Perhaps i don't deserve it,
Perhaps not now,
Because i know i haven't been the best person you know
you don't even know how i really are, of course.
I'm not the best person of this planet
neither or the best friend some people can have
Now i think i'm not even close to be a great person.
I'm absolutelly not perfect. At all.
These are the days when i remember all my faults and weakness
when i feel useless
when i don't remember all the good things that describe me.
because maybe i'm needing to be someone that i can not be
or at least not at this time
Because i'm a total human being
it doesn't matter how much bullshit i say all of the time
I'm tired, sad, and full of things to do
at this moment i feel there are lots of thing i just can not handle with
The worst thing is that i still don't know what I exactly want, need or whatever
there are many things that i want to take out of myself, and things that i want to take in to
Oh yeah, i think i'm "i still don't know who i am" mode ON.
I want a hug, but i don't know who i want it from
I want forgiveness, but i know i wont apologize
I want to hear everything is going to be alright
I want to know what i'm meant to be
I want to know what i'm really good for
I wish i were an organized person so i could write this much better
I want to know how the hell it feels to kiss someone who drives you crazy
I want to know if that someone really exists for me...
But if he does, it means i'd have to lose the fear of love and being loved
cause, to love i have to love myself first
to love myself i have to know myself
so... i think this is going to take a while
But i can't stop having these thoughts
i can't stop feeling like this little emotionally insane girl
who never's going to find someone
who will always be wrong in someway
who was not born with a gift
who is not the one others expect she is
who almost never do or say or think the smart thing
who is not the smart one
who seems to be always loosing her time
who cannot be focus for a lot of time
This girl who feels identifided with "don't let me get me" right now.
this girl who says she feels very sad but maybe tomorrow will be ok.