Girls Defend Themselves with Their Minds; Knowledge is Self-Defense.

In the following 10 lessons, I will touch upon these primary topics:

1. Attitude
2. Exercise
3. Diet
4. Self-Image (and the media)
5. Relationships, Dating, and Boys
6. Dangerous and Emergency Situations
7. Alcohol and Drugs
8. Environmental Self-Defense
9. Education
10. Sexism / Discrimination

While we go over these topics, ever so briefly (considering the magnitude of the subjects), I will also touch on some of the issues that swirl around these subjects. I’ll introduce you to some smart people, recommend some reading, and hopefully I’ll get you to look at self-defense a little bit differently than you did before we met. 

I’m already receiving calls and e-mails from martial arts teachers that would like to use the 10 Lessons as a guide for their own self-defense classes —and I’m fine with that, as long as they are willing to do all the reading and watching and research required to know, at least, the fundamental principles behind each topic. 

I’ll be following this site up with an instructor training program, done on-line, for teachers that want to take their self-defense classes to an entirely new level. 

I/we may offer a few more lessons, but for now, I’m going to go back over the 10 posted here and make sure every point is crystal clear. 

The blog STARTS with Lesson 10, so you’ll want to scroll down to Lesson 1 to begin. 

Tom Callos

OK, here’s the GIST of this lesson: You’re not LESS THAN, in any way, nor are you going to allow yourself to be treated as something LESS THAN, just because you’re a girl. 

Now allow me to ineptly explain what sexism is: 

Racism is, essentially, discriminatory or abusive behavior towards members of another race and/or the prejudice that members of one race are superior to members of other races.

In other words, just because your skin is a different color, you get treated differently than someone else.

Sexism is when a man or women discriminates against or devalues someone of the opposite sex, just because they are of the opposite sex; as in:

“I’m better (or privileged) because I am a man, a male, and you are a female.”

Sexism is something we learn. For example, from Disney! (See the Video Below)

Self-defense against sexism (that is, in being a victim of discriminatory behavior aimed towards you, just because you’re a female) begins with BEING AWARE when someone is behaving in a way that treats you as “less than,” just because you’re a girl.

Being aware that something is “not right” —allows you to think about, and take action on, things that ARE right. 

If and when YOU “buy into” the idea that you are less than, not as strong as, more delicate than, or not as capable as a male of our species, then you are perpetuating sexism. To pay you less, just because you’re a girl, to be ordered around, just because you are a girl, to be treated not as a person, but as a “thing” or “object,” just because you are a girl — all of this is NOT OK.

Some good reading / viewing about television and the media and it’s practices (including sexism) can be found at the website: Media Awareness Network. The resources there are pointed at parents and teachers, but you may find it interesting as well. 

While the word “sexism” isn’t used by many girls, until they’re in college, it’s a good word to understand early on. If you know where discrimination is going to come from, it allows you to prepare for it, in advance —which is known as “self-defense.”

Girls (like all people) defend themselves with their heads. Knowledge IS self-defense.

Gender roles are learned —and here, Disney does its part to teach us how girls and boys are “supposed” to act. Seen from this perspective, it’s no wonder girls are discriminated upon and/or often victims of male aggression.

Education. 

Do you want to be a poor adult, struggling to make a living?

• High school dropouts earn about $9,200 less per year than high school graduates and about $1 million less over a lifetime than college graduates.
• High school dropouts are twice as likely as high school graduates to slip into poverty.

Do you want to work doing something you love —or something you could care less about?

• High school dropouts were over three times more likely to be unemployed than college graduates.

Do you want to suffer, unnecessarily? 

• High school dropouts are also more likely to be in prison, on death row, unhealthy, divorced and single parents.
• Dropping out of school is associated with delayed employment opportunities, poverty, and multiple social and health problems, including substance abuse, delinquency, intentional and unintentional injury, and unintended pregnancy.
• Young female dropouts were nine times more likely to have become single mothers than young women who went on to earn college degrees.

Make a self-defense decision: “I’m going to stay in school, no matter what!”

Note: That might be some of the best self-defense advice you’ll ever get. 

The next three video are about stuff. It’s stuff related to the use of stuff. It’s stuff that’s coming out of our ears —and it’s about the environment and our attitude about what we use, where it comes from and where it goes. 

Self-defense in todays world is a global issue. It’s about defense from an attitude that more is better, that consuming and consuming and consuming without regard for what that means, is a dangerous path. And for most of us, it’s the path we’re on —and everyone we know is on it too. 

If we don’t change our thinking, if we don’t wake up to the what we really want and need and what that means to the planet, well, we’re already in trouble, but we could be in a disastrous, painful place in the not too distant future.

So these these three films, while just a drop in the ocean of info about consumerism, the environment, conspicuous consumption, and pollution, they’re a decent place to begin addressing the issues involved.  

From its extraction through sale, use and disposal, all the stuff in our lives affects communities at home and abroad, yet most of this is hidden from view. The Story of Stuff is a 20-minute, fast-paced, fact-filled look at the underside of our production and consumption patterns. The Story of Stuff exposes the connections between a huge number of environmental and social issues, and calls us together to create a more sustainable and just world. It’ll teach you something, it’ll make you laugh, and it just may change the way you look at all the stuff in your life forever.

From www.Ted.com: Artist Chris Jordan shows us an arresting view of what Western culture looks like. His supersized images picture some almost unimaginable statistics — like the astonishing number of paper cups we use every single day.

Consumerism and Stuff

This film, from the AMAZING website wwwTED.com, has something very important to do with self-defense. It’s about garbage. It’s about waste. It’s about pollution and poisons, and the way we throw things away —when there really is no “away.”

Having a healthy attitude is self-defense for the brain. Escaping a bad guy and/or blocking a punch is self-defense for the body. Paying attention (also called “looking deeply”) at what we consume and throw away, often without a second thought, is self-defense on a big, grand, global scale.

If we don’t take care of our planet, if we’re not more respectful and careful of what we use and what we throw away, we’re headed for some very bad times as a species.

These substances and the marketing behind them are some of the most destructive forces in our world today. See more commercials about how alcohol is actually marketed to young people by going to THE MARIN INSTITUTE’S youtube channel. 

For many, many people, alcohol and drugs are the beginning of the end.

The end of happiness. The end of family. The end of clear thinking. The end of the enjoyment of nature. The end of all that is healthy and good and lovable and alive. It’s the end of a good life, the end of being a hero or a reader or a thinker or a doer. 

They are everywhere (drugs) —and the sale of alcohol and drugs to young people is everywhere too. 

Here’s a publication called DRUGS: Shatter the Myths. It’s put out by The National Institute on Drug Abuse. It’s a colorful publication talking about subjects that can, literally, take the color and pleasure out of your life. 

And here’s a site specifically for teens. http://www.teens.drugabuse.gov/

Getting sucked into the use of alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs is, by far, the worst, most insidious, most damaging thing that could ever happen to you in your life. Avoid it at all costs, no matter what, no matter how many of your friends indulge, no matter how harmless you’re told it is, stay away. 

This is a no-nonsense self-defense video from self-defense expert Bill Kipp. I asked Bill, who travels the world teaching other teacher HOW to teach effective, life-saving self-defense, to sit down for a few minutes and give us some of his best advice about self-defense for girls. 

His message: Be a really, REALLY bad victim! 

The book, Strong on Defense, unfortunately out of print (used copies can be found on Amazon) offers these 4 Survival Tips (for worst-case scenarios): 

1. React Immediately

2. Resist

3. Avoid Crime Scene #2

4. Never Give Up

Crime scene #2 is the where a victim is taken after the initial crime (“come with me,” “get in the car”). The second “crime scene” is, statistically, ALWAYS worse than the first “crime scene.”

This means that if you’re ever confronted with a bad situation —you NEVER, EVER GO WITH SOMEONE to a second place or location. Never.

If you have to fight or escape or raise a commotion to get attention, you do it right where it happens. Never go with someone, get in someones car, or allow yourself to be taken —to a second location.

Fight it out where it happens; resist and keep resisting —and NEVER GIVE UP. 

“Expect the best, prepare for the worst,” that’s the mantra for all self-defense situations.

This particular lesson is about what to do when a situation is not good, really bad, or downright dangerous. 

First, if at all possible, never allow a situation that’s not good, to get bad —or really bad. Trust your instincts; when things don’t feel right, get out, get away, and get help.

If you think or feel something strange or potentially dangerous is going down, go away —as fast as is humanly possible. 

In a worst-case scenario, the second lesson is that in self-defense there ARE NO RULES.

In a weird or bad situation, you get to (must) break all the rules of society and every rule of civilized behavior you’ve ever been taught, as when you’re in danger (or even feel like you might be in danger) the last thing you should do is “follow the rules” or “act like a lady” or “don’t bring attention to yourself.”

When you’re in danger it’s perfectly OK to lie (and lie big). It’s OK to hit (and hit hard).

It’s OK to scratch, bite, kick, punch, throw things, and scream. While it would be completely inappropriate to throw, Oh say, a rock through a window in a “normal” situation, in a dangerous situation you can throw anything you want through any window that might make noise, get attention, or otherwise provide an escape route.

You could throw a lamp into a window, you could throw a coffee table through it, heck, you could drive a car through a window if you had a chance to do so, as every rule should be broken when you feel threatened or in danger. 

While some dangers can sneak up upon us, like a car accident we don’t see coming, other kinds of danger give us lots of advance warning, if we’ll only pay attention to it.

An advance warning might come in the form of the stranger hanging around, the group of people standing at the end of a hall, the door left open, the odd request for help or assistance, the lights all turned off, or the party that seems a little too wild or somehow peculiar. 

You might feel the hair stand up on the back of your neck or you might have an “inner voice” telling you “this is strange.” Whatever it is, when you get the feeling things aren’t right, get away; get away fast.

I have a number of  self-defense teacher-friends who have made it their life’s work to teach people how to avoid, escape, and if necessary, fight their way out of very scary and dangerous situations. My friends include Terri Harris of The National Self-Defense Institute, Bill Kipp, Peyton Quinn, and Sanford Strong. 

Note: I don’t EVER want YOU to be in a dangerous situation.

I also don’t want you to live in fear, I don’t want you to feel paranoid, scared, or constantly at-risk, but I DO want you to know your options, I want you to know that you can fight for your life if you should ever be put in a situation that requires it.

I want you to have SOME training in life-threatening self-defense, so that you are never caught without some of those “tools” in your toolbox. 

The 10 Simple Lessons in Self-Defense for Girls site is a self-defense project by Tom Callos of The Ultimate Black Belt Test and The One Hundred. 

“We can, as an industry —and as educators —do a lot more than we’re currently doing to be a more cohesive part of “the village” that helps young people stay safe. 

It is very likely that the first time you will ever actually need to physically defend yourself, in some way,  will be from someone you “like” treating you in a way that is “Not OK.”

What’s “Not OK,” might be an unwanted touch, a grab, or even an assault. It might be some kind of pressure to do something, go somewhere, or be involved in something that does not feel (or just plain isn’t) right. 

With “self-defense,” in just about any form, we follow this guideline: EXPECT the BEST, PREPARE for the WORST.

That why we’re here, now, talking about relationship, dating and boy issues.

There is no way to really tip-toe around the subject of dating, friendship, and “boy” rules, as anything and everything we have to talk about BEFORE an incident occurs (and of course, we all hope an “incident” never arrives), is 1000-times better than anything we have to talk about AFTER something happens.

Prevention is far, far better than therapy-after-the-fact.

Step # 1 in your relationship and dating self-defense education is to read about TYPES OF ABUSE; as you want to know what abuse is —or isn’t: TYPES OF ABUSE: http://www.thesafespace.org/the-basics/relationships-101/types-of-abuse/

The Safe Place (.org) website is a good place to begin developing your relationship, dating, and what’s-OK-and-what’s-Not-OK personal guidelines. Note that there’s even a phone number for The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (1-866-331-9474).

(Thank you to Gisela Giardino of Argentina for the photographs, above.)

Now, about boys:

A good deal of the violence that happens in the world is perpetrated by the males of our species. Personally, I don’t know exactly what to say about that, but Dr. Jackson Katz does. Mr. Katz is like the Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris (without all the bad jokes) of the subject of boys/men and violent behavior.

He’s produced a great film —no, a wonderful film —about violence called Tough Guise: Violence, Media and The Crises in Masculinity. See it on-line, here: http://www.mediaed.org/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=211

It’s a film geared towards high school and college students, but let me tell you, the subject matter is so interesting —and so important to know, I don’t think it’s a bad thing for pre-teens to watch it. It’s really up to your parents and/or care-givers, but once you do watch it, you’ll know SO MUCH MORE about how boys are programmed and taught about what is OK —and what is Not OK. 

There are 100 lessons for you in the website and film mentioned above —and both contain just about the best information (and education on the subjects) I could ever hope to teach you. 

Wait! One more: The website BREAK THE CYCLE: Empowering Youth to End Domestic Violence has, well, life saving, life changing, life-empowering, essential info for anyone under the age of 99.  See it here:  http://www.breakthecycle.org.

The real lesson in the lesson above? Do your homework FIRST, before you ever need it. Expect the best, be prepared for something less. 

If you have a negative self-image (whether extremely negative or only generally negative), and note, SO MANY PEOPLE DO (it’s shocking!), it can be, well…destructive. Very destructive. It shapes the way you think, the way you interact with others, what you spend money on, your health, and (this is the important part) your HAPPINESS. 

Most girls, no, make that most people, are not fully aware of exactly where their less-than-perfect self-image comes from —or about how to “fix” it.  

Some people might even think they were born with a poor self-image, but the truth is that today (every day) we are bombarded by the media with messages that tell us we’re not tall enough, skinny enough, curvy enough, or that our skin’s too dark or too light or that we have too many lines and blemishes. 

I am, however, NOT exactly an expert in matters of self-image and the negative affect the media has on it, but let me tell you, I know some people who are! So allow me to give you, here, a fairly thorough introduction to some people who will help you get your head around what it is you need to know; help you to stay focused on the right things; help you to develop a really positive self-image; and to learn how to defend yourself from some very unhealthy issues. 

First, meet Dr. Jean Kilbourne.  Dr. Kilbourne is an expert on the media’s treatment of women in advertising, and has done amazing critical studies that include alcohol and tobacco advertising too.  

See her bio here. See her remarkable film called “Killing Us Softly,” by clicking this link. It’s in our video library too. This should be required viewing for every woman (and man) in the nation. 

Next, watch the craziness that goes on in the DOVE commercial that shows how much work goes into making a model look like a model. It’s an eye-opener. See it below.

The goal of all this material?

It’s to help you look deeply at your own thinking and to be aware of what is going on around you. As a person, you’ll be 100 times safer and smarter knowing more (rather than less) about self-image and media issues —and you might even be able to help others who are struggling with negative self-image as well. 

Well, where do we begin when it comes to food and diet? There are 10 books and 50 experts on the subject for every single day of the year. Everyone has an opinion, beliefs, and superstitions about almost everything related to food. 

So, for the kind of advice we’re looking for, we’re going straight to the head of the table: Professor Lilian Cheung of the Harvard School of Public Health. She’s an elite nutritionist and, without a doubt, an expert in the “food” and “how to eat for health” departments.

She’s also the author of what I think is the best, smartest, most sensible book on food I’ve ever read (and I’ve read a ton of books on food and diet), Savor. 

Savor’s all about EATING MINDFULLY; and I don’t think there’s any more down-to-earth advise you can get about food and eating than that. Eat mindfully, pay attention to what, why, and when you eat. 

Dr. Lilian has kindly taken some of the key points about eating mindfully and put them in the video you can watch below. Savor even has a community website you can join to stregthen your practice of eating mindfully with other like-minded people. Find it at www.savorthebook.com.

By the way, this is not a paid endorsement of the book; It’s just an honest-to-goodness recommendation. 

In the video above. I am proud to introduce you to my friend (and “living hero”) Dr. Lilian Cheung. Dr. Cheung works with the Harvard School of Public Health as Director of Health Promotion and Communication. She is also the editorial director of The Nutrition Source website, and is the co-author of the book, Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life, written with world-renowned Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. In this video, Dr. Cheung describes the seven practices of mindful eating.

There are 168 hours in every week. Your exercise program is going to take 7 of those hours, give or take, and chances are that  those 7 hours will give you more health, more positive feelings, and a better quality of life than just about anything else that takes place in the remaining 161. 

Exercise helps you:

sleep better

digest better

think clearer

calm yourself

get “grounded” 

avoid some pretty nasty diseases and ailments

control your appetite and weight

build self-esteem

forge new friendships

And let’s revisit nasty diseases: 

Inactivity has a lot of unhealthy implications for our bodies —on a cellular level. At the cellular level, inactivity decreases the ability to transfer oxygen from your blood stream to your cells, and also decreases the number of power activating mitochondria. However, the worst cost of not exercising or being physically inactive can result in the following 10 devastating conditions:

1. CANCER - Studies have shown that fitness enthusiastic men and women who are physically active have a 30 to 40 percent lower risk of colon cancer compared to individuals who are inactive.

2. DIABETES - Studies show lack of regular physical exercise increases insulin sensitivity. Diabetes is considered the “sedentary disease” which is striking people at an alarming rate. If it is not controlled, it can destroy the body’s organs.

3. HEART - Lack of consistent physical activity, over time, decreases the function of the heart muscle, affects the blood vessels, including the large aortic artery to the veins and small capillaries. According to many studies, scientists have good reason to believe that regular exercise protects the heart.

4. STROKE - Regular exercisers are 25% less likely to have a stroke than their sedentary counterparts. Being fit lowers blood pressure, raises HDL cholesterol, and reduces the risk of blood clots.

5. BRAIN “Issues” - People who are physically active, according to solid evidence, are at lower risk for cognitive decline and dementia.

6. MUSCLES LOSS - If you don’t exercise on a regular basis, you are at risk of losing some 6 percent of your muscles mass every decade of life from the age of 30 on. This also translates into a 10 - 15 percent loss of strength per decade. Once again, if you don’t use the muscle, you will lose the muscle quickly.

7. OSTEOPOROSIS - Fragile bones cause more than 1.5 million fractures each year in the U.S. Bone is like muscle, if you stress it, it responds. If you don’t, you gradually lose its strength, and increase your chances of breaking them. Regular weekly strength training can help prevent osteoporosis, and decrease your chances of breaking a bone.

8. POOR MENTAL HEALTH - People who don’t exercise on a regular basis are more prone to develop depression. According to a recent study, people who were more active were nearly 20 percent less likely to be diagnosed with depression over the next five years than less active people. Fitness conscious individuals also generally display an improved self esteem, or self image.

9. EXCESSIVE WEIGHT - If you are inactive, year in and year out, you will eventually gain weight and lose fitness which increases the chance of a heart attacks, and diabetes.

10. COMPROMISED IMMUNE SYSTEM - Moderate amounts of exercise reduces the risk of upper respiratory infection. Regular exercise may boost immune function.

In many ways, exercise IS self-defense.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
 
—Charles R. Swindoll (American Writer)
 
One of my favorite youtube videos about attitude comes from the Buddhist Monk, Pema Chodron, it’s called Troublemakers. It’s about looking at people who bother you —from a very different perspective. It’s about your attitude about people who trouble you.

It’s not unreasonable to think that about 90% of all things that trouble us come from the way WE look at things. For this reason attitude is our first —and perhaps most important — self-defense lesson.

Now here you’ll find a great lesson from a very famous teacher, a motivational speaker and business consultant named Zig Ziglar. He takes 10 minutes in this video to tell a story, about attitude, that I think everyone ought to hear at least once in their lives.