Emily Racer

paulhphillips:

BRINGING IT BACK

I looked through my texts for the weirdest recent drunk text to appease Paul, but I could only find this recent fairly sober and sincere text. I guess one could say I’ve settled down in my old age. Or one could also say that the “Sorry, I’m juSt tired” text is just too long and too mean of a story.

Seriously though, cheese doodles > pretzels.

I just had to order another margarita while sitting at a table alone with an order of chips and salsa and an abandoned 2nd margarita because Paul’s out on the phone with his dad (and I understand the happy hour political machine). But it looks like I’m on the worst date of my life. I might ask for more chips in a min which I won’t be able to play off as a group decision.

Happy Margarita Day!! I had a foursquare prize of free chips and salsa, and it’s happy hour on margs til 7, so Paul and I decided to take our iPhones out on their first date in a long time to rekindle the romance.

paulhphillips:

paulhphillips:

There’s so much more to this story that I wish I could tell.

OH NO TERRIBLE THINGS IN PARK SLOPE

SOMEONE BRING THIS MEME BACK, ITS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS

1) I am the posterchild for bad decisions. 2) Apparently Paul texted me that this morning, and I DIDN’T GET IT nor did I get his subsequent text yelling at me for not responding AND NOW I AM FILLED WITH ANXIETY. You guys, that’s the litmus test for whether my phone is being weird. I will always be inquisitive about weird things you just finished doing.

:( :( :( :( :( Also, we need to find a drag brunch. They do it in Kansas City so I KNOW they have to do it here. Also, drag bingo. LETS WORK ON THAT. Further, what are you doing tonight? Want to hang out?! This message is obnoxious.

Um WHAT? Okay. We’ll research. YES DUH you are coming over after work, we discussed this last night. Also I decided we are going to play Catan. I’ve already talked Drex into it. Whose vodka is in my freezer? I’m going to put it in a QT cup.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

R.I.P. Brunchin’ and Broochin’

When I was waiting for the train to go to a different bar for comedy, foursquare asked me that since I was near [bar closest to my apt], did I want to check in? I didn’t! That wasn’t my intention! That’s not where I am! I am blocks away! How did I even get service for that down here??

But now we’re at [bar closest to my apt] because the seed was planted.

You guys his dad brought him back over to the ATM and now the kid is slamming on buttons and trying to stick the card in the cash slot. Small children pretending to be adults! I’m making Tom Haverford’s excited face!

This child just spent several minutes scooting that chair slowly and loudly from the table to the ATM. It was kind of annoying until it became clear that he had a purpose and that purpose was acquiring money from the money machine. This is his dad intervening.

Aaaand we bought this because we need more things to talk about in our apartment. Everyone in this family photo is the best person in this family photo.

Also we looked through a lot of other people’s family photos and bought some that entertained us.

The Thing in Greenpoint is a terrific thrift store because everything feels like it’s been touched by death. It’s like an estate sale of the most interesting hoarder’s prized possessions and trash. At first I was excited about this Rolykit because obviously. Then we opened it and discovered that it is FULL OF BUTTONS. THE BEST SURPRISE. I WAS VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT. For only $30! Which is a very good deal for approximately a fuckton of buttons! Too bad throwing cash at buttons when I need to feed and drink myself is a no right now! But this beautiful thing exists, and that is terrific!

I need an more comprehensive IMDB because I would like to know if this woman happily enjoying her cruise in a Carnival commercial is the same woman who was just brutally gang raped while serving in Iraq on SVU. It’s killing me that I do not know.

Guessing who our slutty friend went home with.

OKAY also I sat in the front seat of the cab home and kept making sure the cabbie wasn’t annoyed with our yellings. (We yell A LOT as a group) He was fine. Then we got up to my apt and realized he was honking in the street. We all figured he was honking because I didn’t pay him enough, but apparently he was honking because SOME VISITOR left all her important information cards in the cab. And that is why it is essential that you flirt with cab drivers at least a little.

Something a mostly black man said to me as I was leaving Union Hall karaoke tonight. Then he said he was dedicating a song to me, but I left whoops.

I’m so little. My fraynds are so tall.

kdrexin:

APARTMENT: INTERIOR

A television plays unattended in a living room a commercial comes on and “King of New York” begins to play. Suddenly, a bedroom door bursts open.

GIRL: OH MY GOD IS THAT THE NEWSIES MUSICAL???

GIRL’s roommate has just entered the room and gives her a look. GIRL looks down and realizes she’s only partially dressed.

Girl: Oh. Sorry.

Gives her a look and laughs.

GIRL: (still in only her underwear) BUT DID THEY SAY WHEN IT’S OPENING??

Oh my gawd there’s a pair of matching wristbands next to her PBR, and I’m killing myself tonight.