Not be able to touch. Controlling those luscious thoughts, fears, addiction. A brand new heroine. Seeing you but not be able to feel or touch. Restriction that I've put and made for myself, now became a concrete wall that trap me to not to get anymore closer. To not to be able to touch even when you are so close to me. When our skin touches, those goosebumps, those electric shocks. It feels right yet so wrong. To not to be able to do what others can do towards you but I can't. Those pain. Stabbing me like I am in these iced cold water, being stabbed by thousands of knifes.That pain when such restriction has been put, I see you but I can't have you, feel you but can't caress you, love you but can't be with you.
Sometimes, I feel like I am asking too much, to be honest, I am vulnerable whenever I am around you. To have those envy feelings when others did whatever they want to you, but I can't because I know I can't never control the thirst of tasting you. Tasting in such a way that I can play with you, joke, be normal. Like typical friends. But I am too vulnerable, I see myself as a failure. Keep on reminding myself, " I am bad but I am okay with it, I can't be good and I am okay with it", Seeing you playing around with others, I smiles but I know I am hurt, tortured, screaming. Love you but know that I can't have you. Still don't want to let go of you. Not asking for marriages, but only someone to accompany. To share all of my emotions, problems. Still, we weren't bound with each other. Sweet love, trapped in my fairy tale. Opened up myself, still doubting. I am bound in chains. Forbid me, forbid me from getting closer to you. Begging, crawling, asking for you, your love. Gave everything when knowing I get nothing back in returns.
The demon that lives inside me, triggering my mind onto break all walls, face everything, but the weak angels, asked me to not to. Don't want me to get rejected. Want you, for myself but not having you by my side. Wants to share everything with you but sharing was never an option, those limits, wanted to burn it down. Shaking, to see but not be able to touch. It kills me. Those rage and anger when I see you with the others. My wolf feels like biting their heads off. Wanting to mark you as mine but You aren't mine. Not trying to ask you to marry me, but stay with me. Wanting to tell you but afraid of your answers. Afraid that you might change. Afraid of what might happen. Afraid that what we have now will be gone just like that. Insecurity takes over. Like always. Remain silence is what I've become.