Alright. I’ve got my drink, got my chips ‘n’ sausa, and HOLY SHIT I don’t remember Kelly Clarkson being so ugly and this from-the-waist-looking-up camera angle isn’t helping and why on Earth is she on camera again?
Oh. She’s singing the National Anthem. That makes sense. Well her voice is pretty at least.
Game time. Wait, did you seriously just ask who I’m rooting for? Do you like, not know me? I’m all things New York dear and that includes the Giants so figure it out. Yeah. The Giants. Oh; and I betted a bag of Italian Roast coffee that they’d win, too, so that kinda factors into my loyalty. Just a lil bit. You know.
Budweiser is still celebrating the end of prohibition eighty years later. A bit outdated but that era was golden, so this commercial is also wait what the fuck why’s he shaving in a bar?!
This game is boring. I’ve gotta pee. Tell me when the commercials are back.
Run to bathroom unbutton unzip aim fire pee pee pee hurry now before the commercials come back on shake it now pack it up zip and button wash hands RUN TO THE TELEVISION.
Just in time for commercials and this dog has more motivation to work out than I do and he’s just a dog. Sigh.
Lookin’ fine, Steve, lookin’ fine. You keep rocking your Aerosmith hair for as long as you like buddy OH SHIT NEW YORK JUST MADE A BEAUTIFUL CATCH MID-FIELD. Play that one over again, please.
There’s not a law that makes skydiving cars illegal??
This game is boring. This game is really boring.
OH MY GOD IT’S ADRIANA LIMA AND SHE’S HOT AND SHE’S SEDUCING ME BY PUTTING HER SHOE ON OR TAKING IT OFF I CAN’T EVEN TELL BUT DAMN SHE’S HOT oh my god OH MY GOD SHE TALKED SHE’S SPEAKING IT’S THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL. Note to self: Valentine’s Day is simple; give and you shall receive.
You’ll always have a place in my heart Adriana you beautiful Brazilian beauty you.
Madonna has the half time show? Huh. I wonder how many 50 year old dicks she had to suck to get that. You do have to hand it to her, though; she still moves like she’s young and she’s better than the Black Eyed Peas. Wait. Two black guys. Or Hispanic? I can’t tell. It must be LMFAO. Yup. It’s LMFAO. They’re on stage with Madonna. God help us all WAIT WHAT MADONNA IS SHUFFLING HOT DAMN SHE’S CRAZY.
Oh no. Not Nicki Minaj. I’d rather die. Like seriously I hope someone brought a sniper rifle. Take this bitch out.
Cee Lo. Okay. I can live with this. Sing some soul Cee Lo give us some gospel, you and your churchy bedazzled bath robe. And while you’re at it, spew a few lines of Fuck You in Minaj’s direction.
The NFL is thanking me for watching that half time show but dammit I want compensation in cash. That was awful.
BETTY FUCKIN WHITE!
Everyone be quite Clint Eastwood is talking and when that man opens his mouth you shut the Hell up or else.
Damn why doesn’t he run for President already. Just his face and his voice and everything ugh Eastwood For President 2012. He’s got my vote. Just look at him uniting this country with his raspy inspirational old-man monologuing.
Okay. Back to the game. Let’s go Giants.
Another Hispanic woman and she’s hot and she’s talking in Spanish and boy oh boy I need to change pants this is just too much for me to handle.
THAT WOMEN JUST HEAD-BUTTED HER HUSBAND OVER A SPOON OF I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT. Bitch is crazy. That’s why you don’t get married, men; they all turn into vicious life-sucking demons the minute you say I Do.
Dammit the Giants are losing. But, on the bright side, I only betted on the bag of coffee that my ex gave me, so it’s not too much of a loss. If any. Lol that sucker’s about to win cursed coffee poor guy.
NEW YORK JUST PASSED THE BALL LIKE HALFWAY ACROSS THE FIELD AND CAUGHT IT BARELY IN BOUNDS AND OH THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL I’ll tell my children about that and my children’s children and even their children. Except I’ll likely die by heart attack at age 30 ’cause of this enlarged lover-thumper in my chest so I’ll be lucky to even see my own kids. Sigh. I’d better get busy on that. BUT NEW YORK THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL PROPS TO YOU.
Okay. Move the ball down the field. Keep going. You got this.
We’re so close to a touchdown, so close. Oh my god they almost fumbled it WHY GIANTS WHY? Do this right. No fumbling.
PUNT! He’s moving in, he’s broken through the line, he’s, wait, he’s turning around? He’s squatting over the zone? Lol he’s just fuckin with those Patriots now. Look at that; definitely direct eye contact with Brady over there. HE SITS DOWN! TOUCHDOWN!
Yeah we just won the game.
Confetti and shit.
Filed under: Celebrities
Tagged: adriana lima
, Black Eyed Peas
, Clint Eastwood
, italian roast coffee
, Kelly Clarkson
, NEW YORK
, Nicki Minaj
, Super Bowl
, valentine s day