Dude! A zit, Dude.
Yeah, yeah. I got a pimple.
Listen: I went to the States for two weeks and it was awesome. I ate kale every day in San Francisco and had actual coconut water kombucha and got snuggles from my bestie and kicked it oceanside like a young woman with purpose and promise. Recipe for a zit? Nope. The trouble is, I then flew to New York for a few days — epicentre of a whole lot of zit-ish shenanigans.
1) I used to live there (I used to love H.E.R) but then I left and didn’t return for five whole years. So as you can imagine, 2.) tears were excreted, 3.) sleep was avoided, 4.) people from the Internet became actual people IRL and stressed me out and hurt my feelings because stuff is messed up, and 5.) other besties put up with entry level Frances Ha-like behaviour on my part. Oh, I also drank a bunch of beer and 6.) tossed and turned like a stir fry every night? I mean, New York itself is awesome. That’s why I’m moving there! But at the same time, San Francisco was so dope and breezy that when I got to New York and felt the pulse of All Or Nothing I was a bit like, “WHY IS EVERYONE HERE TRYING TO BE BRILLIANT 24/7?AREN’T YOU OVER IT THOUGH AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU GUYS? BOTTOM LINE?”
So I got a zit. And it’s going to scar for a while.
You have a zit, too? And it’s going to scar, too? My first tip is to let it go. Because it’s already there. I wear sunscreen every day without fail and I think it helps with scarring (I use a moisturiser with SPF, Clarins for Life). Make sure you protect the problem area from more exposure to the soleil and treat surrounding microbumps — if you have them — with real care. Don’t overdo the concealer thing, either. Seriously. AND DON’T TOUCH IT. DON’T. Bottles are for popping (at home — never at the club. Don’t be that person). Zits are not. Thinking of exfoliating the problem area just a wee bit? BIG MISTAKE (*the way Julia Roberts says it in Pretty Woman when she schools those rich girls)! Let the spot heal 100% for real, and keep on exfoliating 1-2 times a week with a gentle scrub as usual like it didn’t even happen once it’s all been smoothed over. Because it didn’t even happen. What zit?
Also: drink plenty of water. They say it helps? It also just feels good? Sometimes we all just need to feel good? Shout out Halle Berry in Monsters Ball. Clarins cleansing milk for Combination Skin is the best, most gentle and effective cleanser I’ve ever tried. Their Pure Melt Marula cleanser is also a winner. The two are like Beyonce and Solange: you pick which one is which. If 15 Great British Pounds is a bit much to spend on a Beyonce-like cleanser, go for Cetaphil foaming. And if you happen to live in a place like Hong Kong where the weather is STEAMING OVEN and you want to feel the sensation of soap meets water for your own peace of mind, I’ve never had a bad experience with Boscia’s standard cleanser — which is ace for you big spender bankers and advertising peeps with taste and no money — or Desert Essence. Both of those are “natural” or whatever. Remember what I said about sunscreen though. And go easy on that zit! If you don’t, he’ll summon his equally annoying friends and next thing you’ll be sitting there like, “why am I dating somebody who plays FIFA and drinks beer on a weeknight?” (*WHAT)