Ashalah

Insomnia.

What an ugly little bitch of a friend it can be.

I have had insomnia since I was 21. That is NINE YEARS of not getting a good nights sleep. Nine years of being constantly tired.

My insomnia ranges. When I lived in NYC it was at its height. I would wake up at 3am, no matter what time I went to bed. I was young then and I seemed to function just fine on only a few hours of sleep. But it eventually caught up with me. One of the major reasons I left New York was because of the stress it was taking on me physically and emotionally. You know how grouchy you can feel after not having a good nights sleep? Imagine how you’d feel after six years of sleeping 3-4 hours a night.

Once I left NYC, my insomnia got better. I was able to relax more, I started sleeping a couple more hours a night. I still wasn’t sleeping past 4 or 5 am but that was better than my sleeping habits from before. At this point I will take whatever I can get.

The past couple weeks though my insomnia has raged back. Sometimes, if I’m stressed or worried about something I won’t sleep well. I’ll only get a couple hours a night. I can usually pinpoint why I am not sleeping. This time I cannot. There is no stress, there is nothing worrying me or on my mind (except for whether or not my hammock will be too big for just me.) But I honestly cannot figure out why I’m not sleeping. Thursday night was the worst; I woke up at 2am and stayed awake, attempting to convince myself to go back to sleep. The result was my crying for no reason other than pure exhaustion Friday morning before work.

I don’t remember what it feels like to be well rested, especially on days like Friday where I’ve already had coffee which has done nothing but I know if I have more, I’ll feel even worse than I already do. The irony in all this is that I work for a sleep therapy company. I am essentially the first person a patient with a sleep disorder sees. It’s awesome being exhausted and having your equally sleep deprived patients notice your exhaustion.

I slept a little better last night but still was awake at 3:30, yes, worrying about that hammock. The things I think about in the middle of the night…they don’t make much sense to me either. I never said I was normal.

Have you ever dealt with insomnia? How do you deal with it?

Today I’m participating in Wine and Love, where we review our week and say what we loved and what caused us to reach for our wine glasses. If you’d like to join us, you can link up through Suki, of Super Duper Fantastic!

What has me reaching for my wine glass…

*B is gone for two weeks. I know, not that big of a deal but I miss him. 8 more days. Not that I’m counting or anything…

*BiSC is this weekend and a lot of my friends and fellow bloggers are on their way to Vegas. And I’m not. Again. One of these years I will make it, hopefully before I’m 40. I do hope everyone has a great time and I can’t wait to hear all about it and see all the crazy pictures!

*I have not been sleeping well at all lately. I’m guessing the change of the weather combined with travel and being busy has caused my insomnia to come out full force. It sucks. But for the first time, not stress related. (Which is a good thing!)

*I’m adjusting to having a new roommate. She is very nice and I’m glad I won’t go broke living alone in my two bedroom apartment so it really isn’t a whine. It’s just hard adjusting to someone new. I don’t feel like I can be comfortable in my own space just yet. I’m hoping I will be as lucky as I have been in the past with this roommate!

*All this has left me a little grouchy. At least it’s almost the weekend.

Things I am loving…

*Despite B being gone for so long, I’m finally getting some much needed me time. With all the traveling and visitors and working overtime, I feel like I haven’t had a chance to just hang out and just be at my apartment. Granted, I haven’t had that yet with a new roommate moving in and having to adjust to having a stranger in my house again, but it’s going to happen. Soon.

*I’m up to three miles in my running! I’m half way to my goal. I want to be at least at five miles by Tuesday. Let’s see if I can do this. And for those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m participating in CouchTo10k. Don’t know that one? It’s when you sign up for a 10k two weeks before it happens and you haven’t ran in three years. Basically, CouchTo5k on crack.

*B and I cooked three delicious recipes this past weekend–a salmon dish with mushrooms, spinach and tomatoes, eggs in a red pepper (a recipe I found through We Are Not Martha), and then a green curry (that was green only because out of five stores, we could not find red curry paste!). We cook a LOT together instead of eating out and I really enjoy it. This is coming from the girl who loves to eat out.

*I’m reading Tina Fey’s Bossypants. It may be making me burst out into hysterical giggling randomly. I love her.

*That I can blog on my phone. I’ve found that I have more inspiration to write while at work so I’m able to crank out a post when I get the urge (and have the time). I’m just thankful for autocorrect.

*I hosted Nicole’s Odd Tuesday Potluck this week and it was so fun! I made Chocolate Avocado mousse that I found on Vanilla Garlic’s blog, my new favorite food blog. Combined with Margot’s Angel Food cake with strawberries and whipped cream, it was PERFECT. We didn’t even plan it! Nicole’s watermelon gazpacho was also divine.

*B got me a hammock for my birthday!! And it arrived yesterday!!!!!! I can’t wait to use it but first I have to find an affordable stand…anyone know of any?

What are you loving this week, and what has you reaching for your wine glass?

Whenever I meet a blogger in person, the first thing that gets acknowledged is just how short I am. Apparently the Internet makes me appear taller. Warning: Objects on Internet appear larger than in real life.

I’m 5’2″ and have what my friends and family call a Napoleon complex. I am a loud and heavy walker, have a large personal bubble and somehow will still manage to kick you out of a king bed. I don’t take up a lot of physical space in this world but I certainly try.

Being short has its drawbacks. It sucks at concerts and other events where people are standing and I can’t see past them. People often don’t notice me because I’m out of their sight range and will bump into me and step on me. You probably are scoffing at this statement but it’s true. You are guilty of it. My height sometimes makes me feel invisible.

Despite that, I like being short. I like that I can date whomever and still feel small. I like that I can squeeze into tight spaces and can easily maneuver a crowd. The chances of my hitting my head on a hanging tree branch are pretty slim. I’m used to everyone being taller than me; I grew up with a brother a foot and a half taller than me so I barely even notice if someone towers over me. But if someone shorter than me is nearby, it freaks me out.

Yes, I’m scared of people shorter than me. I’m also scared of heights, if that makes me seem less weird.

I get made fun of a lot for how short I am. Roommates get a thrill over putting my stuff on the top shelf just to see me climb on the counters to get to it. Some friends like using me as an arm rest. I’m used to it. A new thing that has been brought to my attention is my love for large animals. I often babysit my friend’s Great Dane, a 150 lb monster who is definitely bigger than me. In fact, any large fluffy dog will cause me to melt into a cute-overloaded puddle.

It doesn’t stop there. The bigger the animal is, the more I will love it to pieces. On Saturday B and I went to the aquarium. One of the attractions was this beautiful tiger that you were able to get pretty up close and personal with. When I was looking into this tigers eyes there was no fear, just ohmygod you are so cute I want to cuddle you right now.

If I ever go on a safari, remind my guide to never let me leave the safety of the truck. My survival instincts around large predators seem to be grossly out of line with, say, a normal persons. After all, one of my life goals us to hug a panda. And pet a tiger. Both of which I’m pretty sure will result in my death.

I just have no fear of large animals. Cocker spaniels? Make me nervous. Elephants? I WANT ONE.

Totally normal right?

Or is it just another part of my Napoleon complex?

I’m sure you have heard of Couch to 5k. It’s a program to help you go from not running at all to running a 5k. I don’t know many details but it involves a combination of running and walking and I’m pretty sure there’s a decent time frame attached to it.

I’ve decided to create my own program. Couch to 10K. Only it doesn’t involve any combination of running and walking, just running, and you only have two and a half weeks before you run that 10k.

I’m not seeing many of you signing up for this program. Hmm…I guess I’ll be the only one.

I signed up for the Bolder Boulder, as you might have read. It’s on Memorial Day which is two weeks from tomorrow. The boy, we’ll call him B, somehow convinced me. I think his dimples played heavily into the successful convincing. I am a sucker for dimples after all. Blinded by these dimples, I don’t think I realized just exactly what I was signing up for. Do you know what a 10k is?

6.2 miles.

I have not run more than two miles in the past three and a half years. I used to run the six mile loop in Central Park–and when I say run six miles, I mean I walked some of that. I don’t know if I have ever, in my life, run six straight miles.

Yet in two weeks that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Last Thursday I started the training by doing a two mile loop near my apartment that I’ve done before. By mile .5 (that’s half a mile, folks) I couldn’t breathe and was in pain. Altitude is painful to run in when you’ve only run at sea level. My body was all WHERE THE HELL IS THE OXYGEN AND WHY AREN’T YOU GIVING IT TO ME? But I managed to pull through and nearly ran the entire two miles, only stopping once to take a picture of some epic clouds (and catch whatever breathe I could get). I was feeling pretty good about myself after that run, feeling like I could take on the Bolder Boulder and be victorious.

I was pretty sore though and took the weekend off from running because my muscles were on fire and I didn’t want to hurt myself. It also may have been the last weekend before B took off to Florida for two weeks and we spent it making delicious food (salmon with mushrooms, spinach and tomatoes, eggs in red pepper, and a shrimp and pineapple green curry, just in case you were wondering), going to the aquarium and relaxing. We did take a three mile walk but no run was logged.

Tonight I decided to conquer my next run. I wanted to run at least 2.5 miles and figured out a route I could take that would give me just over that. The first mile I rocked, beating my first run’s mile time of 11.8 minutes by 30 seconds. But then mile two started and I lost momentum. I was walking more than I was running and every step I was feeling throughout my entire body. My lungs were better off this run, but my body was not.

I was feeling a little defeated, I’m not going to lie. I was like what the hell did I get myself into? Here I am, at mile 1.33 and I can barely do this. I’m doing worse than my last run. How am I going to do 6 miles of this? But then I reached the 1.6 mile mark and I decided to get over myself and I pushed myself hard to keep running. And I did it. I ran the last 1.2 miles without stopping, even with my aching muscles. I literally felt every painful step and I threw myself into that ice cold shower with my clothes practically still on.

I have a long way to go. I’m not even able to run half of a 10k right now but somehow I’m going to do this. I have no other choice. I’m running with B who has a mile time of 6 and change. Mine is about 11 minutes, nearly double his.

I have some work to do.

Today I’m participating in Wine and Love, where we review our week and say what we loved and what caused us to reach for our wine glasses. If you’d like to join us, you can link up through Suki, of Super Duper Fantastic, who is now hosting!

Things that made me reach for my wine glass…

• Lack of sleep. I have been going non-stop since getting back from NOLA and I’m EXHAUSTED. The worst part? When I have the time to sleep, I can’t. My body has not allowed me to get more than 4-5 hours a night. Thank you, insomnia. I LOVE YOU TOO.
• Combined with the above, I’m mildly angry that today is only Thursday. I know it’s almost Friday but I want it to be Friday NOW.

Things that I loved…

• My birthday was lovely. I had amazing food, got to spend it with family and with the boy and even got sung two birthday songs–one by Morgan over the phone where I think I was referred to as a monkey and there was something about acting like one too? And then a more traditional one by the boy’s roommates. I am pretty sure they were just excited about the chocolate covered strawberries and bananas we were all about to indulge in that he made for me. Either way, I had the best birthday in a long time.
• All my pretty flowers that I got over the weekend. It started with the roses I got at the airport from the boy when I got back from NOLA (so sweet right?) and then Brand About Town and Nintendo sent me a gorgeous birthday bouquet. On Saturday my mom and I picked up a whole bunch of veggies, herbs and flowers for my yard. I’ve started planting some and I’m so happy to have my outside look pretty again.
• The boy got me a hammock for my birthday!!! Last summer it was the one thing I really wished I had in my backyard. What better way to spend a lazy summer day than in a hammock with an icy beverage? I cannot think of a better one. And this summer I get to do just that! Wee!
• I signed up for the Bolder Boulder, my first 10k. I’m freaking out quite a bit about it but I’m really excited to do it. Apparently it’s an awesome and very supportive race (people giving out beer, shots and bacon? Not sure I want to be doing that while running a race but hey, sounds like good support to me) and I have wanted to do it since I first moved here.
• I can hear crickets outside right now. And I kind of love that.

What are you loving this week and what has you reaching for your wine glass?

So remember how I mentioned on Monday that I was going to be running the Bolder Boulder? My very first race that is only three weeks away? And it’s a 10k? I registered for it yesterday.

There’s no going back now. The $50 has been sent in, the tshirt is on it’s way and this girl who hasn’t ran ymore than two miles in the past three years is going to be running 6.2 painful miles.

Physically, I know I could do it. I’ve done it before…at sea level. Now I live in Boulder, over a mile above sea level. That’s 5,430 feet for those of you who are keeping track. Altitude means business and it has kicked my ass in the past–namely the death like feeling of altitude sickness when I was at 10,000 feet in Breckinridge. I may have lived here for nearly two and a half years and while I haven’t had any issues with the altitude on a day to day basis, my lungs were on fire the last two times I tried running. That’s what worries me about this race. Especially since I’m running with a pretty decent runner.

Basically, I’m freaking out ever so slightly.

Am I crazy? Have I completely lost my mind? It’s very possible. But running a 5k is on my bucket list. Who cares that I decided to double that and give myself less than three weeks to train? Sure, I probably won’t be able to walk (or breathe) for a week after, but I’m going to do it.

Go big or go home, right? Right.

So on May 28th, 2012, I will be running the Bolder Boulder, my first 10k and most likely in costume. Let the crash course of training begin.

This past Friday I turned thirty.

As in, I’m no longer a twenty-something. I’m no longer a twenty-something blogger. Did you know that I was like member 43? True story. I really am old!

Everyone has been asking me how it feels to be thirty. Honestly? It feels fantastic. It’s true, turning thirty has caused me to freak out a little bit but it hasn’t been the actual age thing–it’s never been about me getting old, a misconception that has come out from these freakouts. I just have a hard time believing I’m actually an adult. It still feels like I’m fresh out of college sometimes so the fact that my twenties are over is sometimes a little baffling. I’m not going to really miss my twenties, though. My thirties are going to be pretty spectacular, I do believe.

This year has been nothing short of awesome. I got a new job that doesn’t stress me out, I have rediscovered my social life, have design clients of my own and I am seeing a new boy that completely caught me off-guard and who makes me incredibly happy. Even my birthday weekend has me fully believing in the amazingness of this year.

My mom flew in thursday night for my birthday and the weekend was spent indulging. My birthday dinner was at Oak at Fourteenth and it was ahhh-mazing. Fried pickles…chicken with gnocchi and asparagus…and they even brought me out a root beer float complete with chocolate chip cookies, brownies, pretzels and ice cream in their home-made root beer. I MEAN. Let’s just say that the guy who got sorbet for his birthday at the table behind me was totally jealous. I completed the weekend with an early mother’s day brunch at Brasserie Ten Ten and a home cooked meal of spicy peach chicken with roasted asparagus.

And we haven’t even talked about the carrot cake with lemon cream cheese frosting that my bosses gave me.

Or the ten pounds I gained in New Orleans eating things like alligator cheesecake, soft shell crab po’boys and crawfish beignets.

Aside from eat, my mom and I went shopping for new clothes and vegetables, herbs and flowers for my backyard. I am hoping that her green thumb will trick the plants into living since I’m kind of notorious in my family for having a black thumb. I kill cacti. And drown fish in water but that’s neither here nor there.

I even got to spend some time with the boy this weekend and he somehow convinced me to run the Bolder Boulder. You know, a 10k race. That’s in three weeks. NO BIG DEAL. Have I mentioned I’ve never run in a race? How about the fact that I haven’t run in like three years?

Has anyone seen my common sense? I’ve appeared to have misplaced it.

If anything, I’m learning to embrace my crazy in my old age. I mean young age. I mean, oh hell. I’ve been bombarded with welcome to the old lady club all weekend, I don’t know what I am anymore. What I do know is that this year’s birthday was the first birthday in many, many, MANY birthdays (so many I can’t even remember) that I haven’t cried or been upset at any point during the day. I know you all know how big this is. At least if you are a girl. And I’m pretty sure like two guys read my blog so it’s safe to assume you ALL know what I’m talking about with the birthday emotions.

Thirty is a pretty major milestone in life. How many people pretend they are 29 year after year just so they don’t have to admit they are 30? In the month leading up to May 4th, I started wondering if I should keep up this tradition. I also started resenting those 30 before 30 lists. The world doesn’t end when you turn 30, you know? Those lists are stupid.

I might have been a little feisty over the fact that I never created one and still have a shit ton on my over-all life bucket list to do. (Two things: I really don’t think those lists are stupid. Ok, maybe just mildly stupid. And how much is a shit ton? Because I use that phrase a lot more than is probably acceptable in hip culture and I have no idea what it actually means.) 

The good news is that life doesn’t end at thirty and I still have a shit ton (there I go again…) of time in my life to accomplish my goals. In fact, I might just accomplish three or four of them later this year. So I’m going to embrace 30 and throw 29 out the window.

Yes, thirty can be scary to think about. There are expectations of both your own making and from those around you but I’m pretty sure the thirties are better than the twenties. So I’m going to go bask in that fact and enjoy myself because if the first half of this year is any indicator, this year is going to be epic.

I’ll also bask in the fact that the morning of my birthday, my first patient of the day tried guessing my age and pegged me at 20. I think I nearly killed her when I told her I was 30.

When I was growing up, playtime involved my brother and I being shoved out the door and told to go play outside. We’d spend hours in the woods, making forts and getting dirty. We didn’t watch that much TV and we didn’t have any video gaming systems at our house. It was always a treat when I got to go to my friends’ homes and play their Super Mario or Pacman but it was never something I wanted. I never begged my parents to get me a nintendo; I was pretty happy playing with my dolls or building things out of the fake bricks my brother and I shared. (What can I say, I’ve been an architect in training for a long time!)

So it’s with full irony that I now own not one, but two gaming systems. At 30 it would seem I am having my second childhood thanks to Brand About Town and Nintendo who have hooked me up with a Wii and most recently, a Nintendo 3DS. I have played MarioKart and hula hooped on my Wii (as well as done far too much yoga that resembled Dance Dance Revolution according to my “center of balance” that the Wii Fit gave me during February’s Fitness Challenge.) and as soon as I got my 3DS Morgan commandeered it and now thinks that Face Raiders is the best game in the history of ever.

Mainly because there are a lot of really bad pictures of my face flying around on there that she can shoot at.

I have only one game on the 3DS right now, Super Mario Brothers, a game I actually did play at my friends’ houses growing up. I’m just as bad now as I was then. Actually, I take that back. I’m worse. Definitely. The amount of times I die within five seconds of starting is embarrassing. And kids master this! I can’t even get past the second level. I did once but then died immediately. I think I fell off a ledge or something, not even taken out by a spiky turtle or those damn owls.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I’m actually having fun with it. I have never been a video game person (they call those ‘gamers’ right?) and sure, a five year old can easily beat me at Super Mario, but at nearly 30 (nine days and counting, people) I am having fun playing video games. So thank you, Brand About Town and Nintendo for making me feel young again.

Disclaimer: Brand About Town sent me a Wii, Wii Fit Plus and the Nintendo 3DS all free of charge because they are awesome (and didn’t realize how badly I sucked at video games). My opinions, and my ability to turn yoga into Dance Dance Revolution, are my own. 

When I like someone my senses seem to go into overdrive; smells are stronger, there’s more beauty in everyday life and music seems to have more meaning than before. I’m sure this isn’t only something that happens to me. It also increases my desire to try different recipes and get a little more daring with my kitchen adventures, probably a side effect for my need for more spice to make my enhanced taste buds happy.

This past weekend was absolutely gorgeous and meant a lot of time spent outdoors hiking and playing mini-golf . Usually the last thing I’d want to do would be to turn on the stove and oven and slave over a hard dish. Maybe throw something on the grill or cop out and order take out and avoid working up a sweat inside. Yet we had been talking for the past week about making chicken in mole sauce to go with a dark chocolate linguine so we weren’t about to pass this up. I haven’t known what to do with this pasta that has been sitting on my counter for the past year aside from turning it into a dessert. I wanted something more savory with it, however. When my roommate Peter suggested I try a mole sauce, I jumped on it.

Now, I have only had mole sauce once at a restaurant and I barely remembered what it tasted like so I wasn’t the best person to judge whether the sauce I made was authentic or not. All I knew was that it was a large project to undertake and there were a dozen or so recipes, all calling for different combinations of spices and peppers, nuts and seeds. We finally landed on one that wouldn’t break the bank since most of the spices I already had and I decided to add in a few other ingredients from other recipes to enhance it, such as mulato peppers (one of the holy trinity of mole peppers–mulato, ancho and pasilla) and chipotle powder.

We got lucky at our first stop, a great spice shop here in Boulder called the Savory Spice Shop. It is a spice nerd’s (like me) idea of paradise, with every kind of spice you can imagine and blends they make themselves. We were able to find the dried peppers there but decided only on the mulatos. I know I will be revisiting that store, even if it’s just to smell all those spices.

The sauce was surprisingly easy to make; paired with the dark chocolate pasta and a good looking cooking partner, it was amazing. It had a good kick to it but it wasn’t spicy–more like a smokey heat. It had a very interesting flavor; you could taste the chocolate but it was more faint, not sweet at all. I highly recommend this recipe for your next date night, it’ll stimulate all those enhanced sensations that you get from liking someone.

Chicken in Mole Sauce and Dark Chocolate Linguine

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
• Chicken breast cut into 4 pieces
• 1 bay leaf
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon ground chipotle pepper
• 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon paprika
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 2 mulato peppers
• 1 onion, chopped
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes
• 2 teaspoons brown sugar
• 1 cup chicken broth
• 1/4 cup semisweet chocolate chips
• 1/4 cup raisins
• 2 tablespoons sesame seeds

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend!