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- Feb 06, 13
Honest writing is so difficult.
Allowing your once guarded heart to bleed through the pages, vulnerable to the attacks of others is no easy task. I’m becoming convinced that transparency and honesty in life are two priceless keys needed to open most doors in life. Regardless, I don’t think I’ve ever held these keys, at least never for very long.
I write this today because I see it as necessary for the continued growth and development in my life.
I have to clear the air: this past year of my life has consisted of the most turbulent, stressful, awful and heartbreaking moments of all my time on this Earth.
As some of you may know, I was in a somewhat serious relationship with someone. It seems like just yesterday when it all came crumbling down but, in reality, it’s been just over a year since it ended. She was my first love and continues to be my only love but I won’t get into the details of the relationship, that will remain confidential and between us. I will say though, for my part in things, a lot of mistakes were made. With maturity, clarity and humility on my part many of the problems could have been avoided but still- they happened anyways.
Moments that make your heart race, for good and for bad. Sleepless nights. Meaningless fights. Conversations that lasted hours.
Smiles. Laughter.
Tears. Sadness.
Memories that live forever. These are just some thoughts that come to mind when I look back on my first foray into the relationship world.
I’m not sure about the rest of you but for me, emotional pain tends to cut deeper than any knife could ever possibly reach. What I chose to do with the pain that I felt going into 2012 was nothing but poisonous and damaging to my future. I need to confess a few things:
- I personally executed a plan to vandalize a guy’s car out of pure jealous rage and lied about it to cover it up. To any of you that I lied to, I apologize sincerely but I was too afraid of revealing the truth. And for that I am ashamed.
- I tried to mask all of my internal struggles with the thin blanket of alcohol and shallow friendships. Both of which will leave you empty and alone at the worst of times.
- I spent every weekend and several weekdays planning or spreading the word about the next party (opportunities to kill brain cells and momentarily forget the pain), only further delaying any actual progress or healing in my life.
- I showed zero respect for women and most of my actions in that arena were motivated by a desire to “get back” at someone.
- I destroyed any belief I had in God based on the sole assumption that if He were real, He would have never let this happen to me.
- Several of these habits took a toll on my school (not graduating on time) and my jobs (excessive absenteeism, poor performance, etc).
I’m sure you get the point by now. 2012 was not a very fruitful year. In fact, it was without a doubt the worst of them all. But there is a silver lining- there has been progress. I have learned from the mistakes of the past and used them to propel myself into a brighter future.
- I haven’t had a sip of alcohol in three months now. This is a much bigger accomplishment than it sounds. Best decision I’ve made in a while.
- I’ve been blessed with my first supervisor position in the coolest hang out spot on ORU’s campus.
- I have a restored sense of purpose and a fresh outlook on God that I am finding to be beneficial to my life.
- I am confident that this is only the beginning; there is a bright future ahead of me.
Now I’ve said all of this to give a proper perspective as to where I’ve been and where I’m at right now but I haven’t even touched on what is really the most pressing issue. I’ve been so afraid of sounding like a broken record, so I understand if this post elicits several groans.
I’m still in contact with that same person, hanging out occasionally and all. It’s nice, for the most part, but we both know it can’t last like this. Like a shiatsu massage, I oftentimes can’t tell if it feels more good than painful. We’ve been more on and off then a light switch but one thing hasn’t really changed: we still hold strong feelings for each other. I’m trying to be as honest as possible here when I say I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing anymore. It’s against my nature to give up on what I love most but I also know that if something doesn’t change soon, it probably won’t end well. So friends, I ask for your thoughts and your prayers. I really need some clarity on this situation, I’m lost and I need a sense of direction to get myself out of this mess and to a better place. I don’t see this as a sign of weakness anymore, I’m no longer afraid to tell the world that I need a helping hand. I can’t do this alone. Friends to talk to and encourage me are more valuable than gold to me.
Finally, if you call yourself my friend- please do not encourage me to engage in unhealthy or damaging habits. If you do, knowing my struggles, you’re not really my friend. True friends care about the well being of their loved ones. I’m really striving to continue down this path because I know it’s the right one for me. Thank you all for continuing to be there for me. I appreciate all of you.
Always remember: Who you are is not where you’ve been.
Chris
- Jul 18, 12
I received a visit from a diplomat of the cockroach army in my bedroom last night. This little guy had the nerve to scurry around my countertop like he owned the place. I wasn’t going to have it, not in the middle of my extremely angst-ridden O.C. episode.
I went for the nearest weapon I could find, a bottle of peanuts, and attempted to smash the guy to a million gooey pieces. But this was no ordinary cockroach, he was fast. Like bit by a radioactive Kenyan fast.
The cockroach ran to the edge of my desk and somehow fell right onto my backpack and hid himself in one of its dark corridors. Now I was in a true pickle, my cockroach-phobia was kicking in.
There were so many dark pockets that this little Osama Bug Laden* could be hiding out in. He may have won the battle and he will most probably win the war as well.
I’ve given up the pursuit. Let him hide. We can coexist peacefully, right?
*This is what you should have pictured in your mind’s eye:
- Jul 17, 12
This was supposed to be MY summer. I want to make that loud and clear to anybody reading out there- I should be rocking my six pack of abdominals and cruising in the Chris-mobile (synonymous with Delorean) by now.
But things didn’t go according to plan this time (do they ever?)
Life threw a few unexpected haymakers: I landed a job where the hardest part of my day is getting out of my chair to refill my cup of water, Taco Bell continued to seduce me with their latest dorito-taco frankenstein creation and other things like “tuition” and “my human need to survive” got in the way of the car buying.
Well, it’s July and it looks like my goal sheet so far this summer is filled with broken dreams, lies and empty promises. But I refuse to make any Juh-lies this time.
“Juh-lies”- Mid-year promises that everyone makes to themselves to get on the right track from failing at their previous New Year’s Resolutions.
Making and setting goals is half the battle, it sets off a wonderful feeling in the human mind; igniting and fueling our capacity to change. But for most of us lazy Americans, that short high is ALL the battle.
We’re done. We’re pooped. We’re thinking Arby’s (That 3-cheese & bacon sandwich is the absolute definition of American freedom)
This summer, don’t be a Juh-liar. I believe America is close to hitting its quota. It’s actually science.
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Videos
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Tweets
- Clearing the Air http://t.co/CEQgSY4T
- Close Encounters with the Cockroach Kind. http://t.co/VqvvFgq3
- Juh lies. http://t.co/WBkmpd79
- klamstwo_large http://t.co/4wAydhOY
- The Hairy Road to Manhood. http://t.co/UxyDRaOX
- RT @cschliewe: NEW BLOG POST: Puzzles. 1 Min Read. http://t.co/TLEqz2KWMay 28, 12 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- 4 Signs I'm Most Definitely Addicted to Prison Break. http://t.co/5zADt2C1
- NEW BLOG POST: WE'RE ALL ADDICTS.1 min read. http://t.co/JjVhG532May 24, 12 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- Pizza http://t.co/cs5rNOMu
- RT @cschliewe: This promo piece I put together with @ORUSIFE won the grant competition beating over 600 other schools in the country! ht ...Feb 06, 12 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- RT @cschliewe: Watch my latest project: a promo piece on @ORUSIFE's upcoming Burn Retreat. @drstevegreene @thewisefoo @PujaGhelani9 http ...Jan 27, 12 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- What a busy semester it has been already. If you're interested, please take a look at my latest project with ORU SI… http://t.co/fz57GarI
- The Good, The Bad and the Nostalgic. http://t.co/LepqOuvN
- Just Drive http://t.co/LrrF5IpA
- The battle between emotion and logic http://t.co/4na8gVBs
- RT @cschliewe: Half the viewers of my blog are from Beverly Hills, California. thanks 9021-bros.Jan 12, 12 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- Clean room = Clean Mind http://t.co/WWmSRxjS
- Turn the page http://t.co/kDprOsDk
- Looking forward to a successful final semester at @OralRobertsU. Graduation is near. Now about these books...Jan 06, 12 from web Reply, Retweet, Favorite
- You're gone, gone, gone away, I watched you disappear. All that's left is a ghost of you. Now we're torn, torn, … http://t.co/5JMpZnjo
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Info
- Game Tech Supervisor at Oral Roberts UniversityInformation Technology and Services | Tulsa, Oklahoma Area, USSummary
I'd like to network with media and business professionals and connect with prospective employers who share the same dream and vision. I am to eventually find employment in an environment that is perfectly suited for my creative abilities to thrive.
Specialties: Idea Generation, Social Marketing, Social Media, Communication, Creative Thinking, Branding and Identity, Writing, Screenwriting.Experience- Jan 2013 - PresentGame Tech Supervisor / Oral Roberts University
Duties include: running audio/video during student center events, assisting with any technical needs for the video games or the televisions. Closing the center and locking up all furniture. Keeping inventory of all items in center.
- Jul 2012 - Dec 2012Customer Service Representative / Dish Network
Handled billing issues, programming changes and technical support for Dish customers as well as sold hundreds of premium packages, leading team in sales.
- May 2012 - Jul 2012Student Worker / Oral Roberts University
- Jan 2012 - May 2012Server / Zio's Italian Kitchen
- May 2011 - Nov 2011Technician / Alorica
Customer relations for clients with Staples, RadioShack, Circuit City, Sears with a 98% efficiency rate.
Technical support for Laptops, Desktops, Printers, Faxes, E-Readers, Cell Phones with an average handle time of 7.5 minutes. - Jan 2010 - Aug 2010Production Assistant / University Media Productions
Developed and edited several promotional spots for the University.
Audio responsibilities with Miss Oklahoma 2010 and Miss Teen Oklahoma 2010.
Handled camera duties during several speaking engagements including three high school graduations.
Traveled to the BOK Center to grip for the camera technicians during the Tulsa Shock WNBA games. - Jan 2009 - May 2009Freelance Position / Cox Communications
Handled parabolic audio and gripping responsibilities during high school sporting events.
Education-
2008 - 2012Oral Roberts UniversityBS in Mass Media Communications, Business.
Activities: Multimedia Institute. The Accounting Society. Students in Free Enterprise (SIFE). Media Team Leader for Branding and Promotions "Cards for Kiva" Project.
Additional Information-
Websites:
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Honors:Most Outstanding in Video Production (2007, 2008) Honor Roll (2009-2010)
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Interests:Art. Cinema. Literature. Social Media. Management. Personal Finance. Philosophy. Theology. Graphic Design. Photography.
