Did you miss me?

I find it astounding that my mood is more “merry” than I expected it to be. Perhaps I am not allowing any sort of negative thoughts to infiltrate my mind. But I feel like that is not the case. Though eventually, it will happen. Whether or not it will commence on this day.

You were the first to wish me a Christmas greeting, even if it was through a text. We have sporadically kept in contact throughout the day. You may be the cause. In due time, you will be the effect.

I’m as hopeless as ever.

It is becoming more difficult to restrain myself. I cannot help, but to ask these questions. Something simple. The day, what is it? And just for a slight moment, I let a memory slip. But I refuse. There will be no tears.

And yet I find myself in repetition. My mind’s seclusion is the only thing I can rely on. But its recourse is slowly dissipating.

A friend over family. That has been my choice. But who has always been there for you?

This was how our friendship played. A witty remark and petty criticism. Back and forth as we go, until one of us cannot contain ourselves any longer. Laughter ensues. Could we ever take each other seriously?

As you say, I am your girl best friend.

It felt like a family. One that I could only dream of. Even through my hopes of giving a good impression, I felt at ease.

If only you were home.

Charm and swag.

Just last Tuesday on a whim. Regret me.

Just some other girl. Number two.

I accept it. At the very least you had a sense of guilt, though this isn’t the first time you’ve been unfaithful. I have yet to apologize on my part, but I don’t know when I’ll ever have the chance to say it. We may never see each other again, as you will most likely refuse such an occurrence. Or the awkwardness between us will resist any sort of conversation. I will continue to wear this blue wristband, regardless of whatever significance is left.

Thank you. It was fun while it lasted. Circa October 2011.

You may ready yourself for a lack of disappointment. There is nothing to expect.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda. But I didn’t.

Please. Wish me a good morning and night.

I am bitter; I am vengeful.

I am not happy.

I will pretend to like the world more than I actually do. With a flash of a smile and a couple of laughs, you will never know the difference. Let us retain our cynicism.

Do not trust me. I cannot trust myself.

I can find out anything.

I am in a constant battle with myself. To reply or not to reply?

And yet I am forever hoping for any sort of message from… Someone. Someone like you. It is never you.

Contact between the two of us is only attempted when you need assistance. A textual medium is your choice. And always in a form of a question.

I regret my decision. You should be left in a state of an enigma.

To receive a bouquet of red sunflowers.

The moon will never frown; its smile may disappear, but it will eventually return.

I believe that anything is possible, but not everything is probable. Because of this, I cannot say that we could never be together. But please understand that I am unable to enter a relationship at the moment. I would not be honest towards them or to myself, especially with how my heart is now. But if they are willing to continue to try, I will not stop them. Who knows what may happen? Only time will tell. The decision rests in their hands. But know this, I promise to never make it awkward. No matter what happens between us.