The golden year.
I’ve been told that you have a golden year when your birthdate and turning age align; so on January 27th I turned 27. I remember at the beginning of this year I was so very excited about turning 27 because of this ‘golden’ year and all of its possibilities.
Fast forward 5 months and I am the most unhappy person. Alone, fearful, stressed, and very very sad.
A lot can change in a day, and also in a few months.
Fast forward 2 months and I’ve finally discovered why this is my golden year. The lessons I will have learned this year are lessons I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Lessons that are making me a stronger, better person.
Lessons revolving around: Love, Friendship, Money, Job market, Family, and planning. I’m using my calendar on my phone; I realized how unorganized and absent minded I am. I am working at a cleaner, clearer Dustin. I’ve fallen in love (I’m sure you remember him, right?) with someone that’s been there; gets it; and is supportive. Slow and steady. I think I jumped fast and ran hard, and I’m thankful for the hiccups in my life; they have forced me to slow down, refocus on myself, and prepare to be everything I need to be before I can be 100% there for someone. I’ve spent this entire year reevaluating my friendships. Each moment. Along the way. I discovered that 100 people cared once upon a time, and now a handful are left cheering me on. That’s a struggle, because in my life I do not have family. I don’t have anyone in Nashville. My friends are my family. So, for that family to change so drastically it opened my eyes to the possibilities I can have, and the limits that I experienced. I’m learning a huge financial lesson; one that is a current battle; one that is a hard one; one that with each day that passes it does get better. A job is a job, but a career would be lovely. I do not know what I want. That’s scary, and at 27 it’s more common than uncommon; or so I’ve read. Maybe there are some of you out there that feel the same way? You’re not alone, trust me. I’m going to try different things. I’ve discovered with my new job that I am extremely happy with face to face interactions versus telecommunication interaction. Sitting at a desk talking to people beep after beep is NOT what I need in my life. That’s a paycheck job, not a career I could be happy in. My family; what’s left of it, anyway, is crazy. I’m reminded this almost daily. I miss my grandmother more and more. I didn’t get to learn as much as I wanted from her. When you’re 17 you take those things for granted. I’d give anything to hear her bitch about something. Anything. I miss my mother. I have to find myself before I can see her again. She would not be proud of the shell of a person I became.
I haven’t smoked in two months. What a big difference that makes. I feel amazing, most days. This is the longest I’ve gone without smoking. Side note, I would like a cigarette now please. I think that the worst things ever combined to bring me to a breaking point that involved not smoking.
So what am I going to do now. I’m going to make good on my word. I’m not looking back. I’m going to celebrate the amazing things in my life. I’m going to make that handful of friends very proud. I’m going to see my mom, and she will be better for it; as will I. I’m going to learn and grow each day along the way. I’m going to be continually inspired by Michael.
This time next year I know I will look back, reflect, and think “wow.” because this year will have truly been one golden year.
I promise to write from the heart more; even if it breaks your heart.