Can we create something beautiful and destroy it?
- Gaile ★
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Nobody knows I Dream about it. This is my imagination. (c) Pierce the veil.
Sometimes I sit down and wonder if I’m too old for Final Fantasy VII. The fandom is slowly beginning to disappear and Cloud Strife is becoming less and less a common name. People are starting to grow out of Cloud. I sit down and I wonder if I should leave my fascination with the relationships between Zack and Aerith and Reno and Tifa and Rude and Cloud behind.
I wonder if I should stop admiring the valiant actions of General Sephiroth or Angeal Hewley. Though fictional, their words strike home—even through Sephiroth’s madness. Each have a brilliant and striving point of when to stay loyal and when you should break away to save yourself.
I wonder if I should stop laughing at a blonde grease monkey that got stuffed in drag and sent all through the ghettos simply to save his childhood friend who was basically being sold as a sex slave. He sacrificed his dignity and stepped in as a woman in her place to protect her. He didn’t think twice. When the only option to save her arose, he went. No matter the consequence.
I wonder if I should stop listening to that gentle and playful, but serious and sacrificing SOLDIER telling me to not settle for the life I’ve been given but go and make one for myself. He tells me things are worth fighting for. No matter what the cost, you don’t let your home or your flaws define you. You are you and you always have the power to accomplish what you want. You just have to embrace your dreams.
But I wonder if I should stop listening. It’s an obsession gone too far, right? I’ve lost real life friends and loved ones…
But then I realize that those people weren’t worth my time. What dark hole would I be crying in if I hadn’t discovered those games? Who would I be? How far would I have bothered with my art? Or my writing? Would I even be able to sew if I had never sat down and ransacked my way through yard after yard of dark pink fabric because I had to be Aerith for Halloween that year?
Would I even be in love with the person I am right now?
My fandoms do not destroy me.
They define me.
And that makes it so I’ll never grow out of who I am.
I’m not too old for Final Fantasy VII. I’ll never be.