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Adam Newman

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  • March 11, 03:54 PM

    This Nice Brothers episode is RIYL: Matthew McConaughey, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Ernest P. Worrell, smoking weed.

  • March 10, 10:01 AM
    “Isn’t the club you play at College Humor where Howie Mandell started out?”

    Email from my aunt.

    Yes, I think it is.

  • March 09, 03:19 PM

    I like how lots of people, independently of each other, have moved almost every puppet and action figure in the CollegeHumor Office into blatantly sexual poses.

  • March 08, 09:17 PM

    This is the most excited I’ve ever been about a new ringtone.

  • March 08, 02:43 PM

    Here’s a picture a friend sent to me of a cardboard cutout of myself after ex-NBA player Kenny Smith shot it with paintballs.

    What?

    Most confusing post ever.

  • March 05, 10:16 AM

    Family Facebook Pwnage! Aunts and moms on Facebook…yeeesh.

    Also, check out Me and Trevor opening for Elephant Larry tonight.

    That’s right, ME AND TREVOR.

  • March 04, 03:38 PM
  • March 03, 12:12 PM

    This seems like a good job for retired wizards.

  • March 01, 03:00 PM

    Banandlebar Moustache

    More Punanas:

    Banana Kournicova

    Banana Barbara

    Bananimaniacs

    Widespread Bananic

    Bananananananananana Batman!

    Banana Montana

    Banamic Banameter

    and…

    You can’t banandle the truth! (credit to LOLDWELL)

  • February 28, 03:08 PM

    Comedy March Madness and Final 4

    Thank you all so much if you helped vote me into the Comix Comedy March Madness competition. Turns out I’ll also be performing in a similar competition at Caroline’s on Broadway. This is essentially how both tournaments work:

    In honor of the NCAA College Basketball Tournament, 64 comedians go one-on-one in this annual comedy competition. In each round, two comics will perform stand-up head to head and then the audience decides the winner. As the field is narrowed down, the sets will get longer and more hilarious, until the Final Four (then two) perform to see who will be crowned the 2010 champion!

    The winners on the tournaments wins cash prizes and some featured spots at clubs and festivals. If this sounds awesome to you, come see me perform in the first rounds:

    Tues 3/2, 7:00pm @ Caroline’s (1626 Broadway) - Tickets/Info

    Wed 3/10, 9:30pm @ Comix (353 W 14th Street) - Tickets/Info

  • February 26, 01:13 AM

    adamandtrevor:

    Just did a killer 12 Angry Mascots with Kenny Mayne at Comix!

  • February 25, 01:29 PM

    Choose your own adventure! Depending on what you choose, I either get coffee thrown in my face or pull a disappearing act.

  • February 24, 02:21 PM

    So this the best thing I’ve ever done. I’ll be posting a different dick every day for the rest of my life.

    Thank you a million times over to Busted Tees’ own David Trawin (photo) and Will Schneider (header design). My Dick could never have looked this good without you.

    Follow A Different Thing Is My Dick!

  • February 22, 11:44 AM

    Even cooler than getting a small part in this, I also got to write/record the Windows 7-esque acoustic guitar soundtrack. Sam let me use his signed LFO guitar.

  • February 21, 03:15 PM

    Corporate gigs are weird.

  • February 16, 11:14 AM

    I want to open up a liquor store for hipsters and call it Bourbon Outfitters.

  • February 14, 12:48 PM

    Too nervous…I think I’ll wait until he adds me.

  • February 13, 01:46 PM

    I’m glad GoDaddy is as excited about this as I am.

  • February 12, 01:15 PM

    Choosy moms choose JIF. Nerdy moms choose GIFs.

  • February 12, 12:46 PM

    Almost the greatest moment of my life.

  • February 11, 05:04 PM
    “One of my friends just emailed me that she thinks you’re funny, and she forwarded your link to her kids - one is a rocket scientist (currently out of work).”
    Email from my Aunt. Little does she know, most of my fanbase is out-of-work Rocket Scientists.
  • February 10, 11:16 AM

    I’ve always wanted to see an animated version of myself with diarrhea, so thanks Dan Meth for making my dream come true!

  • February 09, 04:52 PM

    jakeandamir:

    Video Brainstorm

    Realizing how badly you need a haircut by watching yourself in a video is the worst. Also, hilarious video!!

  • February 08, 05:03 PM

    Box Fort fight in the office!

  • February 05, 01:16 PM

    Thanks Caldwell, it’s beautiful.

  • February 04, 11:51 AM

    It made me laugh as a kid, and I had to do very little to make it make me laugh as an adult. (Big thanks to Steve for really helping beef up the script)

  • February 02, 01:01 PM

    12angrymascots:

    12 Angry Mascots on Showtime’s Inside the NFL.

    Nice Brothers performed on this show, that’s why I’m dressed like an asshole backstage. I’m also the baseball player in the Revis sketch. Awesome!

  • February 02, 11:24 AM

    “He thinks he’s a comedian. He has diarrhea of the mouth. Why are people laughing? They probably know him and they feel uncomfortable.”

    A comedian-friend transcribed the conversation two girls were having at a table in the back of the room during my set a few days ago.

    OUCH!

  • February 01, 11:31 AM

    Punning Shoes

    Puma Thurman

    Nike Turner

    New BaLance Armstrong

    Harry Converse, Jr.

    Saucony Danza

    Kanye NineWest

    Vans Morrison

    Teva Longoria

    SkeCher

    Reebok McEntire

    K-Swissy Elliot

    Keds Zeppelin

    Loafer Grace

    Eric EtNies

    Bone Uggs and Harmony

    Diadora the Explorer

  • January 31, 05:05 PM

    Weird day.

  • January 30, 03:08 PM

    This made me FOL.

    (fart out loud)

  • January 27, 11:38 AM

    Ooooh, sounds pretty hot.

  • January 26, 01:32 PM

    This still, featured today on the blog Josh Ruben, Oh Yes!, was also featured on the less popular blog, Oh No, Adam Newman.

  • January 26, 11:17 AM

    dangurewitch:

    Honest Twister Commercial. Written by me, directed by Josh - whose expressions make me laugh to no end. A quick and fun one. Left hand red, right hand digg it.

    Finally, not being a creepy dude has paid off and allowed me to be a…well, creepy dude.

  • January 26, 02:22 AM

    If you pay real close attention, you’ll see that we scooched long enough for me to grow a beard.

  • January 24, 02:29 PM

    Just curious.

  • January 23, 05:54 PM

    Cannibal Corpse’s live song intros needed to be combined and stuck under some of their barf-inducing album artwork, so I took care of it.

  • January 22, 10:37 AM

    And 338 hilarious parents.

    (There are 45 Gene Schwartzes and 57 Jim Shwartzes, in case you were wondering. There is no Bermuda Schwartz.)

  • January 21, 05:21 PM

    Who’s got a Princess Leia fetish now?

  • January 20, 04:33 PM

    streeter:

    Connected Ventures, January 2010

    My, how we’ve grown

    Every morning we all crowd around one giant water cooler.

  • January 19, 02:23 PM
    “For years, our customers have been saying our cardboard tastes like Domino’s pizza crust.”
    CEO of America’s #1 box company
  • January 18, 10:12 PM

    heyitseva:

    Adam on Netflix instant!

    Ahhh! My super-embarrassing history of extra work is coming back to haunt me!

  • January 18, 09:20 PM

    I was skeptical, but Dong delivered in 25 minutes flat.

  • January 18, 03:13 AM

    If I didn’t have Martin Luther King Day off work tomorrow, I never would have stayed up until 3:00am to watch this awesome Vibrating Dong commercial.

  • January 17, 08:20 PM

    This is the calendar my roommate decided to put in the kitchen.

  • January 15, 12:21 PM

    adamconover:

    oldeenglish:

    Very exciting news, guys! (And girl.) Caleb and I (Raphael) are moving to California in February, and not a minute too soon (Get me out of this New York winter NOW). That means that tomorrow night’s Very Fresh, with hilarious guests Chris Gethard (of Chris Gethard Show fame) and Adam Newman (even funnier than he is good-looking!) will be our last Very Fresh EVER (So let’s all pour out some forty on the sidewalk for that, am I saying that right?).

    We’re having two guests instead of the regular three so we have time to perform some of our favorite bits from the last three years of Very Fresh (Hello, Boxer vs. Raptor LIVE!!!).

    Check it out! All the relevant information can be found heeyah!

    This show is going to be a ton of fun. If you’re in New York, come out and celebrate with us!

    Pretty excited to be on the LAST OLDE ENGLISH SHOW TONIGHT AT UCB. 11pm, come!!

  • January 14, 04:12 PM

    Here’s a list I submitted to McSweeney’s that I’ve decided is pretty great. They still rejected it, so I guess that means it ends up on the old blog.

    Best Names for Dogs Based on Their Breeds

    Doogie Schnauzer

    Pugly Betty

    Shi Tsuoey De Shanel

    Cocker Spaniel Day Lewis

    Rob Weiner Reiner

    Winnie the Poohdle

    Golden RetriEva Longoria

    Chiwawa Walters

    Labrador Dali

    Salvador Collie

    MaBorderCauley Culkin

    MaSalvaBorderDali Culkin

  • January 13, 05:23 PM

    If you get my voicemail on my cell phone, you get the standard “You have reached the voicemail of ‘whoever’.” My ‘whoever’ is ‘Diarrhea’ (I know…). Long story short, I gave my cell number to the reception desk of our new office so they would let me know when a guest arrived, and of course, I didn’t get to my phone in time when they called.

  • January 11, 05:00 PM

    Mazel Tov Cocktail, a Busted Tee I actually thought had been Rejected. Anywhoo, go buy it!

  • January 08, 05:23 PM

    Ahh! My real dick!

Audio

  • This is the most excited I’ve ever been about a new ringtone.
    198 plays
  • If you get my voicemail on my cell phone, you get the standard “You have reached the voicemail of ‘whoever’.” My ‘whoever’ is ‘Diarrhea’ (I know…). Long story short, I gave my cell number to the reception desk of our new office so they would let me know when a guest arrived, and of course, I didn’t get to my phone in time when they called.
    173 plays
  • Bill Cosby-Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band This is the most important album.
    168 plays
  • mybandruled: Here’s Coulier - There’s a Monster (riff) Under My Bed. 2003! From Adam Newman
    134 plays
  • Excellent!
    219 plays
  • Called Time Warner because I was having some problems with my cable.
    99 plays
  • Me and Pizzarelli testing the new voice recorder included in the new iPhone software.
    102 plays
  • Here’s a clip of me talking about my first ever stand-up show on “Portrait of a Comedian” on BreakThru Radio. Here’s the full episode featuring me and Sean Patton - we also talk about being on Tyra.
    66 plays
  • samreich: For our video Metaphor Free Radio, Morgan Whirledge produced these amazing song parodies. Unfortunately, we didn’t get to use all of them, so here they are. I’m really excited they used my suggestion of The Vapors’ “Turning Japanese”, even though it was cut from the final video.
    440 plays

Shows

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Posts

  • March 11, 01:23 AM

    3/11 @ Legion Bar, Brooklyn, NY - Abemixture 9:00pm free

    3/14 @ The Creek, Queens, NY - hosting Froduce 8:00pm, free

    3/17 @ Comix, NYC - March Madness Round 2 9:30pm $15 advance tickets

    3/20 @ The Creek, Queens, NY - Adam & Trevor Show 10:00pm free

    3/26 @ Private Event, NYC

    3/28 @ Comix, NYC - 12 Angry Mascots 9:30pm $15 advance tickets

    3/29 @ The Knitting Factory, Brooklyn, NY 9:00pm free

    3/30 @ Sunswick, Queen, NY 8:00pm free

    4/12 @ Manchester Pub, NYC - Case of the Mondays 7:30pm free

    4/21 @ 92Y Tribeca, NYC - Channel 101 Screening 8:30pm $6

    4/23 @ Funny Farm, Atlanta, GA 8:00pm

    4/23 @ Funny Farm, Atlanta, GA 10:00pm

    4/24 @ Funny Farm, Atlanta, GA 8:00pm

    4/24 @ Funny Farm, Atlanta, GA 10:00pm

    4/25 @ Funny Farm, Atlanta, GA 9:00pm

    4/29 @ 40 Watt Club, Athens, GA 9:00pm

    4/30 @ Landmark Diner, Atlanta, GA - Comedy Gold 8:00pm

    5/1 @ Landmark Diner, Atlanta, GA - Comedy Gold 8:00pm

    5/20 @ Southpaw, Brooklyn, NY - Comedy for Cancer 8:00pm

    5/22 @ The Creek, Queens, NY - Adam & Trevor Show 10:00pm free

Twitter

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A Different Thing is My Dick

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Good morning. I'm Adam and I'm a comedian. Here's me doing stand-up and here's my acting reel. You can email me about literally anything at adamdnewman [at] gmail [dot] com.

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