feminine effects

Feminine Effects Pinboard

 i’ve been trying to pinpoint my personal style for a while. i went through strange phases as a teenager like some people do (punx, gawth, nerd) and phases where i try to fit in with what i had from my regular cousins (insert weird rockawear, fetish, eckored pieces here). then i worked in a thrift store and bought billions of things from all over the spectrum, most of which are of poor/ratty quality, since they are used and stuff (holes galore).

 i moved in june and packed 75% of my wardrobe (spring, summer, fall, winter). i spent most of the summer in varying states of undress because it was hot as balls and i lived with my boyfriend so why not. when i did have to get dressed, i think i tended to wear the same few tops and the same few bottoms in different combinations, and only a handful of my growing dress collection. i only unpacked maybe 40% of that 75% i packed (ps i changed grade schools when my original one was just getting into percentages and my new one was finishing them, so im not very good at them).

 as i was repacking to move back home, i took ALL of the clothes i had at the apartment and put them in garbage bags as an easier mode of transport and as a way for me to handle each piece and make a decision about it. i had another bag for donations, which i filled to the top. it felt really good to get rid of clothes i’ve had for way too long, clothes i never should have had in the first place, clothes i’d put on and take off, clothes i’d put on and want to take off but live with anyway because by god, i spent money on this and i’m going to wear it (the whole time wishing it was never in my life). a few days later, i handed the bag over to good will. gone gone gone. GONE. FOREVER. AHAHAHA.

 so. let’s repeat this. let’s keep going. let’s stop fooling and holding on to things because WHAT IF. what if what? things aren’t just going to become comfortable one day. things aren’t going to magically fit and look good. so why hold on to them.

 i keep reading about people who declutter their closets and have remarkably less things in it, but feel as though they have more options. they can grab anything out and be happy and excited about it and feel comfortable in it. some go as far as having a simple neutral wardrobe, using accessories for pops of colour and personality, and therefore can grab a top and a bottom and have it match/co-ordinate. no stress. no thinking. more living.

 i’ve been thinking that i could start decluttering my wardrobe when i got a clothing rack because the i could pretend i’m at my old thrift store job - sort by type (tshirt, blouse, skirt), hang, sort by size and colour, shop the rack (ie keep and hang in closet), bag the leftovers, donate. DONE DONE DONE. SIMPLE. dan’s parents gave me a clothing rack the day we moved out. so, this will be my autumn and it will be awesome.

 the more i get rid of, the less laundry i’ll have, the less piles i’ll have, the less crap i’ll keep putting on and thinking, “one day” and the more space i’ll have for nicer, higher quality and useable pieces. my wardrobe is a mishmash of a hundred billion styles, handmedowns, ratty thriftstore clothes i got with a discount JUST CAUSE and almost costume pieces for immature crazzzzziness that have children sizes on the tag.

 my wardrobe doesnt reflect who i am, who i want to project to the world, and how i feel. it’s just a mess and it stresses me out. this pinterest board is a much more accurate reflection of myself and the kind of pieces i want hanging in my closet. once i get rid of the crap, i can start collecting more practical and beautiful pieces.

 i didn’t mean to write an inarticulate essay. i was just going to write a list of words i came up with while looking at my board. so here's the list:

• grey
• brown
• black
• turquoise
• cream
• black + white stripes
• mustard
• grey + red
• dark earth olive
• navy

pieces:

• layers
• tights
• tall socks + boots
• big chunky loose scarves/cowls
• belted skirts 
• tailored jackets
• fitted black leather jackets = badass
• structured ruffles in grey/black
• feminine accents on menswear-inspired pieces (non-girly bows)
• no/minimal jewellery

written automatically via a poetry generator, rearranged and embellished here and there, spread between the 11 booklets.


So electric above the Earth
You converse with vapourous sounds beside the shadows
Dark and black
Against the dream
I bend florescent witches under the trees
You confound brilliant hooks beneath the light.
The bastard is going,
Turning away, no words left,
Where in the end the man wanders aimlessly
In the late light.

Awaken! Awaken!
The passion will die.
The feeling is over,
trusting defiance, musty women, virgins,
so hot against the wind.
Be wary! The bitch continues,
condemned near the flowers,
the gods wander aimlessly,
trying to remember.

Take cover!
Your brother looks for landmarks and misses,
his turn vanishing,
flickering, fighting back,
over the horizon, sun on his face,
the feeling is good.

How many harbours grow old while
the snow fell and while
we drew quiet spells near the fog
and lustful sounds beneath the sea,
beyond the light that blows the winds,
not understanding a sense of danger
in the places that strangers
talk to themselves.

Grind angry graves
under the rain behind the
flowers quaking near the sea
the others take comfort in
memories of water, dreams below the rain
but you keep going
with your memories
of flying gems
and you never catch up.

Grotesque hands in the dreamscape
smear electric meaning
within the fog,
never meeting
above the shadows.
The refugee’s arms sought shelter,
sensing danger all through his life,
all his wounds in front,
the lost man splintered
while the world changed around him.

Oh god! quit
flying in the tomb
Repent! the queen
is dead and damp
with diamonds in the sea.
shining intangible in another country,
the smell entrancing demons behind the fire,
weird and rabid against the mud.
A ticking clock, evil and numb,
blurring the edges
and taking a chance.
The fool has fled.

You swallow brilliant monsters
and sketch the wind that blows
to the end of our neighbourhood.
The inspiration has gone blue beneath the clouds;
among the land it’s yellow and strange,
like the face in your mirror.
Take another road on your journey to the
weird and numb place about the spirits
where the light comes from.

We reach! Nothing to lose.
We dispel electric sirens over the Earth.
The twilight transforms us into misty glowing bugs,
glowing hopeful among the bullshit,
saying goodbye, after how many voyages?
Your brother makes his way,
never knowing how in the late light,
the victim seeking the road back.

Can you dig it?
The knave goes green, seducing
invisible shadows on the tower where
the light comes from.
Spirits against spirits conjuring disasters upon
your brother. A trace of sadness,
translucent silence,
stopping for a while
wondering why.

No words left.
The sailor asks his way
at a crossroads, wavering awake, grasping
dream-like virgins among the slime,
smelling big bones, sinful and tiny near the gods.
The King never ends. The Queen is a sensuous leech.
The birth is hard.
In how many places your brother, your likeness,
comes singing their praises and
misses his turn,
unafraid and defiant.

=====

http://www.languageisavirus.com/

1) Mess by Keri Smith: cut up doodle prompts, pick up randomly, draw
2) This is Not a Book by Keri Smith: make a tiny book factory - i used the page from the Mess prompt for the cover
3) series of 11 (i ran out of staples, or else it’d be 12) using mcdonald’s schedule pad paper and the second page of my td bank statement
4) 4.5” x 3”, 8 pages (i really need to repaint my nails)

because i’m obsessed with photobooth today, i drew terribly on my arm like a 5 year old and took pictures. so these are the tattoos i want expertly laid out in magic marker and drawn upside down from my perspective hence the wonkiness.


i’ve been thinking of the frame for a really long time and it finally all came together last week. so there’s this book called bird by bird and in it the author says that she keeps a 1” picture frame by her desk to remind her that all she has to do is write as much as it takes to fill the frame. it encourages her to just write enough to describe what she’d see in the tiny tiny frame, even if writing is the last thing she wants to do when she sits down.

i’ve been scouring the internet for a square frame that i love, and i couldn’t even find any that i like. drawing one wasn’t working either. i thought about getting a polaroid, but it just seems pretentious and internet-y to me. last week i was in bed and i couldn’t sleep and the fevers and mirrors album art was in my head and it just clicked. i knew there were rectangular frames in the liner art so i googled the image so i wouldn’t wake up dan by getting up and getting my cd and it’s exactly what i’ve been looking for. combine bird by bird meaning with the lyrics from the big picture, and it’s perfect for me.


the lion is a picture based on aslan from narnia that i drew earlier today, but this time it's on my skin and drawn upsidedown and smudgy with gross markers.


i’m really into this idea of getting a tattoo of a lion on my upper arm because my parents are both leos and they’re courageous and loyal and i love lions and aslan from narnia, even though i’m an atheist and he’s supposed to be jesus for babies, but he was so badass. i’m also in love with these staedtler watercolour pencils laura gave me. next time im near michaels, i’m totally going to buy a full set because i’m really missing the colours brown, dark green and black.

i bought this shirt from the sale rack at work because it was too ugly not to. it’s a legit old lady shirt with shoulder pads and even original store tags because it’s even too ugly for old ladies. it’s impossible to take a good (photobooth) picture of it in all of its anti-glory. it just makes me look 40lbs heavier. PERFECT SUNDAY SHIRT.




today is one of those days that i’m envious of people who live in a 5km radius of downtown because there’s a pretty neat halloween bazaar going on today and it’d be cute to ride my bike there with a pretty dress on and buy nice things, but alas, i’m in forest glade and i’m not riding my bike that far.




the tree in front of my house has lost about 70% of its leaves and it makes me sad. i never really get to see it in the day light because of my working forever, so i missed out on its nice colours. there aren’t any nice trees in my part of little italy, as far as i can tell.




i want to make some mix cds today and drink cappuccino and eat poptarts and do something with a pumpkin. we never get pumpkins until the 30th or later. i don’t know what’s up with that.