Ok so it’s the first day of December and the first day of summer, which means you bitter Christmas grinches have been railing against the season with your “I hate Christmas!!” rants for at least a month now.
There are basically 3 non-legitimate reasons you all hate this time of the year which I have listed below with easy solutions, so once you’ve read this post there will be no excuses for you to shit all over my joy for this time of the year. Bonus flawfree Christmas mix download at the end, guaranteed to convert the haters!
Reason #1: It’s not “cool” to like Christmas now you’re an adult
Santa isn’t real, it’s all commercial bullshit, wah wah wah. For starters, if retailers trying to force Christmas spending down your throat in September has become a huge issue for you, you need to look at your life and maybe worry about worse things going on in the world.
And why would believing in Santa Claus be integral to enjoying the season? The real need behind the original Pagan traditions of Christmas were about finding a source of hope, happiness, goodwill and generosity – all of which are still relevant today. Christmas can be about whatever you want it to be, wether it’s about spending hundreds of dollars on gifts or spending time with people you care about.
Reason #2: Forced to do Christmas with family members you hate
Probably the most confusing tradition ever, waste what is meant to be the happiest time of the year fighting and/or generally being miserable with a bunch of people you are related to. I had a ton of shitty Christmases as a kid, being dragged to Rotorua to spend the holidays with my dads racist extended family while my parents fought more than usual doesn’t really scream “warm holiday memories”.
But as I got older I was able to spend Christmas Day how I wanted, with close friends and family members I actually enjoyed spending time with – creating those warm and fuzzy holiday memories and making me look forward to Christmas instead of dreading it. I mean I wouldn’t want to have Christmas dinner in the company of a random old Maori woman who hates white people so why would I just because we’re related?
If you’re not ballsy enough to cut douchebag/strangerbitch family members entirely out of your festivities I highly recommend doing a double Christmas; brunch with friends and dinner with family. Most people tend do to the big family dinner and it means that your friends who are orphaned over the holidays will get to celebrate with you family-style instead of being alone. Plus your day will be 50% less awful!
Reason #3: Bad Christmas Music
Unfortunately most shops have been playing the most awful Christmas music ever recorded for the past few months, making you want to stab yourself in the ears at the slightest hint of a festive tune. I’m still not entirely sure what the point of this worldwide practice is because it just makes customers angry even when good music is being played (like in every store I have ever worked in, so your “god you have to listen to this all day how awful” comment annoys me more than the music is annoying you).
Deciding all Christmas music is horrible is like saying all music is bad because you only listen to 91zm (super shitty Top 40 radio for those outside of NZ). SPOILER ALERT Christmas music is awesome and you need to fucking embrace it. There are Christmas songs in pretty much every single genre so there is no excuse not to love it. I have an intense hatred for Feliz Navidad, Snoopy’s Christmas and any Christmas “muzak”, but I still have over 10gb of festive songs and albums in my iTunes.
Now if you love Frank Sinatra and feeling nostalgic for the early 2000s boy do I have the perfect Christmas mix for you! Ready to download and pop into your iTunes without spending forever editing all the messed up track info…
1. Hanson, ‘Merry Christmas Baby’
2. The Killers, ‘Happy Birthday Guadalupe’
3. Chris Colfer and Darren Criss, ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’
4. Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, ‘A Marshmallow World’
5. Dashboard Confessional, ‘The Only Gift That I Need’
6. Goldfinger, ‘White Christmas’
7. Blink 182, ‘I Won’t Be Home For Christmas’
8. Jack’s Mannequin, ‘The Lights and Buzz’
9. Cynthia Basinet, ‘Santa Baby’
10. Simple Plan, ‘My Christmas List’
11. My Chemical Romance, ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’
12. Kanye West feat. tons of people, ‘Christmas In Harlem’
13. The Matches, ‘December Is For Cynics’
14. Bright Eyes, ‘Blue Christmas’
15. Frank Sinatra, ‘Misletoe And Holly’
16. Jimmy Eat World, ‘Last Christmas’
17. Unwritten Law feat. Sum 41, ‘Unwritten Christmas’
18. The Used, ‘Alone This Holiday’
19. Fall Out Boy, ‘Yule Shoot Your Eye Out’
20. Bing Crosby, ‘Happy Holidays (Beef Wellington Remix)’
Filed under: Ear Candy