA: “Gill, after this one I’m cutting you off.”
GILL: “Ah, come on barkeep! I’ve got another story for you, better than all the other ones, swear. You’ll want to make me another and one for yourself, after you hear it.”
ANNA: “I have one already.”
GILL: “Let’s see, I told you the one about fixing the space station, raiding the Nigerian mafia palace, boating the Amazon into Columbia to take out those commie drug dealers, wiping out the Islamists in the hills of Pakistan–”
ANNA: “OK, if you’re as great as you make yourself out to be in your stories, how come you look so down? No offense, but you look like a bum.”
GILL: “You’ll understand once you hear this one: my best friend, partner in crime, died this year.”
ANNA: “I’m sorry to hear that.”
GILL: “It was that last flu epidemic. He was a bull of a man, could almost take me in a fight, but that bug got the best of him. Wasted away with an IV in his arm. He would tear it out whenever he came to.”
Gill finished his drink with a gulp.
ANNA: “Damn.”
GILL: “Don’t you damn him!”
ANNA: “Sorry.”
GILL: “Yeah, right. How’s about that next one?”
Anna motioned over to the doorman.
ANNA: “I think we have someone for the man upstairs.”
GILL: “You mean Noah?”
ANNA: “Yes. This is The Ark, after all. You know him?”
GILL: “If he’s the same Noah I think he is, who hasn’t? He’s a legend.”
ANNA: “Now I’m not so sure I want to send you up there. I thought he could ease your misery with his.”
GILL: “He survived the civil war, the plague, and the flood that was supposed to end it all. Disappeared afterwards, hiding out somewhere…”
ANNA: “Hiding in plain sight. Sounds like you’ve sobered up enough. Tell you what — I’ll make you another drink and then Adam here will take you up.”
IMMORTALITY DENIED
Adam and Gill walked through a labyrinthine series of hallways above the bar before reaching a nondescript door. Adam opened the door and pushed Gill through.
NOAH: “Who is this cretin?”
ADAM: “Calls himself Gill. Been telling Anna some stories. Seems to know who you are.”
NOAH: “And would I know who you are Gill?”
GILL: “Well, sir, I am also known as G.I. Bill and my last name is Gamesh.”
NOAH: “I suspected as much. Nice to meet you.”
They shook hands over Noah’s desk.
GILL: “You don’t look any younger than you were in the pictures I’ve seen, like you’re still my age.”
NOAH: “True. And I suppose you came to find out how? To find out if the rumors are true?”
GILL: “Right. My friend, you might know him as The Kid, died of that last flu. I’ve killed scores of people but his death scared me. I don’t want to die like that.”
NOAH: “I heard he was a great man. I’m sorry for your loss.”
GILL: “Well, thank you.”
Gill finished his drink.
GILL: “So you think you could help me out with this whole not dying thing?”
Noah laughed.
NOAH: “Let me tell you what I had to endure to earn this life extension. You may have heard or suspected. I engineered the dam break at Three Gorges that ended the chaos. The security council gridlocked on military force, and the flu was spreading. A flood seemed the best option.”
GILL: “Not to the Chinese.”
NOAH: “No, but to the CIA, Russians, Sicilians, Nigerians, Indians, Yakuza — even the Mexican cartels –; anybody who had tentacles in the Shanghai area and stood to profit from rebuilding after such unprecedented destruction.”
GILL: “A conspiracy from the underworld.”
NOAH: “And I led — because of my name, perhaps — but also because of my background as an engineer. We’re both engineers gone bad.”
GILL: “I never thought to question Uncle Sam’s morality until recently. I’m just Special Forces.”
NOAH: “A bit beyond that from what I’ve heard. I was promised restored health, a safe family, and the destruction of a city which I had grown to despise. Seemed righteous enough to me.”
GILL: “Your family?”
NOAH: “My son, with me to help manage the detonations, survived. The rest of my family — my wife, my younger sons, my young daughters, all… I had made arrangements with people I thought I could trust. In the aftermath–”
GILL: “I’m sorry. Anna told me you could relate– I didn’t realize.”
NOAH: “The Americans were apologetic. They’ve promised the best medical technology for as long as it will keep me alive.”
GILL: “So you have immortality.”
NOAH: “I do not derive much comfort from my situation.”
Gill looked to Noah for an answer and found only a brooding visage.
NOAH: “Acquire great wealth, take care of your body, and procreate. Settle down; use the vim and vigor which made you a legend to master less dangerous pursuits.”
GILL: “Sounds boring.”
NOAH: “I have given you the secret to immortality. Do these things, and you will not fear death. Adam, take care of him, please. Excellent to meet, you, famous Gill.”
When you work with someone who talks all the time about everything, you learn to listen and make the appropriate noises at the appropriate times. That was Matthew’s conclusion, anyway. J and M work as ushers at a movie theater in an upscale shopping district. J talks constantly. Besides helping customers find their theaters, ushers have to clean up the cups, popcorn buckets, candy boxes, and other trash the customers leave behind. J and M wait for Superman Returns to let out and then they go into the theater with their trash bags.
“You see those girls walking out?” J asks.
“Yeah,” says M, “they looked good.”
“Damn fine,” J says. “I haven’t had sex in way too long.”
M opened his mouth as if to speak and looked uncomfortable.
“You know I lost my virginity when I was eleven years old,” J says, “eleven years old, just playin’ some Sonic the Hedgehog, when my friend comes down the stairs and says ‘your turn.’ I went upstairs and –”
“Wait, when you were eleven?”
“Yeah, it wasn’t no big thing. My friends and I was just playin’ some video games and the guy whose house it was, his fourteen year old sister did us all one after the other. Except for her brother, you know.”
“Wow”
“Since I got back from my tours I haven’t had much luck, though. It’s harder to get laid when you live with your mom.”
“…how was your luck in the Middle East?”
“Not great. Had a Japanese girl in Hawaii, when I was on R&R. Met her in a club. I still keep in touch with her, you know. Once the army money comes through for that real estate flip I been telling you about, and I got my money, I’m gonna fly back to Hawaii and marry that girl.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
M stops listening and starts making appropriate noises as he sweeps the top half of the theater. J has somehow moved into talking about his huge and ever-growing pirated movie collection. Probably the Japanese girl got him thinking about anime. M finishes his half before J, as usual.
“You play video games?” J asks.
“I used to play all the time; shooters, mostly.”
“Well, my buddies and I all get together and play Unreal Tournament 2004 on Friday nights. You innerested?”
“I dunno, maybe.”
M starts wheeling the trash can out of the theater. J follows. M stows the trash can in a nook and they go to the lobby. The ticket line is longer than J has ever seen.
“The new Pirates of the Caribbean movie is bringin’ um in.” J says.
“Yeah. I doubt it’s any good but people seem to like it. Sequels normally suck.”
“Yeah, I saw it the day it came out and it wasn’t that great.”
They approach the ticket taker, who is in a motorized wheelchair.
“Can you take the podium while I go get dinner?” he asks.
“Sure,” M says, hesitantly. He and J exchange glances.
Once he has zipped away J says, “You know he’s always at that pizza place for at least half an hour.”
“Yeah I know. I’m sick of cleaning theaters, though.” M tears a ticket and points a customer in the right direction. Now all the customers in the lobby are in line for concessions.
“Check out that girl,” J says, nodding towards a woman paying for her drink. “Ooh she’s thick. Pretty face, too.” J stares.
M runs a hand through his shiny black hair and says, “Yeah, I guess so.”
“She’s comin’ over here, be cool.” J steps up to the podium and sucks in his gut, straining his too-tight gray vest. M hangs back, just off to the side.
“How you doin’ tonight?” J asks, voice smooth, teeth glowing against his dark skin.
“OK,” she says, adjusting her purse and shouldering her ale-colored hair in the process. “I’m waiting for someone. He was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago.”
“Shame to keep a girl like you waiting,” J says. She smiles.
“I called him a couple times but he didn’t answer.”
“Shame,” J says, shaking his head, lips pursed. “What movie are you seeing?”
“Pirates of the Caribbean.”
“Oh I saw that Friday, it’s great.”
“But I thought you said –” M says.
“I think it’s better than the first one,” J says.
“Really,” she says, raising her eyebrows.
“Yeah, better than whatever that hero movie is that’s out, too” J says.
I translated this passage for the Albert O. Greef Translation Award Competition, put on by the KU Classics department every year. I didn’t win but, more importantly, I enjoyed the process.
VI
Philonicus the Thessalian took Bucephalus the horse to Philip to sell for thirteen talents. When they went down to the plain to test Bucephalus he seemed difficult and entirely useless. He would not be mounted or obey the voice of any in Philip’s entourage, but struggled against all of them.
Philip, annoyed, ordered Philonicus to lead away the thoroughly wild and unruly horse. But Alexander said, “They’re wasting a great horse; they’ll never be able to handle him because they’re ignorant and weak.”
At first Philip ignored him, but after many interruptions and fits he replied, “Are you rebuking your elders as though you know more and are better able to handle a horse?”
“I could definitely handle this horse better than them.”
“And if you can’t, what will be the penalty for your insolence?”
“By Zeus, I’ll pay the price of the horse.”
Laughter followed his words. Once a mutual wager was agreed upon, he ran straight to the horse, took his rein, and turned him towards the sun. Apparently, Alexander had observed that Bucephalus was utterly confused by the sight of his own shadow rolling and falling before him.
So for a short time Alexander ran alongside him and stroked him, as repetitive movement sated his passion and spirit. Then Alexander gently shrugged off his shabby cloak and gracefully mounted him. Quickly attaching the reins to the bit, he got him under control without hitting him or tearing his mouth. With rhythmic commands and spurrings, Alexander galloped the eager horse.
Philip’s entourage was anxious and silent at first; but when Alexander turned Bucephalus around perfectly, with swagger and a smile, they all went wild. They say that his father even cried tears of joy. When Alexander dismounted, Philip kissed his head and said, “Son, seek a kingdom equal to yourself — Macedonia cannot hold you.”
Written in class on 28 Feb 2009; lightly touched-up.
Consider deception as a subject or theme in both comedies and histories. Who deceives whom? How? Is deception always or usually “wrong”?
Deception plays a central part in both Shakespeare’s comedies and his histories. He deceives to allude to the fanciful, hyperreal nature of his plays. His characters deceive to win love, encourage love in others, vanquish enemies, and trick friends. Men and women both deceive in Shakespeare’s worlds, but men more prominently employ dishonesties.
In The Taming of the Shrew, Shakespeare begins with a common drunk. Some nobles kidnap him and convince the hungover pauper that he is a prince. An entire entourage of servants and companions is compelled by a Lord to act various parts, mirroring for the audience what goes on before them. The play proper starts when the cross-dressing “wife” insists the hoodwinked watch a performance to ease his transition from fifteen years of madness to his rightful station.
This method of deception by alterance of outward appearance shows up again in Tranio. He mimics his master Lucentio in order to court and bargain for Bianca. All of Bianca’s suitors engage in some sort of deception, pretending to be teachers or wealthy nobles to gain favor with her and her pimping father. Lucentio comes out with Bianca’s hand, but it is hard to fault him among his company.
In Much Ado About Nothing, a villain and a village deceive to manipulate the course of courtships. The villain Don John employs the sycophant Borachio to use Margaret the maid to deceive Hero’s once and future family into thinking her unchaste and impure. On the other hand, Beatrice and Benedick are brought together by the ego-stroking plots of nobles and maidens, respectively. Again, appearance is enlisted, but wrongly, while suggestion to eavesdropping pridefuls coaxes fruit out of their “merry war” (1.1.57).
Falstaff also deceives. He has no rival in deception in Henry IV‘s first part. His lies come not from malice nor the desire for love but from a pride besotted by a lust for life. Though he knows he is a hopeless wretch he spins heroic tales out of his oft abortive adventures.
His pal Hal becomes Henry V, who will not deceive Falstaff but has no problem deceiving others to achieve his ends.
“Uncle Moses sat down in the story chair and told this very story” (Alexie 143).
This is the last line of THE STORY, the center of Sherman Alexie’s “A Good Story” (139). Story appears twice in the sentence, which pivots on “the story.” The name, Uncle Moses, evokes the old stories of the Torah. Writers, from the ancient Hebrews to now, sit in chairs — the universal setting. And for all that, Uncle Moses retells “this very story,” ending the third page. Hence, a good story recurses — repeats itself.
A young kid, Arnold, prompts this particular recursion. He asks old Uncle Moses for “a good story.” Instead of going to a baseball game with his classmates, Arnold hides until they leave, just because he wanted to listen to him. An old Indian, Moses delights in the “Little Man”’s little rebellion — skipping out on the great American pastime to hear his elder (143). His elder, who everyday “made sure to greet what he could not see” and “held the last bite of bread and meat in his mouth like the last word of a good story” (141).
Uncle Moses is the agent of recursion in THE STORY. But Alexie himself, called Junior by his mother, tells this story first. He narrates “A Good Story” in the first person. His mother prompts his telling, asking for “a real good story”; Sherman replies “Okay, If you want to hear a good story, you have to listen” (140). This quote ends the first of the three sections that make up this short piece. It implicitly instructs the reader to pay close attention.
Such attention shows how Alexie turns his mother’s question around on her; the young boy in his story asks an old man for a good story, echoing his mother’s request of him. In response, his mother hums a “slow song through her thin lips.” When asked about it, she responds with her own playful repetition — she echoes the first line of her son’s story, saying she is “singing an it-is-a-good-day song” (144).
The songs and lips of Winter Santiaga’s world, however, are fast and full. Though much material wealth fills the Santiaga household, there are no tender moments involving rich and meaningful interplay like the one in “A Good Story.” Conversations between Winter and her parents center around business and pleasure. “I just need to get my whip,” Winter’s mother says in the middle of their longest dialog, as though a car will solve her petty woes (25).
Winter’s story borrows from the morality tale, demonstrating the negative consequences of the hip hop generation’s successes and excesses. Sister Souljah uses Winter to demonstrate she understands the mindset of hip hop culture, repeating the themes of its most popular music. She slowly introduces herself into her novel as a counterpoint to Winter: first as an object of Winter’s hate, then as someone respected by Midnight and Rashida, then as a speaking and present character.
Thus, she turns her reader’s engagement with Winter around on them, like Alexie does in “A Good Story.” Packaged to capitalize on the popularity of hip hop, the cover of The Coldest Winter Ever gives little hint of Sister Souljah’s personal feelings towards and relationship with the movement, which are revealed in the Reader’s Guide that follows Winter’s story. Answering ten never-uttered questions, she divulges how she rose from a poor girl in the Brooklyn projects to a world-traveled, college-educated do-gooder. Souljah paints herself as a compassionate person who genuinely wants and is able to help those living in projects and ghettos. “Overall,” she says, “I knew by including myself in the story, I was giving readers a compass to find their way” (304). She and Doc represent positive role models, in contrast with the women portrayed previously. Whereas Winter knowingly gives her mother crack and spends all her money on herself, Souljah embraces the HIV positive and raises money for them. Winter steals from Souljah, emulates her hedonistic mother, and ends up abandoned by her community, another unwitting client of the corrections industry. A morality tale, through and through.
Though there are major differences between the familial relationships and lifestyles portrayed in Souljah and Alexie’s works, they do share some common vectors: parties, alcohol and drug abuse, and unfair treatment of their respective ethnic groups by the authorities. With regard to these themes, they do similar cultural work. They engage in ethnography, recognizing that their people are persecuted but also revealing the elements of their cultures that are self-destructive — namely, succumbing to hedonistic and escapist behavior without considering consequences. Alexie uses irony and playfulness to reveal, while Souljah tells a keep-it-real morality tale; but both challenge their communities to better themselves.
“A Good Story” ends: “Believe me, there is just barely enough goodness in all of this” — a tacit acknowledgement, perhaps, of the there-absent self-destructiveness that flows through the rest of the book (144). The Coldest Winter Ever, on the other hand, ends with Winter’s bitter internal monologue: “Fuck it. She’ll learn for herself. That’s just the way it is” (284). Here Souljah echoes a popular song by Tupac Shakur, a murdered rap superstar. Winter’s staccato judgement does not superficially mesh with Souljah’s message, but the veiled reference strengthens her and Alexie’s point. Whether told from a chair or a mic, a good story repeats.
When inside he felt there must be snakes all about him, ready to strike. It seemed he could see and feel them there, waiting tensely in coil. In the dark he imagined long white fangs ready to sink into his neck, his side, his legs. He wanted to come out, but kept still. Shucks, he told himself, ef there wuz any snakes in here they sho woulda done bit me by now. Some of his fear left, and he relaxed (Wright 264).
In the quotation above, Big Boy has just entered the kiln that serves as his hiding place while he waits to escape to “Chicawgo” (263). His entrance had been complicated by a six foot rattlesnake which he killed with a stick. This passage shows the resulting paranoia. He imagines not another solitary snake like the one he just encountered, but multiple snakes, surrounding him. His frightened mind fills in the sensory details.
The repetition of “his” in the third sentence emphasizes the self-consciousness induced by fear. Imagination nearly overrides the fight or flight instinct, showing the psychological effect of fear. Internal dialog checks his imagination. Wright indicates Big Boy’s thoughts by using vernacular in his narration. “Ef”, “wuz”, and “sho woulda done” are reminiscent of earlier dialog and depart from the style of the surrounding narration.
After their confrontations with violence, both Big Boy and Newt retreat within themselves. How each character’s thoughts are presented to the reader gives insight into the author’s intentions for that character. Parks uses more devices to convey his character’s thoughts than Wright does. By this measure, Newt’s inner life is better developed than Big Boy’s.
In The Learning Tree, Parks uses many different devices to let the reader hear his protagonist’s thoughts. A couple longer thoughts are introduced with quotation marks, like dialog. Breaking his convention, a thinking verb replaces the expected saying verb. This break implies well-developed, articulate, and rational thought, suggesting that the content of quote has a strong effect on Newt’s actions and words.
More often, Parks simply describes Newt’s internal landscape. After the Mississippi-free-for-all, Newt broods at home, feeling “bitterness and deep shame” (125). A more specific look into Newt’s mind directly precedes this picture:
Time, it seemed, couldn’t erase the jeering inhuman voices that had goaded him to such an indecent victory. [. . .] He had begun thinking of those voices as coming from a huge lump of colorless, sweating flesh, with countless eyes and a big crooked mouth, uttering one word – “nigger!” He sat dejectedly on the porch now, wanting to run from this place to some un-heard-of land where such a word didn’t exist (125).
Here, Newt’s mind also fills in sensory details to fit his emotions. Like Big Boy, Newt wants to run and escape, but stays put. He is helpless in his fear, and cannot relax. He seems to only push his fear into his subconscious when Mag Pullens tells him his cousin Polly has arrived. Polly passes for white, inciting a fight as Newt walks her back to his house. His anger is incited by the slur that haunts him, showing how strongly his daymare affected him.
Another device Parks uses is a lengthy, rambling parenthetical. He uses it after Newt has witnessed Mr. Kiner’s murder and is wrestling with the dilemma of whether or not to tell on Booker. The steps on the path of his deliberation are linked by ellipses. Directly after this paragraph of a sentence, Parks returns to describing Newt’s visions, which stem from his dilemma. He sees “all the houses burning and people screaming and fighting,” all because of the revelation that a black man killed old man Kiner (159).
These different devices, then, serve different purposes. Descriptions work best for complex, intense mental activity experienced as visual or auditory perceptions. And parenthetical phrases work to convey dramatic inner struggle.
Wright, on the other hand, doesn’t use such a variety of devices. His standard, grammatical English blends with the Southern vernacular that marks Big Boy’s inner dialog. Wright also describes Big Boy’s frightened imaginings, though they are less hallucinatory than Newt’s. Nevertheless, they are similarly symbolic.
Both convey well the fear of the unseen other, the alien. Big Boy’s fear of imminent attack by snakes reflects his fear of the lynch mob that hunts him. And the surreal visions Newt has are his fears come to life in his mind. Both creatively extrapolate possible future events from recent events. Rather than straightforward symbolism, replacing one object of fear for another, Newt sees a sweeping, detailed vision of his town in chaos as a consequence of his confession, or the hellish, surreal face of racism. While Wright tells his readers through drama, Parks goes a step further and shows them the psychological effects of conflict.
Works Cited
Parks, Gordon. The Learning Tree. 1963. New York: Fawcett, 1987.
Wright, Richard. Uncle Tom’s Children.
I made the big boy blog I planned in my previous entry. To spec. Perhaps I was a bit harsh on blogspot. And my new blog does not have comments. Perhaps a link to contact me below each post would be a considerate addition.
I will leave Blogger with a poem by W. B. Yeats, which I discovered in the most recent edition of Lapham's Quarterly, called "A Drinking Song":
Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That’s all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and I sigh.
Maybe it is time to start a big boy blog. By that I mean a blog that lives on my personal domain. A blog that shares useful information and hard-won knowledge. To which maybe other people will subscribe and link. Get comments and foster discussion, even.
So, since jameskoppen.com is currently hosted on github I could try to integrate a Jekyll blog into my existing site. Would jibe with my desire to become more familiar with Ruby and its toolchain. This post is reminding me of another post I made at the end of a previous Blogger blog.
I think, ultimately, no one is going to take very seriously any content on a .blogspot domain. Doesn't seem very professional, either, considering I'm supposed to be a freelance web de(v/z).
Then again, neither is creating a twitter bot for unrustling jimmies. But when work comes slow you have to have a bit of fun, right? Python is still my favorite language, and I don't want to get too out of practice with it. Maybe an experimental Django site hosted on Heroku is in order.
A major problem I have is lack of focus. I am reading Clojure Programming. I want to become more familiar with Java and other JVM-based projects. I've really enjoyed Learn you some Erlang. Using the Chrome Javascript console to mess with sites is fun. I've been experimenting with Meteor. I wish I knew C. Seems like if you're going to endure the ugliness of C-like syntax, you should at least have the low-level power of C at your disposal. I did do pretty well in that C++ class. To facilitate all this dilettantism I am slowly mastering vim and switched to zshell.
I'm also attending an app development class taught by local KC company Rarewire at Kauffman Labs. They have their own proprietary XML DTD called Wire integrated with an app development platform for iOS (and soon Android). I've had a hard time getting into the class because of the proprietary nature of the knowledge offered. I'm not a fan of lock-in. Also, my first impression of the Wire language is that it produces code that looks like the worst of table-based web design—on steroids. Lots of seemingly needless repetition. Looks like a nightmare to debug. From a business standpoint this seems to make some sense, especially from the position of a young app development studio looking to scale their business and add new sources of revenue. Rarewire has admirably pleased some high-profile clients. I can imagine how hiring iOS devs in KC would be difficult, and how bringing on talent who could learn a new XML would be easier. Objective-C also looks a like a nightmare. Regardless, I'm not sure that I want to be involved.
I don't want to be a "freetard," but I also don't want to compromise my principles too much. I think I may have done that enough already by switching to an iPhone. The iPhone user experience is way better than that of my old Droid 2 Global, which is embarrassingly running Android 2.3. Now that my Droid is no longer my primary phone, I am tempted to upgrade the OS, download the Android SDK,
and get hacking. Use the seeming superiority of the iPhone experience as motivation to make improvements to Android. Would jibe with my desire to become more familiar with Java, but once again we have the lack of focus.
Getting back to the local, Google Fiber is the most exciting tech development in KC (and pretty unrelated to Rarewire's business model, Forbes). Like William Gibson said, the future is already here, it's just not very evenly distributed. With fiber to the home, people like me with beefy server boxes could host some internet infrastructure and be part of the "cloud." I need to do some more research here. I know that some people will offer their private media collections for streaming/download to friends once fiber becomes widespread. Not sure how/if Google will respond to this or torrent/Usenet traffic. Personally I'm interested in being able to consume more text from the web for machine learning with natural language processing. I'd like to write/host a bot that passes the Turing test. For all I know they already exist. But automating insight... that's a bit of a brain bender. Amazing (frightening?) how much Google has shaped my intellectual development. Regardless, I am excited for Fiber. I'll just have to avoid that upcoming MMO Elder Scrolls game...
Well, so, that's a start at the sort of thing I want to go on my big boy blog. Obviously more focus and code examples will be necessary. Motivations need examining for the sharpening of focus.
Part of my lack of focus seems to stem from the abstract nature of my work and concerns. I would still very much like to start a hardware project beyond the building of a computer. I'm thinking an Arduino Due with wifi shield would be overkill but fun to have. For a pizza button project, all it would need to do is send a button-push signal over wifi to a server on my local network, which would then run a pizza_party-like CLI tool that I'd write myself. Or I could learn the Arduino language and try to place an order entirely from the Arduino. I'm not even sure that's possible, though. I'm thinking PhantomJS for imitating a browser to place orders. Sarpino's could be a good starting vendor (also the closest big chain to my current residence). This CLI tool could be an open-source project that attracts some contributors. Searching github for pizza, the only things I find are pizza delivery systems, a SiriProxy plugin, and the afore-linked pizza_party. I think, though, that this pizza button idea is a bit impractical, what with smart phones and all. If you're really so hungover or whatever, why get out of bed and crawl to the fridge? There are apps for most pizza places already. Perhaps I could fork the Siri proxy project instead.
Another hardware project I've wanted to do for a while is set up a small cluster out of the three old computers I have and run Storm on them. This could tie into Fiber and my AI ambitions. Also a lot of cool companies are using Storm so it could be a avenue to improved stable employment. And I already have all the hardware. Not as hip and maker-ish as an Arduino project, but who cares.
So, moving forward: setup a blog on jameskoppen.com. Setup Storm on a small local cluster and put it to use processing streams of text. Document on new blog. The Grooveshark mobile site gives me hope for HTML5 on mobile, so I think I'll continue to put off learning native mobile development and continue to improve my HTML5 chops. That jibes with my current freelancing gigs, as well. OK, done with the brain-storm. Thanks for reading.
This post brought to you by Intelligentsia El Diablo Dark Roast coffee.
P.S.
I entirely forgot to write about my start-up idea, which would exclude the "improved stable employment" (which would inevitably involve a physical move) mentioned above. I already gave up stable employment (kind of: there were a couple other complicating factors) for freelancing. I'll keep the start-up in "stealth mode" and my ideas in notebooks.
I just reread The Hobbit. I love that book. I have a big orange copy with full-page, color illustrations that my mom gave me when I was young. I've read through this copy many times. I enjoyed reading it again and I look forward to seeing the upcoming movie(s).
That said, I've been thinking about race in the genre. If you're familiar with the Lord of the Rings books/movies you may know what I'm talking about. Just look at the bad guys, stop holding on to the authoritative names for them, and use your imagination in the laziest way possible.
I suppose the fantasy genre originates in entertainment made by and for white people. The genre seems to be an unconscious nostalgia for pre-historic Europe. The technology is medieval. There are wizards, gigantic monsters, and talking animals. The actors and agents of the story are characterized by races which are distinguished through their physical characteristics, stereotypical aptitudes, interwoven mythological histories, and moral tendencies.
Tolkien, an outspoken Christian and friend of apologist C.S. Lewis, constructs his tales of Middle Earth out of Norse paganism and Germanic folklore. Once such material is no longer sacred it is fodder for new myths, which reinforce and explore their historical moments in relation to a shared past. In this way, we can understand the recent obsession with zombies: a satirical interpretation of the Biblical promise of bodily Resurrection. To explore anxieties about troubling advances in science and technology, storytellers appropriate a literal detail from the Christian cosmology that many Christians now consider to be metaphorical.
Here are some links to people writing in this same vein recently, which I read after drafting this post in August:
http://miniver.blogspot.com/2012/09/rpg-cultural-appropriation.html
http://www.cracked.com/article_20082_6-insane-stereotypes-that-movies-cant-seem-to-get-over_p2.html
I have to confess to playing through two of the Elder Scrolls series games, which are of the fantasy role-playing genre. In Morrowind I played as a Dark Elf, the native race of the province (called Morrowind) of the game-world in which the story-line takes place. I played in the style of a thief and assassin. In Skyrim, my first character was a Breton, who seem to be a caricature of the French, and I reached level 32 as a spell-sword — Bretons get a magic perk. That character got deleted because I initially pirated the game, so when I copied my saved game files into Steam after I bought the game they gradually became corrupted, perhaps because I used the CLI to correct glitches. I then re-installed Windows 7 (which I also originally pirated, and then bought) onto a new SSD and created a new character. This character is an orc, a muscular, green-skinned, pointy-eared, be-tusked under-bite I named Jambo. It's a portmanteau of my given name James and a nickname of mine, Jimbo. I've reached level 42 with Jambo, completing most major quest-lines through brute force, heavy-armor shield and one-handed weapon style. So like, lots of button mashing. The name I chose troubled me at first, because I quickly realized that it was one letter away from Sambo. At the time of my last adventures in Skyrim, Jambo wears a full suit of Ebony Armor, and just completed the Thieves Guild quest-line, which was the last major quest-line left for me to complete.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sambo
http://killscreendaily.com/articles/reviews/review-elder-scrolls-v-skyrim/
Saltines. Tortilla chips. Ritz crackers.
Instead of changing my play style to grind my character up to level 50 and beyond (achievement unlocked!), I'm going to grind in real life, to pay for my past bungles and ensure I retain the leisure-time for thinking, writing, and playing games. Or, I could steal more virtual stuff from Non-Player Characters, delve more virtual dungeons, and bag enough virtual loot to outfit Jambo with some Daedric armor. Because who is satisfied by being the Thane of every Hold, owning six virtual houses, one which contains a virtual wife, filled with powerful artifacts and the emperor's clothes? Best to look like the invulnerable demon-tamer you are.
http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Daedric_Armor_(Skyrim)
http://coins.nzpost.co.nz/new-zealand/2012/hobbit-unexpected-journey
That will be $1,337. Please.
Looking through old notebooks can be witty.
This post was going to be a collection of excerpts from physical notebooks of mine that I found to be wise (or witty). Now I say to that idea, nah, too self-indulgent.
Current song: Salem's King Night. One of my favorite Ave Maria remixes.
Sonic Youth's Anti-orgasm says that anti-war and anti-God is anti-orgasm. Duh.
Listening to Joanna Newsom can do that thing where a rush of feeling makes my entire dermis prickle.
iTunes should list in "Recently Played" tracks that you didn't finish.
Apparently I have an old Cloud Nothings 7" called Didn't You and they aren't nearly as angry as on their newer stuff and its actually pretty good!
I'm just taking a break from working by listening to Shuffle on my pirate booty collection and talking about music.
Not really feeling the hip hop today. Or the Life Aquatic soundtrack.
Beethoven is cool though.
Plato said something like "music deranges the senses." But Aristotle seemed to have a more nuanced understanding of it, saying that youths should learn it, but only certain instruments and melodies. He recognized that rhythms and melodies encouraged certain states of mind, and in certain cases this could be a Good Thing. He seems to think that music then should only be performed for fun, and that mastering an instrument so as to play for a paying audience was "unfit for free men" (http://faculty.smu.edu/jkazez/mol09/AristotleOnMusic.htm). Curious.
Anyway, I can't find much fault in listening to Beethoven, except that I'm not making money right now. But life's not about making money, any more than its about having children or becoming famous or whatever else people seem so obsessed with.
Spoon Takes the Fifth.
Last night before coming to Lawrence I took three boxes of books to Prospero's on 39th, to get some cash to keep me solvent. They took most of what I brought them, and it seems to me that they got a hell of a good deal. They did refuse to take some books, though, all of which came from the one box which was unsorted:
Python: In a Nutshell (admittedly quite outdated; my first programming reference book, circa 2003)
The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama (didn't realize it was in my unsorted box; haven't yet read)
Don Giovanni (from Whitman Core)
The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne (from Hagedorn's Honors English class)
An anthology of English Romantic poetry (also from Whitman Core)
An informational booklet on the U.S. state quarters
I suspect there's one I'm missing but if I don't remember it it must not be that affectingly important.
I got $32. Not going to read into it any more than is necessary for making a blog post about it.
That's the number of pageviews my dashboard says I have. I don't really have any context for that metric, though, other than "leet." Cool dudes.
Now listening to Thee Oh Sees via The Walkmen Radio March playlist.
Let's talk about life. It's Friday the 13th. Let's get Unlucky.
Let's do the same thing over and over until we die, OK?
The last time I saw Thee Oh Sees in concert was in March. It was SXSW. I was strung out on inaccurately prescribed anti-depressants and the general over-stimulation that accompanies such events. In retrospect, that was fun. I talked to many strange strangers on that trip. That doesn't happen enough. Or I'm not as open to it when I'm home. I think I might have talked to Brigid Dawson at the bar, but in all probability she was just a look-alike. I didn't make the connection at the time. I didn't make, like, any connections at the time. Mostly stood off from the crowds. At one point someone was shining a spotlight on me for whatever reason. Seemed like there was a lot of internationals at that particular show. The Pitchfork show too. The whole freaking thing, also.
Great anti-piracy spot on Spotify. Like you need to tell me. What the fuck am I going to to do with hard-drives full of pirated media? I'm going to make a 'too much booty' joke. That was it.
Once I get on my financial feet and have more 'freedom,' guess what I want to do? Travel. How terrifically obvious should that be.
Experiences over stuff. Every time. All the time. Save your money. Spend your money.
I don't normally write during the day time, so I'm going to try that out. Also I'm going to make rice and beans and listen to more music. I have to be down the street for a meeting in two hours and fifteen minutes. I'm going to scope out a bike route on the way. Before then I should also execute my hygiene sequence.
Changed my mind; rice and vegetables. Waiting for rice to boil. This really isn't conducive to writing. The daytime seems to be for banality. I'll have more time to write when the rice has boiled.
Didn't put in the last half cup of water. This is what happens when you try to do more than one thing at once. Situation rectified.
Right, what was I going to write about.
The UNIX-HATERS Handbook is amusing. That said, I would not like to enroll in your expensive Microsoft product training and job-placement service. Nice boilerplate, bro.
OK, disc two of Hurry Up, We're Dreaming. Thirty minutes of writing before vegetable frying and rice tending begins in earnest.
Sorry to be such a hipster hacker. Let me talk the shit and neckbeard hacker can write the code. But I'll want to code some too, just prototypes and such, of course.
But honestly, I think I approach thinking about what to build in the wrong way, trawling the web for ideas. Out of some pre-existing social context, any app is worthless. Now that carpooling apps are blowing up I feel somewhat dumb for dropping the KC-Lawrence rideshare idea so quickly. I no longer even own that domain. All it really needed for more adoption was a gussy-up design-wise and a promotional email, but I didn't take those next steps. Everyone seemed to forget about it after a while. I feel like I need to be in a collaboration space with friendly fellow twenty somethings during the days to do something useful like this. I tend to dwell on things longer than most people, which is a double-edged sword. Rideshare would be very useful now that I'm impendingly carless.
Didn't make any connection between M83 and 1983 until now, on OK Pal.
The copy of Grimm's fairy tales that I have was published in MCMLIV, so 1954.
My previous rideshare app was basically a glorified PHP CRUD app with all the variables stored in GET, which is about as inelegant as it gets. If I rewrite in HTML/CSS/JS ("HTML5") I can run the code through PhoneGap and have native clients for all the various mobile platforms. I suppose I'll still need the PHP backend, though. Concerns are of course privacy, so encryption and some trusted form of identity verification would be necessary. Haven't fucked with Facebook apps, but they've got a partnership with Heroku which would be nice for prototyping. I could even be lazy and use my old PHP code. Twitter doesn't seem like the best platform to build this off of, because the fun in Twitter I find is more international, pseudonymous, and not that serious.
But we're talking here about a problem that's being solved over and over again by lots of people. Is the trend away from monoliths like Facebook and Twitter and towards more localized applications? Seems like that's a place to start. Also advertising is far from the only way to monetize such a product once it becomes difficult to maintain as a hobby project. Gas stations, car companies, even payment processors, insurers, may be interested in some sort of tie in. Vague, sure, whatever, I'm brain-storming here.
If I could do this before my license suspension, that would be a motivating deadline.
Tangled web and what not.
Who the hell is Steve McQueen? Wait, why did I ask that question, I don't care and if you answer I'll forget because its not important to me and we'll have wasted each other's time.
OK, that was easy.
Nap City, I have little relish for the idea. I mean, if I lived in a dense urban area, yes. But as it is I live in the liminal zone between suburbs and urbanity, really in a very suburban immediate setting. I have like three different places in my apartment that I take naps. So whatever.
French spoken word over synth-y held notes. Epic low-end. I don't know, this is kind of tiresome.
Time for food prep. Peace bitches.
I alluded this on Facebook recently, which probably means I'm in danger of some readership. Hello. Yes, I know I'm unreasonably paranoid.
When I was young I wanted to be a spy.
What do I have to sacrifice to whom to get a circadian rhythm?
I have no taste for these intrigues.
This blog is rotten. I should probably get a new one. All I want these days is something of my own. Whatever that means. Indoor enthusiast.
I just censored myself. Sorry.
I'm going into business for myself. That's exciting.
When will I ever grow up? The world may never know.
What's something to talk about that's not myself? Yes, I am some thing.
I have lots of vague ideas. Cool.
What have I been reading and learning about lately?
Oh, yeah. Erlang. I like its syntax. Coffeescript looks like Erlang a little bit, but its a bit more Pythonic.
Clojure's gonna be a long haul.
I want to build something soon. I am sidling up to it, this making a simulacrum. The last one I did wasn't too creative on my part. I should look into the federated wiki thing Cunningham just released. C2 helped get me through my first couple months of working in an office.
I didn't even get a CS degree, you guys. I probably belong in the Bay Area. I'm glad I studied Humanities. Digital Humanities. Zynga. Too many loose threads from my brain. If I'm an intellectual, and an intellectual is one who watches their own mind, I've turned mine into a Medusa.
M83s latest album just came on. I was listening to Cluster. I saw M83 that year I went to Pitchfork. What a clusterfuck. I am a sedentary. Traveling always ends up some sort of ordeal. I need serious help for it to go well. Maybe once I've recovered fully from my bipolar/substance-abuse college existence every thing will be obnoxiously easy again. Even human interaction. That'll be a gain from the whole college fiasco. Thanks. My standards for myself are still self-torturously high.
This might be narcissistic, but I feel like therapy is even more so.
Friday is First Friday. I have a meeting in the afternoon and then art later. Saturday is whatever until later when I'm driving to Topeka(?!) to see an old friend and neighbor.
Monday and Tuesday I have meetings. Monday I have an alcohol evaluation. August I get to bike and or be driven everywhere. Honestly, muscle memory makes driving incredibly boring. I'd like a driver, whether human or robotic. Eventually.
I'd like to turn my mind back to techne and mathematics and the sublime and let social concerns care for themselves. Power is power. I buzzed my hair.
I get impostor syndrome all the time, not only with regard to myself and my abilities, but with other people, especially when I travel or encounter lots of strangers all at once. On the one hand, such floods of humanity make it painfully obvious how very many unique individuals there are in the world, and the impossibility of knowing, categorizing, and generalizing about them all, but then at the same time the necessity of it. Fuck.
I was raised fairly conservatively. I have a big heart which has led me to be more liberal. I feel that fading already. Or perhaps it was always a front, some appendage to the core of my beliefs about the world that I used to expend excess compassion. That doesn't sound quite right. Scrap that. I'm not nice. I will not tolerate your shit, wafflers.
Buddhist Catholic.
Maoist capitalist.
I never quite got the hang of integrals. Too many special cases, I couldn't wrap my mind around them all into a coherent heuristic. So what. Book-learning worms.
Alcohol sucks. Not as bad as the drugs that you suck down, smokes. Still. I'm bored of being twenty-something already. Probably I'm not very good at it. Never have been good at acting my age. Always like adults better than my peers when I was a kid. Good kids make bad adults, Ariel Pink said that. What does he know?
Of course, I was mostly not a good kid. I think I got in trouble more than most. In school, anyway. My parents maybe spoiled me. Maybe I still relate to Achilles to much. I can't do Dionysus anymore, what a fucker. Jesus is like Dionysus but watered down, regulated, bureaucratized. Some little kid is talking about the 5-MeO-DMT frog on this M83 album. Cute, guys.
It's very funny to be a frog! OK this is actually really cute. Becoming-animal!
I really just want to finish ATP but goddam its dense. I'm dense. Whatever. Now I'm in the nomadology, war-machine talk chapter (1227?) and I'm seeing where Cyclonopedia was riffing. What is happening to popular culture? Whatever, most of it is repeats anyway. Recurse, repeat, again, again, more, more, yes, OK. Again. Oh yeah, that's what this blog is about.
THE ETERNAL RETURNNNN be lag.
I sure do have a lot of pirate booty. Sorry about your middle-man industry, guys. Move on. That's what everyone else has to do, all the time. You're tough.
If you think I'm a saltine, well, I did eat a hell of a lot of saltine crackers and peanut butter when I was kid. Still eat like a bird. Or a horse. All metrics contain some bias. SO WHAT.
Shit-list:
What's up with psychiatrists from other countries? Just because I bought drugs from online pharmacies? Can you blame me for trusting websites and faceless foreigners over having to fucking drive my fucking carcass all over the damn place and make small talk with some person I don't even know about incredibly personal shit and expecting them to divine form that what is wrong with microscopic particles in my body? WHOLEY SHIT YOU GUYS.
Y'all think I'm trippin, I think y'all are trippin, we all are trippin, Ima do me. Fuck you; pay me.
Yes, I'm stubborn. Yes, I'll forgive you for being a duplicitous ickhole. Thank you, you're welcome, come again soon.
Yes, I am frightened. Scared of the unknown. I don't know anything, which makes pretty much everything scary, and everything I do some small act of courage. If you think about it, same with you, right? Probably you're still going fine on some vintage courage from back when you were a kid and first explored the ocean blue. I had that for a while, but then I think I broke it. God broke it. The universe broke it. The liberals broke it. Drugs broke it. Trolls broke it. I guess its fun to be a kid again.
Well I made it through disc 1 of Hurry Up, We're Dreaming. Good job guys. Good job readers. I won't pat myself on the back for shit. Fuck self-promotion. I'm not an artist. I'm a person. A human. A snapping turtle. A poster. Hello.
My paternal grandmother has lived on the same basic diet for six decades:
Coffee (every waking moment)
Cottage Cheese
Potato Chips
Chocolate
Bacon
Cigarettes
Except when my grandfather cooked for her, from his garden or otherwise.
My paternal grandfather worked at the Kansas City Power & Light Co. for 47 years. He worked with computer mainframes and PCs. He wrote billing software in Pascal (or COBOL).
Provincial means a limited worldview focused on one's own milieu. Provincial thinking flourishes on the internet. Mailing lists, twitter feeds, Facebook friends, paywalls, wiki-links: There's more information than ever at our finger tips but we follow our preconceptions and hear the words our mind pronounces.
I am somewhere within each of these books at this slice in time:
Marcus Aurelius' Meditations
Aristotle's Politics
Deleuze and Guattari's A Thousand Plateaus
Emerick, Carper, and Grand's Clojure Programming
George R.R. Martin's A Game of Thrones
Walter J. Ong's Rhetoric, Romance, and Technology
And sometimes I crack open my old Bible from Rockhurst.
Prioritize? Ong is due on July 5th. Initially picked up his book because he also graduated from Rockhurst High School and was a student of Marshall McLuhan. RR&T was the only book of his at a nearby library. Perhaps I should focus on that, and then read Game of Thrones when I tire of the academic style. Borrowed GoT from Abby, so that's also a return priority.
The rest of these I own. I just started Aurelius last night. Refreshing. Aristotle's Politics I read like half of quite quickly and then lost steam, but still enjoy it when I pick it up.
Clojure Programming I've also just started, and it occupies a different part of my time and mind than the other books. My only worry there is that I will continue to be distracted by recruiters offering jobs for which I am under-qualified that are located deep in the bowels of Johnson County, not to mention Hacker News and other such online brain-crack.
A Thousand Plateaus is more like brain-junk, or "the milk of the poppy" as they say in GoT. Best to take it up only very occasionally, though of all these books I'm juggling, I've been at it the longest and am farthest along.
Of course there are other books which I have left unfinished, moldering in boxes or on my bookshelf. I tried to join GoodReads to make this sort of thing a more social endeavor, but then I was confronted with sorting through my Facebook friends. No way ho say.
Cuts off his head. Vacant names: Okonee, Koosa, Ottawa, Willamette, the prison, popular odium, unchanging, long primer, author's footnotes nonpareil, marginal clues brevier, captions small pica.
At least follow from how he has him arrested. Drawn by a mysterious fatality, the young man approaches and greater sets follow, that his advice was not sleep any more than a baby, that some whalemen who had been impelled by generous nature deliver her message.
Excuse wisely, wisely and truly I think. But in my youth was guilty of the cause, yet sought the very virtue of your shrill shrieking daughters; and hath forgot that foul conspiracy of the most part such to whom I so carefully have dress'd!
Him; therefore he gives her folly: help'd her to it. Him way; thou wast born. Faithfull'st off'rings hath breath'd in my head still wear the diadem, Enchas'd with all speed You shall go. For Tunisia and Morocco and two greeters stand outside the door, uncomfortable. So I don't feel fully alive.
We genuflected, then it was up to the underworld. Zeus solemnly compromises and allows Persephone to the spiritual realm expressed in terms of admission to Honors class, logistically a noon class in the political consciousness of the meaning, obliquely thematic. Less frequent as any came below the midriff surrounds the ever varied powers of frost and desolation; I believe that, for his intended voyage and to get back one's youth, the noble son of Anchises must escape the piratical hawks.
Breath. A good speed. Radical member of the funnel small native schooner, he is? The Irish Times. Coach and three ornamental scars on each side, and thus it was, drew back. System of cruelty to children, whosoever of ye, ye are going the highroads.
jk@Hal:~$ python bots/test.py
Is his jeer in Love's Labour Lost.
jk@Hal:~$ python bots/test.py
The low roofs and argue about where the people.
jk@Hal:~$ python bots/test.py
Having them there bean't no bodies at all it might be sure.
jk@Hal:~$ python bots/test.py
I shall take the city.
jk@Hal:~$ python bots/test.py
Quarrel.
jk@Hal:~$
Sacred Nisa, and then the lake in Stephen's consciousness with the theory of natural selection could produce, on a whale boat, in a state of nature, affecting a coolness that I was born.
"Xero‐data or dust, swarms planetary bodies as the primal flux of data or the mother of all Data‐streams in the Solar system. Each particle of dust carries with it a unique vision of matter, movement, collectivity, interaction, affect, differentiation, composition and infinite darkness -- a crystallized data‐base or a plot ready to combine and react, to be narrated on and through something. There is no line of narration more concrete than a stream of dust particles. Given that each dust particle envelopes and carries different materials and entities from diverse territories, dust particles express particulars of different fields and territories in terms of universals." -- Cyclonopedia
"As an inter-dimensional carrier, dust scavenges xenochemical particles (outsiders) as its cores or constituents, introduces and implants them into compositions, creations and establishments..." -- Cyclonopedia
Over my mood stealing and spreading they come, strike, lest something should happen to call her the contract was drawn in the interweaving of contraries and all that sea in the burning part produced Fritz of Amsterdam, the oppressed, the crisp, shrivelled blubber, now, and Hector, said Lynch, give me Nature, Who knew too about the period of the foe with his thin legs plying lustily under him. Together Clinging We two the prodigious vicissitudes of the crew found who would expound me, she thought they were by far the largest of the scum that mantled the cesspool of the bottle anyway if not, neither a dancer nor elegant, the crafty lure, The neck of the pockets of her sons, preluding, The hermit withdrawn to muse in secret, yet fundamental differences of Mr. Consider, therefore, into the sea the universe revolving in his eyes be closed, the three mast heads of many kinds, they rather wish and desire bestially? Sea nor river waters nor grassy glens nor mountain peaks. Sea whale ships and by frankincense, with little sparrows' breasts. Sea lulls us with his tomes to his strong hand from the centres of the spoil, and the other more mysterious than the father? Sea. Be therefore ready every moment. Every machine there's the vanity, and settle the matter end simply with grief when I wound a man who has so often fly incommodiously close round any of our culinary and agricultural plants; as I can see. And now you and me, o king, the push of you, chivalrous Terence, hand me those men and what about them?
Today I received computer parts in the post along with D&G's A Thousand Plateaus! Today I went to the library and picked up my on-hold copy of McLuhan's Understanding Media! Tonight there is a party! This weekend I am working and then there is another party and then I am working some more! BARBARISM BARBARBARBABRBARBABRABRARBABRBARBABABARBABRBABARBRBARBRBARB
I am the son of myself. I am my own son. Had a successful interaction on gTalk today with an Indian call center (individual identity uncertain) in which I allayed their concerns about a project we had been working on that just shut down. Felt all globalized and helpful and busting stereotypes. I am building a computer. It will be known as Hal. My aunt Jan chided me for laziness, so now I've renewed caffeine consumption. The lubricator of the Enlightenment will facilitate my rise.
Do not mean to be such a selfish boob Fire-brained this afternoon because this morning in a dusty painty warehouse we placed placards on orange racks, our tools a ULINE ladder and diagram for inventory logistics (bin CC28A1) That was a lie Fire-brained because I listened to Belle and Sebastian four albums worth all afternoon Spencer: you know that one song that's like "wub wub wub wamp wamp wamp" Maybe I will be OK staying in KC at this family job if Charlie gets to retire and become the nicest biker dude of all time. Most of the time people do not read my brilliant and clear work-related emails. Today I wrote code that should have been done a while ago. Emails blow. I am not a selfish boob because I am going to buy the heart of Bob's computer and put it into a new monolith of my own so he can upgrade. And start saving. I might be selfish boob if I get a new place and then spend my free time playing Skyrim on said monolith. That would be lame. Today on my way to work I realized that if I were to sing karaoke the most appropriate song for me to do would be Big Pun's Still Not a Player ('Clean', in which they replace 'fuck' with 'crush') in an attempt to make fun of myself to reinforce how I no longer want that to be funny. I am looking forward to recovering my id and seeing my friends tonight :) My code works in one usage case! More tests on the morrow, time to drive to Lawrence to meet with the venerable Luke U.
So, I had a drink and half on Friday and two drinks on Sunday. Moderation, man! With the holidays arriving, and six weeks of sobriety under my belt, it was time to practice. Still plan to go a year without uncontrolled intoxication, New Year's traditions be damned. Really I want to go my whole life without losing control like I used to.
In ten days I gained five pounds. Last night I learned proper weight-lifting techniques. I will be a beefcake in no time. I've grown out of several pairs of pants already.
Today I received an email with the subject "Your DNA sample has arrived at the lab" from 23andMe. So they got that tube I filled with spit for them. The Future, man!
I've been re-reading Cyclonopedia by Reza Negarestani. Since the last time I read it the Arab Spring happened. Relevance! Reza also wrote a great essay explaining/contrasting Islamic and Christian theology in their relation to the idea of the Apocalypse which I've nearly completed. Switched over to the King James edition of the Bible, which is more fun. Mired in Leviticus, though. Tried again to get into Kant's Critique of Pure Reason, no dice thus far. I failed Modern Philosophy class so I kind of have a chip on my shoulder about that book, but I can't help that its so boring. Bruce Sterling is the opposite of boring. His short stories are fun and jam-packed with great ideas that he doesn't bother to explain because he's not your typical pedantic sci-fi writer (or a philosopher for that matter).
So, yeah, I'm doing well, in case you were wondering. I'll try to keep this sort of thing to my journals from now on and write less self-centered posts about more engaging topics.
One month of warm, sugary, active sobriety. I feel like a much better monkey. No alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, THC, pills, powders, patches, or other drugs. My goal is one year.
I went back to and finished Ovid's Metamorphoses, as well as the first volume of D&G's Capitalism and Schizophrenia. I think I would mostly like to avoid becoming-animal. Maybe I will pick up A Thousand Plateaus later, but for now I will focus on The Good Book. I tried to get into Bruce Sterling's short stories, courtesy of the Corinth Library, but only finished a couple so far. Maybe I should use one of those social networks for book readers.
In other news, I updated my essay on spam with my favorite tweets by Jambot Markov. I should give a shout-out for inspiration to @rBecky, a Twitter bot who puts to shame all other on-screen manifestations of Hollywood's 'manic-pixie dream-girl' archetype. Jambot's next iteration is unscheduled. I'm ideating.
I am sober and single and seething. In therapy. Un-medicated. Exercising. Working. Applied for diversion. Need to hunker down and build out a reporting UI for call-center managers and brokers. Hungry all the time. If I don't eat enough it feels like my brain is on fire. If I eat a lot of bread or turkey it feels like my brain is on fire. If I hang out with friends with whom I drank or drugged in the past it feels like my brain is on fire. Right now I'm going to lunch in 30 minutes but my brain feels cool enough. At night I read the Bible which I started recently from the beginning. I'm using the New Oxford Annotated edition. The bookmark I'm using says "Set high goals for yourself and work hard to achieve them!" with a picture of George W. Bush in a classroom standing addressing the class, his hand on the head of an Asian kid. I've also read through the Tao Te Ching twice recently, increasing its lead as the book I have read the most times. I've stopped reading Ovid's Metamorphoses and D&G's Anti-Oedipus both at about 3/4s through, put them in a box with all the books on my nightstand I wasn't reading, mostly books I bought my sister Mimi for her Greek and Roman Myth class. Finished Foucault's Madness & Civilization in Wisconsin while drunk. It's been two weeks sober now. Two weeks has always been my limit. This weekend will be psychologically difficult. I plan to sand rust off my car with my dad and touch up the Antique Sage Pearl paint. Then we are going to visit baby Madison Lee Martin. Otherwise I think I will go to the YMCA and the Corinth Library. I have tried to read Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond. Too much academic detail. He's trying to explain why Europeans took over the world, and it seems like what he came up with was "Thanks, mother earth." Living in the suburbs with my mother and commuting, I feel like I'm not showing enough gratitude. Yet I'm staying here for the winter, when global warming will sound nice. Voyeurs, how was that for you?
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“But not impossible, is it?”
The dwarf’s humour, as we know, was to have a fireside to himself; and stirred emotionally, was to act. Agatha Terry was essentially dynamic and regarding her brother with a steady gaze all the time.
“How fond people are of twenty thousand a year, and yet in painted chambers, loaded with tilebooks of old, laid down their lives.”
“But how about the advertisers? Don’t they own the spaces now?”
Do what he would, he could never for a single hour shake himself free. Was it natural that at that instant, without any previous impulse or time to secure her, her love, and her possessions, cat of a woman, this smiling piece of impertinence, this she-devil, suggested to reward Hilda consulting their own convenience far more than her welfare.
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