jazzper™

So I am back home again. Feels good. I have slept some today, like to shifts with two hours each. I will call it a night soon. Again.

Everything has been great, really. On Wednesday I was rolled in to the operation theater at 11.30 a.m and rolled out about 1 p.m. I spent the night in E.R with hardly any sleep at all. Too much excitement and thoughts running through my head. I had some pain that was taken care of with morphine but other than that no other complications.  On Thursday I was up walking around in the corridors and today, Friday, I was sent home. I have had a lot of energy and I have been feeling overall great. Didn’t expect that, to be honest.

Well I do have some pain and my stomach is a bit out of order. I compare it with a hard drive that needs defrag. As soon as I drink some water or eat a spoonful of yoghurt I can feel it move and hear all the noise. Quite fun to listen to. I haven’t given it a lot of thought yet, but I did ask myself when I woke up after surgery Oh my god, what the eff have I done?! I still ask myself that, but I guess it’s more or less a normal reaction. Food is out of the question. I am allowed to eat liquid foods for one week, such as nutrition drinks, water, milk, juice and hot and cold soup. Having hard time to eat the 1,5 liter a day. Even 1,5 dl of yoghurt is difficult to eat.

Tomorrow I will rest and on Sunday I am going home to my parents to stay with them for a couple of weeks. Just don’t want to be alone during these critical weeks post surgery.

A couple of more pics added:

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I have added a couple of photos from last weeks adventure at the hospital:

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Wednesday a week ago, minutes before the news "We don't have time for your surgery today, come back next week..."

Well, not preparing really. No need to. I have done all my emotional preparation and I just want it over and done with. I was supposed to be “floating” this week, but I haven’t entirely. I have sinned a bit. Today I had a fresh salad for lunch and last night I had some nice fish and shellfish soup. Nothing that have any effect on my weight-loss, really.

So with one day to go I am not nervous at all. No thoughts, no feelings. I managed to stay somewhat focused despite the setback last week, but now I feel as I am back in the game again. Things just can’t go wrong a sixth time. Right? (knock knock) So with this beeing said keep your fingers crossed. On Wednesday morning it happens.

Oh, please follow my journey on Facebook and be a fan of this life-changing event!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jespers-Gastric-Bypass-Journey/334640001632

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I arrived at the hospital at 7 a.m. Surgery was due 1p.m. At 3p.m they tell me there’s no time to do my surgery today. One of the patients before me had some emergency complications and a surgery that normally takes 1-1.5 hrs took more than 4 hrs.

Shit happens, I know that. I am not upset with anyone. I just feel that I am so darn unlucky and I deserve more luck. More than this. This is the fifth time my surgery has been more or less postponed and each time that happens, I lose enthusiasm, goal and motivation. Today was by all means the worst of them all. I mean, there I was in the hospital, waiting for eight hours for them to call my name, dressed in scrubs with needles in my arms. And then this happens. It’s cruel. Darn cruel.

When talking to the staff about it I gave a calm impression and yes, I was calm. I understand that things happen that no one can control or change. The surgeons had run in to a difficult procedure that took a lot of time. As my mom said: “Well, think about how they maybe saved a life today.” Things do happen.

It’s just so darn unfair it has to happen to me all the time. The fifth time.  And now I was so close.

Instead I have to gather what’s left of my motivation and enthusiasm and try to focus on next Wednesday when I am scheduled for a new surgery. I don’t know how and if I can do that, to be honest. Perhaps it will be different in a couple of days. But now I just feel like the most unlucky man in the world.

So, surgery is not due March 10 anymore. Most likely March 17th with a little chance earlier than that.

This sucks.

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Six hours to go. At 7 a.m I need to be at the hospital. What happens then is unknown. My guess is that surgery will be at some point before lunch. The procedure is said to take about an hour and a half and after that I will be kept for observation in E.R for a couple of hours. I should be, if everything goes well, sober by nightfall. Texts are welcome +46708381599.

I told my dad that if something happens he can have my DVD-player and computer. My TV will be nice in our Summer house. My mom will get my netbook. Or perhaps my sister. My brother in law can have my phone.

We laughed nervously both of us…

Time to die. Time to resurrect. More beautiful than ever!

Nah, I am not scared, nervous nor anxious. It is such a routine procedure it’s more or less impossible to fail. The fail will be on me afterwards if I cannot adopt to the new lifestyle. Hell will freeze over for that to happen.

So, I guess this will be my last post on this side. Tomorrow at some point there will be no more old Jesper – only a new Jesper. I will miss him. A bit. Not too much. And with Spring drawing nearer outside my window I feel it will be a good day to die on. And resurrect as a new man a couple of hours later.

Time for metamorphosis…

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There is not better way to be distracted and keep your mind on other things than important things, than cleaning. I have now been doing this for the last six hours and I guess I will be finished soon (what? I am a bachelor living alone, it takes time to clean up all the dirty socks spread around the house).

Or I can do a Family Guy and call for distraction like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V1fX-FvKW8

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I have been playing around with the idea of doing something special on this, the last day of my life. Like going cool places, like enjoying a good meal. But now I am most likely to spend the day cleaning my apartment instead. That will probably take the entire day. And when it comes to food and eating, I am not even hungry anymore. No cravings,  no nothing.

My friend Sofia had her surgery yesterday and I haven’t heard from her. I’ve sent her two messages, hope she is okay. We will meet tomorrow morning at the hospital. That kind of scares me. I mean, she might be suffering from regrets or other complications and how will that affect me? God I hope she is alright and everything went well.

I don’t regret staying home from work these two days but I would have preferred working last week (winter break). I think I might be catching a cold, my throat feels a bit nasty. Me staying home was simply a decision of not taking any risks of catching viruses, colds, flus, infections etc. I am after all commuting 1.4 hr on crowded trains with strangers and working with and around a hundred kids and teenagers. Any kind of infection in my body would risk the surgery to be postponed and I don’t want that now.

I wonder if I will sleep tonight. Probably not. I am that kind of person who needs a calm mind when going to bed in order to sleep. So expect a couple of more posts before the night is over.

So, my last day on Earth. Tomorrow I will be reborn. A new life will start.

Awesome.

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To be honest I still haven’t thought a lot about it. Today is Sunday (evening) and I have Monday and Tuesday to go. Early Wednesday morning I am expected at the hospital, 7 a.m. So that makes it two full days before my life-changing procedure – a gastric bypass surgery. But I feel…nothing. Perhaps that’s a good sign. Right? Or perhaps I am just unruffled about it.

This weekend has been pretty tough food-wise. I have cheated again but haven’t gained any weight. Cheating as in eating something different than low calorie shakes. Like boiled broccoli and some whole-wheat pasta. I haven’t lost anymore weight though, possibly because I haven’t been moving around that much. Mostly been at home watching telly, sitting by my computer and doing laundry and cleaning.

So, I feel too little to really blog about it, which is quite sad. I guess it will be different tomorrow and on Tuesday, the closer to surgery day I get. Or at least after the surgery when the tough adaption period arrives.

Let’s just wait and see.

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I continue to lose weight even if it’s going a bit slower now. I guess that the 7,5km of hardcore walking in Stockholm had some effect. Tonight I will cheat again: a small portion of white healthy fish and broccoli. As much calories as in a low-cal shake. The two weeks of floating is apparently for weight-loss only and has nothing to do with whether the food is solid or not. They recommend low-cal shakes for fast weight-loss though. And since I am going down fast I will cheat with no regret tonight. My last time. Honestly. I swear

Stats as of today:

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With five days to go I am thinking a lot. Well, today is a good day and that’s probably thanks to the weather, but as soon as I get a couple of minutes where I am passive, I start to think about what’s coming. Here’s a list I did a couple of nights ago when I couldn’t sleep. It’s a list of my pros and cons with this life-changing procedure.

CONS

• I won’t be able to eat as much as I have done before
• There are foods I won’t be able to eat at all, such as very fat and sweet food. I love ice-cream…
• My greatest pleasure with traveling around the world has always been to try the local food. I am worried I won’t be able to enjoy this anymore.
• Eating has also been a substitute for something else. Now I need to find something else to fill those holes.
• I have trouble organizing my life and after surgery this will be vital
• I will have to go through a surgery and all that comes with that, including the risks.
• It will be costly to buy new clothes…

Is it worth it? Well, you tell me…

PROS

• I will lose weight fast
• I will have to buy new clothes
• I will start to like myself and the way I look
• People around me won’t be looking at me as if I am some kind of monster
• I will be able to do sports
• I will be able to tie my shoes
• I will be able to hike in the mountains like when I was a kid
• I will be able to do many long rides with my bike to discover new places
• I will be able to travel on planes without asking for extra seat-belt and to use the seat-table without my belly pushing it up
• I will be able to ski
• I will get more energy, better moods and stamina
• I will enjoy going out to socialize
• I will be able to spend my summers topless, without covering my upper body with shirts
• I might find love…
• I will get energy to take better care about myself
• I will recover from sleep apnea
• I might stop snoring
• I will be able to sit in any chair not having to be afraid of breaking it
• I will be able to not having to worry about my weight anymore (not that I did before…but…)
• I will probably recover from my depression
• I will feel good about myself when I look into the mirror
• I will be able to dance
• I will be able to wear cool and modern clothing
• I will be able to love life again…

So, again, is it worth it?

Oh, forgot. I lost one more kilo since two days ago…

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I don’t like night clubs. I don’t like drunk people. They all scare me. Last night I had a purpose though with going out and it was only to see and listen to a friend’s band play. I won’t be going out to places like these for a long time.

Apparently the patient before me required a longer and more complicated procedure. Time ran out. I had to pack my bags and go home. Bad luck. Or just my usual bad luck.

The hospital room where I stayed. In vain.

Waiting for surgery (which never happened).

The 10th of March I was supposed to do a gastric bypass surgery. After 8 hours in bed at the hospital I was told that there was no time for me. Surgery was postponed one week.

Amazing, but they have been digging the same hole in the same street for years now. At least if feels like it.

View over Skeppsholmen from Strandvägen.

Even the canoes have winter holiday.

Big outdoor photo exhibition in Berzelius Park, Stockholm.

Snowy and cold outside, warm and cozy inside. Building site outside, fancy restaurant inside.