Posts

February 09, 03:05 AM

my college friend asked me out of the blue on facebook to draw pucca? haha!

so i drew her in like a minute dfghfkjlhg i’m really bad about taking art requests

February 09, 12:34 AM

i repost my own art on my facebook because i have a lot of family+real life friends who don’t use tumblr or dA and don’t get to see my art, and the other day i guess my mom went through some stuff i uploaded, right? later in the day i was talking to her about art stuff and she was like, “yeah, i was surprised by your recent art, you’ve improved a lot… but your old art used to be really cute, your art’s kinda edgy now” and i just kind of laughed but i?

never thought of my art as edgy?

LOL

i mean i like to draw monsters and men more now than i ever did when i was younger, but i still draw a lot of girls and fashion and stuff… i dunno, edgy is like the last word i’d use to describe my own art LOL

it doesn’t bother me at all, it just struck me as funny i suppose.

February 08, 09:24 PM

 mesokari replied to your photo

i63.photobucket.com/alb…
February 08, 09:04 PM

dragleclef asked you:
GLaDOS calling Sniper at work DO IT DO IT (or just a regular couple calling each other over their lunch break that’s okay too)
bgm!!!
“i’ll wear your colors, my dear 
until you’re standing right here 
next to the one who adores you 
whose heart is beating for you.”
February 08, 08:33 PM

granfallogna replied to your photo
ur a great artist

gran you are way too nice!! thank you//

February 08, 07:43 PM
February 08, 10:00 AM

inking comic is suffering

February 08, 06:01 AM

oh i’m sorry to keep…….. asking, but

round two of this art match is out, so if you like, please vote for my batman draw u///u

February 08, 05:23 AM

oh can we finally post pictures yet

edit: HALLELUJAH TOOK LONG ENOUGH, i deleted the other upload of this

February 07, 09:23 PM

a fat kitty and a comics

February 07, 09:17 AM

something simple for arika’s derivative works form— 

it basically boils down to “you can literally do anything with arika, just gimme a heads up sometimes okay”

February 06, 04:56 AM

jeepers this took all day… muscly super heroes are hard to draw!!!

don’t praise me too much on drawing those buildings, i basically referenced the hell out of a 3D model lol BUT i drew the clouds by hand /o\

February 05, 11:51 PM

another “wow i sure do have work to do, let’s doodle something COMPLETELY non-productive for that work!” doodle LOL

jericho was such a cutie pie!!! i wish we could have seen him for more than just two or so episodes.

February 05, 06:49 AM

mesokari:

I like taking wip pics so yeah!

There’s a huge gap between the last two pictures because I didn’t have my ipod for a while; I don’t have my scanner at my dorm and I just got back my ipod like an hour ago so that is why the picture quality is so great.

btw hi Cafe this is for you!

Looking at it again now there are things I want to fix waaah /o\ Well it’s close enough to being done for now!

WHOA SORRY THIS IS MY LAST POST FOR THE NIGHT BUT HELLO NURSE WHOA!!!!!!!!!!! WHHHHOOOOOOOAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH ahhh AHHh MESO!!!! How are you so amazing with pencils WOW!!!! Look at those gorgeous legs hot dang oh man oh man!!! ohhhhhhhh MAN you drew her suspenders outfit ahhhh ahhh ahhhhH! DANG DANG THOSE HANDS ARE SO PETITE AND LIFE-LIKE TOO I LOVE THEM……… are you just using normal paper?? the blending is so smooth and beautiful and oh wowwwwwww thank you so much for drawin my girl gosh!!! ahhHHH!!! your process is amazing to look at like wowowoow it looks so great every step of the way! I especially love how golden and lovely the hair colors are! THANK YOU SO MUCH, I LOVE THIS GKFJLHDKJG ♥♥♡　OK THE LAST HEART GOT DIFFERENT BUT WHATEVER HA-TO

February 05, 06:41 AM

This won’t go to print because it’s not funny haha. But I just drew it late the other night while I was sad.

Lacy hears a story from her grandpa.

February 05, 06:33 AM

i know a lot of people are really paranoid about posting their “messy/sketchy” stuff, and they think everyone only wants to see finished+colored pieces, but i actually REALLY love seeing people’s doodles? like, there’s just something so intimate about it! am i the only one who thinks this? plus finished things are nice, but i think you can see a lot of someone’s talent at its finest and most raw when they just let loose and draw without worrying too much about the final outcome. that’s why i’m a huge fan of figure drawing too!

February 04, 08:01 PM

darn you, text cut 

college and money always manages to depress me every semester. my parents don’t make it any secret that my classes are hard to pay for, even though i’m going to a community college and they’re comparatively not that expensive. it makes me sad and i always think of myself as a burden on my parents, no matter what anyone says to comfort me, and even though i know my parents want me to do college.

what i really want is to go to a proper art school, it’s my dream, but i don’t think it will ever happen unless i got some kind of fabulous opportunity where someone else was willing to pay for it haha. i feel sad when i think about that.

i’m doing my very best at everything i’m doing. even though i joke about not caring about general education classes and slacking off, i have actually worked very hard to learn from them and get the best grades possible (so far the only gened class i’ve gotten less than an A in is english and that’s because the teacher was a douche. i was still one of the few to get a B tho haha.) i get really angry and unhappy when i see people “just skating by” because college is expensive and means a lot to people like me who can barely afford it, and i don’t care if idgaf about sociology or history or whatever, if my parents paid for that class i am going to be the very best at it. that’s just the kind of person i am. sometimes my perfectionism makes me really unwell and even sick, but i think i am a moderately hard worker and so far it has benefitted me academically…

i wish it would benefit me financially too. i got a job this winter season for the sole purpose of buying my family christmas gifts, and to save some funds to help pay for the spring semester. we’re in a tight spot in a lot of ways this year, as far as finances go, and i thought if i helped my parents pay for classes, they would be less stressed. but of course come time to pay for classes it was hardly a dent in the sum of things, and i still felt like a burden, and it’s just not fair. i’ve tried to apply for fafsa before and i didn’t qualify for stupid reasons. that was a year or so ago so i guess i’m going to try again, but i just have this bad feeling that i won’t qualify. which isn’t fair. i want this so much. i want to learn. i want to earn a degree. i want to be a high quality student and make my teachers and parents proud of me. it’s depressing that money is getting in the way of that, when other people can just throw down the money willynilly and “skate by” on Ds and get their degrees quickly because they can afford the classes and move on.

i guess that sounds really bitter of me, and i’ll be frank, i am a little bitter. it’s also selfish of me, but i just wish that the amount of effort i was putting into every area of my life would somehow manifest a retribution in the form of college finances ahaha. it’s not because i want money for myself, i just really want to help my parents. i wish my dad didn’t have to work so hard every day. he hardly ever even works on his music anymore, and i know that’s what he really loves and really wants to do. i know he doesn’t complain because his hard work is what puts food on the table. but when i imagine a future where i have to work a job i don’t even like that much, for hours and hours every day, and almost never have time to do art that i love so much, it kinda makes me want to cry. and it makes me feel really sad for my daddy.

sigh. i don’t even remember the point i was going to try to make with this rant.

at the end of the fall semester, i sent out a lot of really polite scholarship applications, with glowing recommendations from my professors. i won’t know if i got any until the end of this month, approximately. i wish i could know now, so i could help more with paying for these darned classes. but i’ll just have to wait i guess. i have this horrible suspicion that i won’t receive any and then i’ll just be more discouraged haha.. i’m trying really hard to be more positive about everything, but i’m trying not to set expectations so high that i end up disappointed too, so it’s just like?? ugh. i don’t really know.

i’ve had things chosen for me and mapped out for me all my life, and in this last year i really started making my own decisions. i made the choice to get a job, to learn how scholarships work and send out applications, to pay for classes and supplies even though my dad told me to “save your money for something fun”. i’m proud of myself for finally acting a little more like an adult, especially because it’s hard and i have issues with choosing things on my own, and i hope my parents are proud of me too because that’s all i really want.

i just really hope something comes along, whether it be fafsa or scholarships or what have you, even if it’s not a lot of money. i just want something to help me know “hey, your efforts paid off. here’s the reward. your parents don’t have to bleed money this semester.” i want something to encourage me.

i’ll keep being patient and doing my best.

February 04, 03:27 AM

warm up drawing.

February 03, 11:50 PM

uh oh. i just realized. valentine’s day is right around the corner…..

brace yourselves for a dash explosion of millions of unfunny “forever alone” jokes in these coming weeks! (weeps loudly)

i’ve always seen valentine’s day as a general holiday for love, and i love a lot of people quite a bit, so not having a significant other never really affected me ♪　plus i just really like chocolate h e h! also i’m gonna have college on valentine’s day. i think i’ll just print out those sweet bro and hella jeff valentine cards and pass them out to strangers and confuse everyone

oh, and you know all those cute scenarios and drawing prompts you guys sent me? i’m gonna try to have those all drawn up by valentine’s! but i can’t promise they’ll be too amazing, since i’m such a slow artist!

February 03, 09:13 AM

lots of weird bits of old things i started writing and didn’t finish/left really short????? i don’t expect anyone to read these haha, just for my own safekeeping!

bluh here we go. weird mix of original stuff and a lot of fanfiction

-

Born a street cat, die a street cat.

These are the words that Sahna Alden has learned to live by.

As always, he is flanked by the walls of tall, narrow alleys with the pipe in his mouth as his only companion.

-

She doesn’t smell great, you notice, taking in a slow, concentrated whiff of the crook where her neck meets her shoulder. She smells like salty sweat and dirt, but there’s something so natural and very her about it that you can’t really bring yourself to dislike the scent.

-

It takes Touko a good day or two before she finally solves the puzzle. The mystery of why he’s making his plans so readily available to an enemy.

He’s crying for help.

-

“Claus,” he utters at a higher octave as his back collides dully against a concrete wall. He looks left and right, searching for a way around me, but in this narrow hallway, there is no escape. He has reached the dead end.

What is Claus? Is it me? Is it a name for me? I’ve never had a target call me by a name before (villain, demon, monster, but never a name). Does it mean something bad? I am certain it does. After all, I have the vague idea that I am something bad. Maybe even worse than a monster. Maybe “Claus” is a special word for things like me.

He slides down onto the ground, whimpering and cowering more loudly and more desperately as I approach. But even now, all he does is cry that name. Claus, no Claus, please, Claus. I have had enough of it. My objective buzzes—screams—clearly in my mind: finish the job, monster. Finish it. But somewhere within me, a thread of curiosity remains, and I desire to satiate it first.

“Human,” I drone, almost a little taken aback at the sound of my own voice. Verbalizing my own thoughts without prompt is a rare occurrence. “Tell me what ‘Claus’ is.”

-

I’m ready, and I’m willing, and I’m prepared to…

His eyes are ablaze.

He’s ready. With a blaster at one side and a clenched fist at the other, he can feel the beginnings of adrenaline setting fire to his mechanical veins. Every system is alert and online. His body is rigid with tension, fear, anticipation. Determination.

He’s willing. Eager, even. He’s been waiting for this. Justice is his nature, and he thinks maybe it’s become a little warped over time.

He’s prepared to die.

-

1. Introduction
He’d give you his hand and try to be nice, but he had no name to offer.

4. Dark

He grew up living in the darkest recesses of their prisons, and the very thought of being secluded in the shadows ever again sends him into a fit of panic.


5. Seeking Solace

For so long, he went without a pair of supporting arms, and now that there’s five of them, he finds himself a little overwhelmed sometimes.


6. Break Away

His head was throbbing, his legs were on fire, and his heart was suddenly the heaviest part of his body, but he tore past the front gates and realized that he had finally made his bittersweet getaway.


7. Heaven

Their consciousnesses have melded in a way, and he feels like every now and then that he sees heaven; it’s never something he can quite grasp with his mind’s eye though.

-

this one’s long lmao and i guess complete but oh well

-

He doesn’t know what’s going through his mind when he leans forward and closes the gap between their faces. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a distant thought ponders unhelpfully, ‘What would your family think about this?’ Well, he knows the answer to that already. They’d disown him without a moment’s hesitation. He’s already shameful enough to them, so what’s one more terrible life decision in the grand scheme of things?

He’s not really sure what he expected her to taste like. It’s bad, of course, and she reeks of her usual rotten musk as well (even more pungently now that he’s so near). Her lips—if the remaining scraps of tissue can even be called lips—are dry and harsh against his skin, and at first, it doesn’t even occur to her to move them. When it does, she moves mechanically, twisting so hard to try to mold her flesh up against his, but it’s nearly as impossible as it is for her to frown. Her deteriorated face muscles simply do not allow her to pucker her battered mouth properly. He doesn’t mind, not too much, and makes due with what she has.

Without really thinking about it, he reaches up to place a clumsy hand on her side and immediately reels back when it connects with her rib cage. Ah, right, not really anything solid to rest on with that side of her body. She makes a small, inarticulate noise at the back of her throat that sounds more worried than anything else as he reaches for the side that’s still mostly intact. He mutters a small, embarrassed apology and makes another valiant attempt at undertaking the endeavor of kissing her. This time she’s a little more prepared and decides to substitute her lack of lip mobility with her tongue. He winces a little when she prods tentatively against his gums because it tastes bitter and coppery, almost as if it were covered in strange blood.

At least blood, he consoles himself, is a taste that contains some semblance of life—unlike the dead and cold scent of her skin—and ultimately, he feels guilty for initiating this kind of intimacy only to be repulsed by it. He tries to push past his bodily senses’ distaste and focus on the essence of just being this close to her. Physicality was never a factor towards his feelings for her in the first place, and the only reason he’s indulging in it now is simply because she isn’t one for words, and he doesn’t know how else to better express these inexorable feelings.

His hands move up and place themselves on either side of her face for lack of anything else better to do. Her face is perhaps the best preserved area of her body—she’s self-conscious about it despite everything, and he knows she tries her hardest to maintain it—and it’s almost soft. Sunken in against her pointed cheek bones, but still comparatively soft. Almost natural aside from the scales of rot around her eye sockets. Curious, he runs a gentle thumb across the green decay and finds that it’s stiff and dry. She makes another vague noise that he’s not sure whether to interpret as contentedness or discomfort. Just to play it safe, he retracts his fingers from the scales and returns to tracing formless pictures against her barely still living skin. He’s only just now registering that she’s started running her one, monstrous hand through his hair. Her claws drag across his skull, maybe breaking skin, but he doesn’t know for sure and he doesn’t care much right now.

Uncertain and inexperienced, he hesitates a bit before moving his mouth to the junction between her jaw and neck. Her skin is dry and thin and pliable, like an old bit of clay stretched out, but evidently her nerves are still very much alive and functioning because she gasps slightly at the new sensation. It’s the most emotional, most human sound he’s ever heard from her, and that alone is enough to encourage him further. He glances up to gauge her expression, and it’s as hard to read as always, but her brows are arched up in a way he’s not used to seeing them. He takes a bit of temperate satisfaction in knowing that he’s able to bring some fresh emotion back into the girl who’s been living such a listless life up until now. He doesn’t know if she’s happy like this—how can he when he’s even sure if he’s happy?—but he entertains the thought of her loving this, loving him, and he thinks about how nice it would be if things were actually that simple.

…

there was more but wow it gets weird

so that’s all folks

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