vaov:

planejane:

[lucyknisey]

oh my god this needs to be created asap

Buying two

Yes please

poortaste:

George Orwell

usatodaysports:

Well played, CBS closed captioning person. 

(Source USA TODAY Sports | via Deadspin)

theonion:

Area Woman Thinks All Of Her Friends Should Be Comedians

kirklarsen:

gilmoregurlz:

totallymorgan:

kskill:

thechrisgethardshow:

Here it is: That sexy proposal money shot from this week’s episode.

Murf Proposes to Diana from TCGS #83 - First Times

<333

Oh man I’m in love with these guys. 

TODAY IS THE DAY WE REBLOG MURF AND DIANA.

Aww jeez.

Here’s a video I worked on at worktown. Got to have Marshall and Carl in the studio for this one. They are the super funniest!

Also both of them improvised so much amazing stuff beyond this that I wish I could show you. That thing at the very end after it’s over is just highlights from Marshall doing solo improv for like three minutes straight and all of it was gold.

92y:

OK, we’re not going to flood your dashboard tonight but you really should be watching this live talk right now.

“Come again, Dave.”
“Yes, I’ll be back.”
“Yes.”

officialcomedy:

patbaer:

Just click on it.

Do it.

chamberlain:

drujohnston:

hallekiefer:

sexyourfood:

Welcome to Sex Your Food! My name is Taylor Moore and I’ll be teaching you how to determine the sex of your food. 

Our first food is Mac and Cheese. Yum!

You can watch EVERY EPISODE of Sex Your Food right now (all at once just like House o’ Cards) at blip.tv/sexyourfood

Good sexin’ to ya!

You know where you’re going.

This made me laugh at my office desk. Now people think I’m crazy.

Taylor gave me a sneak peek at “Pizza” a week or so ago. Now I always check for eyes and have real bad penis burns.

YUPYUP!

markvigeant:

new kingmaker vid

it’s weird. it’s also an homage to a sesame street book i read when i was little.

tazar:

hiimkif:

Biting Elbows - Bad Motherfucker, aka the greatest music video of all time.

Holy shit that was awesome.

Champagne and 40s #MelgeCelebrates

emilyaxford:

collegehumor:

Hardly Working: Butt Dial

Seems harmless. It’s anything butt.

from me & murph to u & yours (butt, ur butt)

officialcomedy:

March Mad Men

The Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce office pool is getting dramatic. 

thisawkwardpause:

patbaer:

hannahdosserie:

this is the most comforting thing i have ever seen

Everybody needs a best friend ghost.

We are very proud of you.

patbaer:

latenightjimmy:

Three Michael McDonalds Sing ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat’ 

The only thing better than one Michael McDonald is three. Featuring Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake. 

This is pretty damn perfect.

All hail Pope Francis

Commercial For Roommates: Toilet Paper

Here is another 30 second commercial for roommates!

If you currently have an adequate amount of toilet paper, perhaps a roommate is right for you. Consult your friends for more information.

Shot by Kirk Larsen
Directed by Darren Miller
Starring Kevin Mead

Commercial for Roommates: They Eat Your Pizza

Starring Darren Miller, Taylor Moore, & A Piece of Pizza

Do you like watching movies? Do you like eating Pzza? Great! So do roommates! If you currently enjoy your privacy and eating meals that you earned the money to pay for, perhaps a roommate is right for you! Consult your friends or Craigslist for more information.

Directed by Kevin Mead

We shot this a while back and are finally getting it online. Hope you like it because if not, you’re ugly/stupid/childish.

Check out this 30 second commercial we made! For sunglasses!

Directed by Kirk Larsen
Starring Ryan Williams 

Hey everyone! Check out this teaser for our new short, “Hot As Fuck.” 

Written and Directed by Kevin Mead
Shot by Kirk Larsen
Staring Darren Miller, Michael Antonucci, Halle Kiefer, and Dana Lev-Matthews
Produced by Melge and Katy DiSavino.

Coming soon as fuck!

darrenmiller:

WHAT’S IT LIKE PLANNING THE LAST BBQ OF THE SUMMER!?  FIND OUT IN THIS BRAND NEW COMEDY RAP MUSIC VIDEO STARRING KANYE WEST!

OKAY so I totally lied about Kanye West.  But I hope you watch this video.  I produced it and I wrote it with Kevin Mead and Kirk Larsen.  Kirk directed and edited it and Kevin starred in it, alongside Emily Axford, myself, and many wonderfully helpful and awesome extras.

Andrew Ford was the Assistant Director! Steve Levine shot it!  Justin Matthew produced the music! Sam Fox-Hartin PA’d!

Everybody had fun!

If you like it, please share it with your friends!

kirklarsen:

hallekiefer:

ryanxilliams:

Don’t let some stupid earthquake keep you from watching me in this video! I play a human man in it! 

The baby I got to work with, Haaziq, is the best baby actor in town. A consummate actor, exceedingly professional, plus his little shoes matched his shorts and Surf! shirt.

Need a baby? Call Zip Baby. THIS IS A SKETCH ABOUT A BABY RENTAL SERVICE

Kevin, Darren, and I wrote this; Kevin directed, Darren produced, & I shot/edited it.

Travis, Halle, Jaime, Ryan, Allison, Emily, & Taylor all did a great job, so did Haaziq, Brooklyn, & Violet (the babies).

Shout out to 2nd Ryan & Sam for helping out on production.

A Melge Original

Melge is shooting a comedy rap music video about a the last BBQ of the summer, and we NEED EXTRAS! If you can help us out by being an extra, you can help yourself to FREE BBQ AND BEER. There will be plenty. MAYBE IT WILL REALLY BE THE LAST BBQ OF THE SUMMER OH NO!

All we ask is that you help us get the shots we need of the large group (you) by following some simple direction here and there throughout the day, and bear with us playing this one song on some speakers. Basically, getting all the shots we need and being organized for this video will have to be first priority, but having a great time with your friends and getting DRUNK and FULL can be a very close 2nd priority.

PLEASE help spread the word if you can and bring as many people as you’d like!

Comment here if you have any questions. Also if you know you and/or friends are coming please RSVP on here, to help us get some idea of numbers. FOR BEER. AND FOOD!

I drew Bert. Maybe I’ll draw more Muppets later on. ALRIGHT!

kirklarsen:

Hey, Everyone! 
My album is out! You can hear it here

Long after the fall of organic life, four robot best friends lose contact with the psychic robot mainframe.

Pharmocalypse’s The Unknowable tracks their pan-universal quest to discover what has happened.

LISTEN TO IT WITH YOUR EARS.

Awesome and animated album art by the dudliest of dudes, Diego Garcia (@radstronomical)

“HOT PIECE OF ASSASSIN” of the day

(special thanks to Natalie Lewis for the suggestion)

Sante Geronimo Caserio

Target: Marie François Sadi Carnot, President of the French Third Republic (via stabbing to avenge his two Anarchist friends).

Jury’s Verdict: Very guilty. Sentenced to beheading in 1894.

Our Verdict: thank god a guillotine doesn’t cut the face lengthwise.

kevinmead:

paulbriganti:

darrenmiller:

Three years ago, Paul Briganti, Kevin Mead, and I made this 22 minute short film, starring TJ Miller.

Over time, we recut it, and decided recently to release it on the internet to the public.

This was by far the hardest thing I’d ever done in my entire life.  I was a junior in college and knew nothing about how to make a film; all I knew is that I wanted to.  So I worked my ass off.  And Paul and Kevin did even more so - they co-directed this, and it’s something I’m very proud of.

I know it’s not the kind of thing you can watch while you’re doing 8 other things, so if you happen to find a free 20 minutes and want to watch, I hope you like it.

Trying to release this online and make it successful without approaching traditional distribution channels is a bit of an experiment, so if you’re able to help out at all by passing this video around, we would love you.  Passionately.  It would last forever until we die together at the same time while making out at the age of 6000.

CHARLIE ON PAROLE (official website)

Starring TJ Miller, Molly Ryman, Joe Wengert, Lynn Laurence, Mitch Wissick, and Bobby Moynihan.

Written by Kevin Mead, Paul Briganti, and Darren Miller.

Directed by Paul Briganti and Kevin Mead

Produced by Darren Miller, Kevin Mead, and Paul Briganti

Music by Emily Axford, Plushgun, and Jukebox The Ghost.

Thanks for the well written description of passion, Darren!

We made this film a few years ago and were lucky enough to have a bunch of friends and very talented people be in it. 

I’m really happy people can see it. It is a very long watch for the internet, but if you have nothing to do on your lunch break, tune in!!

Yea, thanks Darren! And thanks Paul! And thanks to every person who helped us make this happen. 

For a short, this film has changed so many times since the initial cut, and I am really happy with where it ended up. Pretty much everything I’ve learned about writing and filmmaking can be tracked according to the progress of this film, and I owe that to all the incredibly talented people who helped us make this. Thanks everyone! And if you haven’t seen it, check it out, yo!

Songs That Make Me Want To Walk Down a Hallway in Slow Motion

Time Period: early 80’s

Hallway: high school

“HOT PIECE OF ASSASSIN” of the day (thanks to Pete D’Amato for the suggestion)

Mike Danton

Target: His gay lover. I think. But he might not be gay. But here at “Hot Piece of Assassins,” that’s fine if he’s gay. Really, we’re totally fine with it.

Jury’s Verdict: Pled guilty to a murder conspiracy. Might get an excess of 10 years.

Our Verdict: Offsides! Icing! Is he gay, really? Hat Trick! Power Play! Cross-Checking! God, that’s so upsetting. Hooking! Interference! I wonder if he’d switch teams for me. Slashing! Zamboni! Sudden Death! Penalty Shot!

I write this as I finish, well as Akun (my Sherpa,) finishes the final check on our equipment. Moments from now, we will begin our ascent to the Day 1 base camp, our first step in conquering your peak and thus, defeating you.

You have been the center of my nightmares for years now, ever since you claimed the life of my father in early 1997, and now you are about to pay dearly. My father was trying to punish you for killing his father on one of the initial attempts at scaling you in 1936. My grandfather was a good family man, and you decided to blow him off the south face of the mountain without hesitation. Then, in some horrible déjà vu, you decided to cut my father off from rescue with snow storm after snow storm, slowly freezing him to death. Why must you single out my linage in your violent outbursts? What did we ever do to you?

I am not some blood crazed maniac. I have spent days on end considering how to deal with my father’s death. My decision to climb you came after much deliberation. Many of my friends suggested I file a civil suit against you, to try and hurt you financially… but I passed on such a passive aggressive approach. One friend suggested releasing large amounts of CFCs into the atmosphere in order to slowly shift the climate, reducing the snow cover on your hollowed peaks and rendering you weak. I don’t have time for such methods.

I will climb you because that is the only way to destroy you once and for all, and to bring the souls of my family back to sea level. Our family crest, sewn onto an American flag, will pierce your heart, which Akun tells me is at the very top of the mountain. I hope you will understand that you brought this onto yourself. You choose to make yourself the tallest and most dangerous mountain in the world. You choose to have radical weather patterns and consistently freezing conditions. You choose this life.

And just so you know, I have an 8 year old son who has already pledged to continue our fight if you should find a way to kill me as well. So why not just let me end you now?

Melge is hosting a FREE April Fools Comedy and Music Variety Show at Boulevard Cafe!

It’s an open house!  Come and go as you please!  We hope to see you there!

Poster by Daniel Spenser

Kevin coined this story as my Curb Your Enthusiasm moment, and I think he is right, so I will coin it as such, but with one caveat.  I have to first say that I CANNOT STAND CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM.  I don’t know what it is.  I’ve honestly tried so many times to like the show, but in the end it’s just Larry David having an irrationally strong opinion about someone or something, and then whining a lot about it to an irrational extent, and then having a run-in with this current “nemises” or whatever challenges his opinion.  Then, he ends up taking a lot of shit in the end for his opinions and ranting and when he tries to triumph over his opposition, he’s shit on by everyone.  He should be.  He’s a great comedian, but for some reason on this show he just constantly displays the only negative aspect of Woody Allen (he CAN be SOMETIMES, VERY SLIGHTLY annoying) and multiplies it by ten.

What?  This isn’t the story, I’m sorry.

So anyway, if you know me at all you know I love sandwiches.  More specifically, Reuben sandwiches.  In college, I write for The Colonialist, a blog for which I extensively explored the depths of the Reuben sandwich, and if you want you can check out that post here.  Anyway, I found out about Katz’s Deli which is supposedly second only to The Carnegie.  I had to go.  A few years ago, I did just that.  I didn’t really know what to expect.  Here is a short list of things that I should have expected, but for some reason did not:

1. It took forever to get to the front of the line, and then forever to get my sandwich
2. It was about twice the cost of a “normally expensive” deli
3. The man who made my sandwich was very old (although the other cutters were not)

That last one should have been expected because the name Katz refers to an old man.  That’s a rule.  Anyway, when I asked him for a Reuben sandwich, but with coleslaw instead of sauerkraut, he looked right at me and said, “No.”

“What?” I asked.

“I can’t make you that,” he told me.  “That’s not a Reuben.”

“Oh.  Yeah, I know it’s not a Reuben,” I returned.  “It was just easier to tell you - it’s a different - it’s called a Rachel.”

“I can’t do that.  That will ruin the whole sandwich.”

“Seriously?”

“You ever had a Reuben before?” he asked me.

“Yes,” I said.  “I have them all the time.”

“No,” he said, “I don’t believe you have.”

At this point I was losing my cool.  I just wanted him to make me the sandwich I ordered.  I’ve dedicated my life to the Reuben sandwich, I don’t need a lecture on the “only true Reuben.”  To make matters worse, the elderly nature of this man made it impossible to tell if he was dead serious or joking (I’m pretty sure he was dead serious).

“I’ll tell you how I make the Reuben,” he said.  “I put the cheese on the sauerkraut, and i put it in the microwave to melt the cheese.  And then I put it on the sandwich.  If I put in coleslaw, it ruins the whole thing.  It makes it soggy and watery and gross.”

“Well could you just put the cole slaw on at the end or something?” I asked.

Again he looked right at me.  “Where are you from, eh?” He asked.

“Boston,” I said.

“Boston…” he said.  “Everybody smart like you in Boston?”

“No,” I said, almost laughing.

“You’ve never had a Reuben,” he said again.  “I’ll make your sandwich.”

“Okay, I trust you,” I said with a level of sarcasm that only I can detect.

“I’ll make you a real Reuben.  You want pastrami?”

“Corned beef,” I said.  The only good Reuben is a corned beef Reuben.  But then again, at this point, I was beginning to question everything I’ve ever known about sandwiches, let alone Reubens.  Of course, he was surprised.

“Corned beef!?  Okay…Everybody wants pastrami these days….okay I’ll make you corned beef…”

I guess I somehow upset him?

He made me the sandwich.  I went to a table and ate it, and I have to say, it was definitively the best sandwich I have ever had in my entire life.  I am absolutely certain I will not have a better sandwich, ever.  It was beyond perfection.  It was simply incredible.  The slices of meat were the thickest I’ve ever seen.  The sauerkraut was the perfect combination of tastes.  I think it’s the only time I’ve ever had “fresh” sauerkraut (whatever that means).  The Russian dressing was homemade, and I could taste each ingredient.  I should also mention that the pickles (a full plate of them, and a variety of types) were also the best pickles I’ve ever had.  I went to the cashier and paid half my life’s savings, and walked out the door.

I am still profoundly confused by the experience.

Dear Cannibal Steve,

I know you’ve probably gotten a lot of this… it’s just; I don’t know where to turn. I’m one of those millions of Americans who is about to lose my home to the mortgage crisis. I’ll admit, I took out a mortgage I couldn’t really afford, but I thought I’d find some way to manage… somehow. Anyway, I have a family to support, two little girls, and my career as an electrician just isn’t paying the bills. Should I go back to school? Can I risk it? Or am I just too late? I don’t want to end up renting some shitty house in the south side of town. Can you please help me?

-        Gary

Gary:

Well, you’re in a tough place right now, and like you said, so are most Americans as a result a real lack of oversight and responsibility on the part the real estate investment and financing industries… but the real question is, what should you do? After some discussion with close friends, my advice is this…you’ve got to avoid falling into debt… That’s where real trouble starts. So, first off, you need to speak to the issuer of your mortgage, or the owner, and get them to agree to a reasonable payment plan. Chances are, they are hurting too, so cut a deal. And then, after a hearty handshake, follow him to his car, pull out a knife and insert it into his back. Stab as many times as you feel you need to… then, use your knife to cut his throat and dig his brain out from the base of his skull. I’d recommend you eat it (so you know what he knows,) but, to each his own. Then, get yourself into school; enroll in a community college close to home.  See if your town or state has any programs that will subsidize your education… chances are they will. If not, go to the next city council meeting with your favorite metal baseball bat and you know… consume some souls.  Good luck.

-        Steve the “Cannibal”

“HOT PIECE OF ASSASSIN” of the day

Marcus Junius Brutus

Target: Julius Caesar. With a KNIFE.

Jury’s Verdict: The Roman government granted Brutus amnesty, but social pressure forced him to leave Rome and move to Crete.

Our Verdict: Et tu bru-TAY

Kevin Mead remixes Stevie Wonder’s”That Girl.”

BOOM! That girllll