I like Tiger Woods.
This is my not-so-often opinion piece about what’s going on in my world around me tonight….. Entitled: Everyone has an opinion… which is great! Freedom of speech makes a lot of people look like a pocket of bungholes and I feel good listening to those bungholes. Sometimes the freedom of speech makes me look like a bunghole. Right now I am writing whatever I’d like and you might think I’ll look/smell/act like a bunghole after this rant but here goes nothing.
How do you act like a bunghole you say? Oh, well to do that you must cause “stank face” around you at all times, look horrid, take beautiful, normal, lovely things, turn them into something brown and smelly and wrong and push them out of your hole. I’m sorry. I digress.
Tonight’s headlining story on the CTVnews is Tiger Woods’ scandal. Tiger. Woods. Cheatedonhiswife (with an sexilicious supermodel). And everyone’s jaws have dropped. Shit has hit the proverbial fan. All of Tiger Woods’ fans are demanding the truth! Low and behold, he did it. He cheated on his wife with a supermodel and is apologizing for what he has done. His wholesome image is forever tarnished. Lloyd Robertson is saying this as objectively as he can, just doing his job, informing the people as it is their RIGHT to know of the private life of Tiger Woods. His fans are so concerned.. and they deserve to know the truth! I call bullshit.
Now, that amazingly talented, record breaking, entertaining man who can put his name down as the black man who has at least 71 tour-victories (you and I both know I don’t follow this shiz) in a sport that has been dominated by da white man for forever (and I’m referring to forever as 24 years because that’s how long my forever goes back to.. yeah, am I ever not scoring one for Tiger’s team right now) has screwed his last screw. Yep. Himself. Just like that, POOF, he has become a mini-putz. A hole in zero. A shame. A disgrace.
I’m sorry Tiger. I’m sorry you did something wrong. You are a superstar… so that should NEVER happen. I will join your team and confess to my millions of fans something I did that was wrong. In grade 2, I lied about being sick for at least a week straight and asked to go home. And when I got home, I watched Sesame Street. That’s right! I wasn’t sick at all. And on one of those ”sicks” days they featured the letter S. And now I understand that that S represented SHAME. But not shame on you! No no no…It was shame on all those people who didn’t and still don’t know how to do their jobs. Shame on them for not being able to mind their business! Shame on them for not being able to find me real news tonight!
Shame on them for complaining about things they don’t understand. Shame on them for not encouraging people to be there for eachother. Shame on me for not encouraging people to be there for eachother. Shame on blame. Shame on hate. Shame on privacy and really hot models. Shame on a lot of things.. but not you Tiger. I like you.
I hope you there are some people out there that can see past this bullshit and into your tiny little cheating heart. I hope they see you and they keep watching you, because you’re the ONLY reason I watch golf…. but please.. give me my news back. Okay?
Now that that’s settled…Keep your wedge in your perfectly pressed pants, paint a smile on your face and go get ‘em, Tiger!
Love, bicy x